Andre, three days later, now sat amongst a sea of clean blankets on a clean and dry bed with real under wear in the place of the diapers he had been forced to wear and to describe how absolutely delirious he was with happiness would forever be impossible.
He had taken a shower three days ago and every day since. His first shower in almost two months and he could swear to have never felt cleaner. It was a bit embarrassing that he had to be helped through it by a nurse but he could care less about who saw his junk as long as this was the end result every time.
Goodness, he just couldn't believe any of it!
He kept pinching himself, slapping his cheeks, closing his eyes and counting to ten and yet when he opened his eyes to look, he was still clean and warm, the memory of Rafe's incredible kindness still fresh on his mind, the way he held him so carefully and stared into his eyes enough to make him sigh in longing to see him again.
He was afraid though. Afraid that he would suddenly awaken and find that meeting Rafe had all been but a dream, that he still wore the same detestable diapers and still felt the burns of the rash on the sensitive insides of his thighs.
He wouldn't be able to bear the harsh reality of it all. If he had to sleep forever to remain in this dream, he would do just that and should he die while he lay dreaming, at least he had known even if for a few moments, what it was like to be cherished by someone.
Ah, what a man!
Andre sighed and sunk deeper into the bed, snuggling up to the soft pillow the nurse had brought in as per Rafe's orders. Everything had become a whirl of hurried movements in the past few days and many apologies as the flustered and reprimanded staff had come in red faced and set to rights all that which they had neglected over the weeks.
And they did it all even with his absence, which had extended for just about three days now. Much too long for his liking. After Rafe had left his room that day, he never came back in. He'd only had a couple of glimpses of his savior standing right outside his door before he winked at him and waved, telling him to enjoy the pampering. And then he was gone.
He couldn't help but stifle his many giggles at the way Rafe had yelled and commanded from the door and all they could do was jump at the growl of his voice and salute before going about, fulfilling his orders. He was a force to reckon with and not one of them dared to gainsay him or contravene in any way.
Hell, he could order him around any day if he used that gruff growl and penetrating stare. He'd be putty in Rafe's big capable hands and there wouldn't be a thing he would refuse him.
Andre laughed softly to himself at such fanciful and slightly naughty thoughts but slapped a hand quickly to his mouth when the door suddenly opened and a man with shades, a blue tank and black slacks with blue loafers, walked in.
Holy crap, he was gorgeous and...and big!
Andre couldn't help but ogle the man as he smiled and walked forward into the room, his stride purposeful, his scrumptious, rock hard muscles, flowing with the movements of his body. Good god, Was this tease the hell out of Andre week?
Cuz, he sure as heck felt teased! Shoot, what were the chances he would get a visit from two extremely hot hotties in the span of four days? Pft, this surely must be the end then if he's getting eyefuls of all these hunks all of a sudden.
The man stopped near the bed, adjusted the glasses onto his nose so they wouldn't fall over and cocked his head at him with a smile, a dimple prominent on his right cheek.
Boy, did he love a man with dimples. Yum!
He almost melted into a puddle of whatdafuq when, with the lifting of the man's arm, his biceps bunched and grew, the sinews seeming made of the hardest granite. Okay, now he done seen it all and could die very frikkin happily of a stroke.
Sweet hot goodness! That tank top sure was lucky to be draped over something so delicious. "Mmm." He sighed contentedly and sank deeper into the bed with a bare whisper, his eyes glued to the massive pectorals before him.
Damn lucky tank.
The man burst into laughter, his head thrown back as he just let it all out before looking back at Andre and removing his shades, his amber green eyes twinkling down at him.
"I take it you like what I'm wearing?" Rafe said, his eyes dancing with residual laughter, the inner him laughing his ass off at the look of utter shock on Andre's face and the way he slapped a hand to it then cursed because he had inadvertently poked himself in the eye while trying a face palm.
He cocked his head at him again. "You didn't know it was me, did you?" he asked with a slight chuckle. "You thought I was someone else and from the way you sighed, I would say you like what you see very much. Um...Do you?" he whispered hopefully, fidgeting under the wide eyed gaze.
Andre simply sat there staring, his jaw slack, his mouth agape and nodded slowly, unable to speak. Of course he didn't know it was him. The last time he'd seen him, the man had half his face covered with a mask and was dressed in a fancy suit and now that he could actually see the man, he just couldn't understand why such a handsome, delicious slab of flesh would feel the need to even be bothered with the likes of him.
It was unseemly and confusing. What did he have to gain by all of this? God, he was gorgeous!
Had he not spoken, he wouldn't have known it was him. Well, except for the eyes of course. Had he come into the room sans shades, he would have known his eyes in an instant. Those two orbs of melted amber and sea green had imprinted themselves into his very being.
Looking into them now, he suddenly felt his face flame and his heart beat speed up. Damn him for being so damn sexy and making him all flustered and...and-. Well, god, even now, he could feel the growing arousal in his tighty whities.
Fuk my life! he mentally screamed. What is this man doing to me?
Rafe gasped, a bark of a laugh escaping him before he leaned over Andre on the bed and brought his lips to his ear, his body humming at the closeness, at the smell of aloe soap and male musk. He smelled so good, it was all he could do not to run his tongue over the lobe.
"I don't know Andre." He whispered as he blew softly into the sensitive flesh. "I haven't really done much of anything...yet. But I can, little angel. I can do so...fucking...much if you but tell me you want it."
Andre stilled even as his heart thudded viciously against his rib cage. "Rafe, what are you...what are you d-doing?" He hadn't even known he'd spoken his question aloud. Dammit, he had to learn to just shut up.
"I am trying to smell you." came the shaky whisper. "I can't think when I'm around you. I tried to stay away a little longer but found to my eternal horror that I simply can't. You've ensnared me with your fragile innocence and I'm helplessly in want for you, Andre."
Rafe blew softly into his ear again and just because he couldn't help himself, put out his tongue and ran it slowly along the outer shell, sliding it slowly down a soft cheek to the edge of his mouth where he closed his lips over the plump bottom lip, the tremble of Andre's body, igniting his own in a way that alarmed him and snapped him out of his lust driven trance in a second.
With an expletive, he sprang back and away from the smaller man, his chest rising and falling rapidly, the movement in sync with the erratic beat of his heart. "God, Andre." He choked out, pressing his hand to his lips. "I'm so...I don't usually...act this way and yet I find myself behaving like a...a friggin horny ass teenager out for his first romp and...I just freakin got here. Why do you think I stayed away for three days? What the hell, Andre! What are you doing to me?"
He backed up a little more and put his hands out in front of him so he could stare at them, his brows furrowing at the visible shaking of them, his body trembling with a want he just couldn't understand.
Rafe buried his face into his shaking hands and shook it as if to dispel the feelings that wanted to dominate his more rational side but it seemed impossible so he did the only thing he could think of to do.
He backed all the way up till his back hit the door and raised his eyes to Andre, hoping he could see his remorse. "I have to get out of here before I do something...I won't regret. I'm so sorry. God, stop looking at me like that. You don't know how hard I'm fighting to keep sane. I just...I have to go."
Opening the door, he rushed out of there, leaving the door to slam in his wake before leaning against it to gain a sense of calm, to drive the chocolate pools of torturous lust from his mind.
Andre stared at the closed door, his mind in turmoil, his heart beating a heavy thumping rhythm and his arousal so full and hard, he had to shift to relieve the discomfort it brought on.
Bringing his knees up, he folded his arms over them and buried his face into the nook they provided, desperately trying to piece together how exactly it was that all of this had transpired and failing miserably.
"I wouldn't have regretted it either." He said into his knees. "If I have to die now, I want to at least know what it is like to be loved by someone, to at last know what it's like to feel them within me...to be cherished. How can I be gay if I've never lain with a man before? I'm all screwed up."
He felt the tears gather in his eyes and cursed the damn things for always coming forth at such times when he was weak and vulnerable. He just wanted to be strong for once, to finally have control even if it was only over something as miniscule as tears. How were they so tiny yet formidable?
He thought of his dreams these past nights and how he had awakened with Rafe on his mind, wondering if the man was also thinking of him. But of course, that was only wishful thinking on his part...until now. The way Rafe had looked at him and the way he had acted certainly seemed to hint at attraction. No one can fake an erection that big, can they?
"I wouldn't have regretted it either, Rafe." He whispered again. "I would have let you. I would have...k-kissed you back."
"Well then, bring your lips to mine and show me just how you would have done it, my little angel."
Before Andre could so much as jump up at Rafe's sudden reappearance and ardent words, his face was cradled into soft big hands and plump warm lips were pressed chastely to his in a kiss which was both tender and desperate all at once.
Rafe pulled away, his eyes glistening in wonder, his quivering lips barely a hair's breadth away from Andre's, his trembling hands still gently cupping his soft face, reluctant to let the moment end.
"You're not going to die, Andre. I won't just stand here and let you say that. I forbid it, okay? I won't let you resign yourself to that end." He whispered, his thumbs wiping the tears that had suddenly begun to fall from the angel's eyes.
"I want to be that someone who can love you if you give me the chance and...and maybe you can find it in your heart to fall in love with me too. I will make you happy. I can cherish you Andre and if you so desire, be the one who shows you what it's like to feel someone...within you, m-making love to...your body."
He looked down in shame over his own passionately spoken words and the way he had to practically force the last sentence out through clenched teeth, his face burning with a chagrined blush.
He couldn't even remember a time when he had blushed so profusely. Damn it, he was practically a glowing red stop sign if the hotness of his cheeks and neck were any indication. Well, crap, he was probably red all over!
The man fairly flustered him and it was all he could do not to yank his head bald.
Andre reared back, wrenching his face from the man's hands and stared incredulously at him. "Y-you were listening a-at the door?" he sputtered as he straightened and tucked the sheets more securely about him. It would just not do to let Rafe see how affected he really was by his nearness.
He sighed and leaned his face on his upraised knees, his eyes steady on the man beside him. "Why are you doing all of this Rafe?" he whispered. "Why are you saying all of these things to me as if you...plan to actually be with me or something? We've barely just met four days ago. You can't possibly expect me to believe you're serious. M-make love to my body? Are you insane or are you just poking a little fun at the dying faggot just to entertain yourself?"
Rafe rose to his full height. "I told you never to mention that word in my presence again!" he nearly shouted. "Is that how you really see yourself, Andre? Unworthy of another's love or...or concern? Have they broken you down that much?"
Andre lifted his head, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. "I know how I am." he said sadly. "Don't tell me how to feel or what I shouldn't say. I know who and what I am, Rafe and nothing you say or...or do is going to change me. I'm dying and I have never been able to speak freely for fear of offending someone. Can't I finally speak without fear of judgment? Let me be happy within my own self!"
"You think that you're fucking happy?" Rafe said, glaring down at him, wondering why he even bothered to come back and hating himself for wondering. "You think that by putting yourself down as they have done for months, makes you happy? How can you take their words to heart and actually believe them? Don't do this to yourself, angel. Please, believe me when I tell you I care. I am not lying to you!"
"Please stop..."
"Stop what?" he shouted, bending over the smaller man's body, gripping his wrists and forcing him down so he was lying flat beneath him, ignoring the tremble of his week and fragile limbs.
"Stop caring about you? Is that what you want, Andre? For me to walk out that door and pretend I never met you? Pretend that they're providing the proper care here for you and that I didn't just go above nearly all boundaries to make sure everything was rectified, to make sure you were clean and properly clothed? I fired people on your behalf. For you, god dammit! Does that count for nothing?"
"I don't want to talk about this." Andre whispered, his voice hoarse with grief, his eyes pleading. "Please just leave it as it is. You already did your part for me. You didn't have to come back."
"Are you now going to tell me you're oh so very happy to be here, rotting away with no one all because you're afraid of someone giving a damn about you? Why are you dismissing me like this when all I want to do is help you, when all I want to do is show you that not everyone has ice flowing through their veins? Can't you feel the sincerity I am trying to convey here?"
Andre struggled against the strong arms pinning him down, closing his eyes against the intense emotions searing him from within Rafe's. He didn't exactly know how all of this started. They were yelling at each other for no reason at all.
Sighing, he gave up the struggle to be released and just lay there placidly, his chest rising and falling rapidly, the adrenaline of the struggle, still coursing through him. He was so tired now that all he wanted to do was sleep.
Rafe looked down at Andre, his eyes searching the soft lines of his face, marveling at the tiny blue veins on his closed eyelids. The man was a marvel for sure. On the brink of supposed death and yet as strong and as fit as any man in nearly perfect health.
Something just didn't ring true about this whole sordid cancer tale...but what was it?
"Look at me Andre Phillipe." He whispered, releasing his wrists. "I want to see your eyes just once more before I leave you and I want you to answer just one question for me. Only one and I will leave you be to your solitude if that's what you really want."
Andre put down his arms and opened his eyes, the orbs of brown immediately seeking the melted amber green ones. He wanted to imprint that beautiful color within his own mind as well. Maybe then, he would always have something fond to remember.
"Your eyes are so beautiful that I can't help but drown in them." He whispered up at Rafe, his boldness surprising him but he didn't shy away or blush. He simply stared into them, waiting for the question.
Rafe leaned closer, his body moving forward of its own free will, his hands delving into the other man's hair. "I can't help but drown in yours either. I've seen many brown eyes and yet yours are the only ones I find utterly precious. It's like they shine all on their own..."
He gulped loudly when he realized that his eyes had strayed to Andre's lush pink lips and powerless to control himself, he pressed his own to them with a low moan, hoping he wouldn't scare the man with his ardor but hoping to get the result he wanted.
To get the answer he wanted.
Andre froze at the contact of Rafe's lips upon his own, his heart racing at the melting sensation that overcame him. It was as if his bones had turned to jelly and he was nothing more than a glob of matter in the big man's arms.
Although the kiss was chaste, he felt as though Rafe were predominantly ravishing his mouth in a most thorough way and he liked it so much that he moaned loudly into the kiss and wrapped his slender arms around Rafe's strong bare shoulders.
Now that Andre seemed to be enjoying the kiss, Rafe became a little bolder and began tugging on his soft wavy hair while bringing his trembling body closer into the cocoon of his. Blanketing him with his lower body, he began to move against him unable to stop the writhing of his hips as he took the kiss even further, his conscience urging him to be gentle and mindful of Andre's healing chafed skin.
But, he was slowly losing his will.
Catching Andre's lower lip between his teeth, he sucked on it, his hips now gyrating in desperate rhythm over his. "I tried to stay away." he whispered hoarsely against the soft swollen lips. "But I couldn't, knowing you were here needing me. What is it about you that compels me to run to your side, Andre if you don't need me anymore?"
Christ, his body was practically inducing its own fever!
He only wanted to prove to Andre, with a kiss, that he was wanted and cared for but things seemed to be getting out of hand as with a long moan, Andre began to move with him, his hips pumping upward erratically, his fingers pulling at his hair as he too took Rafe's lips between his teeth and sucked hard.
Rafe pulled away to garner control of himself before he did something irreparable but Andre would not let up his upward thrust and before he could think to pull away, the moaning man reached between them and gripped his rampant member through his clothes, positioned it so that it would be directly over his, then rubbed both together with a slow endless glide.
"I...I do need you." came the breathless whisper. "I just...I can't. Oh god!"
The cry was Rafe's undoing and the beginning of something which could quite possibly end in heartache but when he released into his boxers right after Andre's scream of ecstasy, he knew he was right where he wanted to be.
Now, he just needed to be sure Andre wouldn't turn him away.
Lying beside him on the bed, he turned the other man's face toward his and asked his question. "Do you believe me now, Andre Phillpe?"
Andre gazed into the eyes he had seen in his mind so many times over the past few days and nodded, his eyes misting. "Yes, Rafe, I believe that you want and care for me but...for how long? I don't ever want to be a passing through."
"What do you mean by that?" his brows furrowed and his eyes glinted.
"You may decide tomorrow, that you just don't want to deal with all of the problems I bring into your life. You may even find that you weren't really attracted to me so much as you just found yourself aroused at the most inopportune time and needed anyone there, even me to sate you. And what if-."
"What if we just take this a day at a time and see where it leads us?" came Rafe's soft whisper. "Why don't we just pretend we have until whenever and that the whole 'how long' of it all has ceased to exist? I already told you I wanted to stay and I meant it. Never worry that I may change my mind on a whim. I wouldn't do that. Not to you. I'm here and I'm staying and I don't just pass through. I have never done it before and I will not do so now."
Andre, overwhelmed by his words, threw his arms around Rafe and hugged him tight, burying his face into his warm chest. "Rafe De' Notti." He whispered. "Will you...will you be my boyfriend?"
"Yes, my little angel, I would like that very much." Came the reply as they both lay there in contented silence, their arms about each other, their minds in a whirlwind of turmoil they both refused to think about.
From then on, they would take the days as they came even as those days turned into a week and they came to know each other better. Through it all, Rafe had found that conversations that happened for no reason were so much better and always left him surprised and that his little angel really did have such a beautiful vibrant smile.
There wasn't anything about him that was anything less than perfect and he found himself falling all over himself to please him no matter what it might be. He wanted his man happy. He wanted him healthy and when Andre was in pain, he held him close trying to take his pain away and make it his own. He was confused. He was conflicted and he hated how it had happened so fast and hated that he hated it so much.
Andre was ever so quickly burrowing his way into his heart...
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