Some people chase money
Some people chase fame
Some people chase greatness
And that's what I'm trying to do
---
The sun was taking longer to appear than ever before. Or at least that's how it had felt as Azriel continued to stare into the swirling darkness. Every one of his shadows had been vibrating, purring throughout the night and well into the early hours of the morning.
At what time was it acceptable to get up and leave? How would he even manage slipping without anyone questioning his reasonings? He'd been mulling that over all night too, whilst twiddling his thumbs.
It was darker than usual, he couldn't even make out the distinct corners of the armour in the corner of the room. Cauldron, he couldn't even see his bed posts. It was if someone had dredged his rooms in utter darkness, and it hadn't brightened with the morning either. So much so he couldn't even make out what time of day it was, if he could even call it that yet. Was it past dawn? Surely then he wouldn't seem too keen winnowing into Day. It would just be him reclaiming his blade before he could start his day. Right. Yes. That was it.
The darkness hid whoever it was that slammed his door open too. Maybe he was going crazy. Maybe he had his eyes closed still, or perhaps he'd simply gone blind.
"Um, Az?" Cassian's voice rang out somewhere in the distance.
The darkness stirred, as if being awoken from its deep slumber. "I can't see."
"Well obviously." He snorted, the end of Azriel's bed dipping down no doubt as he took a seat. "Tell me, have you pissed off your shadows that much or are you trying to hide yourself away for the entirety of the day?"
"What-" And suddenly the shadows were reeling back in, as if they too had only just come to realise how settled they'd become. Azriel shooed them away too, using his hands to wave them away, perhaps intentionally hitting Cassian in the meantime. Not that there would be any evidence of course. "What time is it?"
Azriel couldn't remember pulling the curtains closed, but his room was still bathed in shadow, not as heavily as before but still they danced around ever so pleased with themselves. For whatever reason- well, he wasn't quite sure he wanted to know.
"Just past noon."
"Noon?!" And the blinding light that was revealed as he tugged the blinds open backed up that too.
It being noon meant- everyone would be awake by now, which made sense considering it had been Cassian to come and collect him. That also meant he'd wasted half of his day when he could be...
Somewhere else.
No more time was wasted, stumbling into his leathers and tugging on his boots quite possibly quicker than he ever had before, strapping weapon after weapon, blade after blade onto his person. Sheathing two to his back, one to each side of his hip and he reached down for the last one to strap to his thigh- and his hand came back empty. He'd deny ever having a blush creep across his face.
"Going somewhere?" How could he possibly have forgotten Cassian was there still, staring at him as he ascended from his perch on the bed and followed Azriel out the door and into the hallway.
"I seem to have misplaced a blade of mine."
"Interesting." And to his credit, Cassian looked positively baffled, eyes going distant like he was checking through his memory call to see if he'd even accidentally taken it himself. Azriel kept a steady eye on his shoes. "Maybe you'll find it burrowed deep in Tamlin's chest-"
"I've already told you. Tamlin was fine."
"I'm still not quite sure if I believe you."
"You don't have to believe me."
"Well that's lucky. When did you realise it was missing?"
Other than the moment it had been tugged from where it had been buried deep in the wooden walls of his rooms? Other than the moment he watched transfixed as she tossed it up in the air like it was a juggling pin? "I noticed yesterday."
"Then why didn't you go then?" He ignored the humour, the suspicion lacing the question, like it was somehow an accusation instead.
"Are you done interrogating me?"
"Azriel... Is it a girl?" Azriel could only wish that his head had been far enough out the gutter that he could've stopped Cassian's arm before it was tugging his head down and roughing it up with his knuckle. "Have you met a female?"
"No."
"You seem very sure." He nodded silently as if to agree he was sure, but making sure he wasted no further breath in a pitiful argument or discussion or whatever this was. "Hmm. Then I suppose you won't mind if I accompany you to find your dear blade."
And honestly, he couldn't quite think of anything worse. Not that he'd ever seen Tahlia and Cassian together, but if Rhys and Cassian's teasing at Nesta was anything to go by, Azriel wasn't entirely sure he wanted to be there to witness it. Especially not after last night.
"Are you trying to piss me off just because Nesta's not here? Need an outlet, brother?" Nesta, though he cringed thinking of it, might have actually been a better and more tolerable company for him. Possibly not for Tahlia, not with Cassian riling her up about it all night- ok so Azriel wasn't going to take Nesta either.
Azriel wasn't going to take anyone and he never planned on it, if he was being completely honest with himself.
"Are you trying to avoid the topic at hand because there's a female involved, brother?"
"Cassian, don't you think you pissed him off enough last night? Leave him alone. Look how pale he is, he's clearly ill." Mor mocked from the sidelines. She'd been out again, he could smell it on her.
The distinct scent of someone else. Before he might've shied away from it, denied it to himself, but now he found himself smiling. It was good, this was good. Moving past this after so long. "I'm fine." And he truly meant it.
"He's been parted with his dagger."
"Ah, that explains it." She snorted, standing up from her lounge chair, eyeing his leathers up and down just as Cassian had done not five minutes prior. "Going somewhere?"
"Yes. To find it if that's quite alright, mum."
"Feyre! Azriel's got an attitude!"
"Cauldron." Half expecting his headache to fire back up, sighing to himself. How he'd put up with all of these people for so many years was beyond him. Somehow, it had gotten worse with the appearance of the Archeron sisters.
Of course Rhys had been first with his pining and puppy dog eyes and his lovestruck sighs. Then Cassian with his angry rants and his fist marks indented all along the walls of his rooms. Mor had thankfully remained the same but even Amren had changed both physically and mentally. It had been a strange few years of transition to say the least. He couldn't help but feel like he was being left behind.
"I'm going now." Before Feyre and everyone else could interrogate him any further, he winnowed out into the midday, stretching his groaning wings and taking a deep breath full of free air.
He flew like that until he'd left the border of Velaris, watching the bustling city spring to life and stretch on, reaching out to the lonely mountains. Only when the city was out of sight did he winnow again, folding through the stretches of time, through the darkness until the glistening sun bloomed brightly before him.
Azriel loved the Night Court. It was his home, it was beautiful and filled with his family. It made him appreciate the darkness of the night. But this...
A river glistened as rays of sun danced across the surface, fish and mer-species springing through the current, females and males with their young playing in the shallows. It hypnotised him, the beauty of it. Like the light of the court was contagious. Which made sense... he'd met Tahlia.
With every sweep of his wings, he drew closer, anxiety spiralling from nowhere. What if he wasn't welcome? He hadn't told anyone he was coming.
And yet, as he drew closer, there seemed to be a person waiting on the marble steps. He questioned whether they were waiting for him, he squinted, realising who it was then decided that yes, they had indeed been waiting for him.
"You know for a spy, I thought you'd be a lot more subtle with your entrance." Tahlia said, sat sprawled across the steps, smiling before and after placing a grape between her lips. The green flare of her trousers billowed out, flowing across the light marble and a small, black corset top. Her eyes remained closed as she soaked in every ounce of sun.
"You're disappointed?" His shadows came spiralling out of him like they were greeting her too.
"Nope." She beamed, popping the 'p' and opening her eyes and reaching out for them, they danced around her fingertips and up her arms and she squealed with delight. "Pleasantly surprised."
"You knew I'd come."
"I had a hunch." She smirked, standing up and offering to him a bowl of grapes. He declined politely with a shake of his head, in turn she shrugged, popping another into her mouth. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"
As if she didn't already know. "My blade seems to be missing."
"A travesty, I'm sure."
"You have it."
Tahlia gasped with mock horror, placing a hand over her heart, laughing all the while. "That's a serious accusation. One that perhaps needs a glass of wine to answer."
"No." If only because the memory of the state of Cassian and his last drabble with Day Court wine was enough to warn him off it for the time being. He didn't fancy being mocked further nor did he particularly want for everyone to know where he'd gone off to. If he returned in a state like his brothers- meaning very fragile at best- they'd know. "I don't drink Day Court wine."
As much as he had no problem being here, the last person he wanted all up in his business private or not was Cassian.
"Oh I know, we've had a crate imported from Summer." And as if on queue, four males and two females carrying varying sizes of barrels came into view, hobbling in through the palace gates and towards the opening palace doors. She sent him a wink before continuing. "Something about Helion not wanting to lose his favourite trio to their lack of experience with good quality wine."
"Well," Azriel deliberated over that. "Then it'd be rude to refuse."
The smile that followed was blinding, it made him not question his judgement. Not even for a second. Had anyone been blinded by a smile before?
Had someone stared too long, afraid to lose their sight as if they were looking at the sun, but still, it was too beautiful it almost hurt as much to look away.
"I could give you a tour if you'd like first."
Azriel let his mind drift to the river, long and stretched and winding through the court. One day, he promised himself, one day he'd find an excuse to indulge himself in the crystal waters and bathe on the sandy edge until his eyes were heavy with tiredness and the sun had long since retreated. Perhaps... perhaps he'd even watch as the stars awoke.
"I was expecting to be greeted by Helion." Was all he could say instead.
"Well I'm sorry to disappoint. Helion's busy." Tahlia said, waving her hands in the general direction of the South. "Apparently some of the sprites from the forest are kicking up a fuss with each other about territories. He'll be back soon if you'd rather ask him if he's seen your precious blade."
And for the life of him, he did try to turn his head fast enough to hide his own smile blooming across his face, letting himself scan the horizon and the slowly descending sun. "For some reason I don't think he'd be able to help me."
"I doubt it too."
Their walk through the halls was silent, not uncomfortable, if anything the complete opposite. Even in doubting he'd ever need the information, his eyes scanned every window, every possible exit point. It was instinctual at this point, after so long, but his shadows did not help. Did not point out the less obvious, hidden alcoves or loose floorboards or any of the likes. It seemed typical of them by now.
Instead, he watched as they fluttered across the flooring and tangled themselves between Tahlia's ankles. Favouritism, he huffed inwardly.
Azriel settled in the seat opposite her in the dining room, a couple of seats from the head of the table where a sun was carved at the peak of the chair's curve. "I like it." It was enough to draw her eyes to the flaying arms of flame. "It's very... Helion."
"If you're polite enough, Shadowsinger, then perhaps I'll carve you one of your own." But her eyes didn't meet his as she summoned three goblets to the table. One of white and gold, one vice versa and a third that lay before him.
It was all swirls of charcoals and greys and even the slightest hint of a cobalt blue. He had no chance to inspect it in the light before it was slowly filling with what he had no doubt was wine. He prayed it was the imported stuff.
"I wouldn't have taken you as a fan of carpentry." Not when the skin of her hands had been so soft just as much as the rest of her, he thought very quickly and banished it back far enough that he wouldn't find it any time soon. "Then again, it shouldn't surprise me that you're handy with a blade."
"Not just a one trick pony." She winked, swirling the liquid and downing it in one. For a moment, he saw the similarities not only with Cassian, but with Mor too.
Cauldron forbid when they become fast friends- or faster friends he should say. They'd gotten on like a house on fire and how long had it been? Not too long at all.
What could he say? What the hell could he say to her? What would he say to either of those two? "It's interesting to know that Helion doesn't just keep you around for one thing."
Did it sound like he was digging for information? Prodding her to say something and tell him anything? It didn't go well last time and instantly he was tense, eyeing for any tell that she'd bolt.
She didn't, tensed a little, took another sip from her slowly refilling glass and carried on albeit a slight bit more reserved. "Helion doesn't keep me around for my powers. That's not what this is. I'm a good fighter and he trusts me."
"More than anyone?" Still, he couldn't get himself to shut up. He wanted to know more about the one person that was a complete and utter mystery.
Tahlia shrugged. "Perhaps."
She was back to feeding herself grapes. There was nothing that could've filtered what was coming next. He'd wanted to know for long enough, apparently, if the rising storm inside his chest was anything to go by. He reminded himself to breathe.
"And you love him." Breathe. Told himself that the answer was none of his business anyway.
"Love comes in many forms. I love Helion like a sister loves a brother." Azriel watched with a smile seemingly stuck on his face as she picked at another of the small fruit, throwing it towards the doorway with enough force to have her whole body following the movement. "Probably not all that different with you and the rest of your inner court." Helion winnowed just in time to catch the flying object with an open mouth, like they'd practiced it a hundred times.
His face remained stiff, reserved. It seemed odd to see him with such severity engraved into his face. "Azriel." He greeted briefly before turning back to her. "Tahlia." Slowly, he took a seat on the dazzling engraved chair, still seeming unsure, Azriel found himself hoping he wouldn't be dismissed from whatever conversation was brewing.
"What is it?" Tahlia goaded, her face keeping neutral besides the brief narrowing of her eyebrows.
Helion gave a quick flick of his hand, materialising an envelope from nowhere. The top was a little torn, like something had picked it up in its toothy jaws and used it like a toothpick... or floss. It was crumpled and stained with flecks of mud.
"It's for you." The High Lord tossed it and she caught it effortlessly.
Her eyes quickly gazing over the parchment. Then again. Then once more. Her face wasn't so neutral anymore, instead mirroring the graveness of Helion's. Tan skin snapping into a sickly shade of white like a tidal wave.
Azriel leant forward, for a moment thinking of taking her hand in his. He thought better of it, banishing the scars beneath the table but still let his eyes wonder and search for hers.
Tahlia looked at Helion first, he gave her one confirming nod. Then she finally faced Azriel, looking more and more ashen with every passing moment.
Her eyes flickered with disbelief and then sighed.
"Fuck."