Honey's eyes lazily gazed over the ceiling of her room that decorated by a red hue due to the LED lights she had received last week for Christmas.
The burning tealight candles that rested on her nightstand produced a distant smell of vanilla which wafted through the air as she listened to the sultry vocals of Jhene Aiko through her Bluetooth speakers. Nothing else could be heard in the confinement of her room except the shallow breathing coming from her chest.
Honey only wore an comfy oversized tee with panties and a pair of knee length socks as she laid sprawled out on the pink fluffy blankets that covered her queen sized bed. Her usual neat curls were wild and free against her arms that nestled behind her head. Her eyes momentarily drifted shut on their own accord as she exhaled.
Even though her room and posture was the epitome of serenity and peace, her thoughts didn't quite follow suit.
Honey could never give herself a break from her thoughts. The more she fed into it the worse they would become. Things could be so simple if she stopped making herself troubled by the worrisome thoughts and scenarios her brain would come up with.
Her mind was currently conjuring up the memories of the New Year's party she recently attended. It was a complete shit show. Honey had a sneaking suspicion that the party was only the beginning of what's to come.
With both Nadia and Spencer lurking in the shadows. Honey would be glad when her cousin would finally leave their residence for good. Once she's out the picture then Spencer will follow. She couldn't see him spending any time or effort on someone as insignificant as Honey.
There was a likely chance of Nadia telling her parents everything. Which is why Honey has been gathering the courage to come clean. It took Honey awhile to come to this verdict but it had to be done. Her parents would appreciate the truth coming from her rather than anyone else. Even though their relationship was practically nonexistent due to her sexuality. Honey had to suck it up and confess to her mess anyways even if it made things worse. If her parents loved her like they said they do then they wouldn't do anything else to push her even further away. At the end of the day, Honey is their child over everything else.
Her and Cyn hadn't spoken since the party. Honey hated fighting with her best friend. Things had escalated and came out harsh due to her anger. Honey was going to reach out to her soon and finish the conversation so they could be okay. However, Honey still meant what she said no matter how she delivered it.
DJ has been plaguing Honey's mind since their break up. Honey thought that if she reminded herself of the events that led up to where they are now. She could detach herself. However, when she took in DJ's crestfallen expression after her dance with Royce. Honey felt a twinge of guilt even though she didn't do anything wrong. If only DJ knew that nearly the entire time Honey was dancing with Royce...she was on her mind. In addition to that, Honey didn't understand why DJ would be feeling any kind of way when she chose her side with Tasha and stuck to it for these last couple of weeks.
Truth is, DJ could've tried to win her back or even offer reassurance to show that she actually cares. But she didn't even try to do anything. She went on her merry way and been there ever since. Honey knew that if she was in DJ's position she wouldn't have done that. But maybe that's the problem? Honey can't keep expecting herself out of other people.
Clearly, they weren't built the same as her.
Honey cracked her eyes open as a dreary sigh escaped her lips. If there was only a button where I can turn off my thoughts and feelings. Honey rolled over to her side and snuggled into her pillow as she breathed in the scent of clean linen. She pulled the blanket up until it was under her chin. Her eyes blankly stared at the wall in front of her. Why couldn't she stay home in this very position until senior year was over?
Honey's last semester would start on Monday which was only two days away. It didn't sound like a bad idea to spend the rest of the weekend locked in her room. It's not like she had anywhere else to go or anything to do. Truthfully, Honey had a dark cloud over her head and didn't want to be bothered or put anyone else's mood down.
A light knock interrupted her thoughts. Before Honey could answer, her sister Blue stuck her head in the doorway. "Hey sis. What you in here doing?" She glanced around the candle lit room in curiosity. "Mediating or something?"
"How would I be mediating if I'm laying down? I'm just listening to music and in my thoughts you know." Honey answered as she pushed herself into a sitting position. She ruffled her hair as a yawn tore through her throat. She looked over to the clock hanging on her wall. 5:28pm.
Her sister entered her room and plopped down on her bed. She was dressed casual in a leather jacket and pair of ripped jeans with a knitted beanie containing her blue locks. "You've been in your thoughts for days now. Sulking isn't going to fix your problems. Things will work itself out." Blue gave her a pointed look. "Anyways, I came in here to tell you that you gotta go to the grocery store with ma cause I'm about to leave. Have fun with all them kids."
Honey groaned loudly and buried her face in her pillow. Honey just said how she didn't want to be bothered and now she's getting the complete opposite. The universe is never on her side. "Someone kill me now."
Not only was Honey about to be in the presence of her homophobic mother that she barely talks to, but a brand new baby and two kids that are no older than 10 being added into the mix?Everybody knows Honey has no patience for children especially after babysitting her siblings for most of her life.
She threw the blanket off herself angrily. "These kids better not make a peep or else I'm beating everybody's ass the baby included." She grumbled under breath as she trudged to her closet.
Just like Honey predicted it was a disaster. Her mother left her to watch 7 month old Elijah, 9 year old Lala and 6 year old Hakeem while she went to pick up some meat from an aisle across the store. She told Honey she didn't want the children near any of the meat because of the salmonella. But Honey ain't understand why her mom ain't get the meat when they first walked in there.
Honey knew that once her mom disappeared they were going to act a fool. She hated when they made a scene out it public. She didn't want any unnecessary attention. Plus, being left in the aisle that contained bathroom items like tampons was bound to open up opportunities for questions Honey didn't want to answer.
"Sissy? What is this." Hakeem exclaimed from behind Honey, his pitched voice rose an octave.
Honey continued to tuck the blanket around her baby brother who stared up at her with wide doe eyes and a runny nose. The temperature was dropping rapidly as the evening came closer. She wanted to make sure he was warm so he wouldn't catch a cold.
Elijah cooed and played with a strand of Honey's hair with his chubby fingers. "Uh Hakeem give me a second...I'm doing something love." Honey responded distractedly. She carefully removed his tiny hands from her hair. Elijah tends to get unintentionally aggressive. One time he pulled out some of her hair on the side. It took everything in her to remember he was only a baby and that she couldn't smack him out his stroller.
Hakeem bounced over to where Honey was. His footsteps approached her in 10 seconds flat. "I asked a question...Lala doesn't know what this is. You're big person so you should know." Hakeem whined dramatically, as he thrusted the pack of condoms in Honey's face.
Out of all the items on this aisle...he just had to find these. "Something your mama should've used so I wouldn't be here taking care of you." Honey muttered under her breath.
Hakeem tilted his head slightly, his big brown eyes blinked in confusion. "Huh? What did you say? I couldn't hear. Is it a balloon?" He questioned.
Honey shook her head and eased the condoms out of his hand. She dusted herself off and placed them back on a random shelf. "No it's not a balloon. It's only for grown ups."
Hakeem frowned at her answer and quickly grabbed the condoms from the shelf. Before Honey could stop him, he ripped the package clean open.
Honey gasped and snatched the torn package from his hands, "Hakeem! Why would you do that? You can't open stuff in the stores unless you want to pay for it." Honey glanced over at the price tag and her eyes almost bulged out of her head.
"$30.49?? Why are they so expensive? There's only 10 in here and they aren't even name brand. These condoms better turn the dick into gold for this damn price." Honey whispered to herself in disbelief as she read over the label on the condoms. I'll be damned if I pay for these expensive ass condoms just because he opened them.
Hakeem attempted to take the condoms from her, his eyes were glossy with tears. "I want a balloon." He cried, once he realized she wasn't going to give them back.
His bottom lip quivered as he watched her discreetly toss the condoms on a higher shelf he couldn't reach.
Honey mentally rolled her eyes...so dramatic. "You'll be okay. I'm sure you can find something more age appropriate to play with."
Hakeem crossed his arms stubbornly. "I don't care about anything else. All I want is balloons. That's it." His expression full of determination as he kept glancing at the shelf where he condoms were.
Honey narrowed her eyes at him. "You're going to listen to what I said. Don't even think about it." She warned him as he inched towards the shelf with the intent to climb the racks like a jungle gym.
Honey furrowed her brows as a thought crossed her mind. She scanned the rest of the aisle as she searched for a familiar bow wearing kinky haired 9 year old. "Hakeem? Where is Lala?"
Hakeem shrugged in response, his hair falling in his eyes. "I don't know. She was just there." He pointed off into the distance.
Honey mentally faced palmed herself. Where could she have gone that fast? "Let's go find her before mom comes back."
"Let's go find who before I get back?"
Honey stiffly turned around with a halfhearted smile plastered on her face. "Hi mom. How are you doing today?"
Her mom gave her an unimpressed look as she dropped the various packs of meat in the cart. "Where in the hell is Lala?" She demanded.
Honey's smile dropped. Well it was worth a try. "Don't know. One minute she was here. The next minute she was gone with the wind."
Her mom groaned in exasperation. "I told her as plain as I can speak to stay here and don't move until I come back."
Due to Lala's disappearance, they went on a hunting spree to go find her. Like any 9 year old she was on the toy aisle having a blast until their mother stormed over to her, promising a beating when they get home.
Honey was thankful she didn't catch any heat cause she was the one that was supposed to be watching her. It wasn't easy trying to watch 3 children at once.
"Can you go put this cart up for me while I strap Elijah in his carseat." Her mom asked Honey as she rocked a cranky Elijah back and forth in her arms.
It was freezing outside even with the thick fur coat she had on, slight chills racked her body. She really didn't want to go back into the cold but her mom was clearly occupied. Honey nodded and slipped on her gloves as pushed the cart back in front of the grocery store where the rest of them were.
Just as she pushed the cart over to its designated spot is when she caught a glimpse of the twins Amethyst and Robin leaving the supermarket. They were bundled up in matching winter attire as usual. For a second Honey couldn't even tell them apart until she looked closely. Honey was right in their line of vision so there's no way she could make sure they didn't see her.
Instead of looking away like she normally would to avoid conflict she glared at them instead specifically Robin.
The glare Honey sent Robin must've been deadly because Robin stopped a few feet away and acknowledged her with a slight curl of her lip. "Can I help you?"
Amethyst shifted uncomfortably on her feet as she glanced away wanting no parts of what Robin was doing.
"If you were smart you wouldn't speak to me." Honey stated simply, her expression showing the distain she had for Robin. Honey loved being vocal to the source for whatever they did. What good would it be to constantly talk about someone behind their back when you can say it to their face?
Robin raised a brow, her lips formed into a scowl. "Excuse me? Maybe I wouldn't be speaking to you if you wasn't mean mugging me across the street."
"Would you rather I greet you with a big ole hug for jumping and backstabbing me for no apparent reason?" Honey suggested sarcastically, as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. Is it bad that Honey wanted was to get one last lick in on Robin? She wanted all her anger and resentment to be out of her system. Robin was no better than Tasha. Both were trifling and sneaky as fuck. Honey briefly wondered what pushed Robin to betraying her like that. Was it really DJ? Or was it deeper? Who knows she was probably waiting for an opening to betray Honey due to one sided unresolved issues that Honey knew nothing about.
However, Honey wasn't searching for any answers or closure. She had no interest in what she had to say. It's fuck her for life.
Regret flashed across her face before it vanished just as quickly as it came. She rolled her eyes. "Of course you would think that. There's more to the story that you don't know." Robin offered as a poor excuse of an explanation.
What?
Honey stared at her like she was crazy before she snorted. "Bitch what? You deadass? That's literally what happened. That's what you did." Honey explained to her slowly like she was stupid.
Robin's expression morphed into anger, her hands curled into fists at her side. "Bitch? Who you calling a bitch?" She asked incredulously, her voice hardened.
A genuine laugh escaped Honey as she pressed a hand on her chest. "You're lucky that all I'm doing is name calling." Honey sobered up before continuing. "You deserve worse for the shit you pulled on someone that considered you to be their friend. You're disgusting."
Amethyst started getting antsy at the tension brewing between the girls so she glanced over at her twin, tugging her arm in the opposite direction, "We have to get going. You know dad doesn't like to be kept waiting."
Robin never took her eyes off Honey's face as she spoke. "You're right. Let's get going before I waste anymore of my time."
Honey examined her hot pink acrylic nails as she plastered a sweet smile on her face. "You and me both. An entire year of my time was wasted on you. If only I would've listened to my instincts and never tried to befriended someone like you in the first place." Her tone held traces of distaste as she analyzed the woman in front of her.
Without waiting for a response Honey walked away from the duo.