TW: Violence, Mental Health Struggle
Today you had awoken rather early. The sun wasn't even up yet but no matter how long you laid in bed you just couldn't fall back asleep. It was just one of those nights. So you slipped out of the quilts and tiptoed your way down to the kitchen. As you stepped out of the elevator you thought you could hear shuffling in the kitchen. You didn't think anyone else would be up quite yet. Even though most of the avengers were early risers they still wouldn't be up for another hour or two.
"You're up early." You whispered as you realized the shuffling was coming from Bucky who was currently pouring himself a bowl of cereal while waiting for the coffee to finish brewing.
"Could say the same about you," he replied through a bite of cereal as he pulled out two mugs.
You leaned against the counter, propped your elbow on the surface, and rested your chin in your palm as you watched him make your cup just the way you liked it. You smiled as he handed it over trying to ignore the feeling you got when your fingers touched his. You brought the cup to your lips and blew at it before taking a long slow sip letting the hot liquid warm you up from the inside out. The aroma now reminding you of the little local coffee shop Wanda introduced you to just a few days prior. You turned around and hopped up on the counter and swung your legs as you contemplated what you would do today
He slid over his bowl of cereal and placed an extra spoon in it.
Said 'bowl' was more of a large mixing bowl now that you looked at it in the dim lighting of the kitchen now that the sun was starting to come up and shine a light orange glow through the windows.
"Thanks," You mused as you leaned to the side and took a bite of what turned out to be cinnamon toast crunch.
He stood beside you and the both of you carried on drinking your coffee and munching on the shared mixing bowl of cereal in complete silence.
Once you both finished the coffee and cereal he took the bowl and cups and rinsed them before loading them into the dishwasher.
He dried his hands off on a paper towel and crumpled it and tossed it into the trashcan.
When he returned he slowly stood in front of you and studied the way you were hunched over with your hands in your lap twiddling your thumbs. Cautiously he placed his flesh hand on top of yours stopping the movements.
You looked up into his face and gave him a small smile. When you didn't push his hand away he got closer before ultimately wiggling his way into standing between your legs and his hands found their way to your sides.
"Why are you really awake?" He asked softly tilting his head to the side and his eyes roaming your face.
"Just couldn't sleep, I guess." You shrugged as you hesitantly placed your hands on his shoulder before deciding to move them to the nape of his neck.
"Are you having nightmares still?"
You took a moment to think over his question.
"No. Not having nightmares." You shook your head
"You're lying." He stated simply, his blue eyes locked onto your (e/c) eyes.
"How do you know that I'm lying?" You asked raising a brow this time tilting your head at him.
"Because I still have them."
"Oh." You sighed softly and pursed your lips. The two of you were so similar and yet so different in so many ways. You weren't exactly sure why you tried lying knowing damn well he would be able to spot it from a mile away. I mean hell the man has known you so long he knew exactly how you liked your coffee and tea by heart.
"Why didn't you ever tell me that you still have nightmares?"
This time he took a moment to answer. "Because I just never felt like I could or should talk about them. As you know by now I'm not one to talk about certain things openly."
You hummed in consideration as you slowly ran your fingers through his long hair.
The silence hit once again but it was comfortable as always. The two of you never needed to fill it with conversation.
You leaned forward and laid your forehead against his suddenly feeling a wave of sleepiness regardless of the large cup of coffee you just had moments ago.
You took in the smell of him. Coffee, cinnamon then a sort of woodsy lavender and leather smell. It worked for him.
You moved your right hand away from the nape of his neck to his stubbly cheek and grazed your fingers along his cheekbone.
You couldn't help the heavy sigh as you leaned forward again but this time to press your lips against his. He did nothing for a moment out of surprise at your action. Not like him standing in between your legs in the kitchen with his hands squeezing your sides wasn't already an intimate moment. The kiss was soft and slow. There was no rush. Just the two of you enjoying each other's lips. Then as you granted access to his tongue as he swept it across your bottom lip. The two of you got lost in each other until you suddenly heard a throat clearing and Bucky jumped away.
The two of you looked in the direction of the interruption to see Steve standing there trying to look everywhere but at you two. He scratched the back of his neck before finally peeking to see if you were done.
"Sorry, Buck...(y/n)." He blushed as he walked in, stepped around the two of you to pour himself some coffee.
You couldn't help the giggle that came out of you at seeing Steve so flustered.
"Don't worry Steve, you know it's never too late to visit Paris. Maybe you and I can get a moment in the kitchen next time." You flirted jokingly just to see him blush even more busying himself making his coffee. You watched amused as Bucky choked on the sip he had taken of his fresh cup Steve handed him out of habit.
"Of course it's never too late. Can always take the quinjet." Steve passed Bucky a paper towel to clean himself off and turned to you confused when you chuckled.
"Doll," Bucky warned narrowing his eyes at you as he dabbed at the coffee all over his shirt.
You slipped off the counter innocently and got to your feet and began to walk away before coming to a stop and looking back over your shoulder.
"By the way Buck. That kiss doesn't mean I'm not still mad at you for trying to pick a fight with Loki." You smirked seeing him roll his eyes once again before you resumed your walk back to the elevator and your room.
You didn't know what this meant but it was honestly a bit of progress for you both. You enjoyed it and hopefully, he stuck to his word of not pushing you away anymore.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So Loki and Bucky, huh."
You looked up at Clint from the plate of fries you had been sharing with him.
Wanda elbowed him in the side and gave him a look.
"What? We're all wondering." Clint shrugged as he took the fry you had just been about to grab.
"Perhaps, (y/n) is not ready to discuss her love life with the entire compound just yet." You gave Vision a thankful smile.
"I know you can handle yourself," Wanda began as she swallowed a bite of her chicken salad. "I have nothing against Bucky...but I still want you to be careful. I know he kind of hurt you before. Then Loki... well that's a whole other story."
You nodded this time stealing the fry Clint was about to grab and gave him an amused smile when he glared at you.
"It's understandable. You got a thing for the bad guys. I can be a bad guy if you wanted." Clint winked, you snorted and threw a fry at him, and shook your head. He wiggled his eyebrows and you put a hand over your mouth trying not to laugh too loud as your table was already attracting the attention of other guests in the private restaurant just by being Avengers.
"Buy me dinner first, Hawkeye... then we can talk." You smiled taking a sip of your sparkling water.
"What do you think this is?" He motioned towards the large platter of french fries in between the both of you.
"It doesn't count when it's going on Tony's tab." you chuckled when he rolled his eyes and leaned back against his chair and crossed his arms at his chest.
"You two could always date or why not get to know Steve better?" Wanda looked between you and Clint. The two of you paused in the middle of bringing a fry to your mouths and turned to her in disbelief.
"Clint and I are just friends. As for Steve... I mean he's really sweet but that could never work. I'm too broken. Plus I think there's some kind of like code to not hit on your...Bucky's best friend."
Clint hummed in agreement leaning forward and placing his arms on the table.
"You're not broken. You've just had a unique life and you should be proud that you're seated here before us today." You pouted at Vision when he spoke. Your emotions were still all over the place lately so to have him always being so encouraging and sweet tended to get to you. It was still a change you were getting used to compared to the way Hydra and Rumlow treated you. You were an actual human to them.
Your lunch date carried on until Wanda and Clint's phone went off. They both pulled it out and read the message.
"Tony's calling us in. Says it's urgent." Clint slipped his phone back into his pocket as the three began to get up.
"I guess I'll meet you guys at home. I'll walk." You smiled and stayed put in your seat.
"Nope. You're being asked to come too."
"Since when?" You looked between the three. Usually, you weren't called to go into any meetings/briefings.
"You're an Avenger now remember?" Clint patted your shoulder and you gave him a small smile.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You stood towards the back of the room and leaned against the wall with your arms crossed at your chest. Everyone began taking their usual seats while Tony stood at the front.
"So we may have gotten some word on Brock Rumlow's location. We've also caught some heavy activity happening at what appears to be a Hydra base." Tony brought the images up on the screen. Brock Rumlow's picture and the location.
You felt your chest tighten at the image of the man you hated so much and the aerial view of a base. He zoomed in and you let out a sigh. It was the last base they had taken you to where they put you in the chair.
You stepped away from the wall and approached the table. You took meditative deep breathes to control yourself as Ayo had taught you. It was something you needed to do quite often just to ground yourself.
"We need someone to go in and scope it out maybe get on base and see what all the activity is about..."
"I'll go." You cut Tony off. Everyone turned to look at you.
"I've been to the base before. I'll know my way around."
"No. You're not ready." Bucky stood from his chair so quickly that he caused his chair to fall over and everyone to snap their attention to him. Steve stood up and placed a hand on Bucky's shoulder.
"I know the base. That makes things easier on us. I know how to get in and get out." You exhaled placing your hands on your hips.
"She's right, frosty. She's already a step ahead." Bucky glared at Tony and shrugged Steve's hand off of him.
"Then I'll go with her." He declared looking from Tony to you.
"No. Absolutely not." You shook your head and sighed when he walked around the table and right up to you.
"I'm not letting you go alone. What if something goes south, doll. I can't risk...losing you." You could see the plea in his blue eyes but once again you just shook your head.
"No. You're not going Bucky. If we both go in and shit goes south we would be risking them taking the both of us. We only need to risk one of us and that's going to be me because I'm at an advantage."
He huffed and looked towards Tony and Steve but neither of them said anything.
"She's right, Buck. We can't risk both of you getting taken by Hydra." Steve finally broke the awkward silence and it only annoyed Bucky more.
"Steve."
"No capsicles right, lover boy. (Y/n) has the golden ticket into the Hydra base." Tony frowned, as much as he disliked sending you in he knew this was the best option. The two of you had a bit of a rocky start when you had first arrived but after spending so much time in the lab being a sort of assistant to Bruce and himself you had started to grow on him.
"I'll go with her. Only makes sense. I can shift into someone else. Just give me a known Hydra agent profile."
Everyone except you looked over at Loki in surprise. He was usually not one to volunteer for any sort of mission and only went on any when he was forced to do so which wasn't often considering Tony still didn't completely trust him.
"Perfect." Bucky rolled his eyes and left the room slamming the door shut behind him.
You were about to follow him when Steve stopped you.
"Let him cool off."
You looked from Steve's kind blue eyes to the door then nodded and turned back towards the table.
"Then I guess that's that. Loki and I will go." You looked over at Loki and he gave a curt nod.
The rest of the briefing went smoothly without anyone else storming out.
Tony would give you a face veiling device, Loki got a profile of someone he would shift into, you would get in check out what the hustle and bustle was about, check if Rumlow was present on the base. Easy peasy or at least you hoped it would be.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You sat cross-legged in the middle of your training room with your hands in your lap. You breathed in and out slowly. Filling your lungs then slowly releasing it then repeating. It was only a couple of hours before you would be leaving on your first mission with Loki.
You would be lying if you said you weren't nervous. You had no idea what was waiting for you there. You had no idea how you were going to react to walking those halls again. To have to see Rumlow again. However, after what he put you through you were more than willing to go through with it if it meant fucking his plans over.
You heard a rustle somewhere ahead of you but you ignored it. You could already tell who it was. There was something about his presence that always charged the air.
"Nice try." You said opening your eyes with your hand out in front of you. Only a foot away from your face was a dagger frozen in midair. You waved your hand and it went back towards your assailant. The dagger flew past him and buried itself straight into the wall directly behind.
"Hm." Loki looked from you to the blade impeded into the wall.
"Do you always just go around throwing those at people for no reason?" You asked as you stood up and stretch before taking a look at the watch on your wrist seeing it was almost time.
"Sometimes. I mean you did stab me once. How did you...?" He gestured to you and the blade still looking rather impressed.
" First off I didn't stab you...well not the real you. I'm almost concerned that you're so impressed that I was able to stop it on time. Are you trying to hurt me?" You narrowed your eyes at him and tutted.
"Of course not. I'd never hurt you." You scoffed at his answer. Loki had never given you a reason to not trust him but you weren't THAT naive to ignore that the God of Mischief could be mischievous.
"Bucky. Back in Hydra part of training together was me being able to hold off knives and bullets. Gotta kind of have them thrown at you for practice."
"Did you ever not stop one in time?" He tilted his head curiously and surveyed your exposed skin. He had seen you naked but considering the room had been dark and the two of you had been preoccupied.
You approached him and slipped off the sports tank top you had on.
"This one is from when I had gotten distracted during training. Safe to say I never let myself get distracted during training again." You pointed towards a scar from a bullet on your right shoulder just besides your collarbone.
"This one is from Alexander Pierce for a mission failed." You showed him another scar along the side of your neck that was already starting to fade.
"What about this one?" he pointed to a scar on your left arm. You let out a small laugh thinking about the memory.
"From my very first mission with Bucky for Hydra. When I first realized I could even stop bullets. Got this one when I was trying to disarm someone."
He gently brought your arm up and pressed a soft kiss to the scar. You blushed brightly and looked everywhere but his eyes. You cleared your throat and pulled your arm away from him.
"It's time to go." You stated simply and walked past him ignoring the amused smirk he had on his face as he followed you out of the training area.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You were in your room getting ready when you heard a soft knock on the door.
"Come in." You were just putting your (h/c) hair into its usual mission time french braid to keep it out of the way.
You looked towards the door to see Bucky coming in with a package in his hand.
"Hi." You looked at him reluctantly wondering if he was going to start another debate on why he should go instead or him going in place of Loki.
"I just came to give you this." He strolled over and handed it to you. You took it in your hands and looked the package over then up at him.
He took a small swiss army knife out of his pocket and slit the top open for you.
"Shuri." You smiled widely as you opened the package seeing the familiar suit she had last made you tried on before leaving. The black cat-suit with the azure lined along the hem and bodice.
"How did you.."
"Shuri gave it to me the day we left Wakanda. Told me to keep it safe until you were ready." He smiled softly seeing how your eyes had lit up upon seeing the suit and thinking about Wakanda and Shuri.
"Thank you...now get out." You leaned up and kissed the corner of his mouth before you began herding him out the door.
"Just because you've seen me bare-assed before doesn't mean you get to any time you want James Buchanan Barnes."
"Are you sure about that?" he asked chuckling before you shut the door on his face.
You slipped off the shirt and jeans you had on and slipped the suit on. It was as comfortable and breathable as the last time you tried it on. You put on your old Hydra shirt and vest and tactical pants on top along with the combat boots.
You looked at yourself in the mirror and felt a little conflicted about wearing your old clothes but it would help you blend in.
~~~~
"Ready?" You asked Loki as you walked onto the quinjet and placed a gun in the holster on your hip then strapped the old knife at your thigh.
Loki looked over at you and eyed the knife you had stabbed his illusion with. You let out a small laugh. "Don't worry. Tony already said I wasn't allowed to do it again. No matter how much he enjoyed it."
"Tony said? How promising." He rolled his eyes before taking his seat and leaned against the wall.
"You don't hurt me, I won't hurt you." You shrugged smiling when you saw him smile.
A few moments later as you sat down Clint, Tony and Nat made it onboard.
"We're going get you as close as possible then from there you can take a chute down and well stay nearby in case you need immediate extraction or back up." Tony patted your shoulder as he walked past you to the cockpit followed by Natasha.
"You got this. I'll mostly be here for moral support."
You gave Clint a thankful smile although as you felt the quinjet take off you could the nerves beginning to kick in. You had almost wished now that Bucky was there with you. Steve made him stay at the compound with him that way he didn't try doing anything stupid.
You chewed your lip going over the plan in your mind for the millionth time. Get in, plugin Tony's USB drive to one of the computers, take a quick peek around then get the hell out of there before anyone notices.
It was going to be easier said than done but you were at a point where you wanted to do nothing more than to take Hydra down. You knew you were supposed to be an Avenger and not a Revenger but you were also only human. You held a lot of resentment naturally. Towards Pierce, Hydra, Rumlow, and yourself for ever even volunteering all that time ago with your siblings.
As you stood and was just about to get the parachute on you felt a hand firmly grip your shoulder and then suddenly you were on the ground somewhere outside of the base.
You reached out and leaned a hand on the tree a bit queasy and glared at Loki.
"I thought I recall for a warning first before you start to bibbidi bobbidi boo us somewhere?"
"What in midgard is bibbidi bob..."
"Let's just get inside. I'll explain it to you later." You interrupted as you turned your earpiece on and confirming to Tony that you could hear him.
"Alright ready?" You tilted your head at Loki as you held your hand out to him.
"Are you sure about this darling?"
"Trust me?"
He looked into your eyes for a moment before ultimately grabbing your hand and then once again you felt the earth leave your feet and the weightlessness surround you before your feet suddenly hit the ground again.
Now you were pressed up against Loki's chest in a small storage closet. Except when you looked at the person it was no longer Loki. It took you a moment to realize he had shifted. You had never seen him do it before so it threw you off and took a moment to collect yourself and not take him down.
"Don't like what you see?" He regaled tilting his head down at you.
"Not particularly."
You felt his chest rumble with a quiet chuckle.
You pulled the nano mask out of one of your pockets and put it on.
"This is weird." You whispered almost amused when you heard that your voice was no longer your voice.
You scooted towards the door and peeked out. The first thing you did was take out the cameras in the hall. They would probably wonder why the footage went out but so long as they didn't see you coming out of the closet was what mattered at the moment.
You slipped out from the closet and crept up the hall peeking out around the corner. When you saw no one coming you straightened up and walked on. You weren't sure if you were proud of the fact that you were able to so rapidly slip back into the Winter Shadow mindset or afraid.
You let your mind focus on nothing but the mission you needed to complete in turn pushing back the feeling of your nerves on edge.
"Let's see how well this works." You paused and looked at the stranger in your reflection of a window.
"Trippy." You whispered as you moved towards Pierce's office though now it would probably be Rumlows.
You looked to the left and right of the hall before deciding the coast was clear to slip into the room.
Closing the door behind you it was then that you realized you had left Loki behind.
"I'll be hearing about that later." You cringed but you knew he could handle himself. Getting any kind of information you could to take Hydra down was a top priority. In all honesty, if Stark let you... you would burn this base to the ground. They wouldn't be able to hurt you, Bucky, or anyone ever again.
You took the drive Tony had given you before you left the compound out of your pocket and plugged it into the desktop tower.
"I'm plugged in Tony." You whispered as you watched him take over the computer from the jet.
"I'll take it from here. I'll let you know when I'm done. Over."
You watched as he copied every single file onto the drive and dug through the system. You kept glancing towards the door just in case anyone decided to crash your little party. Part of you was waiting for Loki to come crashing through and lecturing you for leaving him and getting separated.
Better to ask for forgiveness than permission.
"I'm done. By the way, Loki is pissed. Get out of there and meet at the rendezvous for extraction." Tony sounded a little annoyed himself but you got the job done and that was that.
"On my way." You pulled the drive out and tucked it into your boot and closed out everything on the computer before walking to the door. You cracked it open and looked out. When you saw several people about to walk by you closed it quietly. You counted under your breath the amount of footsteps steps until you knew they were around the corner so you could slip out.
"Loki, do you copy? Where are you?" You whispered as you snuck through the halls.
'Shit..." You had peered around a corner and saw several men walking your way. You took a step back pressed against the wall and decided to slip into the door you had just passed. Even though your face was veiled you didn't want to put it to the test.
You once again counted the footsteps until you were clear.
"Can I help you?"
You froze with your hand on the handle when the voice came from behind you. You recognized that voice.
You about-faced and looked straight into the face of that damn quaker ass doctor that would always keep you sedated enough to keep you in a weakened state.
"Miss?" He asked looking you up and down pushing his glasses back into place. He set the tablet it had on his hands onto a countertop and brought his hands to his hips waiting for you to answer.
You hadn't even realized you had been standing there glaring at him until the second time he spoke. You clenched your jaw and your fist tightened at your side.
You were warring with yourself between memories of him and memories of learning control in Wakanda.
"(Y/n), are you there? Don't engage. Do you copy? Over." Tony's voice crackled through the earpiece yet at the same time sounded so far. Your eyes never left the man's annoyed face as you took the earpiece and threw it to the floor and stomped on it.
You tilted your head at the man as you reached up and tore the nano mask off.
His annoyed expression went from confused to concerned to fear as he recognized your face.
"Long time no see Doc." You smiled sweetly as you raised your hand your magic coming to life swirling in your palm.
"What are you doing here?" He took a step back for every step forward you took.
He started backing himself towards the door closest to him before finally trying to make a run for it. But he wasn't quick enough as you used your powers to fling him against a wall.
You approached him and watched as he tried to struggle against the blue mist that held him in place.
You brought your face only inches away from his and watched as his eyes widened.
"To bring Hydra down. One bastard at a time if that's what it takes." You glared as the mist began to wrap itself around his neck. You watched as he began to gasp and struggle to breathe.
"How does it feel doctor? To be so weak and unable to have control?" You tilted your head to the other side watching as his face began to turn pale and blue.
"I guess you do now." You walked away and towards the door not bothered by the sounds of his struggling coming to a stop and his body hitting the floor.
You were just about to walk out when you realized what room you had slipped into. You had been so concerned about staying out the way that you didn't realize you had come into the room with the brain scrambler. You cautiously walked over to it and ran your fingers against the familiar cool metal of the chair. You could recall the amount of pain you had felt like it was only yesterday. The way there had seemed to be almost no end in sight. The way they would take breaks and make you think it was over only to start it up again until there was nothing left in you. You had screamed for so long and those God damn words.
Longing. Ruin. Fourteen. Mountain. Family. Twenty-three, Benign, Homecoming, Nine, Ocean.
You backed away from the chair and wiped your eyes with the back of your hand. You took a few deep breaths. You wished you could bring yourself above this but you just couldn't.
You took the gun from your hip pointing it forward.
You exited the room and turned another into another hall just as two men were walking ahead.
"Hey boys. How's it going?" They spun around and just as they were about to lift their guns at you you shot each of them square in the chest sending them straight to the floor.
The alarm began to sound and the halls began to flash a haunting red.
You looked up seeing a camera pointed straight at you. You pointed your gun at it and took it out before continuing.
You left a trail of bodies in your wake as you scoured the halls having an advantage because you weren't who they were expecting. You were the last person they were expecting.
"Hey, douchebag." You threw your empty gun to the floor when you came upon men that used to be on your team when you were a part of Hydra. The same men that had ridden in the van with you on the last day you were you. You looked straight at the one who had jabbed the sedative in your neck first.
"My my what a coincidence. Bet you wish you had done a little more than sedate me right about now amirite?" Your laugh didn't have a single ounce of mirth in it.
"You shouldn't have come back here Shadow. That was stupid of you." The three men pointed their guns at you nervously but you easily used your powers to yank them out of their hand and sent the weapons flying down the hall.
"Let's play fair." You pouted as they looked down at their empty hands then at you. The first man rushed at you his fist coming straight for your face.
You lifted your leg and used your knee to push him back. He stumbled momentarily then was back at attacking.
You weren't sure if this was going to be a mistake or not but at the same time, you didn't care. Maybe Bucky was right in not wanting you to come. Though his reasons were for your safety. But right now it was starting to look more like you shouldn't have come for the safety of everyone else.
Your anger, frustration, and fear were fueling you. Growing with each blow you blocked and each blow that landed.
"Just come back with us willingly. I bet Rumlow would be thrilled."
You gritted your teeth narrowing your eyes at the man. His lip was busted from the elbow he had taken to the face.
"I'll pass." Just as he had had went for another punch you grabbed him by the wrist and twisted his arm causing him to lean down. Using that leverage to flip up and wrap your legs around his neck flipping him to the ground knocking him out. You stood quickly as another of the men came running towards you. They had been hesitantly standing by the sidelines watching. Having worked with you they knew what you were capable of with and without your powers. After all, you had been the soldier's shadow.
You ran towards the second man and dropped to your knees sliding between his legs and hitting him right where it would hurt the most. While he was preoccupied with cupping himself groaning the third man finally came at you. You were on your feet in seconds and jumping on the man's back that was still hunched over and onto the shoulders of the third man. Using your powers this time the mist wrapped around his neck choking him out.
You grunted from impact as he threw himself back against a wall trying to get you off as he clawed at his neck.
The third time he banged you fell off into a roll to reduce the chances of getting any injuries. You grunted as you came to a stop on your back. You touched a warm wet spot at the back of your head and looked at your fingers covered in blood. Thankfully at the moment, the adrenaline coursing through your body was muting any pain you should be feeling. You would definitely be feeling it later.
The second man had finally recovered and was just about to jump onto you when you flicked your wrist sending him flying into the same wall you were being banged into. His body going straight through and into the room behind it.
You climbed to your feet your mind still reeling. Taking anyone out who crossed your path. At this point, you had forgotten you were supposed to be looking for Loki and getting out. You figured he would be fine. They would be too preoccupied dealing with you. Maybe he would just leave you and get himself out while they were distracted.
You walked through a set of doors you remember where they would hold briefings.
It was empty except for one person standing in the middle with their hands clasped behind their back.
"You know this day came a lot sooner than expected."
His voice reignited that concoction of fear and anger that was coursing through you. You got within a few feet of him and glared.
"Rumlow. So nice to...not see you again." Your voice was laced with bitterness as you took in the man standing before you. He looked a little too calm for your liking.
"So I've heard you joined Bucky Barnes and the avengers...Though from the looks of all the men in the halls I'm suspecting your defecting..." You swallowed hard trying to control yourself as you watched his eyes roam over your body and gave a pleased smile.
"All I care about is bringing Hydra down."
"Right.. right." He mused as the two of you began circling one another.
"It was a mistake you know. Leaving you behind to get rebooted. Should have suspected the mighty would have come for you once that love-sick asshole got any kind of even whisper that you were still around and alive." He rolled his eyes at the mention of Bucky. Him even mentioning Bucky made you want to end him right there and then but you continued to circle and stay quiet not allowing him to have any kind of reaction.
"Do you really think you can be an Avenger? You were trained to be an asset, an assassin. All that blood you've spilled including the blood right outside that door. There's just too much Hydra in you. You belong with us." He gestured to the door you had just come through.
Your chest started to tighten but you kept your face blank and your eyes trained on him. You knew he was just saying all of this to get under your skin. Honestly, it was starting to work. It wasn't until that moment the gravity of what you had just done hit. How easy it was for your to slip into your old ways. Maybe Tony had been right not to trust you in the beginning.
What would the team say when you went back? Would they understand? What would Bucky say? Bucky's opinion meant more to you than the rest of the group. Would Bucky understand or would this solidify the reminder of Hydra you gave him?
You knew Wanda would stand behind you no matter what.
You snapped out of your thoughts as you heard the two doors at either end of the room bust open.
Five men came in from ahead and five from behind.
"Nice distraction Rumlow." You rolled your eyes at his smirk. Then chaos broke out and you were fighting men from all sides. You were beginning to become overwhelmed emotionally and in your predicament.
You watched as Rumlow slipped out through one of the doors causing your strength to feel renewed.
You screamed with frustration your magic taking front and center causing the agents in the room to get blasted and sent flying back in all directions. When it came to fighting you always used your powers as a last resort.
You ran through the door Rumlow had disappeared through. You weren't about to let that asshole getaway. Not after all of this.
The moment you stepped out the door though you were suddenly hit in the side of the neck and you felt electricity flow through your body and you collapsed to the floor grunting on impact. Your body kept convulsing as the shocking continued.
An unfamiliar man stood over you looking down amused before squatting down and grabbing your face roughly to look at him.
"Welcome back, Shadow."
You could feel the corner of your eyes prick with tears. The memories of sitting in that God-forsaken chair and having yourself tore apart and put back together until you were empty were coming back to you.
'What have I done'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loki:
"For Valhalla's sake." He hissed as you slipped out the door without him.
He truthfully should have expected it. The look on your face had changed the instant you had peeked out into the halls you were so acquainted with.
He didn't think they should have allowed you to come at all and definitely not as your first mission. Though he kept that to himself because it wasn't entirely like his opinion mattered among the Avengers. So the best next thing was for him to volunteer. He thought they were going to turn the idea down but they couldn't. His shifting skills gave him an advantage just as much as you knowing the building.
He looked down at the horrible suit he had on and straightened it out before stepping out into the empty hall. He wasn't sure where he was going which is another reason you slipping away without him annoyed him beyond belief.
As he walked on he looked around for any kind of sign or indication of where you were. When he couldn't find one he decided to just roam and unearth anything that would be useful for the Avengers. He sighed in exasperation. He still wasn't sure what it was about you that intrigued him so much. From the moment you had arrived at the compound you had caught his attention. Maybe it was the way you treated him. You never made him feel like an outcasted villain. Maybe it was the way he saw a little bit of himself in you especially after that night visiting your brother's grave.
"Loki, do you copy?"
"What do you want Stark?"
"I can't get (y/n) on the comms are you with her?"
Loki furrowed his brow and huffed.
"No, she had the audacity to leave me in a supply closet," he grumbled as he walked into a room after watching two hydra agents walking out talking about reporting something. That was when he saw the pieces of a smashed comm on the floor. He knelt and picked it up looking it over.
"Well, now I know why you can't get through to her." He stood back up and dusted himself off throwing the broken earpiece to the floor and drifted through the room.
"Interesting." He spoke out loud as he came across a man in a white coat sprawled out on the floor dead.
"What's interesting reindeer games?" Tony asked impatiently.
"Well, there's a Midgardian doctor? Dead on the floor."
"You need to find her and get her out of there. Now."
"Already ahead of you Stark."
Loki looked at the body one more time and pursed his lips before walking out of the room.
So far there was nothing of interest nor sign of you that was until suddenly an alarm started to sound and agents began to run past him.
Part of him hoped it was nothing to do with you. The last thing you both needed was for your presence to be made aware. But after what he just saw he highly doubted that would be the case.
The doubt only grew as he came upon a trail of bodies. He wasn't sure if he should be concerned or proud. The concerning part was beginning to win out the more he thought about you. This would only add to your distress and nightmares that he wished he could help.
He passed through another hall and surveyed the hole in the wall with someone either passed out or dead in the debris in the room on the other side of it.
His heartbeat began to race when he thought he had heard you scream.
"Dammit (y/n)," he growled as he took off in the direction the sounds of chaos were coming from. Then as quick as it seemed to happen it went quiet.
When he turned another corner he saw you convulsing on the floor with a man looming over you.
"Welcome back, Shadow." He conjured a dagger and without any hesitation threw it at the man piercing him right in the heart. He watched as he toppled over to the side and quickly got to you and yanked the device off of your neck. It took a few moments before your body stilled and your breathing evened out.
"Look at me, darling." He gently turned your face to his and looked you over quickly assessing any damage. The amount of magic you had used plus the shock had drained your energy. You were barely able to keep your eyes open and focused on him.
"I'm going to get you out of here." He promised as he scooped you up into his arms and returned the way he came. He was going to have to find his way out or at least to the roof. He couldn't risk trying to teleport the two of you out while you were unconscious.
When he heard the echoes of footsteps coming towards them he slipped into a room and cast an illusion of the two of you running in a different direction to draw them away. When he slipped out of the room he finally came across an elevator. Just as he stepped in and hit the button for the rooftop a group of men rounded the corner and began yelling and pointing their weapons in their direction.
He slammed himself to the side of the elevator and breathed in relief when the doors closed. The sound of bullets hitting the outside of the elevator door.
"Stark we need extraction. Westside of the root top of the main building." He rushed out of the elevator as soon as the doors slid open. The night sky a huge welcome.
"On our way."
Unfortunately at that moment, the door to the roof slammed open and men filed out pointing their weapons at the two of you. His heart began hammering trying to think of how he was going to get the two of you out of this situation alive and unharmed.
"Just give us the girl and we'll let you go." The man he recognized as Rumlow stepped forward and gestured to you in his arms.
Loki licked his lips as he looked down at you. Not even for a second did he think of handing you over. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to do something unselfish.
"Oh. No, I don't think so...HEIMDALL IF YOU CAN HEAR ME OPEN THE BIFROST."
With that he tightened his hold on you as his feet left the ground with a flash of rainbow and his feet were once again on the ground.
"Prince Loki. You are aware that you are not to be in Asgard without your brother by your side?" Heimdall approached grasping hofund in front of him pointed into the ground.
"I am aware but I was in a bit of a predicament as I am sure you witnessed." Loki looked down at you making sure you were okay before glancing up into Heimdall's golden judgmental eyes.
"Yes, I did." Heimdall looked between the God of mischief and the Midgard he carried in his arms. He would never truly trust Loki but he had to acknowledge the moment Loki chose to call to him instead of just handing you over.