Nathaniel and my Father have been particularly odd in the past week that went by, and today clarified a sudden rift between their once close bond as they stood far apart and at opposite ends of each other. Their body language showed their lack of interest and acknowledgement for each other, they've really changed. And I feel largely to blame for it, if I hadn't listened and be talked into doing what I did by Nathaniel, my Father wouldn't be mad and disappointed in me, and the fact it caused a rift between he and his long time partner in crime, it must've really hurt him for Nathaniel to influence me as such.
I still don't know if my Father even knew about his best friend's major involvement of the case.
Dominic wasn't supposed to know what I did either, but he got told by my Father as soon as I left that day. And although he appeared to be less mad as my Father, he did leave for a couple of days to Uncle's home to think about what happened, and he came back a bit okay, though he became distant - possibly disgusted by me and my actions overall. He, however, wouldn't talk about the particular topic when I brought it up to explain myself, he also scolded me about the fact that he made a fool of himself in front of the people he knew. He hated how I paraded myself to my clients and would keep him in the dark from everything else, which was an absolute lie. We had another fight the day he came back, and since then, we acted more like roommates, who shared a bed, than we did a couple, and that made me binge eat when no one was looking.
I guess everyone knew what I did.
We all gathered there to have an updated meeting among the senior and junior associates, and I've got to say, it started out way better than how I imagined it going in my head - minus the glares and stares that were sneakily aimed towards me, whispers too, never forget that - but there were no direct confrontation about me and the thing that occured. Thankfully, Hamish and Erika kept me sane throughout the passing days, we met up for lunch everyday now, and they've noticed my sudden change - physically and mentally.
"Are you sure you want to sit through this, boo?" Erika whispered from behind me, her hand gripped tight on my shoulder. "We could just leave, pretend your meet up with the client and Judge Cole got shuffled earlier."
I patted her hand and shook my head. "I'll be fine," I lied as my eyes shifted to the man at the other end of the table who ruined my life. His smug look made me cringe. I couldn't wait to take him down.
"If you say so-"
"-Is there anything I need to know, Ms Lawler and Miss Barnett?" My Father hissed, his brows furrowed and, if possible, there would be molten lava oozing out of his red face. He was still furious. "If you two are done talking amongst yourselves, we'd like to start!" He growled.
It felt like school all over again.
"Okay, sorry," I mumbled. Even at 30, he continued to treat me like a child, more and more each passing day since I worked here.
"Thank you." He glared at me one more time before he gave the invisible microphone to Nathaniel, who happily accepted it without a nod. The friction between them when their eyes connected could cause fire if it were possible, and the whole room felt it. I heard Erika and the others around us hold their breaths, awaiting for what will be said next.
Nathaniel buttoned up his sleeves and nodded to the crowd gathered to listen to him - like we have a choice - and he bathed in the attention. "Alright, well, it has come to my attention that there have been a few scandalous activities in the office in the past month or so, clearly a majority of you have known what happened, maybe not. But today, we called you in to announce that we are in a state of evaluation amongst the associates, depending on the results of the evaluation, then they shall be chosen to possibly take up an office space in the New York office."
Whispers buzzed all over the room.
"Not finished-" He raised his hand to the air to silence everyone just like that, he waited a minute for dead silence before he opened his mouth again and continued, "We are not just choosing anyone for this position, as you may know, everyone in the New York office has been let go, and we would not hesitate to do the same if anyone was to ruin our reputation and our image as a whole. I expect no procrastination and recreational activities in the hours you are in this building."
Everyone looked at me. Nathaniel made eye contact too. I wanted to shrink and hide from the embarrassment I've been dumped onto my shoulders, and I wish it did weigh me further down to the ground.
"For what it's worth, a majority of you in this room could possibly be promoted before the end of this year. Who knows, am I right, Adrian?" His attempts to get my Father to say a word failed, despite the pauses and leaving quite an open door, my Father was in no way near the mood to even utter a single word. Nathaniel sighed and added, "I also announce that my pregnant wife and I are expecting a boy."
He was clever. Nathaniel knew how to make the topic be about him, a trait he proudly paraded around everything in his life. I only picked up on it at the beginning of the year, when Dominic and I began to go on a whacky ride in the relationship rollercoaster - and at the moment, we were in that steep ride down. His announcement of his personal life added a sudden weight on my shoulders, Dominic and I exchanged glances, which was unexpected at my end, but the face we did made me feel that sense of connection with him spark back. Those few seconds with our eyes locked certainly made it feel like minutes, but once we turned away, the feeling turned sour and I felt more disconnected with him than before.
One by one, the staff congratulated Nathaniel. I didn't. As soon as it was clear to go, I left, walking out of the big meeting room and waited for Erika and Hamish down to the main floor. I waited for a while, considering that my best friend was called forth by my Father and the other close friend pretended to ignore me like he usually did since we all agreed to play our part.
"Marianne," I heard my name.
"Yes?"
Dominic held onto my arms and led me to the side, away from the few associates starting to wander down the stairs. He made sure no one saw us and he suddenly pressed his lips against mine, a weird sensation came over me and my body felt so... Alone. I thought my fiancé kissing me would give me the lift up that I needed, but he didn't. Instead, I parted from his loving gesture first, his expression confused as he asked, "What's wrong?"
"Why are you doing this?"
"What? Are you questioning me right now?"
I wriggled out his hold and pushed him away from me. I figured it was because of his Uncle that I was suddenly put off from him, or maybe it was from the days we were so distant from each other that doing that made things weird, but whatever it was, I didn't need to see him right now. When I caught a glimpse of Hamish talking with a junior associate, I used him as a way to get out of the situation with me and Dominic. I excused myself and slipped away, rushing over to the other male and took him away from his conversation he was already in.
"What's wrong?" Hamish asked the very same question, but the way he said it was the opposite to the stern, deep voice Dominic did. His was more embracing.
"I need a breather after work. What do you say we go for dinner tonight after my meeting?" I changed the topic.
"Uh, sure, I'll go tell Erika-"
I grabbed his arm before he turned. "No, just me and you, it's not really about what we're planning. More of a catch up, reminisce of the good old days, you know?"
A smile curved slowly across his lips, he looked pretty delighted to hear such a thing from me. "Sure!" He agreed without hesitation. "That'll be amazing, actually."
"Great!" The jolt of energy came back, I felt a lot better than earlier, and sad to say, it was a lot better than a plain kiss from Dominic. "Um, so I'll text you where to meet up, is that cool?"
"Sounds good," He smiled back and we went off doing our own thing.
Throughout the morning, whoever walked passed my office gave me judging looks, often shunned away by Erika, who became overprotective and stuck around my office for a while - although she did mention it was only because I had more space for her junk or something like that. She stayed around, which proved so bloody helpful as her presence in my office made my Father avoid to walk my way, and my fiancé awkwardly walked in and walked back out - twice - without a word. She was my hero for the day, however, I couldn't go to lunch with her and Hamish that day as I had a meeting with the client and Judge Cole, who insisted to continue helping me to the end on behalf of my colleague. I caught up with the judge first, we met in front of the company building, my fingers busy dusting away crumbs left over at the corner of my face from the pretzel I ate along the way.
"Hello there Ms Lawler," Judge Cole greeted me with a hearty grin on his face. "Oh, you have something-" He reached over and brushed his thumb at the space under my bottom lip. "There... Must have been a good meal for you to be full of crumbs."
I nervously laughed. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Do you have all the paperwork? The final documents and statements before we go in there and finalize all your hard work?" He sounded more like a mentor than some sleazy old man that my Father and Nathaniel put him out to be, and it disappointed me that Dominic made similar remarks about him too.
"Mhmm, I triple checked everything."
"Good, then we're nearly at the finish line," Judge Cole chuckled to his heart's content, he seemed proud of me, a feeling and sight I longed from my own Father. Probably why I didn't see the sleaziness, the perverted and cocky attitude the three men at Lawler & Walsh described him. He acted more like a mentor and a Father figure to me, he seemed the type to be a teacher and a friend to his own children.
Or maybe I was projecting?
He and I wandered into the company building, it didn't take long before we were escorted to a meeting room and met with both the CEO and Mr Gonzalez, they looked more calmer than before. They stopped their chatter about fishing and their boats before they welcomed us right in, the CEO didn't waste time either. He went right into business about how he read the brief summary of the final settlement and rephrased all clauses in their contracts, and he was pleased with everything. All the way through the meeting, Mr Gonzalez avoided looking at me, our eye contact barely counted up a second before he shifted his gaze to the other two men and presented me with a cold shoulder. I wasn't surprised though, what happened between he and I was uncalled for and very unprofessional - and it screwed up a lot of things.
Judge Cole must've noticed my uneasiness throughout the meeting, because he took control of all the talking with my distracted self being the 'yes woman' at the back and appeared more of an assistant than an associate. I have no idea how long we were in there, but I swear, my mind was out of focus and thinking about all of my relationships, especially with what the hell am I doing with myself.
"Make those changes and everything is acceptable." The CEO slipped the scribbled over agreement towards Judge Cole and I before he stood up and walked out.
Mr Gonzalez merely nodded. "Thank you," He bowed his head and followed right after his boss.
"Well, we did pretty well."
I sighed. "I apologize that I didn't help out as much as I wanted to."
"Don't worry about it, Ms Lawler. I owe Mr Schwartz a lot more than you think, and I always found his infatuation with you is quite interesting," He thought aloud as he piled the documents into one folder and he looked at me with a smile. "I hope the man gets over it, considering you are already betrothed to Mr Walsh."
"Yes, yes."
"A kind advice, my dear, please do not lead Mr Schwartz on," Judge Cole said with a tone that wasn't as harsh as his warning. He handed over the folder and added, "I'll see you on Monday morning with the amendments."
"Thank you."
"Send my regards to Mr Schwartz."
"S-Sure-" I coughed, surprised at the fact he knew about my meet up with Hamish soon, and before he could ask anything from me, I rushed my way out of there, I needed the air outside after - what really has been - three to four hours locked up in a meeting room.
I met Hamish at a new location for waffles, he said it was time I claimed the free waffles I asked from him the first time we met up after so long. My heart never raced so much, the last time my chest twitched and tightened like this was on my first date with Dominic, and this was near the same. I mean, if my memories were still as fine and dandy, then the moment Hamish flashed his charming smile and opened his arms out to greet me was the same as my first date with my current fiancé.
"Hey you!" He pulled me to a hug, a warm and cuddly one that I've wanted for quite some time.
"Geez, Hame, I've been craving this for days!"
"Then let's do this."
If someone who didn't know who we were, what we did and our history, they'd assume that we were a couple and we were there on a date. We laughed, talked and pretty much interacted like one, even when we shared the goodness of chocolate covered with each other. I don't know what went in my head at that time, but my inner self craved for this attention.
"I can't believe Julia," Hamish groaned. "She slapped me so hard that time I accidentally bumped into her and made her drop all her documents for that important case against her friend."
I waved the fork in front of me and my focus was on the piece stabbed at the end. "Oh, didn't she lose because her friend lied about everything?" I muttered before stuffing my mouth with the tasty goodness I've hardly eaten while living under the same roof as the conscious Mr Walsh. "I mean, she didn't want to believe her friend stole that stuff, but really-" I muffled my words.
"Yeah, but she was never as great as you at the PD stuff anyway, so I can barely imagine her life as a- A- Um-" He sipped his coffee thinking about it. "-Whatever she is, she probably sucks as much."
"You never told me why you hate her?"
"I'll tell you if you tell me why you hate Caroline?"
I nearly choked. "Ca-Caroline, the Caroline, the one you dated for a week?"
"Mhmm, that one!"
"Well, she sucks." I snarled. "She just freaking sucks and there's no reason behind it."
"Then that's how I feel about Julia." He stabbed his fork through the cut up piece of waffle. "She just freaking sucks!" He quoted and mimicked me for the sake of it.
We laughed for a brief moment before things suddenly fell to an awkward vibe.
"Um, so, like, do you still paint?" I tried to kill the vibe with a topic outside of work.
"Not so much. I've picked up the music side of life and just learned how to play a ukulele." Hamish sounded so proud too. "However, I should confess-"
I froze dead on my track and narrowed my eyes, trying not to choke like before.
He rubbed the back of his neck and shyly shifted his gaze to anywhere but me, he looked cute doing it too. There was a tint on his cheek as he mumbled something.
"Huh?"
His shoulders shrugged and he repeated, still quietly.
"Hame!"
"Alright, alright! I painted a large canvas portrait of you... From memory..." His voice faded and my jaws dropped.
"W-Wait-" I patted my cheeks. "Um, what?"
"A month before I left, I kinda missed you so I painted on this big canvas-" His arms waved out towards different directions to show me. "-And it ended up looking like you, and it was an angle that I always remembered seeing from my side of the office."
"I have an angle now?"
"You're always pretty in every angle." Hamish stared at me with a gentle smile, and knowing how he felt, I wasn't so sure why I continued it - even after Judge Cole kindly advised me not to. The way he looked at me showed his fondness of me, the curve at his lips were so warm and the way he interacted with me was not how he treated the women he's dated.
What the hell was I doing?
I got home around 10 in the evening. I came home to a dark, eerie apartment. The only light on was that one corner lamp in the living room. I thought no one was home, I expected my fiancé, but he must've fallen asleep early-
"Come here, Marianne."
Or not.
I scanned the room and approached with caution. I was even afraid to turn on the lights, just in case it struck a nerve. Dominic sat on the sofa, his eyes focused directly at the painting he bought in an art gallery a long time ago, the same one I had a nightmare about and the same one he said resembled me in a way. I kept quiet as I walked closer to him and saw a glass of whiskey on the coffee table, the laptop open to the same painting on the screen where the details of who painted it came to light.
"So, Hamish Schwartz painted this. He described it as his muse and the one that got away." Dominic quoted the website as he swept his fingers through his hair. "I never realized it until now."
"Realized what, exactly?"
"How much that douchebag fucking loves you."
"Wha-What? What the hell?" I prepared myself for the worst, especially since he rose up to his feet and slowly approached me. The closer he got, the tighter my fingers pushed into the palm of my hands, I was ready to hit him if he did something bad.
"And what, don't tell me you didn't know? I bet you have feelings for that son of a bitch too, don't you?" He put his hands on my shoulders and pulled me closer, the view of his face still dark, but I took a sniff at the strong alcohol scent in his breath. "That's why you didn't kiss me, that's why you ran off to him and had a smiling conversation with him rather than me. What is it, Marianne? Do you want me to break off our relationship? Is that it?"
"Dominic, you're drunk." I touched his arm to gesture him to let go of me, but he held tighter.
"Tell me why you did it? Why did you fucking parade yourself to a stranger? Am I not fucking good enough? I'm more than good enough to be with you. You're the one who-" And his mouth instantly closed.
But now I was mad. I frowned and found the strength to push him away from me. "What, Dom? Am I not good enough for you now? You think I would do stupid things if they didn't involve you?" I was furious. My insides were practically boiling from it.
"Don't turn that shit on me!" He slurred his words. "Why are you saying lies to my face?"
"Hah, for a great lawyer as yourself, I thought you would be smart enough to notice that I'm not lying!"
"Don't insult me-"
"-Or what?" I hissed. "Dom, you're so stuck up in your own world that you don't realize the shit that's going on right under your nose!"
He growled. "Oh, says the one who'd rather give some old fuck a lap dance than to come do that to her own fiancé, or did she forget she had one, hmmm?"
Ooh, we were definitely fighting with our fangs and claws out. We were both not standing down as we yelled at each other with no remorse. Neither of us were sorry, we weren't showing signs of wanting to apologize then kiss and make up. We were practically on the verge of erupting and lunging at each other like vicious beast - it was only a matter of time before one of us did.
But tonight, it wasn't me.
"Your Uncle is manipulative, and you're still on the road to becoming exactly him!"
"You know what-" Dominic turned around and picked up the glass that had the whiskey, which he gulped down all at once before he smashed the glass against the side of the coffee table. The shards fell instantly. I watched him pick up the largest piece and rushed over to the painting done by Hamish, his face showed such spite towards it that he spat on it.
"Fuck you and your fucking douchebag lover boy fuck face," He yelled and stabbed, ripped, scratched and tore the large canvas into pieces. Dominic had a rampage and he wasn't anywhere near finished, even when the canvas was already in shreads, he kept making the pieces go even smaller.
He was dangerous.
"No, fuck you!" I yelled and sobbed right after. Tears were uncontrollably flowing down my face as I took off my engagement ring and threw it right at his face. I missed, but it didn't matter, because as I ran into the bedroom, I felt my heart shatter into the same amount of pieces that glass broke into.
I don't know if my heart broke from the fight or from the fact Hamish's sentimental artwork for me was ruined.
All thanks to Dominic Walsh.
A.K.A Nathaniel's protégé.