Hearing the slight beeping of a machine, I slowly feel my body come back to life.
As I gain consciousness, the beeping becomes more prominent as Deja vu unfolds, from when I was working at the hospital as a nurse.
I slowly start to pry my eyelids open as I feel something warm resting on top of my left hand.
"Alexandra?" I hear the familiar voice call out with worry
It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the brightness but when I turn my head, I'm met with Ace's blue eyes looking into mine. He had gotten up from his seat that was right next to the hospital bed I was laying in.
Why was I in a hospital?
Suddenly I start to remember being at work, coughing up blood then fainting...
Oh my god I'm Pregnant!
I suddenly place my hand on my stomach, remembering that I was 6 months pregnant.
"Ace is our baby okay?" I question feeling panic
He gives my hand a slight squeeze as his eyes soften
"Our baby is fine" he says with a small smile
Letting out a sigh of relief, I throw my head back and place my hand on my stomach. I feel my headache return as the room starts to spin again.
"What happened?" I ask closing my eyes
"You fainted at work, I brought you straight to the hospital" he says pushing a few strands of hair away from my face
"I knew you should have stayed home today too" he whispers
"Did the doctors say anything yet?" I ask
"Not yet, the first thing they did was check the baby and she's doing fine they said. We're waiting for Dr. Ashley to arrive and do a few more tests"
I nod my head and hold his hand giving it a slight squeeze
"As long as our baby is fine" I say
Feeling the heaviness in my chest return, I try to hold back my cough when we suddenly hear a knock on the hospital room door and then a Dr. Ashley entering.
"Alex my dear, what happened?" he questions with worry walking into the hospital room
"Dr. Ashley" I breathe out as he takes a look at my charts
"The good news is, the baby is doing great but you fainted at work? Explain to me what happened?" he asks
"I-I thought I was recovering from the cold I've had this past week but today at work, just out of the blue I had the weirdest headache. And my cough returned, it was really bad. I just remember feeling dizzy and my persistent cough, like my chest was closing in. I still feel it right now, my chest feels tight and like I can't breathe" I say
"I told her not to go to work today, she should have stayed home and rested" Ace adds on
"You said shortness of breath correct?" Dr. Ashley confirms
"Correct" I nod my head, he asks a few more questions about the cold I recently had and was 'supposedly' recovering from.
"Have you experienced any extra fluid or some type of mucus in this cough?"
I take a second to answer as I remember the blood I coughed up today in the bathroom at work.
"U-uh yes actually. Right before I fainted, I remember coughing up blood" I hesitantly say
For some reason, It was scary to say out loud
"What?" Ace suddenly questions, looking over at me
"Blood? Has this happened before Alex?" Dr. Ashley asks
"N-no, today was the first time." I reply
He nods his head
"Alright, we're gonna do a few tests to check and see what the problem is. Hang in tight as I order a few tests, I'll be right be back" he says before leaving the room
Ace turns to face me as soon as Dr. Ashley leaves
"Alexandra why didn't you tell me about the blood? I thought you said you were feeling better?"
"I was! It happened right before I fainted, that's why I was looking for you. I was feeling fine all morning up until I fainted out of the blue" I shrug my shoulders
He lets out a breath and places a kiss on my forehead
"Hopefully it's nothing serious" he says trying to hide the worry in his voice with a smile
I give him a small smile in return, hoping that it's nothing serious too.
"If we finish early, can we finally go to the store to pick out the paint to finish off the nursery?" I ask giving him a pout face
We had decided to decorate and build the babies room ourselves! Even though Ace first proposed we just hire someone to design it, I thought it would be more fun and special if we painted and did it ourselves.
"The nursery is almost finished, it's just the paint that's holding us back!" I continue
Ace smiles and places his hand in mine, nodding his head
"Okay, if we finish early, we can finally get the paint" he says
"Yay! Did you hear that baby girl? We're gonna go shopping!!" I say talking to my tummy which Ace laughs at
***
"Ah! She's kicking again. Give me your hand" I say grabbing Ace's hand and placing it on my stomach as he feels our baby kick
I turn to face him, as both of us were smiling.
We were waiting in the hospital room after doing a few tests that Dr. Ashley had ordered. We were now waiting for the results. I was feeling a bit better but the tight feeling in my chest was still there.
"She's a kicker" Ace says
I let out a laugh which then slowly turns into a cough
Ace starts to gently pat my back as my coughing worsened. I feel a sense of relief pass through when no blood comes out this time, thank god.
As if on cue, Dr. Ashley walks in holding a few papers which were probably my test results
I sit up in the hospital bed, as my coughing stops.
"Ashley, so what's the problem?" Ace asks
I feel my heart sink into my chest when I sense how tensed Dr. Ashley looked. That wasn't a good sign...
What the hell could be the problem!?
Ace could too sense this tension
"Ashley?" he calls out again
"T-the tests, after looking through the results..."
"What is it Ashley?" I ask frustrated
"The x-rays revealed an abnormal mass in your lungs. A tumour."
Silence
"...After looking through the other tests, we were able to confirm that it's stage 4 lung cancer, Alex."
Lung Cancer.
Stage 4, lung cancer.
I feel the world go silent upon hearing his words. I felt cold. Like goosebumps sending shivers throughout my body.
What?
I wasn't sure if he was still talking but I couldn't hear anything. I-, I have stage 4 lung cancer?
How?
I turn and see Ace sitting down in the chair beside me. He too was silent. We both were lost in our own thoughts.
"What are you saying Ashley? How could this be?" Ace asks calmly
"Alexandra does your family have any history of lung cancer or some type of cancer that you know of?" Dr. Ashley asks
I don't reply, as I was still in shock from hearing the words
"No she doesn't-" I cut Ace off
"M-my mother, died of lung cancer" I croak out
Ace snaps his head at me, looking at me with shock.
"You never told me this" he says with hurt in his voice
"W-what happens now? Does she start treatment..." Ace starts to ask
But I knew what Dr. Ashley's answer was gonna be as I start to shake my head and close my eyes, my tears helplessly falling out. I place my hands on my stomach, feeling the baby kicking as I try to control my sobs from leaving my mouth
Dr. Ashley lets out a breath before answering Ace's question.
"Ace, it's stage 4 lung cancer" he says with his voice breaking
"And? There has to be something you can do Ashley, there has to be a cure or something" Ace starts to say with anger to mask the pain in his voice
"There's no cure for stage 4 lung cancer Ace" I utter
His eyes meet my teary ones. He shakes his head as tears start to pool in his eyes
"No, there has to be something you can do. Chemotherapy!? Surgery? Anything!" he yells, turning to Dr. Ashley
"Ace there's not much we can do, don't forget Alex is entering her 3rd trimester of pregnancy and it's stage 4 cancer, it's too late. The cancer has already spread."
Silence fills the room as Ace takes a seat again, lost in his own thoughts
"T-the baby... will the baby be okay?" I croak out looking up at Dr. Ashley, blinking away my tears that I couldn't control from falling
"The baby is doing fine and will have a safe delivery. But Alex, since we can't offer the full treatment because of the risk it would bring to the baby, therefore, you will grow weaker in the coming weeks" he says coming closer to me
He places his hand on mine as a tear slides down his cheek
I feel a sense of relief wash through me knowing that my baby girl was gonna be safe. That was all I truly cared about.
Knowing the real question still needed to be answered, I courage up my strength and turn to Dr. Ashley
"H-how long do I have?" I whisper, so that my voice doesn't break
He lets out a breath before answering
"Its spread all over Alex, and the pregnancy will only make you feel weaker-"
"How much time do I have Ashley?" I cut him off, closing my eyes
"...N-not much after you give birth" he whispers
I feel another tear stream down my cheek as I nod my head.
"You should go home and rest Alex, take it easy please for you and your baby. I will come over so we can talk about the next steps. I'll get the discharge papers ready for you." Dr. Ashley composes himself and grabs the files as he heads towards the hospital room door
Before he can leave, Ace snaps out of his daze and stands up abruptly grabbing Dr. Ashley
"You Motherfucker-" he mutters before swinging his fist into Dr. Ashleys face
I let out a gasp as he punches him so fast in front of me
"How can you come in here and tell me my wife is dying and there's NO solution for it!" Ace yells angrily from the top of his lungs
Dr. Ashley who was now rubbing his jaw, places a hand on Ace's shoulder as he tries to calm him down
"You have to do something Ashley! Don't fucking tell me you can't, this is bullshit!" He yells and swings his arm again but I stop him by pulling him back quickly
"Ace calm down please" I cry out
Turning him to face me, I look into his eyes, a tear slipping down his cheek. He pushes my hand off his shoulder as he turns and rests his forehead on the wall. He then bangs on the wall, letting out his anger which causes me to flinch
I turn towards Dr. Ashley who was still holding his jaw
"Are you okay? Please go put some ice on it, I'm sorry" I say looking at his jaw
He takes my hands in his and looks at me with sadness in his eyes
"Don't apologize. Please both of you go home and take some time to rest. I'll stop by in the evening" he says to me before finally leaving the room.
I turn and let out a breath as Dr. Ashley leaves the room.
Waiting for the nurse to come in with discharge papers, I take a seat back on the bed and start to pick on and take off my IV.
As soon as the nurse walks in, she hurries beside me
"Oh I'll do that don't worry!" she says
"It's okay I got it, can I just have a bandaid please" I say
She nods and gives me one
"Here are your discharge papers, you are free to go" she says with a smile
I try to give her a small smile in return before she leaves. Slowly getting up, I turn and grab my belongings that were laid on one of the chairs near the hospital bed. I put on my jacket and turn to Ace who still had his forehead against the wall.
I gently place my hand on his shoulders and pull him away from the wall
"Ace? Baby can we please go home?" I ask with my wobbly voice
He opens his eyes and turns towards me, nodding his head. He looked lost and defeated which I honestly could relate to at the moment.
Getting into the car, silent enfolds us as we drive home. I think we were just both lost in our own thoughts.
--
I...
I'm at a loss for words.
New chapter coming soon❤️