Life continues
"You are hella one of a mess..."
He slowly shook his head. "Ang labo mo, real talk. Ang pabebe lang," pagpapatuloy niya.
Masungit kong inirapan si Lucas na katabi ko. "Tss...you even did not get the whole point. You just don't understand, okay?"
"Sorry ka girl, hindi tayo compatible mag-isip. Kung ako kasi 'yon, hindi ko pakakawalan kung mahal kong talaga." He dramatically covered his chest.
"You literally just don't give a damn about all of my points, do you?"
Mabilis siyang umiling. "Uy, di ah! Nagsasabi lang naman. Just a thought... thing is, hindi ako 'yung pakalat- kalat at sinisilaban lang para sunugin ang ozone layer."
"What are you, then?"
"Ang sinasabi ko, hindi ako plastik."
I winced at the remark. "Sure you are not."
"How about the ring? You gave it back to him?" Lucas asked again.
It was really comforting to talk it over again with a friend. He's such a nice person, really, and I value his presence in my life right now. And to those right Filipino gramar phrases he's taught me para naman daw hindi ako masiyadong maarte pakinggan magsalita... mas naging close kami ngayon ni Lucas.
Around the chronologic years I've believed I'm full-time a native Filipino speaker... someone would refuse to buy it pala! Yabang- yabang ni Lucas! E'di siya na ang magaling. Italian. English. Filipino. Nakakapag communicate na rin ng Spanish!
Ngayon lang talaga ako naging open kay Lucas sa bagay na ito. We just silently arrived at this topic after talking about another friend's split up.
Mahina akong umiling. "It stayed with me. I found it in my bag the night after that..." I chuckled. "I have no idea how in the world it got in there. But, yeah... the ring's with me. I had it hidden in my room."
"Buti hindi mo naisipang i-sangla?"
I faced him with an unbelievable look. "Only crazy people will do that. And you are! Were you even aware you're so insane to ask that?"
"Hindi ka talaga mahilig sa joke, ano?" Inirapan ko lang siya.
Later on, when silence casts, I caught a breath and wipe the sweat around my nape as I endure the searing summer. Tumigil ako saglit para sulyapan si Lucas na nakatitig. I arched a brow before finishing what remedy is best for a low-key disturbance of the weather. Guess what is!
"I have one last question."
"What is it?" I answered, enjoying my strawberry ice cream.
He carefully looked at me before speaking. "Curious lang. Naka- move on ka na?"
I stopped for a while and think about the question cautiously. Pinakiramdaman ko ang sarili ko bago nilingon ang katabi. "Look at me, Lucas."
Sinunod niya naman ako. "Closely..." Lumapit pa siya. "There... You tell me, what do you think now?"
He was looking at me with his cold hazel eyes. He watched me with those snobbish eyes I've always noticed in him.
"Have I told... you have such a pair of intimidating eyes? So opposite of your personality..."
He chuckled a bit. "You're getting me away... Scared I might figure out you are still hung up on your ex?"
I rolled my eyes before avoiding my gaze on the stare. "Come on... You judged me so low. It's been what? Three years..."
Three years, this is where it leads me. Debt was marked as paid. We definitely started renewing things again from scratch. It was a lot because we lose everything. Assets. Name. Respect. Except for our house that we didn't give ground in spite of what we've been through as if we entered a needle hole. The mansion holds a lot of core memories of the bond we had with Mom. We couldn't let go.
And now.. the project Third was working on before was now a medical hospital. Madaming nabago bukod sa madami ang nasayang.
"Thank you so much, Attorney. We owe you this..."
Malambing akong yumakap kay Daddy pagkaalis ng mga tao sa bahay. "Thank you, Dad." I smiled, having the thought I'm starting to feel free. My worries to put at ease.
"Masaya ako, anak. And surely, she is..." Malungkot na ngumiti si Dad while his eyes focused on the portrait placed on the wall here in the living room. Our family portrait.
It's been a year since that exact day we became free from the creditors' tyranny. For all at once, we've finally fought all against us by the means of us, alone, without Vilienthal.
I haven't got any news from them since I officially ended my relationship with Third. And it means we've cut even the tiniest affiliation with their family... na kahit si Dad ay hindi na nakibalita pa kay Tita Yelena. We just stayed that way. Like a different person who has been and will be forever blindfolded by the deep connection we once all have.
Masakit pero kailangan.
Acceptance should be done. We have solemnly done, and I wish nothing for the other party to maintain it in no other way.
Reminiscing, I suddenly remember those nights in my life when I was teaching myself how feasible acceptance should be in an honest and most sincere way. It was never peaceful.
I lifelessly got out of the bathroom and head directly to my walk-in closet. Matagal kong pinansin ang maluluwag na space on both sides of the divider where all my bags and heels were still living in the place before. Nalulungkot ako but then the comfort is there.
Bago ako tuluyang nagbibis, I still made time to arrange some of the pieces of jewelry that were left with me. The ones from Dad and Mom... also having the piece I got from them during my legitimacy of being a lady. I just couldn't let them go and I'm glad it remained.
I opened the necklace box I was keeping out of my sight because of the recollection it brings. The person who reminds me of everything... But now, please.. let me stare. Just for tonight.
I cried until it was nighttime. After a time with my pajamas on, I found my feet tracing the adjustment place of my hidden library. I dramatically sighed when all I could remember in this place is still him. All him.
I cast deep courage before starting to look for some books to put my stress on. And place it on the shelves in front of my bed. Kasi kung araw- araw akong papasok sa kuwartong ito, baka tuluyan na akong mabaliw. I need to avoid all the things and places that he has marked.
After I carried out the four boxes with full books out of my library, I got the lock from my drawer to temporarily close the place that keeps restraining me from finally moving on with the memories I have from him.
I was about to turn off the lights when my eyes landed on the frame above the specialized rack Third did make himself during the renovation. I unconsciously walked my feet over it to look at our picture. It was him holding the camera while I was hugging him from behind while holding a wrap of Cadbury in my visible hand. Mabilis akong humagulhol at dinala ang picture frame sa chest ko para yakapin.
I then found myself lying in the bed with my overflowing tears while embracing the frame 'til I doze off to sleep.
It was never easy to move on. I truly can't support myself in moving on as much as I would want to when I need to celebrate my birthday during Mommy's death anniversary. That my used to be awaited day every year turned into a painful one. An unanticipated one. The truth that I still cry those nights of missing the warmth of my mom was still always not an exception. It'll never really end, so I'm still giving myself so much time.
Kaya kung umiiyak ako sa gabi... Dalawang tao lang 'yon. Si Third at ang Mommy ko.
However, I was able to enjoy and appreciate who I still have right now genuinely. The people who are keeping me looking ahead in life and stop indulging myself in such extreme devastation.
As soon as there was a knock on the door and saw the begging face I had hoped to see come out, I didn't hesitate any longer. She's innocently looking at me while showing me a limited edition book I used to search in different stores. I'm just too broken to publicly be vulnerable and look for someone's comfort whose very close to my heart. I can never think of sulk but the warmth she brought me here all the way from Australia.
"Mia..." I cried as I hug her and feel her gentle caress on my back.
"Hush down... I'm now here, Avi... I'm sorry for leaving... I'm here now."
Lalo akong napaiyak at nagsumiksik pa sa shoulder niya. I made effort to lean against the extension of her collarbone para itago ang mukha sa nakatayong lalaki sa likod niya who was holding a basket with chocolates and nuts. How serious and snob he look was something he forced me to be shy and feel scared of the first meet-up.
Sinasabi ko na kayang kaya kong ipagpatuoy ang buhay nang masaya ang puso ko... because I still have my favorite persos left, helping and loving me to restore the light that has been hid in my life.
"Surprise! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you..." they sang. "Happy Birthday, dear Earheart... Happy Birthday to you."
It was a late night after my work at a prestigious hotel. I was so worn out from work and crying at the cemetery during my break, still, I was able to pull out emotions of shock after I opened the darkness of the living room, hearing the people I love singing for me. My senses came to agility the moment I knew what was going on.
"You guys..." I became emotional, thinking of Mom.
"Happy birthday, honey! I love you so much, anak!" It was Dad who was holding the cake.
I seemed not to move in my place, making them go near me instead. I chuckled as I wiped the flowing tears. I then closed my eyes and make a wish before blowing the candle.
"Happy birthday, Avi!" The people once again greeted me.
Inilibot ko ang tingin sa kanila. All are present except Mia whose back again in her Dad's country after months of vacation. There's Dad and the cake, my girlfriends: Via who's holding a balloon with the numbers '2' and '3' in gold. Ralph, Joana, Rina, and Rain, on the other hand, were the ones who were wiggling the letters: H, A, P, P, Y, B, I, R, T, H, D...
I parted my lips and roamed again my eyes, finding the missing letters of the last word.
"Ah... Happy birthday, Avi!"
Lucas showed up from hiding, holding the balloon letters of A and Y. He ruined it! Lumaki pa ang mata ko nang mapansin na siya lang ay may suot ng birthday hat. And it's in my favorite color. Pink!
Humagikhik ako. "Lucas, natandaan mo no'ng birthday ko last year? Para kang sira remembering it again now. Hahahaha..." I playfully laughed.
Tumaas ang kilay niya. "Ako? Sira?"
"Yes! Ikaw!" I even pointed at him using my left hand. Nakatayo na kami ngayon at naglalakad na while eating an ice cream. Trying to beat the summer.
"Kanino?" He asked.
Nalito na ako. "Huh?"
"Sayo ba ako sira?"
Lalong kumunot ang noo ko. "What? Ako? Sira sayo?"
He laughed and whispered something I didn't quite sure if it was. "Hirap bumanat sa slow."
Suddenly, a brisk ride of bicycle passed between our spaces. It was followed by the rider's laugh. "Oops!"
Lucas muttered a curse when the ice cream he was eating quickly bounced on his mouth in a chaotic way dahil sa gulat. I was in between laughing and lending him help. Bigla niyang inangat ang ulo niya to trace his gaze front.
"Gaga ka Via!" Lucas tried cleaning his face as possible it could get clean. Yikes. The ice cream is so sticky! "Mierda," he whispered.
I ended up with the latter. However, I was laughing while handing him my handkerchief. Naging buy one, take one ang choice ko tuloy.
"Lakas ng tama talaga ng bitch na 'yon," pagmamaktol ni Lucas while wiping the mess on his mouth. "Nababaliw na ata sa pagdurusa," pagsusungit niya pa.
"Hey! You are so mean. Don't be rude! Her heart was still freshly broken."
"Tss."
"Ubusin mo na lang 'yan... I want to ride a bike too," I said after a while.
He quickly stopped and gave me an evil look. "Sure you can? Based on the reliable news, hindi ka raw maalam, ah."
"I can!" I bit my lower lip. "I learned."
Mabilis kaming nakapag- rent ng bike after finishing the ice cream. Lucas was also persistent in the revenge he was talking about.
"Lagot ka sa'kin, Victoria. Matitikman mo ang batas ng api." He made a smug look, positioning himself properly on the bike before going on the ride and finding Via.
Inirapan ko siya. "You are so immature."
"Sure ka, ah? Baka mahulog ka mamaya diyan?" He watched my feet as I stepped them into the pedestal.
I scoffed. Kanina, pinipilit niya pa ako to just rent bicycle built for two para siya nalang daw ang bahala sa'kin.
"Kulit mo! Maalam nga sabi ako."
"Prove a point," he smirked.
"What do you want?"
He indicated the set of trees meters away from our direction using his finger. "Paunahan tayong makarating do'n."
"And why would I join the race? Would I gain something?" I fixed the position of the helmet on my head. Natahimik siya. I arched a brow. "Nothing, right? Then I'm out of your area."
He sighed then. "Fun." I immediately turned back to him. "You'd gain fun."
I clicked my tongue. "Okay, then..."
He smirked. Magsasalita sana ulit siya nang mabilis kong ginalaw ang mga paa ko para magsimulang umandar. I laughed when I heard his running rants.
"Avi, wait! You're disqualified!"
I was low-key celebrating his defeat in my head when I suddenly lost balance. The bike profusely sways to the left side until I lose all damn control of my grip. I fall!
To my horror, I heard Lucas' scandalous shout. Madami ring naglalakad ang tumigil sa harap ko para panoodin ang bawat galaw ko. Damn! Why would they stop here! It's mortifying!
"Avi! Fuck! Anong sinabi ko! Shit!" Mabilis nakarating si Lucas. He immediately went off the bike to go near me and help me stand up.
"Mahuhulog ka na nga lang din, hindi pa sa'kin," he unconsciously said, while helping me clean the dirt away from my cloth.
I stopped kasabay nang mahihinang dinig ko ng mga hagikhik at biro sa taong nakapaligid. Si Lucas ay nagpatuloy sa pagpunas sa akin na parang walang siyang naririnig. His forehead was in a deep sense of mixed anger and stress. His expression is so snob. I'm sure my cheeks heated!
"O-okay na..." Lumayo ako sa kaniya at pinagpatuloy ang pagtanggal ng dumi sa damit. "Thank you."
Kaso lumapit ulit siya para tingnan kung may sugat ba ako.
"Akin na," masungit na sabi niya.
He gently grabbed my arms regardless of how his restless body came to me. When he made sure I was clearly unharmed, he sighed deeply and wiped the formed sweat on his forehead while helping me clean.
Suplado niyang tiningnan ang crowd. "Tapos na po ang show."
The people one by one leave our scene until it was completely empty. Madaling bumalik sa normal ang katuwaan na nangyayari rito sa park.
"Can you walk?"
I looked at him in disbelief. "Okay ka lang?"
"Seryoso ka ba? Ako ang tinatanong mo niyan? Ikaw? Are you okay? What happened to you?" He shook his head and made a sound. "Can you walk?"
"Of course, I can! Look!" I even jumped a bit in my place to tell his face I am completely okay. He's such an overacting kid!
"Who taught you? Akala ko ba natuto ka na, huh? Ang bulok naman ng nagturo sayo kung ganoon." He secured my helmet before walking his way back on his bike after making sure everything was now fine.
Nakasakay na siya ulit sa bike pero nanatili ako sa puwesto ko. I couldn't find myself reacting to his statement. I just became static and un-working. But I know it did punch my heart.
"Uy, ginagawa mo? Tara na!" He flicked his finger in the front of my face.
I blinked. And hardly swallowed the bile in my throat. It really did affect my heart that I feel like I was the one who was insulted... for him. Hindi ko nagustuhan ang tunog ni Lucas doon.
Pumuwesto na ulit ako sa tinayong bike ni Lucas. I'm sure my aura changed.
"It's Noah."
"Huh?"
Sinulyapan ko ang hindi maipintang mukha ni Lucas dahil sa pagkalito. "It's Third who taught me to ride one," sabi ko bago ako tumulak sa bike.
I heard him curse before I could completely get off his side.
"Porca vacca... Sorry, Avi! Hindi ko alam na bitter ka pala!" he shouted.
I rolled my eyes. What a dumbass! Lucas clearly has the guts to scream his throat in public considering his choice of words! I was hardly greeting my teeth. Nabuhayan lang ako at kahit papaano, na-divert ang attention nang makita ko si Via sa kabilang side ng daan ko. I planned to go to her.
"I was right, Avi! Hindi ka pa moved on!"
The last shout made me stiffen. I looked in Via's direction and I saw her looking back at me.
"You nervous?"
I chuckled and hugged the applicant form Lucas handed me before sitting beside my place. Nagtagal ang tingin ko sa logo ng company kung saan siya nagtatrabaho.
Europe Wings.
"I want to be honest, Lucas. Slight, I guess..."
He gripped my hand and squeezed it carefully, not wanting to hurt me. "Kaya mo 'yan... Sayo lang ako kakalampag," he smirked at me. Ngumuso lang ako.
It's been two years now that Lucas is courting me. He started hinting at the motive until he made his move on my 24th birthday. I knew he definitely has intentions.
"Seryoso, Avi. You'll mop the floor."
"Ginawa mo pa akong janitress," I joked.
Napailing siya kasabay ng ngisi sa labi. "Smooth." He then arrested my eyes. "But hey, solemnly... You'll get the job. You are the most talented and dedicated woman I've met. I admire... You'll make the stage turned, believe me."
My cheeks heated. I pout my lips and swallow the stress I'm starting to get. "Oh, well, thank you."
He gave me a flying kiss before I proceeded to the white room. Right there, I pour my everything into the means of my devotion to wanting my dream job. I smiled at everyone.
"Lucas! Lucas! I'm so happy! I'm so..." I fell back on my weight onto the bed.
It was an exact stroke of midnight when the agency from Italy made its way into my inbox, congratulating me for getting the job.
"I'm in, Lucas! They've e-mailed me just this hour!" I giggled. "I was so excited to tell you so I am advancing my apologies right now for disturbing the man of sleep!"
I saw him open the lamp beside his bed and groaned over the video call. "It doesn't even was a shock to me. I know you'd get it from the very start. I'm just so happy for you..." he let out in a sleepy voice.
I sneaked into my pillow. "What time is your flight? You continue your rest now..."
I watched him peeking at the clock. "Later at dawn..." Humarap ulit siya sa cam. "I miss you..."
I smiled. "I'm leaving for there after a week..."
And to my excitement, I feel like I need now to start packing my clothes. Oh, I'm going to miss Dad so much!
"I'll see you at the airport. First thing." He kissed the camera like it was me where his lips are directed to.
The work is dreamy. He's my captain and I am his steward inside the plane. I am indeed living the life I've always desired and longed for. I happily traced my fingers on the porthole while gazing at the serenity of the sky. I then closed my eyes. I am living my dream with a peaceful heart.
"Hey..." I received a kiss on my forehead.
I watched the fresh from the cockpit captain of this flight. I smirked when the idea I've been frequently thinking about this week hit again in my brain.
"Lucas."
He immediately turned his body on me while loosening his sleeve. "Problem?"
I couldn't help but bit my inner cheeks to suppress the flickering smile I might pull apart and show him. Lucas continued rolling up his sleeves while waiting for my second line to come out. Oh, how cool and handsome is he in my eyes!
I'm telling now that I've really fallen for this man. After four long years of his courting, I'm brave now to embrace this new love I am feeling.
A man of honor. Kindness. Talk.. and humor isn't really hard to love.
"You haven't still asked me this year. Would you mind if you ask now?"
He suddenly stopped adjusting his sleeves. His body literally stiffened, with his eyes wide open. Of course, to all people, Lucas himself knows what I am referring to. He's the spring for a cause.
I chuckled. "Ask it, Lucas."
"What are you..." He looks like he isn't breathing at all.
I crossed my arms over my chest. "You're making me wait, huh?" I checked my wristwatch. "Your loss... I only have five minutes before I go out."
He quickly made his feet move and kneel in front of me. He is swallowing so hard and I can hear his small panting. Ang madaldal na ito ay biglang natahimik ngayon!
I laughed while pinching his cheeks. "Easy..."
"Feel what you did to my heart..." He caught my right hand and brought it to his chest.
I bit my lip. "Feel mine too..." I copied his movement to make him feel also my expeditious heartbeat.
"Can you be..." I was all giddy watching Lucas' face torn between excitement and worry. "Officially... Mutually... the woman and heart of my life?" Lucas finally asked. "The one I'll spend forever with? The woman I'll bend my knees for and present her at the altar. The woman I desire to bear my children-"
"Oh, you stop," I laughed and covered his mouth for him to stop. "Yes, Lucas Cristofano DiCaprio... I am now your girlfriend. I'm now your lover. You captured my heart."
I squeaked when he suddenly carried me in a bridal style. Hinampas ko ang chest niya.
"You scared me! Ibaba mo nga ako! Baka may pumasok. Lucas!"
He only smirked while pulling my skirts, making me blush.
Nanlaki ang mata ko nang bigla na lang siya lumabas dito sa crew rest habang buhat pa rin ako. My face heated under the stares of the passengers and other colleagues.
"Finally! We have label! May panghahawakan na ako!" confident na sigaw ni Lucas. "I love you, my dear," he kissed me on my nose.
This nosy man... oh gosh.