Author's Note: As you may have noticed, I recently placed a requests page at the front of the book. People have been sending me more and more lately, so I wanted to get them all organized. Unfortunately, I don't have time to do a lot of requests (writing a story takes days or weeks for me), but if you want to drop a comment on the off chance that I have time, be my guest. Don't feel pressured to make something up, though – it's really only for those who have a burning need to tell me something. I only ask that you please read/follow the policy when submitting requests, and please check the entire book beforehand to make sure your request has not already been done.
Also, thanks for 30K votes! You all are gems!
It was a dark and stormy night. Wind howled outside the stone walls of the castle, and blinding rain poured down your window in sheets. Thunder cracked every minute or so, reminiscent of a sound you would rather not hear again.
You awoke to a particularly loud boom, heart racing as you jerked upright. But after assessing that it was merely thunder and not a titan's footfall, you took a calming breath and snuggled back into the warmth of your bed. However, the captain lying next to you seemed more bothered by it.
"Levi?" you mumbled, sleepily rubbing your fingers across his back in a soothing gesture. "Is everything okay?"
As usual, he did an excellent job of hiding his emotions. However, his brows were drawn tightly together, and his downcast eyes were empty, as if he wasn't seeing what was in front of him. With your arms around him, you could feel the tension in his muscles, feel his body trembling. The storm clearly upset him, and because Levi was rarely upset by anything, you figured that something truly terrible must have occurred.
He was silent for a long moment before muttering, "You remember what I told you...about Isabel and Farlan...?"
Instantly, the pieces clicked, and an ache bloomed in your chest. When he first joined the Scouts, Levi had watched his best friends die in a storm just like this one, with titans' footsteps resounding like thunder and rain so heavy that he could barely see. The memory must have still haunted him.
"I remember," you whispered, continuing to brush your fingers up and down his spine.
Boom!
Levi actually flinched in your arms, and your brow furrowed with concern. "Shh," you cooed, hushing him gently with your calming voice and soft touches. "You're not there, Levi. You're not on a mission. You're safe inside the Walls."
His expression tightened. "I know," he bit out. Though he tried to keep them quiet, you could hear his breaths becoming increasingly quick and shallow. "I know I'm not there. Logically, I know that. I just...I can't..."
Attempting to bring him back to the present, you murmured, "It's alright. Just focus on what's around you, here and now. Tell me what you see."
Levi had to swallow the lump in his throat before he could speak. Even then, it still seemed difficult. "I see...the blankets...and the pillows..." he began haltingly. His eyes drifted around, searching for something else. "I see..."
Boom!
Levi flinched again, and you were quick to comfort him. "Shh," you whispered, scooting a little closer to his trembling form, wrapping your arms a little tighter. "Just keep going. What else do you see?"
His eyes lifted a fraction, though they still didn't meet your own. "I see you," he grumbled, "...and your stupid bunny pajamas."
You frowned. Knowing Levi's trademark lack of tact, he probably wasn't joking. However, given his current state, you were willing to let it slide – even though you quite liked your adorable bunny pajamas. "Let's move on," you muttered. "What do you smell?"
Levi took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment so he could focus more on his other senses. "The sheets smell like laundry detergent," he observed weakly. "That makes sense, since I washed them today. And...I smell you. I smell that jasmine soap you always use." He took another breath, then tucked his face into the sheets a bit, as if he were hiding from you. "It smells nice," he mumbled.
Your heart fluttered, and you felt heat rising to your cheeks. Compliments from Levi were rarer than salt. Although, you supposed you received them at a slightly greater frequency than everyone else, after you and Levi had confessed your feelings for each other. Now, the two of you were...well, you weren't really sure what you were.
You hadn't made anything official. However, you did occasionally engage in the physical affection that couples typically enjoyed, like cuddling and hand-holding and kissing – but only when you had privacy, of course, since these things weren't permitted between superiors and subordinates. Additionally, there was an unspoken yet very clear understanding that you were exclusive to each other. He also slept in your bed every night, because you were the only thing that made his nightmares even a little more bearable.
However, now wasn't the time to be getting butterflies, so you forced yourself to ignore your hormones for the moment. Levi was genuinely upset, and although it must have been difficult for him, he was trusting you to see, and to help. "Tell me what you feel," you murmured.
Levi shifted a little, as if that enabled him to get a better read on the things he was touching. "I feel the bed," he replied quietly. "The mattress...and the sheets...and the pillow. They...they feel soft...and warm. I know a lot of the soldiers complain that the beds here aren't comfortable, but...compared to what I had before..."
He trailed off, and you recognized that he was toeing a line, one he wasn't quite sure he wanted to cross yet – whether he was ready to talk about his former life in the slums. You waited silently, giving him space to decide without being pressured. After a minute had passed and he didn't elaborate, you assumed that he wasn't up to sharing right now. And that was perfectly okay.
"What else do you feel?" you whispered.
Levi loosed a small breath, as if he had been waiting for you to ask about the Underground City and was relieved when you didn't. "I feel...you," he murmured. "I feel your arms around me. I feel your fingers...rubbing my back..." At that last admission, he ducked his head a little, trying to hide again. However, you could've sworn that you saw a faint blush on his cheeks.
Thunder ripped its way across the sky, and Levi tensed again, but his reaction was noticeably less severe than last time.
"It feels good," he added, his voice barely audible. "Please, don't stop."
Because he was asking – because he so rarely asked for anything, always trying to survive on his own – you complied eagerly. More than that, you pulled him close, so that you were flush against each other, his lips brushing against your sternum.
You heard his sharp intake of breath. "I...I feel...your heart beating," he whispered against your skin. Then – carefully, so as not to touch anything he shouldn't – he raised his hand and placed his palm flat across the space where that precious muscle pulsed. "I can feel your heart beating," he repeated, his faint voice filled with astonishment and reverence.
He released a soft sigh, and with it, his body stopped shaking. Then he turned his head so that his ear was pressed against your sternum, listening to the gentle thump-thump as well as feeling it. Outside, thunder boomed again, but Levi didn't react. He stayed completely still, focusing on the beat of your heart.
You couldn't help smiling a little. Carefully, you snaked a hand up between the two of you, placing it over the one that Levi had on your chest, showing that he was welcome there. "Levi," you murmured, "where are you?"
For a moment, there was only the sound of rain pelting the window. Then, "I'm with you," he whispered.
Your grin widened as his words melted your heart. You placed a soft, tender kiss on the top of his head before returning your fingers to his spine, stroking it comfortingly. His hand left your heart to wrap around your waist, but his head stayed where it was, listening to the sound that meant so much to him.
Rain cascaded down the castle walls for the rest of the night. Thunder continued to boom overhead, but Levi remained calm and relaxed. He knew where he was, and who he was with, now that you had brought him back. He would never stop missing Isabel and Farlan, but he didn't have to relive that terrible day as he listened to the storm raging outside. Instead, he could rest in the cradle of your embrace, feeling warm and safe and loved.