A/N: Hey there lovelies. **Warning!**This chapter deals with infertility issues. Where there are no graphic descriptors of the process, it can be triggering to some. If you or a loved one have dealt with fertility problems in your lives, I am sending you warmth, love, and positive feelings. It is not a subject to take lightly or one given its proper respect in any community. Also it must be noted that when a child is lost, no matter at what stage of gestitation, it mattered in the lives of both parents when love is involved.
Hopefully, it will be a topic not ignored, glossed over, or one encouraged to 'get over' for much longer in our collective history.
Hectic yet festive was the best way to describe the hospital's emergency room on Christmas Day. Decorated in red, green, gold, and silver, the waiting room was crammed with the common influx of flu patients, tinsel and tree mishaps, assortment of abdominal issues, and both standard and food poisonings. A radio was playing a local station of constant Christmas music on a low setting.
Huan felt lucky that he wasn't assigned to the emergency room, but simply sent down to evaluate whether a patient needed immediate surgery or if they could hold off until later. After he checked the patient, her chart, and bloodwork, it was deemed fine for her to wait a couple of hours to see if the repairs the doctors made initially in conjunction with the medications they were giving her would prevent any unnecessary surgery. On his way back up to the surgical floor, Huan felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Opening his text message he saw a picture of Elisa and Lynne smiling at the camera as they chomped on expertly decorated cupcakes. The message attached said, Belgain chocolate and Tahitian vanilla marble cupcakes with hazelnut frosting and white chocolate reindeer. Very tasty. Be jealous.
Cheeky. Huan slipped his phone back into his pocket as he went about his rounds. He'd send her a response later. Now he had post-op patients to give a little Christmas cheer.
XXX
Later on, Lynne excused herself to take a nap before dinner was served, having fulfilled her good daughter duties by helping out with the large family dinner that night. All of the collective festivities of that day plus the left over exhaustion of the past few nights had sapped her energy reserves. More importantly, she needed to get out of the kitchen before the mixing smells wreaked anymore havoc on her stomach.
In the hallway outside her childhood bedroom, she saw Kris leaning up against the door adjacent to hers. Caught in a moment of vulnerability, her normally unflappable brother looked as though he held the universe on his heavily muscled shoulders.
"What's up K?"
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he sighed heavily.
When she didn't get a vocal answer from him, she opened the door to her bedroom and pointed inside, "you want to talk about it?"
Resolutely, he walked into her room and sat on the edge of her bed. Closing the door behind her, she sat down next to him, and waited for him to speak first. He leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and his hands covering his face. The two sat in companionable silence for a long while, shoulder-to-shoulder. Eyes closed, Lynne had almost drifted off to sleep when Kris finally spoke.
"Nat had a miscarriage on Monday."
Snapping her eyes open as she registered his words, she turned to look at him. "Oh K, I'm so so sorry." Reaching out a hand she rubbed his back in the same soothing way their mother had done for them growing up.
"Yea. It's been really rough this time. Plus being around all the kids. She was just so excited that this time everything would be ok. And I guess at some point I believed it would be ok too. But she woke up Monday morning spotting and...she just know the baby was gone."
Staying silent, Lynne continued to rub circles into his back. What could she say to that? When she didn't feel the tension in his body releasing, she knew she had to do something. "Go get your coat. We're going for a walk," she told him as she stopped her hands and stood up.
"I don't feel like it, Lynne."
"I know you don't. But you probably don't want to be anywhere near children either and we have a brood of nieces and nephews who are going to want to play with one of their favorite uncles when you go back downstairs. We'll sneak out of the backdoor in the kitchen. Come on."
When he didn't move she poked out her bottom lip, "please do it for me, K. You don't have to talk to me or nothing. Just accompany me around the neighborhood. I need to pre-burn off some calories if I'm going to maintain my girlish figure after tonight's dinner."
Looking down at his little sister, Kris nodded his head, before departing for his room. The two met up in the hallway, dressed for the elements and made their way downstairs. When they were in the kitchen, Elisa was the only one there at the moment, stirring something in a pot. Noticing Lynne she signed, 'I thought you were going to take a nap?'
'Change of plans. K and I are going for a walk. How long till food?'
'Give or take an hour. Don't go too far.'
'Fine.'
Kris and Lynne walked silently down the street and took in the sights of their suburban hamlet, adorned in Christmas decorations. Most of the younger families that had moved in since the Prentice kids had left the nest had the modern inflatables on their front yards or perhaps just a festive wreath on their front door, but a few of the more Christmas-obsessed traditionalist families did not disappoint. Next door, Mr. Yarbrough's annual color-coded Christmas theme was an elegant silver delight, complete with icicle lights dancing on the maple tree on his lawn and a bow on the front door. The Francos two blocks over had added yet another section to their massive North Pole Village, "The Reindeer Retirement Lodge." It took up the front left quarter of his well-manicured front lawn.
They were fifteen minutes into their walk before Kris started to open up to Lynne. He told her that they had been trying to have a baby through IVF. A few years ago they found out that Nat had Poly-cystic ovary syndrome(PCOS) which would make it harder for them to conceive. At first they decided to let fate decide if it would happen naturally. However, since they are getting older, they decided to take the next step and try IVF. They have since gone through two cycles so far and when this cycle had taken root they were so ecstatic and had plans to tell everyone for Christmas. When she miscarried earlier in the week, it was devastating to them both.
As Kris shared more and more of their struggle, Lynne felt horrible. When she tried to keep her tears at bay, she failed and they began to silently stream down the sides of her face. How could life be so twisted? Giving me a baby when I was being careless and not giving one to two people who would be the perfect parents to any child. And on top of that, they were desperate to have one.
Sniffling, she wiped away the tears as she told him, "I would completely understand if you don't want me to come over during this week. It would give you some time to relax together."
Kris contemplated Lynne's offer as they began heading in the direction of the house. "We'll play it by ear. I'll talk with Nat and let you know."
"Deal. So, what headspace do you find yourself in now?" She knew better than to ask him "how was he feeling?"
"Honestly, I've locked it away. I can't deal with that until I've helped Nat get through the holidays. She is putting on her brave face, but she keeps slipping into a dark place when we're alone. Her parents are no help with their constant questions of when will she give them grandbabies to spoil. Not to mention her other relatives."
Nodding, Lynne remembered Mr. and Mrs. Ruxin. A chipper loving couple with a knack for being pushy and invasive. She cringed at the thought of Nat being innundated with the chorus of baby questions when she was going through so much. The wheels of her mind were turning as she tried to grasp at meaningful ways to be there for them.
When they were about five minutes away from the house, Lynne was hit with a wave of nausea that stopped her in her tracks.
"What's wrong?" Kris asked as she placed her hand over mouth.
Before she could answer him, she rushed behind a nearby tree and spewed the meager contents of her stomach onto the ground. When it finally let up she stepped back and took a few deep breaths. "Fuck, I thought I would make it through today without another episode."
"Is something wrong with you?"
"I've got acute gastritis." The lie that Huan and she had concocted slid over her tongue like water. "I'm alright, it just acts up at the most inopportune moments."
"Are you sure? Should we take you to a doctor or something?"
"Naw, I'm already seeing a doctor. I've been taking my meds and everything. No need to worry."
"Alright." The look in his eyes told Lynne that the innate protectiveness in her brother would not be abating anytime soon. She didn't need him worrying about her when he had enough on his plate already.
"Let's head back. I need to brush this taste out of my mouth and lie down before dinner."
"That is a good idea. You may be a foot shorter than me, but your breath is stinking to high heaven right now."
"You're such an ass sometimes."
"I'm not being an ass, I'm telling the truth."
"Whatever," Lynne told him with a playful eyeroll as they turned down the final block to their parents' house.
"Lyndy?"
"Yeah, K?"
"This conversation stays in the box, alright? I don't need everyone asking how we're doing."
'The box' was their mutual made-up mental lockbox. Being so close in age and understanding that not everything needed to be discussed ad nauseum sometimes, unlike their other siblings, they had constructed this as a way to confide in each other without having to involve the whole crew.
"You turned the key already."
XXX