Chapter 22
The dream haunted me. Honestly, I was terrified to go back there. As Ian nagged me during the day to let him put me under, I prayed for protection from the dream each night before going to sleep. I couldn’t stand the thought of experiencing my own death again and, even more than that, I didn’t want to see my parents suffer without me. I’d seen them both when I rose out of that body. Was I supposed to see more or was that the end? And, of course, the mystery of the young man was still left unanswered. Maybe I wouldn’t meet him until some future date. I was almost sixteen in the dream. In this life, I’d only been fifteen for over a month.
That weekend, I went to stay with Dad at my new home away from home. On Friday night, we ate dinner on trays in front of the television. We watched a show about a woman who had the power of dream. She was able to use the information she received in those dreams to solve crimes in the present. I felt a strange sort of affinity for this crime-solving heroine.
“I had another dream,” I told Dad after the show ended.
He stood up and took our plates to the sink. I turned around on the couch and watched him.
“Dare I ask what happened?” he called over the running water.
“I experienced my own death.”
He turned off the water and leaned against the counter. I walked over to the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room.
“I was shot right in front of Mom. And the guard who shot me seemed to have feelings for me.”
Dad shook his head and turned back to the dishes.
That wasn’t the reaction I wanted. I couldn’t handle him reacting the way Mom did. I needed to talk about this with one of them. It seemed so important to us. I grabbed a towel and joined him at the sink. “Say something.”
“I don’t know what to say.” He handed me a plate to dry. “After what you told me about Zandria, I got to thinking about my conversations with her. When she first introduced herself to me online, she said she felt intuitively drawn to me, like we had something to work out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that before?”
“I never gave her ideas much thought. She believes in something she calls soul contracts. She thinks we’re all fulfilling promises we made to each other before we were even born. I put as much stock into that idea as I do miracle sightings of Jesus or Mary.”
“So, you think she’s crazy?”
“No, I just thought the idea was wishful thinking. Giving meaning to what is little more than chaos.”
“It is an interesting theory, though.”
Dad laughed. “You’ll have to share it with dream detective, Ian.”
I went to bed that night thinking about soul contracts. The idea fit with everything Ian had told me, though he’d never called it that. I still wasn’t ready to revisit the dream. I felt my heart start to race as I closed my eyes. I asked for protection before I drifted off to sleep.
On Monday morning, Hannah called to tell me she was back in town. She wanted to know if I was up for a trip to the pool. I agreed with the sad realization that my first trip to the pool would take place during the last two weeks of summer break.
“What time will you be here to get me?” I asked.
“Will your mom take us? My mom’s at work.”
“No problem. We’ll come get you in an hour.” I hung up and ran downstairs.
Mom sat at the table jotting in her lesson plan book. She’d report back to work next week, one week before the students. “You look chipper this morning. Who was that on the phone?”
“Hannah. She wants to go to the pool.”
“So you’re going back to the old sidekick then?”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Nothing’s changed. Hannah was just away for the summer.” Actually everything had changed and I wasn’t sure if my friendship with Hannah could still be normal.
“Well, don’t get me wrong. I’m glad you’re getting out in the sun instead of staying cooped up indoors playing video games, but isn’t this the same girl who thinks your new best friend is a weirdo? How is that going to work exactly?”
“Ian’s at Joan’s this week and I really think I can be friends with both of them. Once Hannah gets to know him, she’ll realize how cool he really is.” I put a frozen waffle into the toaster. “Can you drive us to the pool?”
“Sure. I’ll take you on my way to clean out the studio.”
The toaster popped, I wrapped the waffle in a napkin and went back upstairs. I searched through my chest of drawers looking for the bathing suit we’d bought at the end of the summer last year. I found it at the bottom of the second drawer, a floral tank top with a black-skirted bottom. Mom had begged me to get the regular bikini bottoms. Last summer, I’d put on some extra weight and finally realized my hips and thighs were not the size of a child’s anymore. I hated my pear-shaped figure, but Mom had boasted that I was lucky to have such extraordinary child-bearing hips. She wanted me to be proud of who I was, flaws and all. Instead, I chose the suit that would hide as much of me as possible.
I changed into the grandma bikini and stared in the mirror, confident that the worst of my body was covered. Mom’s voice ran through my mind, reminding me to love myself just as I was. It was odd that a woman who was prone to falling into deep holes of self-loathing could be so persistent about teaching her child to express self-love. Do as I say, not as I do. Isn’t that how the saying goes?
“Hey, Mimi,” Mom remarked when I came down in my suit.
“Mimi?”
“Yep, that’s what we called my grandma when I was a little girl.” Mom laughed. “She had a bathing suit just like that.”
I glared at her.
“I’m sorry, Lola! I just wish you weren’t so modest. You have a beautiful body. I would kill for those curves.”
Mom dropped Hannah and me off at the pool an hour later. Hannah scoped out the lounge chairs until she found the perfect spot. “There he is! Come on.” She grabbed my elbow and pulled me along.
“There who is?” I caught a glimpse of Andy at the same time I asked the question.
“Andy!” Hannah waved like the pageant girl she was.
I looked around the pool, praying Camden wasn’t with him. I didn’t really even want to be around him, let alone have him see me in a bathing suit. Just then, we heard a voice from behind.
“Hey, ladies?”
I turned around. It was Camden.
“Hey, Cam.” Hannah said.
“Cam-den actually.” He corrected her.
“Why didn’t you tell me they were going to be here?” I whispered into Hannah’s ear.
“Would you have come if you knew?”
I shook my head and followed her and Camden to the lounge chairs Andy had saved for us.
Andy stood up and gave Hannah a big hug. “I’m glad you got a ride to the pool.”
I should have known this was more than just Hannah wanting to catch up with her best friend. “Andy, you know my friend Lola, right?”
“I think I’ve seen you around. You made the varsity cheerleading squad, right?”
I nodded and smiled, wishing I was someplace else.
“I’m headed in to cool off.” Andy pointed toward the water. “Want to come?”
Hannah took his hand and both of them looked at me. “I’m going to sit here for a few minutes first,” I replied.
Camden sat in the lounge chair next to Andy’s. He was playing with his phone while wearing ear buds and nodding slightly in rhythm. It was as good a sign as any that he didn’t want to get to know me better. I spread my towel out on the chair beside the one Hannah had dropped her bag on. I searched through my bag, wishing I’d thrown in a book or at least my iPod. I leaned the chair back and inconspicuously pulled the t-shirt I was wearing over my head. I placed it over my face, in part to keep the sun out, but also to demonstrate to Camden I was equally disinterested in him.
When Hannah and Andy returned from their brief dip in the pool, Hannah laughed loudly. I pulled the t-shirt off my eyes just in time to see Andy holding a kid’s bucket and pouring water on Camden, who had put down his phone and was listening to music with his eyes closed.
“Dude, what the hell? You better not have gotten my phone wet, you little shit!” Camden jumped up and went after Andy who quickly did a cannonball back into the pool. Camden just shook his head and went back to the lounge chair.
“I’m gonna kick his ass,” he mumbled.
Hannah leaned over toward me. “Andy’s so funny, don’t you think?”
I looked at the ladder where Andy emerged from the water, shaking his head around like a dog climbing out of a bath. “I guess so.”
“You guess so? That’s it?”
“He’s funny, Hannah, okay?”
Andy walked up and stood in front of Hannah’s chair. “You want something to drink?”
“Sure,” she smiled.
“All right, be back in a few.” He turned toward the snack bar.
“What’s wrong with you? You’re really bitchy today. Actually, you’ve been bitchy all summer.”
“It’s been a hard summer with my parents.”
“So what, Lola. Parents fight. It’s life.”
I sat up in the chair and glared at her. “You don’t pay attention to anything that doesn’t affect you. My dad moved out. My parents are getting divorced.”
“I’m sorry. I, uh, guess I didn’t know it was that serious,” she stammered.
“You would have if you’d been interested in something besides who I’m hanging out with and how it might hurt your reputation.”
Andy came back and passed Hannah a can of soda.
“Thank you.” She pulled the empty lounge chair closer to hers and patted the seat. Andy sat down in it. I went to dip my feet in the water.
As I sat on the edge, I looked around the pool. Toddlers in swim diapers were splashing in the baby area while their mothers stood to the side chatting. A group of tween girls were gathered in the corner of the shallow end giggling and pointing at the male lifeguard. The lifeguard watched carefully as a boy about Sammy’s age jumped in and out of the pool. The sky was blue, the sun was shining brightly, and the temperature was surprisingly cool for August. Usually, it was sweltering this time of year, but today it was simply hot. I looked over my shoulder at my friends, if I dared to call them that. Andy was whispering in Hannah’s ear. She laughed and leaned into him, looking incredibly happy. Camden gawked at a thin college girl in a string bikini. This was the normal life I’d longed for, but all I wanted to do was go home and hang out with Ian.
I tried to imagine what he might look like here at the pool in a bathing suit. He was so thin and his skin so light, but still, I bet he’d be cute. I wondered what his bare chest looked like. For a guy, he was as modest as I was. The few times I’d glimpsed him mowing the lawn, he did it with his shirt on. It didn’t matter to me, though. I’d gotten to where I didn’t notice his flaws at all. To me, Ian was more attractive than Camden, with his blue eyes, sandy blonde hair, and bulging biceps. When I looked at Camden, the lyrics to that Carly Simon song my mom used to sing drifted through my head. You’re so vain, you probably think this song is about you.
I walked to the snack bar to find out the time. I was stuck there for a few more hours, trying to ignore Hannah and Andy’s displays of public affection while avoiding Camden as much as he was avoiding me.