Talia💅🏼
KAI INC IN LIKE 2 MINS THAT ALL U GOT SORRY BBY ILY 👁👄👁🐟💕😘😩
Mabel🐟
TALIA ALPIN !!!!!
I almost pull a neck muscle with how loud I scream, hurling myself off of the sofa and onto the floor because life is very, very, very mean and unfair and Talia Alpin is a shitty best friend and I am not at all ready to see my Mega Hot Crush™ because I look like the garbage disposal men accidentally dropped me after collecting the trash of a suburban family of fifteen.
Can't a person chill-out looking like an oily, undercooked Taco Bell burrito on their couch in their underwear without being interrupted by Literally The Hottest Human Alive?
No, apparently.
The answer is no.
I push myself up onto my bare feet with paint in my toenails, somehow, and start to scamper around the room without a real aim.
I trip over the laundry basket, fall face-first to the floor and then remember yes, clothes that's what i need.
Quickly getting myself back up, I trip again on a pair of shoes that had been for some reason put on top of the pile (Luca washing his damn shoes again, who does that?) and my lanky, flailing arms decide that it's a good idea to reach out and knock an entire litre of soda onto the floor because Talia does not understand the concept of screwing lids on tight.
My roommates suck major ass.
I stand up for the third time and cautiously leap over the counter into the kitchen because if that dries it will stick and Luca will stick my head on a large pole after decapitating me and display it as a warning sign to those who do not clean up their messes.
And this is how, I, Mabel Ortega—twenty year old female who likes fish, hates SeaWorld, kind of sort of arts sometimes and is Whipped With A Capital W for a certain radiant smiling beauty—end up wiping the floor of lime flavoured soda with one of Talia's old shirts because this entire thing was her fault, just as there's a knock at the door.
And I'm still bordering on very naked.
Kai Adkins is at my door.
Alternatively: hello, Mabel, it's your brain here (yes, you do have one). Get dressed before you scare him off, you absolute mess of a human.
I decide to take my mind's unnecessarily scathing, but helpful, advice.
Oddly enough, my brain kind of sounds like Morin.
I (fourth time and counting) leap to my feet, pull out the first shirt I see that looks long enough to cover my Finding Nemo briefs (let's face it boxers are like a 100 times better than regular shorts) and try not to seem like such a ginormous mess when I open the door.
"Hi, Mabel."
Kai smiles for 0.2 seconds and then looks down at my t-shirt.
"Nice... shirt."
I have to squint a little to figure out what it says and when I do eventually get it I try not to fall through the floor.
'I suck dicks like yours for breakfast.'
My roommates really do suck, apparently.
Kai politely averts his eyes, clearly trying not to laugh while I keep myself from yelling horrible things at Talia Alpin about her sleazy shirts.
"It's not..." I struggle, then decide it's probably best to just pretend it never happened.
"Thanks, Kai."
I step aside to let him in.
Any vague, pondered, distant plan I may have had to confess tonight tragically dies just as I take one last look down at my t-shirt.
("Wasn't that the perfect opportunity, though?"
"How was that the perfect opportunity, Talia?"
"You could've said 'but I'll suck yours anytime, big-boy' insert real-life semi-colon face here"
Wink. She means winking.
"I—ew, how did you actually make me think that was a missed opportunity for a second? "Big-boy"... Jesus fuck. You're disgusting.")
<・)))><<
My paint water is gross. Really, really gross.
You see, I have this habit of using water and then not cleaning it out for four days until I decide it's fine and I can just re-use it under some guise of it being resourceful.
I love recycling.
I dip my brush in, and more goes on to it than comes off of it.
Seems like it's time to probably go change it.
So, I wrap my blanket cocoon a little tighter around myself and waddle out of my bedroom, gross water in hand.
It's then, when I reach the living room/kitchen area that I realize that there are two people in said living room/kitchen area and not one as I had initially thought.
"Hi, Adkins. I didn't know you were here."
Talia gives me a doubtful sort of look as she asks, "Didn't you hear us?"
I dump the water down the sink, not really wanting to know what the lumps in it are, and say, "I did, but I thought that was just you being very loud and lonely."
"What are you guys playing, anyway?" I ask, ignoring the look of repulsion Talia gives me as she watches the goop spilling out of my cup.
Talia shoots me a sly sort of smile, then, and I raise an eyebrow at her, scrubbing at the... mold?... that formed where water once was. I only have to take one look at the television screen to see why.
"No fucking way, you play Dead Nation?"
Kai looks around with a glimmer of hope in his eyes, as if he'd been trailing Talia's sorry ass along as his pathetic teammate all afternoon.
"You, too?"
Talia scoffs, loudly, obnoxiously...
...over-exaggeratedly.
I narrow my eyes at her. This is one of her plots to get me to confess, isn't it? Just like the 5-minute warning text last week.
"Mabel spent all last summer glued to this couch playing that stupid game. I don't like shooters, or top-down games, or zombies, so I never played with her. But now you're here, Mabel, you can put poor Kai out of his misery."
So, I do, I take the bait—'confess to him, Mabel Ortega' look and all. Even if the wiggle of her eyebrows is a little more R-rated than I feel it should be.
I plant myself down beside Kai, taking the second controller just as Kai graciously decides to start a new game.
Playing as Talia Alpin's—Queen of Bad Video Game Choices—crusty ass character? No thanks.
"Just so you know, I'm super good at this game. Never die until at least the ninth level."
"Ninth, huh? Ever beat it?"
"Plenty of times."
"Good, me too."
Talia chirps in then, saying in a bad-faux-innocent voice, "Why don't you guys make some sort of bet? You're both super competitive..."
A sleazy wink's shot my way, and I send Talia a glare.
But I get the message.
Some 'Interesting Penalty.'
"Okay, we'll keep playing until one of us dies. If we manage to beat it first time, not having to start over, then we'll play again."
"Oh, sure. How about the loser has to..." Kai drifts off, eyes darting around the room and I almost want to obstruct his view like me, kiss, we have to kiss look at me.
His eyes light up when he looks at me and I'm happily thinking 'yes, Talia Alpin, you beautiful person, you got me this, baby' until Kai opens his mouth.
"Down that entire bottle of hot sauce."
Talia.
Alpin.
The idiot in silent question makes a clean, nervous getaway before I can throttle her.
I'm not all that good with spice. I'm definitely not good with a bottle of hot sauce that has a warning label with a skull on it on the front, either.
I will not die first.
("You absolutely let me win, Kai Adkins."
"Did not!"
He downed the bottle quickly, erupting into a funny sort of dance when the heat hit him, shaking his limbs as if ridding himself of a demon and yelling.
I poured him six glasses of milk before telling him he'll overdose in lactose or calcium or something if he has any more.)