It's been a whole week. Other than the first night back, I haven't gone to see my dad, it hurts too much to see him and him not recognize me. My mom is still trying to get through to him, she saw him after about a day or two, we thought maybe seeing her would help him come back. Even I think she's giving up.
As I sit in the kitchen waiting for my mom to come up I have an idea.
"Peter could you come with me?" I ask trying not to get the attention of others.
The two of us go to the training room, where no one else was, and he looked at me confused.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Listen, I know this might seem crazy, but I have an idea." I say, "You know how I could put him to sleep? What if I can put other memories in his head? The stuff he can't remember."
Peter turns his head. "You know what, that could work! Why didn't you say that in front of the others?"
"Well, I need to practice on someone. I thought maybe I could try and give you some memories about your parents." I say and he smiles and nods in agreement.
Peter sits down and I stand far away, I have to know if this works with some distance, since I can't go into the cage with my dad. I wave my hand and it glows red, the aura reaches Peter, but nothing happens.
"Anything?" I ask.
He shakes his head.
I take a step closer and again nothing happened. Finally, I place my hand right on his head, his eyes close for a moment and then opens them with tears about to spill from them.
"I remember! My parents took me to the beach and my dad and I ran from the waves!" Peter says.
"I poked into your subconscious and found something you had hidden away and basically just pulled it to the front of your brain. So, it works. But I have to be touching him." I say and Peter realizes how dangerous that could be. "I'll just put him to sleep, and Bucky will come in with me. It will be fine."
**** after everyone knows the plan ****
"No. It's not safe." Bucky says after I explain the plan to him.
"It could work, though, Bucky." Steve says and my mom nods.
"Are you sure you can keep him asleep and mess with his mind?" My mom asked. and i nod my head.
"Guys, we can't just let her go inside the cage with Tony when his mission is to kill her. What if it doesn't work like it did on Peter?" Nat says.
"Thank you. Someone with some sense." Bucky says.
"It's not anyone's choice, it's mine. I can do this. If it means getting my dad back, I have to try." I say then head for the stairs before turning around.
"Bucky and Steve could you come with me, just in case you need to hold him down." I say and start to head to the cage.
"Well, if it isn't y/n. What a nice surprise. Come to put me to sleep again?" my dad says through the class. I ignore him and get straight to trying to make him sleep. After a minute or so, he's out like a light.
"Okay. Open the door." I say and Steve does. The three of us step inside and Bucky and Steve stand close by.
I walk over to my dad and place my hand on his head, I start to reach deep into his mind, salvaging any memory I can.
It was maybe five minutes later, when I found memories and my mom and me. I start pulling them through his brain, so he will remember when he wakes up.
As I sat there with my eyes closed, my dads eyes open but he doesn't move. Steve and Bucky are ready to fight.
"No! Wait." I say hold them back ready to use my powers to keep them off of him. My dad doesn't move, his eyes are only open, maybe a reflex or something.
I dig deeper trying to find everything HYDRA took away from him. As I scrumage through his head, I start seeing his memories of HYDRA. I have a plan.
"I hope this works." I focus everything on those memories and pull them out of his brain into mine. I can handle this.
Steve and Bucky see my face scrunch up and try to make me stop.
"No! What are you doing y/n?" Bucky shouts but I use my abilities to hold him back.
Finally, the last memory of HYDRA is in my head, and my dad's head is clean. I lose consciousness just after I see my dad fully wake up.
**** BUCKY'S POV ****
Out of nowhere, her eyes roll into her head and I'm just fast enough to catch her head before it hits the ground.
"Y/n? Wake up!" I shout in her face. She doesn't even flinch.
I look over and see Tony sitting straight up on the bed panting. Steve goes to him.
"Tony? Are you back?" Steve says to Tony.
"What happened? Last thing I remember is snapping my fingers and getting rid of Thanos and his army." Tony says then notices y/n on the ground. "Oh my God what happened!" he shouts and jumps to her side.
"She saved you. Now she won't wake up." I say placing my hand on her face.
"Tony, there's a lot of stuff we need to catch you up on." Steve says and Tony gives me a death glare for touching his daughter.
I move y/n to the bed and Steve explains everything to Tony.
How he died and we had a funeral for him. How y/n and I met and found out we're soulmates. How she got her powers and how strong she is. Finally, what she was doing to try and bring Tony back to her and Pepper.
"So let me get this straight? My daughter is powered by one of the stones and she's in love with the man who killed my parents?"
"Hey! Mind control, remember?" I say
"Right. Sorry." Tony responds.
"She was trying to give me my memories back?" Tony asks and Steve and I nod. "But I have no memories at all from HYDRA. What if she took them for herself so I'd come back?"
Tony made a good point.
"We will have to wait until she wakes up to find out." Steve says.
Tony must be in shock after finding out everything that has happened since he's been gone.
"Steve take Tony to go see Pepper. I will wait her with y/n." I say not letting go of her hand.
As they walk up the stairs I grip her hand tighter I lean my head down closer to hers.
"Please wake up. Come back to me." I whisper softly.
Gently, I lift her up and slowly carry her to the bedroom. So she's more comfortable.
Over the next few weeks, she still stays asleep, every now and then she'll flinch or move her hands, exposing the aura, but nothing happens.
Tony had to hook her to an IV so she stays hydrated. She also had to be put on a feeding tube, so she wouldn't starve. I hate seeing her lifeless like this.
"If she really did take your memories of HYDRA she's probably living through it in her head right now." I say to Tony as he's checking her vitals.
"Yeah, I know. I don't remember what they did to me. I hope she knows we are all here for her." Tony responds.
Everyone comes to visit here every day. Peter mostly. I let him sit with her for as long as he wants. He blames himself for letting her do this.
I do not leave her side unless it's for Peter, I couldn't live with myself if she woke up and no one was there.
"Here's some dinner." Pepper says as she walks in.
"Thanks." I respond and start eating as she goes to sit with her daughter, grabbing her hand.
"She will get through this." Pepper says, I think it's mostly to reassure herself.
"Yeah, I know she will." I respond and see Pepper's eyes water.
"If I would have known she was going to do this I never would have agreed. I got my husband back, but at what cost?" Pepper says.
"She'll wake up. I know she will. She's strong." I say and Pepper nods.
A few more weeks go by and still more of the same. Until one day, two months since she fell asleep.
**** your POV in your head ****
I look around and see no familiar faces. I'm strapped to a chair and look down at my hands, there's no aura coming from them. Then I notice they aren't my hands. My dads. I see his wedding ring.
I must be living his memories right now.
The men in the room are torturing me, well him, and I feel everything. They use some machine attached to my head and I feel the electricity pulsing through my brain.
"This isn't real!" I shout to myself, trying to remember I did this for my dad. I will wake up soon and I will be fine.
The men continue to torture me for what feels like years. I begin to comply with the orders they spit at me and fight back the urge to resist. The more I fight the more it hurts.
Suddenly, my eyes shoot open and I sit straight up in the bed.
With a loud gasp I see someone in the room jump up as well.
"Y/N?" I hear from a familiar voice.
I can't seem to focus on the world around me. Am I back now?
"Can you hear me?" Bucky asked and I can feel my hands start to lift up in defense.
"Please no more. Just leave me alone." I say and accidentally throw Bucky against the wall with my abilities.
"It's me! It's okay!" I hear but can't seem to let reality back in.
The door burst open and I see my dad run through. Instincts take over and within a moment he's against the wall too.
"Y/n! It's dad! I'm back sweetie." I hear and I slowly let him down.
"Dad?" I whisper.
"It's me. You saved me." He said walking to you.
"Tony maybe let her know it's me too." Bucky says as I choke the breath out of him.
"Y/n, that's Bucky. You're not afraid of him, remember?" My dad says and grabs my hand that's holding Bucky.
"Bucky..." I whisper and gain control of my powers again.
"I'm sorry."
"It's alright you're back." Bucky says and comes to me. Placing his arm around me.
"I had to get you back, Dad. Mom needed you." I say and my dad smiles.
"I know. You're so brave." He whispers.
**** the next day ****
"Please get this thing out of my nose." I say about to rip it out myself.
"I'm going to. You have to be calm." My dad says.
Finally, the feeding tube is gone. And the IV was taken out last night. Slowly things are getting back to normal.
"What happened?" Bucky asked.
"Well, when I went into my dads head I could tell how screwed up it got even only after a short period of time. I remember how long you said it took to bring you back, so I knew I had to do something else. I took his memories. If it worked, he shouldn't remember anything about hydra. Do you dad?" I ask.
"No. I don't even remember being taken." He says.
"Yeah, I took everything. When I took them, I guess my brain got overloaded or something, because that's when I lost consciousness. The whole time I was asleep I was living your memories."
"I know what hydra does to people. How are you acting so... normal?" Bucky asked with concern.
"Well the whole time I tried to remember that it's not real. Towards the end it got difficult, because my real memories mixed with what hydra did to me. I saw you, Bucky, and dad. You guys were hydra." I say and they both get shocked.
"That's why you attacked us." My dad says and I nod.
"I feel much better though. I feel normal, considering." I say with a smile as I take Bucky's hand.
"Even though you feel fine, I still want you to rest for a day or two. No magic. Bucky can stay with you." My dad says, being just as protective as he once was.
"Wait, has anyone called Peter?" I ask and both of them nod.
"I'll go call him." My dad says.
I can't wait to see Peter. I've missed him.
**** Peter arrives ****
"Y/n! I'm so happy you're awake. I was so worried." Peter says and hugs me.
"Bucky could you give us a little while?" I ask and Bucky nods.
As soon as he leaves the room, Peter senses my attitude change.
"What's wrong?" He asks quickly.
"You have to swear to keep this between us." I say before answering.
"I promise." He says.
"I can't tell what's real anymore, Peter. In my head, Bucky tortured me for days. I don't know if that actually happened. I'm scared to death of him right now." I say and Peter's concerns grow.
"It wasn't really y/n. You were never really taken by hydra. It was all Tony's memories." He responds.
"I know. I mean I think I know. It just seemed so real. I can't get it out of my head." I say and as soon as I finish Bucky walks back through the door. Peter can sense my muscles tensed up and grabs my hand.
"Everything alright?" He asks Peter and then Peter looks at me.
"Yeah. Everything's good!" I say making Peter confused.
"Foods ready if you guys are hungry. I'll meet you in the kitchen." Bucky says with worry behind his eyes but leaves me and Peter alone again.
"You haven't said anything!" Peter says and you nod.
"How could I? I can't just blurt out that I think my boyfriend is going to torture me again." I say freaking out. "That's why I needed you."
"What can I do?" Peter asks. I can tell he was scared for me.
"Go to the kitchen and tell them what I said. Tell them for me, because I can't bear to see Bucky's face when he hears it." I say and Peter nods getting up instantly.
**** BUCKY'S POV ****
As I wait in the kitchen for y/n and Peter, I can't help but worry about her. She was in her head so long, and with hydra, that couldn't have been easy.
"Guys. There's something I have to tell you." Peter says as he walks in. We all turn to him.
"Y/n told me that while she was asleep some things happened. The memories she took from Mr. Stark mixed with reality. The whole time she was asleep she saw Bucky as her torturer." He says and I look at Tony.
"That's why she was acting so weird." Tony says and I just put my head down.
I hit the table and go straight back to her.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask quietly so I don't frighten her.
"I couldn't. I was scared that you'd do something." She says which tears my heart out.
"I could never hurt you. You know that." I say and she looks up at me with a look she's never given me.
"I want to believe you. But can't. Last night... when I woke up... it took everything in me not to say that word... the one you told me shuts you off, that's how frightened I was." She says with tears in her eyes.
I remember telling her the emergency word hydra engraved in my brain to make the winter soldier unconscious. I told her for her safety and the fact that she felt like she needed to, tore me to shreds.
"I'm not ready to just pick back up where we were, Bucky. I can't even look at you without feeling my powers tingle at my fingertips." She says and puts her head down. "Could you please tell Peter to come back in here now?"
"No, I will stay with y-"
"No!" She shouts and uses her powers to push me out the door and shut it in my face. I need to fix this.
**** your POV ****
A knock on the door makes me sit up in bed. I hope it's Peter, I can't look at Bucky right now.
"It's me!" I hear Peter say and I wave my hand and the door opens.
"How'd that go?" Peter asks probably already knowing the answer based on how I look.
"I'm so scared of him, Peter. At the same time I feel love for him. How is that possible?" I ask softly as tears form in my eyes. Peter jumps into the bed with me and pulls me into a hug.
"I know y/n. Just give it time. You'll start to realize what's real and what's not soon." He says trying to make me feel better, honestly, nothing will right now.
**** one week later ****
After spending some time with my mom and dad, they go back home, to finally be together again. It's nice seeing them together like they used to be. Nothing changed for them. My mom said they're going on vacation to celebrate my dad coming home. They invited me and Bucky, but I can't do that. Not yet.
It's been a few days since I saw Bucky alone. He's avoiding me. I can tell. At least I'm not scared to the point where I won't leave my room anymore. I'll walk to the lounge, see who's in there, and stay depending on who it is.
One day I go and see Steve.
"Hey peanut." He says patting the cushion next to him.
I sit down and he puts his arm around me.
"What's going on?" He asks rubbing your shoulder.
"It's Bucky. Part of me still feels so much love for him but the other is nothing but fear." I say keeping my head down.
"I know how confused you must be. It's weird not knowing what's real and what is. You're gonna have to talk to him. I know he'd never hurt you and deep down you know it too." Steve says knowing that's what I need to hear.
"You're right. I know you are." I say sighing. "Do you know where he is?" I ask.
"He's been in the gym for a while. He's broken almost all of my punching bags, so maybe go figure it out before I lose all of them." Steve jokes and I take off to find Bucky.
As I enter the gym I hear his punches hit the bag, and it startled me a little.
"Don't be a baby." I say out loud to yourself.
"Bucky?" I say and he instantly turned around, excited to see you.
"Is everything alright?" He asks not stepping to me.
"Yeah. Everything's fine. I just want to talk." I say with a bit of hesitation in my voice.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to be scared." He says as his eyes widen.
"I'm sure. Can I sit?" I ask motioning to the bench next to his. He nods and I walk over. Keeping my eyes on the super soldier.
The two of us sat in silence for a few minutes, neither of us knowing where to start.
"I can't help but think this is my fault. For what happened when we were taken by hydra so long ago. I did torture you. Well, HE did. I couldn't control HIM enough to protect you." Bucky says and I look over at him.
"I remember that. I also remember forgiving you for it. It wasn't you." I say as he makes eye contact. For the first time, I'm not terrified to see his face so close to mine.
"How can you forgive me if you don't even remember what's real or not? That was real. What you forgave me for was real. But what you think I did isn't." He says with a sigh.
"If I can forgive you for really doing it, maybe it'll be easier to forgive you for not really doing it." I say and he doesn't move his eyes from mine.
"I don't want you to be scared of me anymore. It kills me." He says with tears forming in his eyes.
I look over at him and try to see if he's lying.
"I have an idea." I say and lift my hand to his face. "Don't move." I add.
He nods and glares into your eyes.
I place my hand on his head and look at his memories.
I see the world in black and white. All there is around him is pain and torture. I can see his memories of fighting in the war and finding Steve again, just to be taken from him in a brutal way. I see his memories of hydra, and how hard he held on to his memories before being stripped of all he knew and loved.
I can see his reunion with Steve and how he wanted to fix this between him and my dad. Everything I see is through his eyes and I feel everything he feels. When I see the memories of the funeral it makes me cry. I can feel what he felt when he met me and how he instantly cared for me. I can see his world change when I came into it, bringing color into his life.
Everything we've been through I see it from his point of view. I can feel him and I can tell how much he's worried about me.
I take my hand off his face and I have tears streaming down my cheeks.
"I saw it." I say and he gets worried.
"Saw what?" He asks.
"All your memories. I saw them and I felt what you felt. You cared about me from the moment we met." I say and he smiles.
"Yeah. I did." He whispers.
I grab his hand and hold it tight in mine. He looks at me in shock, this being the first physical interaction in weeks.
"I'm not afraid anymore, Bucky. I know it wasn't real now." I whisper and he smiles at me reach his hand up to wipe the tears from my eyes. "I love you Bucky." I whisper and lean my forehead again his.
"I love you so much more." He whispers back.
That night we walk to dinner hand in hand. Everyone is at the table already and looks at us confused.
"So, I'm guessing you two got things handled?" Steve asks with a smirk.
"Yeah. We did." Bucky says not letting go of my hand.
**** a few months later ****
Everything has been going great with Bucky and everyone else. Steve and Nat started dating, finally, and Peter found his soulmate too, MJ.
My mom and dad are happier than they have ever been, and my dad finally retired from all avengers missions. It's nice knowing they're safe now, truly safe.
Tonight is date night for Bucky and me, he keeps telling me how excited he is, even though we have date night once a week.
As the two of us cruise in the city on his bike we end up at a very cute burger joint. Bucky gets excited.
"So, this place as been open since me and Steve were teenagers. If I remember correctly, they have the best burgers and fries." Bucky says with a grin.
"Well, I'll be the judge of that." I say and we go in and find a table.
As the food is prepared, we talk about random stuff like always. Ever since that night that I read Bucky's thought he lets me do it whenever I want, he says it makes him feel closer to me, even if he can't read mine. I've gotten much better at it too. I don't have to touch him anymore, I can just focus and do it. I still hold his hand, to make him feel special.
We finish up our meal and both wipe our faces since we've learned to not care about getting food on ourselves in front of one another.
After dinner, we rode around some more and ended up at Times Square under all of the beautiful lights.
"This place still looks so different." Bucky says still in awe, even after being here for a while.
As we sit on a bench, we watch the cars drive by and the hundreds of people walking around. Sometimes, I like to listen to people's thoughts. It makes me feel like I'm watching a movie. Steve tells me it's eavesdropping, but is it really if they don't even know it's happening?
It's chilly tonight, I should've brought a coat.
I wonder what Lauren made for dinner.
You don't know how to drive, dumbass.
As I laugh to myself, Bucky stands up.
"What are you doing?" I ask. He just looks at me like he always does, like he's in love.
Bucky's face turns red, which it never does, I stand up to be closer to his face.
"What is it Bucky?" I ask again and he takes my shoulders and turns me around.
As soon as I see it, tears form in my eyes. On the middle billboard, in the center of Times Square, you see "Y/n, will you marry me?" in bright neon lights.
When I turn around, Bucky is on one knee with a little box for a ring in his hands.
"Y/n, you are my world. My life began the moment I met you. Would you do me the extraordinary honor of being mine forever?" Bucky asks and I cover my mouth with my hand.
"Yes! A thousand times, yes!" I shout and he scoops me into a hug and swings the both of us around.
All around us people are cheering and clapping, but all I can think about his him.