「 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘆,
𝗗𝗲𝗰𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝘁𝗵,
𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟬」
✑ ˢᵃˡᵗ ᴸᵃᵏᵉ, ᵁᵗᵃʰ
♡
𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐲𝐬𝐢𝐚 ✨
After everything that happened with Kentrell, I've been keeping my distance.
He called my phone & blew me up with hundreds of texts almost everyday, since then.
It was really starting to get irritating. And I never felt so torn between two things in my entire life.
But I couldn't answer. The guilt completely ate me alive every time I even thought of him.
There was no way I could allow myself to speak to him knowing what I had done.
Though it shouldn't have crossed my mind I couldn't help shake the thought of how bad of a person I was.
Whose to even say that Ny' was out doing dirt?
What if I cheated on him for no reason other than my own selfish needs and wants. And with Kentrell ?
Of all the people I could've been with, I gave the nigga who hurt me the most that same access to me and my body.
And not only disrespected myself but put my health in jeopardy. I had no idea what kinds of girls he had recently been with.
And I'm sure it was more than ten.
I honestly just think it's best to distance myself and take Kentrell to court so we can both agree on a plan for him to be able to see Kailani.
That way there's no possible way for either of us to cross the line and I had no urge to. I knew deep down that my heart resided with Ny'Air.
And I wasn't about to let Kentrell break us up, the Lord knows he couldn't be loyal for a second.
And I gave him chance after chance for so long, now he just had to miss out.
Kailani's loud laughter shook me from my thoughts.
Bringing my hands up to my eyes I automatically dried up the tears that I had no idea where there before pushing myself out of my king sized bed.
Based upon the time that flashed back in my face off my Apple Watch, I had been awake a few hours now.
I glanced back at my reflection as I passed the mirror in the hallway. I looked absolutely terrible.
My postpartum depression and anxiety was getting the best of me again which completely surprised me.
I thought everything had finally gotten better but I felt it slowly beginning again.
And I'm guessing it was all because of Kentrell's sudden urge to be back in my life.
It was difficult for me to even recognize myself. All I ever wanted to do anymore was lay around in bed.
With Kentrell being so known - and having such a crazy fan base, going out in public gave me anxiety so I lived in my pajamas a good 90% of the time.
The world is honestly just so evil these days and humans can be so heartless. Yo life can change so quickly; so I found myself always having my guard up.
Which wasn't necessarily bad thing; being so on guard kept me from being hurt alot of the time.
I ain't even let myself get close with Joe babymama, and it was crazy cause I really see myself relating to her.
I just can't allow anyone else in my space. Everyone I get close to leaves and I ain't tryna feel that kind of hurt.
My hair was hardly ever done and I stopped caring to do my makeup or get cute.
Something I guess Motherhood does to you. Its crazy cause yo world stops revolving around you.
It was all honestly so heartbreaking, especially when Three pointed the shit out to me.
I was finally starting to see why he kept me away from Kentrell and the guys as long as he did.
I just wish I would've listened.
I never used to be this unmotivated or negative. Before I crossed paths with Ken, I was full of life.
Having Kalani completely changed me overall as a person. I put that little girl before everyone else. As I should!
Sometimes I do wonder what life would be like if I could just get a break. Even for a minute.
I been doing this mommy shit, on my own, for almost two years now, after all.
But you can't just let shit rock when you're a mother.
I stopped at the entrance to Lani's room, smiling from ear to ear as I heard her roar out in laughter again.
Stepping inside, my mouth dropped as I looked around her room.
Ny'Air had a big bouquet of red roses set up for me and a card.
He was sitting at the edge of her bed, playing dollies with her.
"Say good morning mommy!"
He laughed, gazing into my eyes as I felt my heart flutter and knees growing weak.
I smelled the roses without breaking eye contact.
"What's all this for?"
Lani just looked back up at me with a big smile plastered across her face as Ny directed me to pick up the card.
Opening the envelope, I got a strong wiff of cherries.
I smiled, flipping open the card and reading as follows.
" 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘸𝘰 𝘰𝘧 𝘶𝘴 𝘭𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘴 𝘐 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 . 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘐 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘴 𝘢 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘤𝘩 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘸𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘳 𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘥𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘶𝘮𝘢𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘧𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘢𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘴𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦. 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥, 𝘐 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘴 𝘢 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘎𝘦𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘪𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘧𝘶𝘭𝘭 . 𝘐𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸.
- 𝓝
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✑ ᴰᵉᵗʳᵒⁱᵗ, ᴹᴵ
𝐘𝐚𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐧 ⭐️
Ben spun around in front of me on the ice that now coated the black top parking lot.
He slipped around, slightly, before regaining his balance and extending his left hand out to me.
I stared down at it with a blank expression written across my face before batting my mink lashes back up at him, continuing on my path away from the car.
"Say, thats what we on?"
His deep voice rose every hair on my neck and caused millions of butterflies in my stomach as he spoke.
The same voice that broke me so many times before.
I stared back at him for what felt like several minutes before deciding to only roll my eyes in response this time.
He hadn't heard my voice in days and got very few reactions out of me, none of them being verbal.
I still aint fully forgave him, and I wasn't about to let him think he could just have me back that easily.
So yes, this is indeed what we were "on".
He was gonna have to put in some real work and do some apologizing before I responded to shit he said.
I loved and respected myself so much more now that I rebuilt myself and spent time alone.
Well, I always had Malaysia and Farryn in my corner I wouldn't say alone, but romantically, I was alone.
And when I bled our unborn baby out in the toilet, I went through all the pain, emotional and physical, on my own.
He was too busy dancing on strippers and fucking Instagram hoes with Kentrell to care about what was happening in my little world.
I held back my laughter as I heard him kiss his teeth in aggravation.
He couldn't even handle his own game.
"Mane, cmon then."
He stomped off toward the door of the arcade as I trailed closely behind him.
I felt around for my phone freaking out for just a second before remembering I had shut it off and left it inside his Escalade.
I don't know what it was but something inside of me just wanted to ghost the whole world.
I didn't want to be bothered with anything or anyone anymore and had such a low tolerance for bull shit.
I decided to give my full attention to Ben and give our relationship a real shot, though he didn't know it; yet.
I stomped up the stairs before swinging open the big metal door, smiling as the familiar smell of bowling shoes met my nose.
I use to love this place.
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✑ ˢᵃˡᵗ ᴸᵃᵏᵉ, ᵁᵗᵃʰ
𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐥 🔸
Malaysia thought shit was sweet not answering her phone for me.
Got me blowing her shit up like I'm back in jail again.
Feeling weak as hell.
Wasnt nobody bouta make me out to be a goofy especially when her world use to revolve around me.
Shorty must got dat weak ass Texas nigga back round her and my daughter.
Alien face ass dude. Donald Duck ass dude.
I don't know no other nigga who wanna play house with somebody else seed. Shit overly weirdt.
I still dont get what she see in him. Cause his cornbread eatin ass definitely aint got shit on me.
He don't even be bout no money. Every time I see him out he looking tacky as hell.
Fits be weak. Never got no new shoes. Same ole hats.
The list go on and on. I just could never see Lay with him, personally, she belonged with a baller.
The way her and Three lifestyle and childhood was they was given everything, for real.
So to see her with this nigga who I know for facts can't be making nothing happen for her or Lani just don't sit right with my spirit.
But I wasn't bouta do them nothing. I spent enough time dwelling on that shit. Life too short.
If Malaysia like it for herself then I got no choice but to go wit it. I won't say love it cause fuck allat.
Christmas in five days and I aint feeling jolly nor holly. Which ain't nothing new.
Only reason I get outta bed since my granny passed is for my jitts. But I a be lucky to see any of them.
Nia outta town with Taylin and her new little boyfriend, I sent Tarzan gifts with Nene earlier this week, and Nisha mama hung the phone up on me.
So we a see where anything goes. Hope for the best but prepare for the worst, as always.
Every year Montana and Tracy invite me to they house but when you've spent so many holidays in a cold jail cell with nobody to be thankful for, or talk to, but yourself, you tend to despise these typa days.
I still ppreciate the gesture doe, of course, but I dont know if I'll be taking them up on that one.
And of course my mama tryn make up for my childhood with some little ass dinner but that'll never happen.
Finna just chop it up and call this chapter of my life lonesome and learn how to be by myself.
No groupies, no drugs, no alcohol, just me.
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I⃞ n⃞ s⃞ t⃞ a⃞ g⃞ r⃞ a⃞ m⃞
@ᴊᴀɴɪᴀᴍᴇꜱʜᴇʟʟ
𝗝𝗮𝗻𝗶𝗮𝗠𝗲𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗹: Merry Xmas from Kacey KK & mommy 🎅!
♥ 𝗯𝘆 @𝗦𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗼𝗻𝗱𝗮_𝗚𝗮𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻, @𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘃𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗿𝗺𝗱𝗮𝗼, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀...
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@𝐧𝐢𝐚.𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐲𝐲𝐲: 𝚠𝚎 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝚠 𝙽𝙾 𝙷𝙴𝙻𝙿! 𝙼𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚇𝚖𝚊𝚜 ❤️
↪️ ꜱʜᴇʀʜᴏɴᴅᴀ_ɢᴀᴜʟᴅᴇɴ: 𝚂𝙸𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚆𝙷𝙴𝙽?
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@𝐅𝐚𝐯__𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐧: omggg 🥹
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@ꜱɪᴍᴘʟʏᴛᴇᴇʟᴇᴇ_
𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝘆𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗲_: after hours ✨💕 install ; @_briabell
♥ 𝗯𝘆 @𝗢𝗴_𝟯𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗲𝗲, @𝗾𝘂𝗲𝗲𝗻𝗻𝗮𝗶𝗷𝗮, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝟮𝟳,𝟱𝟴𝟬 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀
@𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐡: 𝚒 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎𝚎𝚎 💕
@𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐫.𝐃𝐞𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐞: 𝚂𝚄𝚂𝚂𝚂𝚂 🫶🏿
@𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐳𝐧: 𝙸'𝚍 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝚢𝚘 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚑 𝚠𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛
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@ɴʙᴀ_ʟᴀʏʏ
𝗡𝗕𝗔_𝗟𝗮𝘆𝘆: Really One Of Them Ones 🦋..
♥ 𝗯𝘆 @𝗡𝗕𝗔_𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗯𝗼𝘆, @𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝘆𝘁𝗲𝗲𝗹𝗲𝗲_ 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀
@𝐓𝐨𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐢𝟐𝐱: 💍
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↪️ ɴʙᴀ_ʟᴀʏʏ: 🖕🏽
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@ɴʙᴀ_ʏᴏᴜɴɢʙᴏʏ
𝗡𝗕𝗔_𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗯𝗼𝘆: 🥀
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Authors Note 💋 : Long over-due but this part is FINALLY done after a year and some change of being blocked... I also have a NEW story up please check it out!