Manjari sucked in a breath as she reeled under Neel's touch. Nothing else mattered...neither the snow beneath her nor the tree root poking her, neither the cold permeating every bone of her body nor the fact that anybody could walk on them. All that mattered was that her body was on fire in a really long time.
"Should I stop?" she heard him ask. Her senses were in a haze and she was incapable of formulating words. Unconsciously, she just shifted closer to him and he obligingly fastened his lips on hers again. Dimly she could feel his hands bunch up her nightshirt to her waist. His cold hands touched her bare skin and goosebumps erupted all over her body. She could feel his arousal against her abdomen....Her mind was in a state of inertia and she wondered why had they stopped kissing in the first place...he was good at it and she enjoyed it....they should do it daily, she thought when she felt his hands touch the waistband of her pyjamas and just like that reality sunk in.
Manjari felt a cold dread and shame envelope her entire being. She became aware of where she was and more importantly with whom. She was ashamed of herself, her cheeks flaming as she realized how intimately close their bodies were. She had given in so easily to his advances. No wonder he kept pestering her. He knew that she could not resist him. She pushed him with all her might and scrambled to her feet, brushing her clothes. Neel still lay on the ground and was watching her intently. She avoided his gaze as she made her way back to her house.
"Invite me in", she heard him say. She stood still for a moment. Those words. Those exact words.
She exhaled slowly and turned to look at him. "No", she said.
"You want me!"
"Sadly, yes. And I wish to god that I did not", she said, bitterness apparent in her voice. Something flashed in his eyes but was gone the next moment.
"It is not something either of us can control."
"No", she said bitingly. "This is where you are wrong."
Saying this she turned and entered her house, closing the door behind her.
Neel took a deep breath and then smiled to himself. The spark was still here. She was so pliable when she was in his arms. He could not wait to kiss her again. Because he was not going to let her go. Mission Manjari 2.0 was well underway.
Manjari could not sleep a wink all night and woke up with dark circles under her eyes. Amaira was starting her on-line classes and Manjari had to set her up for that. After making sure that Amaira had everything she needed, she made her way to the backyard. She was making her way to her favourite spot- the porch swing when she stopped still. Memories of last night came flooding and a blush spread across her cheeks. She swerved and made her way towards the chairs. She settled herself comfortably and opened her book. But her thoughts were somewhere else. How could I have done that? Behave like that? Her control had slipped ad she had almost given to the moment...
Neel had been observing Manjari silently for a while. He wanted to go and speak to her, but he was sure that she would simply leave. Also, he remembered her orders to not come to the backyard or front yard at all because she did not want Amaira to know he was there. Amaira. How he wished to see her, for her to call him papa, for them to be a family. He consoled himself...soon, he promised himself...soon he would have what he had wanted and desired. For them to be a family.
Manjari sighed as she shifted again in her bed. Sleep, she commanded her body. You need the rest. Sleep, she told her mind, we had a long day. Sleep, sleep sleep.
But to no avail. She was too hot. She stripped her bed of all covers and lay down again. Soon she was cold. So, she covered herself with one thin blanket. Then her pillow was not comfortable...she plummeted it into shape, but nothing helped.
She stood up and made her way to the kitchen. She made herself a glass of warm milk and helped herself to some cookies. She was sure that she would be able to sleep now but even that failed. With a huff, she made her way to the living room. She checked her backyard. There was no one there. Good. Maybe a walk would do her some good.
She grabbed a duvet from the cupboard, opened the doors and slipped out....
Neel looked at her. He knew that she was not being able to sleep. She did not know but her bedroom was right above his. And for the past hour, he had heard her muffled curses and the soft padding of her feet as she tried to sleep. He had heard the connecting door click open and he knew that she was stepping into her backyard. He got ready too, smiling to himself. Time for another almost midnight rendezvous....
Manjari was curled up on a chair, a duvet covering her legs. She was looking at the night sky, lost in her thoughts. The only light was from the moon and the streetlight. Neel cleared his throat as he made his way towards him. She glared at him as he made his way towards her.
"Why are you here?", she almost snarled at him. "I thought I had made my request clear."
"You did. I am here for some fresh air. You know to keep my body healthy. Then go get that somewhere else....just do not be here."
"It's night and I am new to the area...what if I get lost or mugged?"
Manjari looked at him and pressed a hand to her forehead. There were exceptionally good chances of the latter happening. A nearby abandoned hose had been converted into a temporary homeless shelter and there had been an increase in the crime rate. She did not say anything and stood up to go. Great, she thought to herself...now she could not even be in her backyard ...without bumping into him.
She had almost made her way back to the door when Neel came behind her and grabbed her by her arm. "Do not go", he said in a soft voice. "I will not bother you at all. I will be in one corner. I promise".
She freed herself from his grasp and said vehemently," do not touch me". she looked at him and hesitated. And was beautiful outside and she did not want to go in ....
She brushed past him and made her way back to her chair. She grabbed the duvet she had dropped and wrapped herself in it again bringing her legs to her chest. She saw Neel sit on the porch swing. Again. She promised herself to burn this one the day he left and to get herself a new one....
Neel kept his gaze on her, observing every shift in her expression. He knew that she could feel his gaze on her if her fidgeting was anything to go by.
"What", she said snapping, "is the matter with you? Why are you staring at me like that?"
"Why couldn't you sleep?" he asked, fixing his piercing eyes on her.
"How...what...are you spying on m?", she asked in a shocked voice.
Neel threw back his head and let out a loud laugh. No, he said...trying hard to control his mirth while Manjari glared at him daggers. He composed himself and replied in a calm voice, "Your bedroom is right over mine. I could hear you pace and curse...kept me from sleeping! So, what is bothering you?
"None of your business", she replied in a sharp voice.
"Is it me?", he asked in a teasing voice.
"No". she replied in a terse voice.
"Or is it what happened last night..."
"No."
"Liar", he replied.
"I am not lying", she retorted, "and I am done having this conversation". She turned her back to him and rested her head on the chair.
"I am not done yet", Neel said evenly.
"Your problem", she said snapping. "I am done. And you are not the boss of me."
Neel restrained himself with an effort. Her high and mighty attitude was getting to him. "I am sorry for teasing you. You do not normally have trouble sleeping at night. Unless something is bothering you. What is it?"
"Can't I even have some peace in my own house?", she demanded. "Oh, no, wait, I cannot. Because you are here. The bane of my existence. The person who single-handedly ruined my life again. Broke my heart. Again. and is now standing in front of me acting all concerned. But you know what, I am not going to fall for any of your carp. Not anymore. I am done. You can't control me anymore."
"Stop it Manjari. I do not even know what are you talking about. What have I done? And when did I even attempt to control you? I lo..."
"Stop right there...those words have no business coming out of your mouth at all. "Manjari knew she was pushing but she did not care. "You walk into my life after ruining it and have been trying to control it since then. Oh! I know what all you have been up to...asking Prof. Dawson to speak to me, convincing him to talk me into helping you by letting you stay here...If that isn't control, what is it?" she retorted. "What more do you want from me?"
"You want to talk about control?" Neel snarled at her. "Enough of this I- am – holier – than - thou - attitude. What about what you did? You did not try to control both our lives? It was not just your life; it was mine too that you played with. If that isn't controlling, what is?" He threw her words back at her.
Manjari was beyond angry now. She stood up from her chair and walked up to him to face him, her disgust evident even in the darkness of the night." Neel, the victim", she taunted, voice thick with sarcasm, "you poor thing! Did someone break your trust too? No. Did someone promise you the sun, the moon, and the stars, and then promptly cheated on you? No. Did someone swear that they would never break your trust and then do it with great pleasure? No. Did someone promise to heal you only to break you into more pieces? No."
"Manjari, stop". He bit out. "I have done no such thing...it is you who left me, cut me off from your life...."
"Oh! stop it. Stop playing the victim. It does not suit you. You were, you are, and you will always be a player", she goaded. "This I -can't -harm -a -butterfly act is not going to work on me anymore", she said waving her hand around. "You can fool the others, you can have their sympathy, but I know exactly the kind of person you are", she said poking him in the chest.
Neel's face went white
"You think you are irresistible, don't you? That women are dying to be in your arms, she continued. But I do not want you. Cannot be helped. I don't..." she shrugged in mock nonchalance.
"Really", he said in a low voice, "but last night..."
"Last night was a mistake...", she said cutting him off, "a mistake that would never, never happen again". Saying this she gathered her duvet and made her way back inside. But before her hands could even touch the door handle, his arms snaked around her waist and pulled her to him, her back hitting his chest. Manjari cursed and struggled to free herself from his hold.
"No", he said firmly, turning her around.
"Let me go", Manjari said again....
"No" and raised on hand to brush her cheeks. Before she even knew what, she was doing, Manjari raise her other hand and slapped him, the sound of her hand meeting his cheeks ringing in the air. She freed herself from his hold, gathered her duvet and stalked back inside.
It was only in the safety of her bedroom that the reality of what had happened stuck Manjari. She had hit me. And she was feeling bad. No matter what he had done, nothing justified violence on another human being. She cursed and sat down on her bed. It was his fault, she reasoned. If he would not have held her against her will, nothing of this sort would have happened. Still, she would apologize to him in the morning.
Manjari got off the bed, feeling more tired and fatigued than yesterday. She had not been able to sleep again. She had only managed to doze off towards dawn. The events of last night kept playing in her head. She dragged herself to the kitchen where she made herself a cup of tea, yawning every five minutes. She did not even have the energy to stand today. She turned off the gas and went back to her bed. Five minutes, she promised herself. She would just lie down for five minutes. Then she will prepare breakfast and go and apologize too. Thank god for weekends, she thought.
When Manjari woke up, it was almost 10 a.m. She sat up, feeling better. Rubbing her eyes, she left her room. Amaira was still sleeping. She decided to make breakfast before waking her up. She decided on a dosa with coconut chutney for breakfast. Amaira loved dosas and so does Neel, her subconscious reminded her.
She should apologise for slapping him....she couldn't wouldn't stoop to the same levels as him.
She put everything on a tray and made her way downstairs. There was pin-drop silence in the house....maybe he was still asleep, she told herself. The house was clean, and everything was in place, yet she felt as if something was amiss. She thought about leaving everything in the kitchen but decided against it. She wished to apologize in person. She knocked on his bedroom door, but there was no answer. Taking a deep breath, she opened it. There was no one inside. She looked at the end. It was as if no one had slept in it last night. Confused, she checked the living room. He was not there either. She made her way up the stairs and it was then she saw it. A note. Stuck to the connecting doors.
Made alternative arrangements. I am sorry for causing you so much pain.
Neel.
She blinked her eyes as tears began to blur her vision. He had left.