I was standing in an alley.
An eerie silence filled my ears like the white static of a television in a dark room, except everything was muted. The only thing I could hear was the pounding of my heart, it battered against my ribs, desperate to escape its cage because I knew this alley. I had been here before and I didn't want to be here now.
My eyes drifted to the lonely dumpster that rested in the shadow of the building. The blood in my veins seemed to freeze, a wave of icy realization sweeping over my head, and I couldn't move. I couldn't close my eyes, I couldn't look away.
"No, no, no." I was chanting. My pleas echoed around me like a taunt, a mockery of how I couldn't open my eyes because I knew I was asleep. My mind had me trapped in one of the memories I wanted to scratch out of my brain with my nails. I wished I never went with the police that day, I wished I had just let Mikeal go.
Suddenly, I realized I was standing much closer to that dumpster. There was no one else around and I felt terror crawling its way up my throat. I didn't want to look, I didn't want to see the horrors that my mind conjured into this hellish reality, but my eyes were unblinking.
Blood. There was fresh blood on the concrete beneath my feet, it trailed all the way to the edge of the dumpster, and then there was a giant smear of blood over the edge of the dumpster. Not just blood, though, because I realized with horror that pieces of flesh were stuck there. My chest tightened with a scream, but I couldn't make a noise.
I knew my parents were in there. I had never actually seen their bodies, the crime scene had been cleaned up, the funeral was a closed casket, but it never stopped my mind from filling in the blanks. My imagination took its darkest turn with night terrors, something I never wished upon anyone.
They had found the murders, they were locked up for life, but disposing of bodies in a dumpster in an abandoned alley was atrocious, and disrespectful, but who was I to say anything? I couldn't even look away from the gory picture my mind conjured.
A grunt close by nearly scared me out of my skin. My vision switched to the spot beside the dumpster, and then I was trying to scream for the second time.
A boy with hazel hair was collapsed against the wall, his arm bound around his stomach, and there was blood everywhere. Dark red stained his hair, covered his skin, and pooled on the concrete, oozing from the grotesque cuts that sliced open his body.
But it wasn't just the fact that I watched him take his final breath, the blood loss from his stab wounds finally stealing his life, it was the fact that I recognized him.
It was Roman.
I sprung awake with a scream lodged in my throat.
My entire body was trembling and I felt like I was drowning from the lack of oxygen in my lungs. I gasped, unwelcome tears riveting down my cheeks, and I didn't realize I wasn't alone until I felt something brush against my left side. I almost shrieked, it was so dark I couldn't see anything in my room, but I heard a low, concerned whine, and I realized it was Finley.
I instantly wound my arms around Finley's neck, pulling him into me, and he didn't protest as I buried my face in his fur. He began licking my arm, the warmth of his tongue easing the chill on my skin, and I calmed a little before I launched into another panic attack. His gentle breathing became the pace I matched with my own.
My chest was aching like someone had cut it open and tried to steal my heart, those images of Roman were permanently etched into the back of my mind, even though it hadn't been real.
The nightmares in my head only came to life when I was sleeping, and I hated it. When I first had them, I didn't sleep because I was scared to, but I eventually had to commit to a sleep schedule when I got a job. Even if just for a few hours, and I had been lucky lately with having dreamless nights, but something triggered my nightmares again.
I didn't even have to guess what it was. I knew exactly what had, and then it just mixed into my fear of Roman getting himself hurt. I let go of Finley for a second to turn on my bedside lamp, and then I laced my fingers through his fur to make sure I wasn't alone.
I had to admit, Finley was helping me in so many ways. Usually, I would have woken up and dived right for my corner to find a feeling of safety enough to calm down. But, Finley was there, and he seemed to know exactly what I needed. He was practically on top of me, his bodyweight warm and keeping me grounded to reality.
Suddenly, I felt that fear all over again. I needed to check on Roman, was he safe? I leaped out of bed, alarming Finley who charged after me while I entered the dark hallway of the house. I knew exactly where Roman's room was and I opened the door.
I saw him. He was alive and safe. His sleeping form on the bed calmed my heart. God, I was more shaken up than I cared to admit. What if dreams became a reality? What if something bad was going to happen? I hated that I had agreed to keep his stupid secret, it wasn't a game, especially with his life.
When I was sure Roman was fine, I closed his door quietly and returned to my own room. Finley trailed after me the entire time, refusing to leave my side for even a moment, and I slowly crawled back onto my bed. Finley laid his head across my lap and sighed. I ran my fingers through his fur.
I didn't sleep the rest of the night.
ꕥ
Before the dawn broke, I had buried myself in college work. It was the only way I kept my mind occupied and I didn't work at the restaurant until tomorrow morning. I finished the last of my essay that I had started at four am, and then stretched before standing from my chair.
"Come on, Fin, let's get breakfast," I murmured quietly but Finley heard me and he sprung off my bed. His claws ticked on the floor as he trotted happily after me downstairs. It was just becoming light outside, a comforting blue hue illuminating the hardwood floor.
I flicked on the lights and started the coffee pot, then I took Finley outside in the backyard for a few minutes. A light dew clung to the grass blades, and wherever Finley walked, he left a trail. A few birds chirped their morning song and I could hear the morning commute for working adults beginning deep from within the city.
Finley's paws were soaking wet when he came back to the door, so I grabbed a towel from the laundry room to dry his paws. He lifted each one for me like a true gentleman, and when we headed back into the kitchen, Mikeal was coming down the stairs. He stifled a yawn.
"Morning," I said.
He paused, looking at me with a slightly furrowed brow. "You look like you haven't slept a wink."
I shrugged one shoulder. "Weird night."
"Nightmares?"
"Yeah," I didn't say anything else about it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice grew softer, more understanding, because we all knew what it was like.
"No," I said a bit too quickly and then cleared my throat, "Thanks."
He hesitated for a long moment, scrutinizing me, before he finally nodded. "Alright, well if you ever need anything."
"Thanks," I repeated, and then I grabbed my coffee cup from the cupboard. Finley took that moment to greet Mikeal, his tail wagging, and my oldest brother still just gave him an awkward pat on the head. I could have laughed.
We drank our coffee in silence. I was ignoring him, and he was trying to figure me out, which I didn't appreciate. If there was anything I liked to do when I was hurt or upset, it was to distance myself. I gave Finley his breakfast right before I heard the twins clambering down the stairs like half-drunken zombies.
"Jesus, give me some space!" Julian whined, shoving his twin, while they stumbled into the kitchen half awake, shoulder-to-shoulder.
"You're invading my personal space!" Roman shot back, "Get out of my face!"
Julian held his finger, inches from Roman's face, "I'm not touching you."
Roman swatted at his twin with narrowed eyes, "You're touching me!"
"Am not!"
"Are you always this annoying?"
"I dunno, you tell me."
I placed two fingers against my temples and rubbed. God, if there was one thing I didn't miss, it was the twins bickering. They went through phases, that's what I called it, because sometimes they would do really good and they would hardly argue, and then other times it would be nothing but bickering between them. Today was definitely one of those times.
"You're a dipshit, you know that?" Roman rolled his eyes. They walked into the kitchen, completely ignoring Mikeal and I, and surprisingly even Finley, automatically following their school routine. They really were zombies in the morning.
Julian pouted, "Hey, that's mean."
"Big baby," Roman retorted.
Mikeal sighed and abandoned his stool across the counter from me. I watched as he retreated upstairs to get ready for work and that left me alone with the twins. I couldn't keep my eyes off Roman, though, I just kept telling myself he was alive and breathing. In the flesh, definitely not dead. Sometimes it was ridiculous how much a nightmare could make me question reality.
"Wow, you look like a ghost."
I turned my head, Julian had propped himself on the counter right next to me. I hadn't even realized he was there and I blinked at him, "Who, me?"
"Yeah, you," He said, "Who else am I talking to? That brainless ape?" He gestured over his shoulder at his twin. Roman scoffed.
"Weird night," I answered without any intention of elaborating. I caught Roman's eyes over Julian's shoulder. He had a dark look in his eyes now, it almost reminded me of Ezra, and I narrowed my eyes slightly.
I silently communicated to him that I was keeping his secret, so long as he did what he said he would. He pulled a few twenty-dollar bills from his pocket, waving it slightly, and then quickly hid it before Julian turned around. The interaction happened in a matter of seconds, and Julian didn't even notice.
"Maybe take a nap today," Julian suggested to me.
"Yeah," I agreed.
I didn't even question where Roman got the money from.
✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧
So, here's my curious question, what do you want to see happen with these siblings? Not that I don't already have plans, but I am known for entertaining reader requests ;)
I decided to update a day early because I'll be travelling for 14 hours tomorrow, and I absolutely love to respond to comments, so entertain me, please?
Real fact: I actually have very vivid dreams. Voices, faces, landscapes, feelings, I remember it all. I've dreamt of my own death more than I care to admit. I'll even have phantoms pains for days.