It was just another typical day; Saturday, and Saturdays are lazy days for me until the night comes and then I might go out to a night club with friends and get shitfaced for no apparent reason. Technically though... everyday is a lazy day due to the weird fact that thats exactly what I do each day of the week. My job allows me to create my own schedule where I can do dumb shit like get drunk on a Sunday or Monday and not have to suffer the consequences following day.
Because I have no hobbies or talents or any brains for that matter, I do what I please.
As I woke up from a much needed sleep, I realized a switch had been flipped in my life the second I ran into Enzo at the club. So no, it actually isn't a typical Saturday for me and I can't be as carefree and wild as I was 48 hours ago. A little dramatic, but I did just tie the knot with a man hellbent on discipline, balance, and making wise choices with full knowledge on how this can affect my usual routine.
I now realize that actions do indeed consequences from now on and my old habits will have to be put on hold until Enzo and I have figured out everything and come to agreements/disagreements.
And yet that didn't bum me out as much as I thought it would. I never claimed to be proud of my life choices, so now that I genuinely have a reason and enough encouragement that I can't ignore, I feel like I want to do be better. I wasn't sure when or if Enzo was even going to lecture me about the sins I've committed- I don't see why he wouldn't because he's shown through and through that he does not agree with it all, but still, I haven't prepared myself for that yet.
That was enough to persuade me to get me out of bed instead of rotting in it like I usually would. I didn't know where to start, but surely not seeing or talking to him for half of the day wouldn't be wise.
Looking at my phone, instead of only seeing numerous notifications from instagram reels alex sent me or the new offers from shops online, I found a good morning message from Enzo and orders to go over to his house after i've woken up. Something so small shouldn't make me this happy, but god was I blushing and giggling as I saw it.
I brushed my teeth, put on some clothes, and I was ready to head on over. I wore a pink sundress with little flower details on it and comfortable sandals to top it off. It was a hot sunny day so there was no way I was walking out of this house in sweats and a hoodie.
Enzo told me not to eat anything so I just walked on out of my home and walked the few steps to the one next door. Suddenly, just as I reached the front door, my hands were clammy and my heart was beating very loudly- I felt weird. I've never been so nervous to see him before. It really was as if a switch had been flipped and i'm half a different person.
Maybe I give the man too much credit and while I do know that I have so far put in the same amount of effort...he's always been multiple steps ahead of me. Not just because of the age gap; it's also the fact that I've never seen a non- mature, non- wise side of him and by now he's seen my multiple ugly personalities, and still has yet to lose any hope in me.
It's nice to know that someone is doing the job parents and even friends should be, but I hope this isn't just an experiment and instead a genuinely relationship. With that in mind, I gathered all of my strength and knocked on the door.
I don't know what it was. I was fueled by something that may seem like rage, but it's really just me attempting to communicate and make sure I am safe. So as soon as the door opened, I didn't take a moment to acknowledge his presence or even look at his face.
I just started ranting.
" Ok so before this goes on any further, I just want to make sure that i'm not some project or someone you're trying to fix." I moved past him and into the house with my hands flying around in dramatic gestures as I tried to express my feelings. I probably looked incredibly dumb but I couldn't find it in me to care right now.
" I am aware that i'm not the best person in the world and that every single moment you've spent with me have been terrible impressions of me as a person, but i'm still a person who yearns for the same thing you or any other person. I want something real, not something where you strip me of all my choices and judge me for making mistakes. You have to understand that I will mess up and I will continue to be the same old me, just a healthier and happier version. So that is why I want it to make very clear that this is not a trial, this is not a test or a one chance relationship. I want you to help me be better, to give me a push towards happiness, and to see this as a regular relationship- not an experiment."
When I was finished with my speech, I drew in a sharp breath to calm myself down. I didn't plan for this nor do I know where I want this to go, but I hope my message was loud and clear. I glanced over at him in my peripheral vision (hopefully in a nonchalant way) and waited to see his reaction.
He was staring at me weirdly, not in a mad or offended way.. it was almost as if he was impressed? I gulped as I waited to hear his response.
He slipped his hands into the pocket of his slacks and started walking towards me in slow steps. I hadn't realized how much i'd been pacing around his house and how far apart we were standing. I gave him a nervous smile when he just silently stared at me the entire time until he was standing within arms reach.
" First of all, i'm very happy that you are speaking up and communicating with me. That makes me incredibly proud of you and I respect your feelings a lot." He said looking down at me with a comforting smile on his lips. I bit mine as I started to feel giddy with the praising.
" Secondly, i'm sorry if I made you feel that way but it's not and never has been my intention to make you a test subject or someone to just fix. I am being one hundred percent honest when I tell you that i'm more focused on your beauty and your kindness as a person more so than your flaws. I don't think you're flawed, never have. I've never looked down on you or thought any less of you in all the times we've spent together. It's not you that I want to change, it's the way you view the world and more importantly yourself. All I want Is for you to be content within and without and Dating you is not my way of doing that, it's my way of supporting and encouraging. You're not the only person in this relationship who will mess up, I will too. This is for me as well, so yes, this is serious and I'm a genuine as one can be."
He grabbed me by my waist and pulled flush against him. I was so taken away by his response that my brain was outside of my body and currently my body was limp as I pressed against his stomach. I wasn't showing it but everything he said filled my heart up with a warm feeling I cannot even begin to describe. The man had a way with words and he was in touch with his feelings- I hit the jackpot.
When the feeling has suppressed, I looked up at him as best as I could and without thinking pulled him down for a kiss. I didn't know what had gotten into me, all I knew is that I want him.
he groaned into my mouth as I pressed myself even further into him and deepened our kiss. It seemed like we were on the same page when he reached under my dress and grabbed my ass into his hand, only to pull away and take a step back. I frowned, confused as to why he just had to pull away even though he clearly doesn't want to. I looked down at his crotch, admiring how hard he'd become in a mere 30 seconds.
He explained as he fixed his tie.
" Stop pouting, as much as I want you right now I can't. I just got called in to work for an emergency meeting that I have to attend. We can't be here, but if you'd like you can come with me to work." I didn't even realize that he was wearing a whole suit- and I do have to say he looks incredibly handsome in it.
Getting to be in a car with him for god knows how long and getting to see where he works? 1000% count me in.
" Okay i'll come if you're sure about it." I smiled as I tried to ignore the aching feeling between my legs so I tried to subtly squeeze my thighs together. He looked down at my legs, licked his lips and then proceeded to shake his head as if trying to erase a thought from his head.
" Alright then let's go, i'll get you breakfast on the day."
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