Thick strained silence envelops the room. It's the type of intense quiet where you can not only hear your heart beating but other hearts beating in different rooms.
The declaration that just came from her mouth has robbed me of speech. There is no way what she says is true. I mean James and I are having problems but would the moon goddess really strip me of my mate because of my infidelity. I mentally shake my head. No this woman is delusional.
"What are you talking about? You're not his mate I'm James's mate."
My statement takes her back she blinks a few times tilting her head in confusion. "I didn't think he would be an Alpha Mate he has such a subtle aura to him" Her eyes drop to my abdomen. "So you're the one that cheated on him." I jerk back as if she'd slapped me. I cover my stomach defensively and a little bit in mortification.
"That's none of your business."
"I know what I felt Alpha there were sparks when we touched. They were warm and made me feel safe. He is my mate" she smiles reminiscingly.
"I'm sure you're just mistaken. You probably fabricated them because of your distraught situation." I grit out through clenched teeth. I can feel my wolf pacing in my mind becoming more angry by the second, like any she-wolf she is very possessive of her mate.
I have to dissuade this woman's craziness before she becomes even more fanatic or my wolf comes out and persuades her to change her mind with her teeth and claws.
She raises a challenging eyebrow and cockily crosses her arms "I'm not mistaken he felt them too Alpha how do explain that?"
How did I explain that? My confidence depletes and I feel cold. I start picking apart and second guessing everything that's happen. What if I've truly lost him to her. Earlier in the foyer he did seem very concerned for her well being and he did risk his life for her's as well.
I sit here completely torn. On one hand I want to break down and moan my lost but on the other hand my wolf is pushing me to eliminate the threat. I look to the rogue, her arrogant attitude is definitely not helping calm my wolf. I get the feeling she doesn't like me very much. Looking into her eyes I make my decision. I don't give a shit if she doesn't care for me she's not getting my mate. My eyes glow and I prepare to let my wolf take over. I'm done being nice.
Doctor Gage chooses that moment to enter the waiting room and distracts me. We both turn and look to him. His scrubs and lab coat are covered in blood. He pauses and looks between us hesitantly obviously feeling the hostility in the air. He clears his throat nervously.
"Alpha I just came to tell you that everything checked out fine with James the nurses are going to finish closing his wounds and wrapping him up and then we're going to place him in a recovery room."
I jump up from my chair and walk to him "No spinal injury??" I ask temporarily forgetting the rogue.
"None I closed the contusions running down his spine as well."
"That's great news!" the rogue exclaims effectively bringing my attention back to her.
"Yes I'm extremely thankful Doc. My mates recover will also set the pack at ease
"Don't you mean our mate?" she ask scooting forward in her chair.
"'Our mate' my ass rogue. If I were you I would shut the hell up because I'm two seconds off yours." I growl over my shoulder she leans back in alarm.
My attention snaps back to a perplexed Gage "Doc you've studied werewolf biology correct?"
"Well I'm not an expert, anatomy is more my expertise, but yes I am quite versed with the subject" he nods his head.
" In your studies have you ever come across cases where a werewolf has multiple mates?"
"Multiple mates? No Alpha it's not possible"
Instant relief floods my body. I was really scared for a moment there. I turn to the rogue and give her a haughty look.
"Exactly as I said you're mistaken."
"But...but...I" her face falls and I can practically feel the hopelessness emitting from her.
"The young lady thinks she has two mates?" Doc Gage ask seemingly intrigued by the subject.
"No Doc she thinks James is her mate"
"Well that changes things a little"
"What?!?"
He holds his hands up in defense and starts back peddling "I'm not saying she is his mate but she may be close to it."
"Explain"
"Well we all know that Fate chooses our mates for us but where biology is concerned a big part of being mates is compatibility. Something within us reacts almost instinctual to a like individual with every sense. That person will smell exquisite, look like the most beautiful person you've ever seen, taste Divine, their touch will stimulate you like nothing else, and your very soul will call out to them in a yearnful ballad." Gage develops wistful gaze and zones out. I can't help but remember he has yet to find his mate and is probably longing for her.
"I know that part Doc get to the good stuff please" I interrupt his internal musing.
"Right" he clears his throat and continues "Those are true mates but there have been cases were a wolf may mistakenly identify someone as there "second" mate but it's more like a false mate."
"How is that possible?"
"It usually happens when a mate bond has been severely disrupted like one of the mates dies or they separate in a uncongenial way. The person and their wolf become susceptible to other mate options. They seek comfort and they find false mates. It's actually extremely rare because our wolves can be very picky."
"The match is no were near as powerful as with your true mate but the two will recognize similar traits that they find appealing like humility or strength, the same traits that they like with their true mates." Gage turns to address the rogue "Why do you think he's your mate?"
"I felt it when he touched me" she replies somewhat unsure.
Gage nods his head as if coming to an conclusion "That's possible as well if the connection is really strong it may even affect their senses not all senses but some.
Usually mated wolf would never even notice another wolf but since your relationship has.....um" he stops unsure on how to word it delicately.
"Has gone to hell" I fill in for him.
"It's made the Alpha Mate vulnerable. You're still his true mate Alpha nothing will ever change that. James probably just feels like he lost you."
I ponder that for a moment and decide the Doc's wrong. I think it's more like he lost hope in us. The rogue wouldn't even be factor if he thought we could ever reconcile. Between my affair, the rogues claims, James actions, and now the Doc's words I believe they are the final nails in the coffin of our relationship. I grasp at my chest as a hollow feeling begins to spread through my heart. Breathing becomes difficult and I start to feel woozy.
"Alpha-"
"I need to see him. What room is he in?" I ask desperately.
"They are putting him in the last recovery room on the left room 6"
I walk past him without another word and track through the corridor to get to James. Everything is coming at me so fast I barely have time to think and rectify anything before something else knocks me down. In my heart I know that all I need to do is get to him to plead my case and assure him that our relationship is salvageable despite recent revelations.
I reach the room and walk in. I see a nurse getting him settled in bed and making sure his IV and monitors are set up and functioning. She looks up at my arrival and gives me a gently smile.
"Alpha I will be out of your way soon."
"Take your time" I walk further into the room and over to the double sized hospital bed James is peacefully sleeping in.
"He might be out for a while we loaded him with some very strong sedatives."
"That's okay I will wait." After about 5 more minutes the nurse is finished. She gives me a parting nod and I nod back in return. She then leaves and closes the door behind her.
I stare back down at James and look him over. Despite the white cast on his arm he looks fine but of course most of the serious injuries are on his back where I can't inspect. I can see some gauze and bandages peeking out of the neckline of the forest green hospital gown they dressed him in. They must have been wrapped completely around his body.
I slowly caress his cheek.
Sparks crawl up my arm and a very small pleasurable moan escapes his parted lips and I smile. I'm glad he's still just as effected by my touch. The rogue had me worried everything was gone.
His closed eyes begin to twitch. I am taken by surprise when they slowly begin to open.
"Amber" his eyes open fully and he immediately focuses in on my face. "Hi" he says in an cute sing-song voice.
"Hi baby . What are you doing up they said you'd be out for awhile?"
"Your allure is very strong. I can always feel when you're near. A concussion won't prevent me from being with you" he rubs his cheek against my hand.
I smile and roll my eyes "Sweet Talker"
"It's the truth" a small dry laugh leaves his mouth.
"How are you feeling?"
"Great considering" he looks down to his broken arm encased in a cast then back to me "I'm not even in pain"
"I'm sure that's because you're hopped up on drugs"
"I think you're right it would definitely explain the pink bunny dancing and rapping a Tupac song in the corner"
We share a laugh. I grab a chair and pull it up to his bed. I bend forwards and start casually playing with his hair just enjoying his presence. We stay like that for a moment and it feels just like old times.
"How's Renee?" he asks breaking the reverie.
My hand stops moving, his question catching me completely off guard "Who's Renee?"
"The woman that I was brought here with" he replies
"The rogue." My hand drops from his face and I grow angry. "Got a new girlfriend do we?" I ask snippily.
"She's just a friend...I think." he looks at me with confusion clearly wondering about my shift in moods.
"Seems like more to me." I consider telling him what the doctor said about second mates but I quickly dismiss it I don't want to put any ideas in his head.
His eyes narrow and he sits up a little.
"It's not" he snaps defensively.
"And do you really have room to question my relationships. What about Dallas?"
Dallas. I had completely forgotten about him in the craziness that just happened. He's probably fine the baby is settled and calm. I think it senses any trouble with him.
"Touche"
A uncomfortable silence descends as we collect ourselves.
James clears his voice "How is he?"
"Who?"
"Dallas"
"Oh he's going to be fine"
"That's good news"
Aaaaand more uncomfortable silence this time much longer.
James breaks the silence again "Ugh I hate this"
"Yeah I do too" This never use to happen to us. I've never felt awkward around James. Even ehen I barely knew him we were always so in sync.
"Want to discuss the elephant in the room?"
"Hell no but I know we have to." I steady myself and I look James directly in his eyes opening myself to him so he can see my sincerity. "I know it's not enough but I'm so sorry James it was never meant to happen and it didn't mean a damn thing"
A beat of silence follows. I can only hope that he's taking a moment to let my apology soak in and really regard it. Finally James releases a long sigh.
"I know and I accept Amber." I look into his eyes carefully and I don't find any evidence of deceit. He truly means it. That's one down and many more to go.
James looks to the ceiling in thought " You can do anything to me and I always forgive you. I guess the real dilemma is where do we go from here?"
"We can try and make this work I mean this happens to lots of people and they get through it...sometimes." Truthfully I don't know anyone in my situation or even a situation remotely close to this tangled wreck but I need to sell my pitch.
"Amber I-"
"Blended families are the new thing now right" I rhetorically ask starting to get excited.
"Amber-"
"It will all be perfect we can work out schedules and take anger management classes so we don't all kill each other next time we are together.
"Amber!" James raises his voice getting my attention and snapping me out of my ridiculous musing. He continues more softly "I don't thinks that's the right way to go just yet or maybe ever." He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration. "This all just feels like a nightmare that won't go away." He whispers.
"Yeah it does. I've been hoping like crazy to just wake up already."
I take a deep breath and prepare myself for the worst.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course"
"Was that your nice way of saying you don't want me anymore?" I tried to keep my voice leveled I swear I do but despite my efforts it cracks and you can hear the tears in my words.
His eyes grow wide in shock he blinks a few times "You never have to worry about that Amber. I don't think that's possible"
His words unfortunately give me little relief.
"Forget how I feel for a moment because it's not just about you and I it's about everyone. I can only imagine how the pack is taking this. We're suppose to be the leaders and we can't even handle our relationship. How are they to trust us with the big decisions." He's right of course I'm sure they new found hatred of me isn't just for my morality but my poor leadership.
"I can practically feel the discord in the air. Like it or not the pack is involved with this drama. I want peace Amber we can't afford to have our thoughts occupied on anything other than the band of rogues."
I rub my weary eyes and give a defeated sigh "I hate this. I hate being Alpha sometimes. This wouldn't be so complicated if I was a regular wolf."
"You look tired" he states the obvious his eyes roaming over my face.
"I am"
"You know you also have to look out for you and your baby's health Amber" his voice stammers on the word baby.
And just like that I can't look at him. He was suppose to say our baby not your. I drop my head to my chest as deep shame resonates through me stealing all my words. I knew the topic of my baby would eventually come up and I thought I would be able to handle it.
"I didn't say that to make you feel bad. I'm just really concerned for you two. Amber look at me." his voice becomes gentle coaxing me to reluctantly look up.
James's has a resigned look on his face.
" This is too much for you I can see the wear on your face and I hate it. I want you happy and safe and right now and as much as it kills me to admit this its probably with Dallas. He will care and protect you and his child with his life. There's too much conflict and stress between us and truthfully it will take a while for me to fully come to terms with this all. I love you but this isn't a movie, everything doesn't just wrap up in two hours. I need time and I want you to be absolutely sure if you want to be with me or if you want to make it work with the father of your child."
I throw my hands up in frustration "Ugh will stop being so damn selfless for once."
"When you're concern, never. I will sacrifice my life, my happiness, my pride everything for you Amber. My priority will always be you Period"
"So you want me to leave you for Dallas?"
"I didn't say that"
"Then what are you saying"
"I'm saying I want you be sure. I don't want to be humiliated and hurt if you decide you'd rather be with someone else. I wouldn't survive it a second time"
Here I thought I couldn't feel lower than shit I was wrong.
"Let's just think of this as a break"
"A break?" Although it's not exactly what I wanted to happen it does leaves room for a possible future.
"Yes for us to weigh our options and concentrate on our packs stability. If you'll let me I would like to aid anyway I can. I love Red Dawn and until something changes I would like to continue to act as Alpha Mate"
"Absolutely everyone loves you, probably more than me now. You're really good with pack relations and You're also right about us needing time to think. I want you more than anything but I have to do what's best" I reply in a weak small voice not even attempting to put on a strong front.
"The longer I stay here the harder it will be to let you go. We should probably start now but do you mind if I stay with you until you fall asleep?" I ask hopefully.
"I would like that Amber." he gives one of his charming that I love and proceed to get comfortable.
He closes his eyes and I think he's going to sleep but suddenly his face scrunches up in discomfort and he grabs his chest. His breathing picks up and and he let's our a pained groan.
"James are you okay" I ask full of concern debating if I should call the doctor. I look to his heart monitor and see that his heart rate has picked up a little. I reach out and grab his hand hoping to console him and almost instantly his heart begins to slow back down.
"No I'm not, this feels like a goodbye. I got to be honest this is wrecking serious havoc on my heart Amber but I know it's the right thing to do and I will be ok eventually. Sorry for the scare." He takes a deep breath and releases a depreciating sigh. He open his green eyes and I can she unabashed pain and tears.
"My heart hurts too James" I raise his hand and kiss it rubbing my cheek against it lovingly, then I lean forward and lay my head on his chest as he wraps his arm around me. The position is a little uncomfortable but I don't care.
Just like many times before we just lay basking in each other and enjoying our oasis of peace and love before its snatched away from us. After a while the pain medication puts James back to sleep but I don't want to leave just yet. I stay for a few hours my mind races not allowing me to fall asleep.
I came here to reconcile with my mate. I was prepared to do anything even beg if that's what it took to set things right but somehow things went in another direction and now he feels more farther away than before.
I don't know if this break is the best idea. I don't know what the future will hold for us. I do know it's about time I stop wallowing and take back control of my pack and my life. There's is so much that needs to be done and preparations need to be made for my pup.
Nothing will be easy I can feel it in my bones. I just hope that in the end I am strong enough both mentally and emotionally to withstand it all.
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