∆ {4⁴} {SUNSETS, STARS, FIREFLIES} ∆
THE QUINJET RIDE home was silent. The semi-cheerful, flirtatious mood had evaporated as quickly as the cloud of fire had spread, and after they'd got everyone they could out, Roxi had take n up the job of piloting. It was mostly so that she could take a few moments to herself, have a little bit to just let her mind try and process what had happened so that she could deal with it. It wasn't like she was going to crash into anything up here.
Wanda had bee the one to tell her that quiet, picturesque spaces had helped her force her way through the thick wall of memories that surrounded deaths, and had encouraged Roxi to try the same. As she sat there in the cockpit, staring at the clouds that were lit up with dusk, and letting her icy eyes roam the space in between them as she hunted from stars that glimmered weakly as the moon began to rise. It was hauntingly spectacular, as pinks and golds clung onto the distance, draping themselves over the greys, the blues, the reds, the oranges until they lay smothered across the sky, shimmering spectacularly in the slumbering light of the sun.
You would never be able to find another view like this, especially not such a spectacular one. It was unique, and yet so unbelievably generic. It was a sunset. It should've been nothing more, nothing less; simply that. But after the event that had just disrupted any light-heartedness that the team might have been feeling, it was more of a taunt, yet a warning at the same time.
It taunted them, jeered at them that it was so perfect, so unnaturally beautiful, when in fact it was just that It was simultaneously one thing and other at the same time. It was a luxury they couldn't afford, not when so many lives were on the line; not when they caused far more deaths than they ever allowed themselves to see.
Roxi had visited both of the memorials since they had been put up. Both the one in Times Square, and the one in Sokovia. The latter she'd been to with Wanda. The girl had wanted to pay her respects, to have closure on the thoughts that wandered her mind, wondering who else she knew that had died in Ultron's power trip. Roxi had simply wanted to acknowledge the lives that she'd indirectly had a hand in taking. She didn't blame herself for those deaths: she knew better than that. If she did, her black book would be filled with a tide of names that meant virtually nothing to her, and putting unnecessary self-blame on her shoulders. That was one thing that she'd learned how to do well with her years at SHIELD. Blaming yourself for deaths you didn't directly was a waste of time. That was what she'd been told, and she'd never found it in her heart or mind to disagree. It was partly because she didn't. She'd already had far too many things on her mind as a 17-year-old when she came to SHIELD than anyone should have in their entire lifetime.
And yet, she was still here. She was a 32-year-old Avenger sitting in the cockpit of an old SHIELD plane, with the woman she loved sitting in the co-pilot chair in silence as she watched Roxi carefully. She was still here, staring at a sunset in hopes of forgetting, of drowning the negativity in her mind in an ocean of painted colours, rather than the river of rushing blood that seemed so determined to follow her through all her dreams.
That wasn't true. Roxi didn't dream anymore. Not even of that odd purple-orange field where the fireflies danced with such a toxic allure that she found herself never wanting to wake up. Everything was nightmares now. The screams of those she'd killed, the yells of help from those she hadn't been able to save; they all blended into some kind of awful medley that seemed to carry on the wind any time it drove too hard past her. Far too many normal things had been ruined for Roxi by the way she lived her life, and for the first few moments, she'd hoped that this sunset wouldn't be one of them.
It dwindled as fast as it came, however, because Roxi found herself staring at what might as well have been a colossal, neon warning sign that shone through the wispy strands of cloud that still clung on, as if they were the last dregs of her hope. It only became stronger as the glimmering pinks and gold slowly darkened to join the red-purple hue that settled at the bottom of the horizon in a band. The stars winked at her through the glass of the cockpit, and Roxi found her eyes fixed on one , that she could barely see, because the last golden-yellow glare of sunlight was disappearing behind it.
Maybe the world was trying to warn her, or she had gone too many nights with out sleep. Because watching the penumbra creep upwards over the sky so slowly, embellishing it in plates of starlight and shadows. It was inevitable; and it was so dreadfully insatiable, that even the darkest part of Roxi's mind reared its head, taking interest in the scene before it, as if in hopes that it would be able to come out to play. It wasn't as bad as what Natasha's worst side was likely to be, but it was far more threatening, and jarring from herself. It wasn't so much the part that mischief came from that it was malintent. But it remained dormant, watching with an uncanny interest as the world before Roxi was carried into darkness. A pair of heavy curtains, the kind you find on theatre stages, had swept across the stage, swept everything from Roxi's mind so that she was left almost numb and senseless.
They weren't fragile. They were heavy-set and hard to break, and held a metallic feel to them that reminded Roxi of handcuffs, of chains, and oddly, there was a strange tinge that laced the edge of it that she recognised distinctly as vibranium. Why that was there, she had no clue, but she could hardly focus on it. There was a myriad of other things swarming her mind so viciously that any thought of the blue sky tinged with pink and gold was washed clean from her head, never allowing her to stop and focus on one thing.
Usually, Wanda's technique worked, but today, it seemed heavily determined not to.
It was only then that Roxi ripped her eyes from the entrancing sky so that they landed on Natasha, with such a force that it made her eyes ache with the strain of the motion. The redhead had had her eyes fixed on Roxi for the past hour or so, watching as the sunset reflected in the woman's icy eyes, simply waiting for any indication that she had managed to rip herself from the gaping chasms of her mind. There were a few moments of a hush. It sounded somehow louder than the silence and steady breaths that had been filling the Quinjet mere seconds ago. Roxi didn't know it, but she had that effect sometime. However, instead of letting herself get too comfortable, knowing what was awaiting them, Natasha broke the stare and leaned forwards slightly, her eyes now fixed on the stars that Roxi had so recently abandoned.
"I've always liked stars," she admitted, a gentle smile pulling her face into one that Roxi wished that she could see every day," and now, there's just something more than there was before. It could be that maybe I just have more time to look at them. But.. I think it's because they remind me of the fireflies. The ones that were out that night at Clint's. Somehow, they were both the most beautiful thing that I'd ever seen and not at the same time." She trailed off her soft admissions with her eyes going back to Roxi, who she found smiling almost sadly at her.
Both of the women were beautiful, that was undoubtedly true, but it was in such different ways. And in that moment, if you were to look at them, their two silhouetted cut out in such a perfect black against the darkening sky that it could've been fake, you'd probably be convinced that it was. But it was very real, they were very real, and anyone who got in between them would have it coming. Roxi reached for the redhead's hand, which Natasha gladly took.
"I never used to like roses. I thought that they were too perfect, that nothing could be so beautiful and potentially harmful at the same time, And then I met you, and it was as if anything I thought I knew about people had changed. There you were, in your SHIELD-issued catsuit, and you fought in a way that I could never hope to. You were so different than anything I knew. But that was a good thing, because I needed change. The way I was headed, I would've been dead by now because I refused to tell Fury the details of one of my missions. He always told be that that was a bad idea," she mused lightly towards the end, her eyes gleaming softly as she talked about things that she felt comfortable with. It made something stir in the pit of Natasha's stomach, and she shifted slightly to better accommodate the rush of butterflies and sparks that jolted through her.
"I guess he was right," she added after a few seconds as she leaned back in her chair, and found her hand slipping to the wolf keyring that she'd put back in her pocket as soon as they'd got on board. Natasha shook her head softly, leaning forwards and pulling Roxi's hand out of her pocket so that it rested in her own, the both of them enjoying the warmth that raced through them. After all, the one thing that - somehow - Roxi had never learned about these jets was where the air conditioning was, or how to control it, so the whole place was quite chilly.
Almost impulsively, Roxi leaned forwards slightly further and allowed their lips to connect as the two women found comfort in each other, trying not to languish in the memories of that afternoon as everyone else in the jet seemed so determined to do. They broke apart after a few seconds, smiles resting on their faces and their eyes gleaming with an understanding that was unique to the pair of them. Roxi pulled Natasha closer, letting the redhead snuggle into her body as they embraced, soaking in all they could of each other, as if in hopes of preserving the moment forever.
But, sadly, Roxi's mind was still working overtime - though it had calmed down considerably now - and she while one half of her mind was entirely devoted to the woman in her arms, the other continued to insistently yell at her that Wanda needed help, that she needed to check up on the girl. So, she allowed them to remain in their position for a few minutes, as she savoured every touch of what she might consider heaven, before she pulled back slightly, smiling once again at the disappointed noise that Natasha let out as she explained.
"I'm gonna check on Wanda," she whispered quietly, so much so that her heartbeat almost drowned out half the worlds. Natasha understood, though, because she nodded slightly, her face so relaxed that Roxi felt a sense of pride balloon within her.
She walked over to the Maximoff girl, taking a seat before her, speaking to her in gentle, quiet tones, as she helped Wanda the way that the girl had helped her. It was as they started vaguely counting the stars they saw - a suggestion from Roxi that she'd made with a smile in Natasha's direction - that Roxi knew that this was her place. This was where she was meant to be; this was where she belonged, and that wouldn't ever change. She would forever belong in those few hours on the Quinjet, with the magical sunset, the gentle exchange with Natasha that made her heart race twice as fast as it should, with the time that she and Wanda's tradition of counting the stars had started. This was her, no matter what anyone else would say.
This was Roxi Ryder, and that would never change.
{A/N:} Okay, ngl, kinda in love with this chapter. I cannot wait to publish it next week. Also HOLY CRAP the quality of this is so much higher than my normal stuff. Apparently my normal writing time should be midnight to 2am lmao. But yeah, this is more of a fluffy chapter caus I realised that I'm missing them and I need my girls. But hell yeah I wrote an over 2000 word chapter in under 2 hours. Definitely a record. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this caus I loved writing it,
Pls vote, comment, let me know what you think, etc.,
2222 Words
Written: 18 / 04 / 2021
Published: 24 / 04 / 2021