Alex's POV
April 19, 2021 – Charlotte, North Carolina
I took a deep breath as I pulled up to the meeting spot just by the airport, before allowing myself to get out of the car. Glancing around, it was clear – I was the first one here.
Last night was a blast – I can't say that enough. Though I was awakened to a sickening feeling in seeing a text from Bill Elliott demanding a meeting with myself and Ryan just by the airport.
Basically, he was flying in and wanted to speak with us both – no exceptions. My heart worried at first, feeling as though the worst possible while I had one of the best highs of my life, except a second message thankfully cured those worries with assurance Chase was fine.
Now standing here, I felt a mixture of feelings. I wondered and was curious as to why we were having this meeting. What had happened? What caused Bill to become involved? Did he know about everything before? I also wondered as to what was about to happen, almost hopeful for the truth finally becoming known as this had seriously gone on long enough.
I'm only snapped from my thoughts in seeing the elder gentleman heading over my way, clearly having just landed not long ago. Oh to have the luxury of being able to go wherever you wanted whenever you wanted at the drop of a hat.
"Thank you for coming," he tells me, to which I just nod my head in return. I was about to say that I'd do anything for your son, but wondered if I was becoming too pushy. "I hate to do this the morning after a win – which congratulations, but we need to talk."
"It's fine; I totally understand," I tell him, which I did. I almost did spit out what I wanted to say. Truth be told, the hangover surprisingly wasn't as bad as I planned on after the drinks we consumed.
It wasn't long before another car pulled off, to which I recognized immediately. Any bit of happiness seemed drained as I watched Ryan join the three of us in a circle. It was because of his stupid ass that we were here today and stuck in this mess.
"I got a phone call from my son last night," Bill starts, obviously catching my attention. Chase had a good relationship with his parents so why would a simple phone call catch him off-guard? "He had gone to the bar for some drinks, and wanted me to pick me up. I obviously went and got him, but all three of us know that's not like him. So I asked about his reasons – and he wouldn't tell me. Instead, he told me you knew it all – both of us. So speak, please."
"Ask Alex as he's made this a mess," Ryan spits out immediately, causing my jaw drop. How was it my fault? All I did was speak the truth. I didn't go break his heart, cheat on him and sleep with another woman. Seriously, where does he get off throwing me under a bus?
"I won't back down from the fact that Chase deserved to know," I retort, which was the absolute truth.
Whether something happened or nothing at all, he deserved to hear about a conversation that had happened. He deserved to know his boyfriend was thinking of turning his back on him. If nothing happened at all, it would've been simple and dealt with. However, I knew I made the right decision considering what else Ryan had gone and done following those words spoken. We knew there was a kiss as both admitted that, but Isabelle said more and I tend to believe with that girl based on his behavior.
"Know what?" Bill questions, causing me to swallow the lump in my throat. Were we really going here right now?
Taking a deep breath, I knew I couldn't back out of the corner I was in, especially considering Ryan threw me under the bus head first. So I stuck to my guns and went with my gut, and said the truth. I told Bill about the conversation, even mentioning the deal that Ryan and Isabelle had together with Chase involved in case Bill wasn't aware. I explained that the pair met afterwards, and since those conversations, Chase and Ryan have been distant for each their own reasons.
It actually felt good to get everything off my chest for once and be able to tell someone everything that happened. I had been holding it in, unable to share due to not wanting to spread secrets as quite frankly, it wasn't my department. I had paraphrased the events to Jimmie without dropping names, but it wasn't the same. Now someone else could see what was going on through this group for the past couple months.
"Ryan says nothing happened, but it seems Isabelle sang like a canary per Chase," I finish it off. I was about to specify the words that she told him as repeated to me, but I figured that was enough sting in its own. Besides, maybe it'd cause Ryan to finally be honest.
"I knew this wasn't going to work between you and Chase," Bill says immediately, to which causes my jaw to drop. Frankly, I thought Ryan and Chase were tight as ever, no issues at all, no chances of failure with everything example of their friendship. But Bill had doubts from the beginning? See, I wasn't the only one questioning everything now.
"Why?" Ryan questions, obviously caught off-guard by his comment as I was. "Because it's not the image you'd expect." Truth be told, I didn't know how Bill and Cindy looked at everything from the beginning, whether or not they had approval on this. So I couldn't make a comment.
"I'm not judging based on that; I don't do that." Okay, that's a relief.... "But I knew it wouldn't work due to Isabelle. I knew from the day she entered the picture. I knew from the glances at the pageant, the conversation. I knew the way you looked at each other that something was going on there. I just can't believe you'd do this after knowing what happened." So Chase wasn't wrong in those words and just making assumptions based on his feeling being hurt as other people could see it. Truthfully, I could even see that chemistry between Ryan and Isabelle and that says a lot, considering I'm not the best at relationships myself.
"Who says I did?" Is he really going to try and deny it? He's just digging a deeper hole for himself. The first step to forgiveness is admitting what you did wrong, and you'd think he'd want to create forgiveness with Chase somehow.
"Isabelle sang like a canary says something happened." I'm glad Bill wasn't buying his crap right now.
"Fine, believe her over me just like Chase. I see what commitment seems to earn you in this family." It's one thing to deny something. It's another to add insult to injury, and that's what he just did. Does Ryan even think before he speaks sometimes?
"Alex, what else do you know?" Woah, okay, I wasn't expecting that question. I thought Bill would have something to say about Ryan's comment – oh wait, that'd be a waste of time considering the comments and games that ass has been playing. I can see where he's going here.
"I've been offering him support, being there as a friend since breaking the news," I start, feeling it was only right to offer that. I didn't leave him high and dry like someone else here, and Bill probably wondered if that was the case based on the direct hit in wanting this meeting. "I've seen signs of this happening. I didn't think it was this bad, though."
"If only you knew what happened with Kaitlyn," he comments, and it makes me wonder. What all happened? Obviously she hurt him and played him, but to what extent? The fact that both Ryan and Bill have harped on that makes me begin to wonder even more.
"Everybody knows something happened, some more than others." I was one of those who knew more, knew the games went further than you'd normally expect. To what extent? Well, that was up to someone to inform me, and I'd prefer Chase to do so himself. "I tried to be delicate knowing it wasn't the first time he's been screwed over, still in disbelief a friend would do it over again."
"If you knew, why didn't you mention it to someone?" Does anybody understand the boundaries of privacy? We all go through break-ups and some people are more private about theirs than others. Chase is a quiet guy so you had to assume he didn't want everyone knowing. I just figured he'd tell Bill when he was ready.
"I wanted to respect his privacy and feelings, figuring he'd tell you when the time was right. I should've known it'd take a nose dive after the other night."
That feeling I felt yesterday, the high of winning, there wasn't an ounce left as I thought about Chase right now. He had come to me, absolutely in pain and vulnerable, and I turned down every advance that he made. I just made him feel smaller – and probably led to what Bill found last night.
"What did you do, Bowman?" Ryan questions and I really had to take a double take in that question. Did he really just ask me that? He goes and cheats on him, but now I'm the monster?
"Nothing in comparison or could comes close to what you did, Blaney," I retort, which was the absolute truth. You don't sleep with someone else when you care about someone deeply, enough to not want to hurt them.
"Arguing isn't helping," Bill states, obviously grounding us both immediately, hopefully, as that was probably the sternest tone I've heard out of that man's mouth. "What happened, Alex, please?"
I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to keep the interaction between us. This was our personal interaction, first time really connecting. I wanted to reach out to him, explain, assure him that I'd be there. But instead, I had a father's eyes beaming down on me, wanting to know everything. I couldn't just not say anything at this point.
"He was feeling the hurt of everything the other night," I start off after another deep breath. Here goes nothing. "He expressed that to me. He then asked me to make him feel loved, feel important. He asked me to go to that next stage. I couldn't do it. I told him no. He begged me but I kept insisting I don't do that. I explained why, I offered other things that we could do - talk, play a game for a distraction, company, but I couldn't do what he wanted."
I then stop, debating my next set of words. Standing here, facing the music of everything, looking back over those past couple of weeks, and now defending everything to one of the most important people in his life – I couldn't deny it any longer.
I actually had a real growing crush for Chase. It wasn't just like the odd glance at his way, admiring features, loving personality. It had grown way deeper than that.
"Don't get me wrong - I will admit to you that I did," I actually allow myself to finally say it out loud. Ryan was right – part of this motivation to do this was maybe driven by my own feelings. "I wanted to offer him what he was missing and make him feel better more than anything. But I told myself I wouldn't take advantage of the situation. He was only asking due to the pain, wanting a distraction. What if he regretted it the next day? What if he never forgave me? I didn't want to hurt him, or do anything wrong by him."
My eyes immediately head towards Ryan, darted at him. That's what Ryan had done. That's why we were in this mess to begin with, and part of me wanted to thank him now for letting me see the light.
"I didn't want to cause anymore pain," I allow myself to continue, eyes still stuck on Ryan. I wanted it to be clear as to what happened. "I didn't want to take advantage of him. I didn't want to repeat a cycle that we've sucked ourselves into. I know he's hurting right now, but there's still unknowns and what if this scrambled picture isn't such a big mess? I told him to consider everything, think it over, make sure he knows what he's doing with a clear mind before he does anything he may regret. I told him to think about what happened over and over, think over what both Ryan and Isabelle told him, the whole picture. Make sure we have the facts before we even try to move forward, whether that's us together or separately."
The remaining bricks that were on my shoulders? They were removed by saying those simple words, by letting my feelings just spill out and all over the place. Bill knew. I myself knew the truth. Ryan even knew.
"Why in the world would you think that things could be fixed, Alex, if the betrayal is real?" Bill asks, and to be honest, those weren't the first words I was expecting from him. I was thinking he'd comment about what happened the other night, or my feelings. Instead, he asked me that.
To be honest, he was right in his words. It's why I wanted to get everything out in the open, and allow Chase to see the real true colors which Ryan had dished. It's why even having a debate about everything didn't even feel right.
"Repeating the cycle doesn't solve any problems but makes them worse," he continues, which he was right. "Chase knows that."
"Because we don't know everythin-" I begin before I can even stop myself. There goes that doubt once again, winning me over.
"You said Isabelle sang like a canary." I guess I couldn't back out of this, once again. Now it was time to turn the page to another chapter of this story, and give Bill another dose of knowledge. Why was Chase having doubts in what to do? Why was everything still clouded and murky?
"Chase told me she admitted everything, but is there proof? Nope. We've all established there's feelings between her and Ryan to some degree. We don't know how far they go either way, do we? What if Isabelle sees this as her window of opportunity to create a divide, and pounce on Ryan? Make Chase create distance based on a tall tale, get Ryan leftover by himself. Ryan never admitted anything. Maybe that's because there's nothing to admit." I honestly didn't believe my own words.
To be honest, I could see the guilt in Ryan all the way through. The fact he wouldn't admit the kiss until forced into a corner. The fact he didn't want Chase to know about the discussion. The fact anytime I asked him about it, he tried to throw me under a bus. The fact that he was so defensive in talking about nothing he was involved in.
"Oh, so now you give me the benefit of the doubt after sending Chase off a deep end?" Ryan questions, to which I have to laugh. That plays exactly into what I was just thinking. You are just writing a deeper hole for yourself, Blaney.
"Let's be clear – you did that by simply creating the smallest rift and shadow of a doubt by even taking a look her wa-" I snap back in return, because frankly, I had enough of being run over by him when I've done nothing wrong.
"You told hi-" Sorry, not this time buddy. Here comes your dose of a bus.
"....and I'd still do it 100 times over. He deserves the truth regardless. Roles reversed and I bet you'd like to know the truth. Look, I don't know whether something happened or not that night. Situation and conversation says it did, but I don't know you. I don't know when you're being truthful or not. I don't know you well enough to see through everything. That's why I've just tried to listen to what Chase has told me and be there as a friend - nothing more, as he goes through this. I've got my heart stomped on and I know it hurts like a son of a bitch to do it alone. That's why I wanted to be a friend." That was why I initially told him, and that's why I went back to check on him not once – but twice, feelings aside. The feelings simply came secondary to everything.
"Unlike you, I've been around Ryan a very long time," Bill starts, obviously catching all of our attention within seconds. Now I was really intrigued as to what he had to say. "So I am going to ask you once and for all and I want you to be honest with me, Ryan, completely to a fault. Did anything beyond the diner conversation happen between you and Isabelle?"
"How do I know you'll believe me and know I'm saying the truth?" Ryan questions, and I just smile. There's the deniability to a fault once again. Just say it already, dumbass!
"Like I said to Alex, I've known you a long time. I can tell a lie. It's time to settle this. What happened?"
Those next couple minutes, there was many emotions that came crashing down at once as he confessed the initial feelings, the conversation, the night after the conversation, and the nights that seemed to follow. Only one of those went all the way, but once is too much. If you can do it once, than says enough.
Celebratory, caught in the moment was how he described it in knowing it came after his victory. Well geez, I guess if I fell on someone's crotch last night it'd be from the high.
I felt anger. I felt betrayal. I felt sadness. I felt every single of those emotions for Chase, and made me want to get in my car and drive all the way to Georgia to just hold and hug him. How could Ryan even do this? Furthermore, why would he do this if he truly loved him, no matter how he felt for Isabelle?
Though instead, I was stuck there. I knew as soon as this meeting was done, I had to go to the shop. There were more interviews to be done following the win, and I didn't know if I could get through those. Yes, I was happy about the win and proud of the team. Yes, it felt like everything I could imagine. There's no denying those emotions and there were all still there beyond anything. But the other side of me had a crushed heart in thinking about my friend.
"Can I have a couple days?" Ryan's question breaks me out of concentration. Is he fucking kidding me? First, he stomps on his heart – not once, but multiple times, and now he wants to be given time.
"Seriously?" I ask, biting my tongue because I was ready to tell his sorry ass off, again.
"Alex, please..." Bill begs, which surprised me just a bit more. He had just learned this man had cheated and betrayed his son, but yet he was going to offer forgiveness. I'm sorry, but I don't have the strength in time to dare offer that.
"I just don't know how to tell him," Ryan explains, to which I have to laugh. You've had two months to debate how to do that. I think you should know how by now. "I don't know what to say. I can't just do it..."
"Do you love him?" Okay, seriously? This was the same guy that said just moments earlier that you can't continue the cycle of betrayal and allow everything to happen again and again. And I'm sorry, but anybody that can cause this much pain doesn't know love.
"Absolutely. I mean, damn, isn't it obvious?" That's very questionable considering the bulk of evidence I've collected.
"They say if you love something, sometimes you love it enough to let it go. Maybe that's what you need to do. Actually, I know that's what you need to do as this isn't forgivable." Ah yes, the voice of reason finally shined through. Thank you! I'm glad that Bill hadn't changed his stance or I may lash out at 'em both, something I didn't want to quite do might I add. "I need to go because I am going to be late, and I don't want to be late today. I suggest you do what you need to do..."
"Okay." Wait, did Ryan just agree to admitting it without a fight or question? Was he finally showing signs of regret?
"Alex, I'm sorry I snapped at you." Okay, now that surprised me even more. I wasn't expecting an apology. Frankly, there was nothing in this discussion that deserved an apology.
"Why?" I question, still surprised. "For being angry? Frustrated? You have every right as you're his father." Anybody who cared about someone and saw the pain that Chase was in would feel the same way. They would do whatever it took, and sometimes push limits, to ensure they felt better and understood what to do to help. Sure, Bill may have pushed some of my buttons today, but damn, this was much needed.
"I also know that I'm glad, too. I'm glad that he has a friend whom he can count on to be there and do the right thing. Thank you, Alex."