Revised 24/06/23
Hey, all! Sorry for the late update, I got super duper lazy and also picked up crochet along the way! But here's the draft I pretty much wrote out of boredom during class, lol :)
***
For as long as he could remember, Lan Wangji had always been alone.
From the moment of his mother's death to his gradual progression into adulthood, he'd always recalled being more passive and listless than his peers; whereas they would joke around and make friends, he remained as stoic as ever, if a little jealous of both their privileges and his incapability.
Lan Wangji had always been alone — had never truly loved — ever since that unfortunate day of his mother's passing. She had died, leaving her life far too incomplete, with still so much to do: she was to watch her children grow, watch as they evolve into adults and until they, too, found someone they love and started a family. But Qingheng-Jun took away that freedom and locked both her and himself away from the world, never to be seen by the public ever again.
Following his mother's death, Lan Wangji, too, had locked himself away. But instead of a pretty house surrounded by plentiful gentians, the prison he hid himself inside — like a wall of protection — was himself.
And inscribed on these thick walls were three thousand rules that Lan Wangji abided by as a moral code. He had a boringly consistent routine for each day that would be followed precisely without fail, save for those rare moments he would enter closed door cultivation.
Lan Wangji would often find himself in his mother's small house, playing the qin to a person who was no longer there. (She would seat him on her lap and they'd pluck the strings together, her hands guiding his own across the instrument. Now, whenever he hears the sound of the zither, he thinks of her sweet voice and kind words).
But no matter how hard he tried, he could not replicate that beautiful sound his mother would make the qin produce. It frustrated him, sometimes, for he was arguably the best in his sect at playing the instrument (many masters had attempted to teach him to ease his worries, yet none were up to par with his level of mastery) but eventually, he gave up, knowing that one must follow his one's voice, and not try to imitate another's. Instead, he would construct his own voice, greatly inspired by her kind and gentle heart.
And then, for the first time, Lan Wangji's regular routine was interrupted when he arrived.
Wei Wuxian unintentionally peeled down his meticulously crafted walls, thawed his heart and broke Lan Wangji out of his prison of ice. And when Lan Wangji refused and coldly turned down his many offers of friendship, Wei Wuxian took him by the hand and led him to a different path anyway.
He was the only one Lan Wangji had met who had managed to so flawlessly manipulate their way into his thoughts, bend his pride and beliefs, and crush his morals into tiny little fragments, only to rewrite all three thousand rules Lan Wangji followed with his own two hands.
It wasn't long before Lan Wangji had longed for him to stay for longer. Maybe for another year, he told himself. Wei Ying should stay for longer. He still needs discipline and to be righted into conduct.
But it was a lie. And lying was forbidden in Cloud Recess.
Except Wei Ying taught him that sometimes it's okay to lie. He taught Lan Wangji many things — things that, in the past, Lan Wangji would have loathed to do. Have loathed to even think of doing.
Wei Ying had to leave Cloud Recess early, unfortunately. He left on the day Lan Wangji had intended to show him the rabbits he'd kept. The ones he'd hidden behind the mountain, where no one could unintentionally stumble upon them... And, he thought, maybe it was for the better.
(And strangely, the next time he sat down at the qin and composed a song for Wei Ying, it sounded different. It finally resembled his mothers in its own, unique way.)
Until everything went crumbling down all at once. The Wens started a war with the cultivation world, tearing down the sects one by one, even getting so bold as to leave all of the young masters and heirs of their generation trapped inside a cave with a mythical beast.
But with the recent downfall of Cloud Recess, Lan Wangji was occupied by the rebuild and trying to glue the Sect back together piece by piece. (He hadn't thought of Wei Ying then. Of course, he wondered how he was and hoped he was safe, but news from Yunmeng to Gusu was scarce due to the war).
And what a mistake that had been.
Wei Ying went missing for three agonising months, before finally returning, although he was a changed man.
From the sarcastic comments, to the cheerful attitude, to the very shine in his eyes... it was different, somehow. He wasn't the Wei Ying Lan Wangji had fallen in love with. He wasn't the Wei Ying who had laid in his lap, barely conscious, as Lan Wangji hummed him a song.
He was clearly being manipulated by the resentful energy. And that was the very thing Lan Wangji had grown up to fight against, so if only Wei Ying wasn't so stubborn and would just let him help—
"Xiongzhang," he had confided in his brother, for the very first time in a few years. He loved Lan Xichen dearly, but most of the things he kept inside were discovered by his brother before he even had the chance to say anything. This time, it was different; he actively sought Lan Xichen out, intending to ask for his older brother's advice. "I want to bring someone back to Cloud Recess."
Lan Xichen had looked up in surprise, not expecting that in the slightest. "Bring someone back to Cloud Recess?"
Lan Wangji nodded. "This person... I want to take them back," he said, and he sounded pensive. "And hide them."
"Hide them?"
Lan Wangji frowned. "But... they are not willing."
(Sometimes, he is more similar to his father than he likes to think).
And then everything quickly escalated.
***
"Wei Ying... come back," said Lan Wangji, raising his arm slowly as if worried of scaring a frightened animal.
His eyes were stinging. His chest was constricting so tightly it was like he couldn't breathe. His stomach was twisted into a permanent knot because should Wei Wuxian stumble back, he'll be undoubtedly—
"Wei Ying!"
—dead.
Lan Wangji hadn't known where the strength came from. His arm had been cleanly sliced through by one of the other cultivators — he had been too busy watching and fighting his way to Wei Ying to notice the sword speeding towards him — and yet he still managed to grasp Wei Wuxian's arm just in time before he fell.
Lan Wangji wanted to cry. He wanted to scream at Wei Wuxian, to hit him, to shout "Why?!" but, of course, he didn't know how to do that, for Lan Wangji didn't cry, he didn't scream, he didn't shout.
But when Wei Ying opened his mouth — the mouth that once uttered sweet, sweet words and soft teases — and spoke, Lan Wangji's blood ran cold and he felt like he could do all three at once right now.
"Lan Zhan... Let me go."
He looked so, so tired. As did Lan Wangji. Therefore, not wanting to exhaust his breath, he instead vehemently shook his head and focused on trying to pull Wei Wuxian up.
And then Jiang. Wanyin. Showed. Up. (Now, he was livid. Just as livid as Lan Wangji was at him when he raised his sword.)
"Jiang Wanyin," he spat, his hand quickly slipping. Luckily, before Wei Wuxian could slide free, he quickly tightened his grip. "Stop it! Don't you dare!"
"Oh, I dare, Lan Wangji," said Jiang Wanyin, his lips pulling into a nasty sneer. His tone was coated so thickly with venom that he sounded just like his infamous mother, the Violet Spider. "Wei Wuxian! Go to hell!"
Lan Wangji wasn't sure who fell first: Wei Wuxian from the cliff, or Lan Wangji to his knees. His ears felt like they were cotton, and his vision was a bit blurry, like he was underwater. Lan Wangji sat in silence on the edge of the cliff, and ironically thought of his mother, then.
What would she say? Would she hate him for wanting to follow in his father's footsteps and hide Wei Ying from the world, protecting him from foes? Or would she be proud that he finally found someone he truly loved, just like she always said he would? Or would she hate him for allowing his beloved to die — for not being able to save him?
His trance was only broken by Lan Xichen shaking his shoulders. He hadn't even recognised the crowd forming around him, chants of happiness and victory echoing across Nevernight now that the Yiling Patriarch was finally dead.
"Wangji..." said Lan Xichen almost guiltily. He took hold of Lan Wangji's face and gently wiped away something on his cheek with a thumb.
What remained of the Lan Clan (which was certainly larger in terms of numbers as opposed to the Jins or Nies) surrounded the brothers, protecting Lan Wangji from the prying eyes of the other Clans. It was small times like this that Lan Wangji respected and felt pride for his home.
And yet they'd all done him a great injustice. Therefore, any pride they had earned from him was all cruelly crushed in a heartbeat, just how they had crushed his trust when they refused to listen to him, refused to listen when he insisted Wei Ying was innocent.
But Wei Ying was dead now, wasn't he? Wei Ying died, with the whole world against him, thinking Lan Wangji also hated him.
He'll never know, Lan Wangji thought with no small amount of horror. I can never tell him... never say how I feel.
He hated himself, then. How incompetent was he to not even be able to protect the one person he cherished more than anything? What does that say about him? A heartless, cold, unfeeling man, that is. ("Lan Zhan, you're not heartless! Just a little shy. Look, your ears are red! Haha, Lan Zhan, I told you!")
He thought of Wei Ying's laugh ("Hahaha, you should have seen your face, you fuddy duddy!"), of his smile ("Emperor's Smile! I'll give you one bottle if you let me off the hook, how about it?"), of his eyes ("Lan Zhan, you're welcome! I gave them to you, so they're your flowers now!") and of his voice ("Hey... can you sing me a song, hm?").
And it all dawned on him at once.
He will never see Wei Ying ever again.
He will never hear his sweet laugh, see his bright smile, stare into his stunning silver eyes, or hear his melodic voice call out Lan Wangji's name.
He will never see Wei Ying again.
He will never get to call over to Wei Ying, never get to hear the playful banter, never get to tell Wei Ying how he feels, never get to play him their song.
He will never see Wei Ying again.
Wei Ying is gone.
...And he will never return.
"Justice?" he found his lips moving of their own accord. He shoved Lan Xichen away and stared up at his brother with pure rage. He wanted him to understand the pain, the hurt that Lan Wangji was feeling. "What justice? Where is the justice in sieging against the innocent and helpless?"
Lan Xichen looked crestfallen. "Wangji..." he began.
But Lan Wangji wasn't done. "Tell me, Xiongzhang," he murmured. "One thing. One thing that Wei Ying did against us. One thing that the Wens did against us to deserve to get preyed on and massacred like pigs for slaughter?"
"Wangji..." Lan Xichen's expression was tense. "There is no justifying Wei Wuxian's actions. What he did was abhorrent — don't deny it, you yourself saw how he lost control. He even killed his sister and her husband. Wangji, don't stay hung up on someone like him. People change."
"You're right, Xiongzhang," said Lan Wangji coolly. Lan Xichen looked surprised. "People do change. I used to think my clan was honourable and righteous. I used to think that by following you, I was being righteous. But... now Wangji knows how wrong he was."
Lan Xichen bristled at the implication, his demeanour tensing. "Wangji!" he snapped. "Do not say that about your own Clan!"
Lan Wangji got to his feet and stared Lan Xichen dead in the eye as he slowly removed his sword from its sheath. The translucent blade reflected the fire in his eyes, as bright and as flaming red as the city surrounding them.
"Wangji, put down Bichen!"
"Wangji!" roared Lan Qiren as he made his way through the crowd of Lans. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"Uncle," said Lan Wangji calmly.
"You dare still call me that when you- you just-" Lan Qiren bit out. He quickly brought his outstretched hand to his side and frowned. "Wangji, you are to put away your sword and return with us to the sect! Then we can discuss the consequences of you protecting Wei Wuxian! After all, by protecting him, you may as well have been consorting with him!"
"No," said Lan Wangji firmly.
As the Lan disciples cautiously crept closer, Lan Wangji took a small, tentative step towards the edge of the cliff. He didn't falter.
"Wangji, get away from the edge," said Lan Xichen carefully. "We can talk down here."
"No," said Lan Wangji. He idly glanced behind him, where the dark abyss of the cliff lay in waiting. "Wei Ying is down there. I have to get him."
"You—" exclaimed Lan Xichen, at a loss for words. "Wangji, what in the name of Lan An has Wei Wuxian done to you?! Not only are you disrespecting your elders, but you are also talking back to Uncle? You will come back with us to Cloud Recess and you will reflect and learn the ways of the Lan that you have clearly forgotten!"
"I won't!"
"Wangji, stop being so ridiculous," Lan Xichen's expression darkened, and he sounded much calmer. "Look what he's done to you! Look at yourself, Wangji, you're a mess! I once even wished you both happiness, but after witnessing what has become of you, I can see how much of a mistake he was."
After allowing an appropriate silence for Lan Wangji to process his words, Lan Xichen closed his eyes and sighed. "Get him."
"Yes!"
But Lan Wangji did not falter. When they stepped forward, intending to capture him, he stepped back. When they cornered him to the edge of the cliff, he allowed himself to slowly creep towards that boundary of life and death — the very edge Wei Wuxian had fallen from.
The last thing he saw was Lan Xichen's horrified face as realisation dawned on him; he saw his brother's hand, outstretched and intending to catch him, just as his had been when he tried to save Wei Ying.
But the last thing he thought of as he closed his eyes was of Wei Ying's smiling face, welcoming Lan Wangji back from a long, horrifying dystopian nightmare...
***
For as long as he could remember, Lan Wangji had always been alone.
Therefore he hadn't felt a shred of regret as he was submerged in the clouds of resentful energy, finally able to reunite with Wei Wuxian at the bottom of the abyss, their hands tightly grasped together.