"What am I supposed to say
when I'm all choked up and you're OK?
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces."
***
I feel nothing but bleakness around me. The cold wall behind me seems to be the only thing that's helping me a little right now.
What am I supposed to do now? Should I go home? Should I go back into this devil's cave?
I don't know. All I know is that I need to do something. I look up, seeing the street lights brighten up this night. I don't even know what time it is.
I take my phone and my eyes widen when I see the time.
10:30 pm. How long have I been outside?!
I try to get up off the ground, my legs are still shaking from running away as far as I could earlier. I push my hands against the wall to make sure I don't fall to the ground again.
I'm a real failure when it comes to going to a party and drinking alcohol. I only drank two shots and feel like I could throw up already.
Thank God, I was able to stand up without falling to the ground. I try to take a few steps, one hand sliding along the wall. I'm getting dizzier with each step I take, though I keep going.
Normally it's a 15 min walk home from this place. I don't think I'm going to reach it within 30 min. I feel like an old lady. All that's missing is a rollator or walking stick.
I continue walking. Since every step takes me a lot of time this path seems so infinitely long. Maybe I should just sleep on the streets like homeless people do.
Or should I just go back to the club?
No! Mary left me alone for this bartender. I can't see her right now. I feel kind of betrayed to be honest.
I really need to go home now. Accidently I ran the wrong direction out of the club, which means I unfortunately have to walk past the club again.
I already hear the music getting louder and then I can see the smoke and lights coming out of the front door of the club.
I stop for a second, mainly because I want my legs to recover a little but also because I'm thinking about going back into there.
I shake my head. I guess it was an attempt to drive the thought away. I let out a deep breath before I start walking again, my eyes still on the club.
My breath is stuck in my throat when I notice the long haired guy from the club. He just stands there in his group of other guys. I can't tell if he stares at me, for that he's too far away.
My eyes snap to the ground as my legs increase there speed. I hope I don't fall and I hope even more that he didn't see me.
God, how can one single person make me so uncomfortable and scared at the same time with not even doing something?
I feel like I'm doing good with my way home. I'm almost there, but I have a bad feeling walking through these dark alleys.
I think it's a 5 min walk until I reach my home from now. I hope I won't wake up somebody at home since it's already 11:25 pm.
Footsteps. These aren't mine. I turn my head around, seeing a dark shape walking a few meters behind me.
Oh God.
I focus on my way home again, almost running now. It took me so much courage to turn my head around once more to look away.
When I turn around to face the dark shape again, it isn't there anymore. I couldn't see who it was, but I think it scares me even more that I don't know where the person following me is now.
I spot my house. I run the last bit, finding myself in front of the entrance a few seconds later.
"Shit! Where are my keys?" I whisper to myself panic-stricken. I'm rummaging around in my pocket, but I just can't find them.
"Hey!" I flinch. "God, Mary! What the hell? Why are you sneaking up on me from behind?" I ask kind of aggressively.
"God, Claire! Why are you so scared?" She laughs out. I hate her right now. She isn't the Mary I usually know.
After a long time of silence, she reaches into her pocket. "Here, your keys. You left them on the couch in the club."
She hands me the keys. "Thanks." I say and open the door. I turn around to give her a little smile, then closing the door behind me.
I lean my back against the door and throw my head back.
"You're late."
Mason. Ugh. My life is shitty. Really.
"Yeah, um, I'm sorry. Mary had a lot to speak about." I try to explain. He smirks, knowing it is an excuse.
"Oh, I understand. So you talked about deep shit wearing these dresses?" He asks ironically.
Okay, I already messed up. "I can explain this. Please. I'm sorry." I already can tell what's going to happen. "Oh, you can? You little slut. Did I tell you to not go to any parties?" I nod.
He grabs my arm roughly, pulling me towards him while he turns me around. He presses his body against my back and leans forward to whisper in my ear.
"You disregarded my words. You know what that means." He pulls me with him, reaching the door to our cellar. "And don't even try to scream. First of all, your mom is asleep and you don't want to wake her up, do you?" He pauses and doesn't expect an answer.
"And you know, if you scream, everything's gonna be even worse, darling." His smirk grows and I can tell he's proud of himself.
He takes me down the stairs, puts me on a chair and ties me up. A tear runs down my cheek, but I don't dare making any sounds.
After he tied me up he leaves me for a minute, going into the corner of the room. He wets a towel and picks up a torture device. It's a whip.
He comes back, walking behind me to press the wet towel against my face. "How does that feel, honey?" He asks, knowing I can't answer. I close my eyes shut, hoping he won't be that cruel today.
He releases his grip a little so I can breathe. I felt like I was drowning. "You liked that, huh?" I can't believe he seriously asks that. What is he thinking?
He walks around me until he stands in front of the chair with me tied up on it. He takes the whip and grins. "Listen carefully now. I will hit you at least five times and you will count. If you scream or count wrong I will start over." I nod. I know I can't do anything else. I'm helpless.
He pulls my dress a little higher and strikes me on my thighs with the whip. I squeeze my eyes shut again. "One." I whimper. "Good girl." He says, looking amused when he sees the red streaks that form on my thighs.
------------------
"Five." I cry out. "You did good. We should do it more often." His smirk is so disgusting I could throw up. He unropes me. "Good night, darling. Sweet dreams."
He says, leaving me in the basement.
I watch him go upstairs and wait until I hear the door closing. I stand up and it feels like both of my legs were just crashed in a squeezer. I go over to the sink looking at me in the mirror.
I think I've never looked so horrible. I feel like I could fall into pieces. I wipe away the teardrops that are still running down my cheeks and breathe in and out a few times.
I slowly make my way upstairs while supporting myself with the railing. I bet I'd fall if I wouldn't have hold on to it.
I finally arrived at the door and opened it. The lights are all turned off. I feel relieved, because that means that Mason isn't here anymore.
I sneak through the hallways upstairs to reach my room. I quietly close my door, immediately locking it. I let myself sink into my bed and start crying, covering my face with my hands.
Why? Just why?
I reach under my bed and take out my old diary. I open it and try to find a blank page to write on. I take my pencil from the bedside cabinet and begin to write.
Dear Diary,
Today probably was the worst day in my whole life. First of all, my so-called stepfather wanted to rape me in the morning. Luckily, Mary rang our doorbell so he had to go downstairs.
I was so relieved she was there to safe me, so to speak. She took me with her to her place. On our way we met some really dumb guys, but that's not that important. When we arrived at her home she told me, she want to go to a party, so we did.
I don't know why it's always me, but in that club (Demon... Why Demon?!) there was an intimidating guys threatening me.
I ran away and walked home.
The worst thing admittedly is Mason, who waited for me to get home and punished me for being late. We didn't even set a time.
Now I have bruises all over my thighs and even a light touch hurts extremely badly.
I hate my life.
I try to get some sleep now.
Good night.
I feel like I could've written even more than that, but I would've had a mental breakdown if I didn't stop writing about today.
I hope, tomorrow will be better.
***
This chapter hurt a little. Poor Claire :(
Hope it gets better in the next chapter. Who knows ;)
p.s.:
I may have destroyed your hopes that Claire probably could meet the intimidating guy on her way home again.
Sorry about that.