CHAPTER NINE
bad full moons
SHE DIDN'T HAVE to guess that this full moon was a bad one. The fact that Remus had been in the hospital wing for a week so far confirmed that for her. Obviously, she had gone to visit him on the first night ( and for some reason his friends were there, which confused her endlessly ) and she felt the pang in her stomach at the sight.
She really knew she should've gone to visit him again by now, but she just couldn't bring herself to. It hurt her with every scar that was etched into his skin — because that was her way. She felt his pain, even though she knew she'd never know what it was like.
So, that was how she found herself in the library — escaping the incoming chilly weather. She was sitting with Lily Evans — a more and more frequent occurrence since she found Lily in the loo and they had become what they were.
"Betty," someone said as they jogged up to her, making her look up from her book to see the approaching face of Kellan Forrester. He had an easy smile on his face, but sympathetic eyes nonetheless. She had never told him about Remus's condition, but with how close he grew to the family, it was an easy guess — especially for someone as intelligent as him. "Hi."
His hair was well kept, but still had that boyish ruffle to it so he didn't seem too uptight and his Ravenclaw uniform was messy — his tie loose and his shirt only half tucked it, but it looked to be on purpose, not because he'd just snogged someone.
Betty had to avoid looking in his eyes. She could get lost in them for hours on end — not necessary because of the color or anything in them, but because they commanded you to look at them. There was a subconscious force that both begged you and forced you to look at them.
"Hello," she said, though it sounded more like a question as her eyes flicked up momentarily, but found themselves holding his gaze — just what she didn't want to do.
"How are you?" he asked as he hesitantly approached the table, but then turned to Lily and shot her a warm smile and a nod. "Hi Lily."
"Hi Kellan," she replied with a bright smile, but challenging eyes. Everyone knew what happened between them.
"Can I sit?" he asked as he referred to the chair that was sitting opposite both girls.
Lily looked to Betty to answer, who just nodded slightly, her eyes glued to him. Kellan pulled out the chair and sat on the end, leaning over the table slightly as he looked at her intently as well.
"How is he?" he asked softly.
"I don't know what you're referring to," Betty said as her eyes hardened — this was a bad move if Kellan wanted to get her to open up to him again.
"I'm not stupid," he said quietly as his eyes shifted over to Lily.
"I know," Lily said as she looked between the two of them, making Kellan look back over at Betty, who sighed in defeat.
"Not great," she mumbled in defeat as she looked down.
Concern flooded Kellan's eyes as he carefully placed a hand over Betty's making her look back up again. She pursed her lips as she looked at him, her eyes debating whether or not she should trust him again. He hadn't done anything wrong. Yet.
"Want to come visit him with me?" she asked quietly.
"Don't think he'd like that," Kellan said with a sad smile and a click of his tongue. "Hasn't been my biggest fan in a while. But you should go and ... I'll keep Lily company if that's ok with her."
He looked up at Lily with a slight smile, which she returned, awkwardly, and Betty nodded slowly, her features setting.
"He's right," Lily coaxed as she softly placed a hand on Betty's shoulder. "You should go."
"Ok," Betty mumbled as she quickly shoved things frantically into her bag.
"Leave them here," Kellan offered as he placed a hand gently over the opening to her school bag. "I'll wait until you come back so you don't have to waist time lugging all of this around."
She looked at him warily, but relented and slowly got up. She brushed off her school skirt and took in a deep breath as she looked at the library exit. She carefully walked the familiar route to the high ceilings and uniform white beds and, like usual, was greeted by a smiling, but slightly pitiful Madame Pomfrey.
And as much as Betty may have said that she hated pity, she didn't mind it from Madame Pomfrey because at least she did something about it and took care of her brother — unlike all of the other sad smiles that turn and leave just as soon as they've smacked you in the face and reminded you of how shitty your life was.
She took a deep breath and entered the section of the hospital wing where she knew Pomfrey would've housed him — the very back, or, more importantly, away from prying eyes and intrusive questions. Listening to her battered yellow Chuck Taylors or heeled Mary Jane's ( she was consistent, but still had a small spark of rebellion about her ) hit the floor had become habit and a familiar sound to her. It was so peculiar how the stones in this wing of the school sounded oh so different.
When she approached her brother's bed however, she found he wasn't alone. But, perhaps with friends such as his, that was to be expected. But it wasn't Sirius ( who she really expected to be there ) or even Peter, but rather, James Potter was sitting on the bed next to Remus as he stared at the cavernous stone ceiling and Remus stared at James — both of them lost in verbal thought.
"All I'm saying is that I don't understand how someone could hate someone for things they can't control like their gender or their skin color or who they love," James mumbled. "Surely, with the infinite capacity that humans have, we could find the capacity to see through the shit that society throws at us."
"You'd think so Prongs," Remus said with a short laugh. "You'd think so ... Betty? Is that you?"
Betty came out from standing just behind the white curtain that separated Remus from the rest of the occupants and smiled hesitantly. He looked horrible. His eyebrows were in a permanent furrow due to pain and he was littered with fresh scars — one nasty one in particular on his cheek.
His body looked thinner than it did before the full moon — whatever potions Pomfrey had given him obviously made him lose his appetite. This wasn't an uncommon side effect of the medical treatment he received, but it still took her by surprise — no matter how many times she'd seen it.
His hair was a mess, which was slightly normal for him, but not to the extent that it appeared right then. And there were dark bags under his eyes — even when he slept, he couldn't seem to find rest, it seemed.
James, weirdly, seemed also rougher around the edges than he normally did. His hair was messy, like it always was, but he seemed tired. And not just physically — there was a slight sense of defeat surrounding him. Nothing too powerful — just that lingering, existential sense.
But, perhaps, she should've expected it. He'd tried to get Lily to leave Amos again and it wasn't pretty. For him, at least. And now Betty understood why ( not that she didn't before, but after her and Lily's day of being whoever they were, it became much more clear ). And a part of her missed that James before.
Maybe it was because a small, sadistic part of her liked fighting with him. Maybe it was because the energy that bounced off of them as they did was exciting — something that was lacking in her life as she didn't have the social skills that her brother did ( if you could even say he had any ). Or maybe it was because when he would slide a sexual comment in there — one that he knows would make Remus mad — it would make her cheeks light aflame. Because Betty Lupin enjoyed infatuation. She craved the initial infatuation, the chase and the little moments of eye contact that told a whole story.
And yet she would grumble that she hated him and he would do the same, like they did. Because they did, in fact, hate each other. But after all, there's a fine line.
She made brief eye contact with James as she walked over to Remus's bedside. Hazel met brown. But, this eye contact was fundamentally different. Because it wasn't of hatred or annoyance — it was of a shared experience and understanding.
"I came to see how you were," she said quietly as she sat, her back straight, on the chair next to his bed.
"About time," Remus joked.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "Everything's just blurred and I promise I hadn't forgotten, I just — "
"It was a joke, Betty," Remus said with a kind smile.
"Sorry," she stumbled as she stared at the palms of her hands in embarrassment.
"Don't apologize," Remus replied with a laugh.
Betty looked up from her hands at the movement of someone shifting and she realized that James was getting up, silently, from the bed next to Remus — probably aimed to leave. It was obviously that they were having some sort of fun — a good time at least before, so Betty didn't feel a need to hate him in that particular moment. After all, he was being kind.
"It's alright ... James ... you don't have to leave," she said as she offered him a small, awkward smile. It was barely a smile — more like her pressing her lips together and turning them up.
"No, it's ... " James protested, but Betty just raised an eyebrow at his attempt and then flicked her eyes back down to the bed across from Remus and then back up at him.
He clenched his jaw and rolled his eyes, but obeyed her silent command nonetheless ( even though it pained him greatly, but it was for Remus, not his sister ). He flopped back down in a huff of flying hair and slight annoyance as the three of them — practically strangers within this grouping — settled into silent.
Remus dozed, but never truly fell asleep, James counted the stones on the ceiling — waiting for anyone to talk, in vain and Betty sat, comfortable ( as she much preferred silence to talking anyway ) as she looked around at the way light cascaded into the room and lit up a particular spot — something so enchanting to her, but not to someone like James.
However, after probably about half an hour of agony for James and awkward content for the Lupin siblings, he hoisted himself up again — deeming his staying not worth it ( no matter how much he loved Remus and besides, it was nearing time for practice and he'd be damned if he had to give up their pitch slot to the Ravenclaws because he was late ).
"I should go," he said, groaning as he got up. "I have practice and can't be late."
"Thanks Prongs," Remus said lethargically, but no matter how tired he was, he still produced a winning smile.
"'course Moony," James mumbled as he turned to leave, but he hesitated.
Betty and James made brief eye contact, again. They both curtly nodded — a symbol of one moment of understanding. One moment where sworn enemies might come together because of a common cause.
But the thing was, it was just one moment. One second in time when the idea of Betty Lupin and James Potter became Betty & James — acquaintances, maybe friends.
And it was in that moment that Betty swore that she saw the way the little golden flecks in James's eyes swirled — making it look like there were whole universes just waiting for someone to come along and wanted to hold them in the palm of their hands.