The five elements (water, fire, wood, metal, earth) are not always equally predominant; the four seasons make way for each other in turn. There are short days and long; the moon has its periods of waning and waxing.
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The Art of War
Sun Tzu
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Hours turned into days.
Days turned into weeks.
And weeks turned into just short of two months.
It was late September - the 23rd, to be exact - and the foliage around the bed and breakfast had slowly started to transform into the fiery tones of autumn. The leaves on the surrounding trees had abandoned the last of their green hues, taking on shades of deep burgundies and vibrant golds instead. And what was once the thriving garden had been mostly cut back, leaving the grounds almost entirely bare. Almost, but not quite; the still-blossoming and ever-magnificent rose bushes helped paint everything in an eternal glow of reds and oranges.
Fall was truly Taehyung's favorite season.
But besides the bright, rich colors of the evolving scenery, there was a bigger reason why Taehyung loved this time of year. And it wasn't because of the crisp air or the drop in humidity. It didn't have anything to do with the return of thick cable-knit sweaters to his wardrobe. Hell, it wasn't even related to cozying up in front of a fire with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. No . . . It was because of what fall symbolized.
Change.
Letting go.
A new beginning.
Admittedly, this appreciation for autumn had only formed a couple of years back. It had been early-to-mid November when Taehyung, his mother, and Namjoon had moved into that safe house in Daegu, all of them completely exhausted following months of running from their then-unknown attackers. Nothing had felt steady or certain; everything had been torn apart in the blink of an eye. And each one of them had to get accustomed to a new way of living.
Taehyung had had the most difficulty adjusting, often choosing to isolate himself and lament on all he had lost. He had refused to settle - to accept that this was now his life - and had spent that entire first week in Daegu sulking. All he had thought about was what he left behind. All he had dreamed about was going back.
After seven full days of Taehyung's self-imposed solitude, Namjoon had barged into his room and thrown open the curtains. And, pointing to one of the almost-naked trees, he had said, You're just like those remaining leaves, clinging onto the branches and refusing to let go. You're hoping that if you hold on for long enough, you'll somehow sustain through what's to come. But the world is changing . . . It's already changed. And you need to decide whether you'll wither all alone up there or if you'll let go of something that's already gone.
Taehyung - thinking he was far more intelligent than the then-bodyguard - had countered, If I let go, I'll wither anyway. So, what's the point?
Namjoon hadn't been deterred. He had sat on the bed, turned his face towards the sun, and taught a lesson that Taehyung still remembered to this day. And all while wearing a calm yet hesitant expression, he had said, Yes, letting go comes with risks. There's always the chance that you'll lose something that can't be replaced. But in letting go, you gain something, too. You gain a different perspective, new opportunities, a fresh start. You learn so much about who you are as a person. And you begin to change . . . You begin to live a life you never even imagined.
Have you let go? Taehyung had asked him, unaware at the time of how deeply that question would probe.
No, not yet. But I . . . I'm trying. So you need to try as well, alright? I don't want you to end up like me.
Taehyung hadn't understood what that meant, but he had come away from that conversation with a new resolve . . . a new determination. And he had stopped longing for something he wasn't sure he would ever have again. He had stopped letting the days pass by in a dull blur. And he had changed, he had let go, and he had found a new beginning.
Ever since that moment, fall had become the most meaningful season to Taehyung. It reminded him that he couldn't exist solely in the past; it emphasized the significance of moving on even though the path forward might be untraveled and unknown. And - maybe even more importantly - it showed him that he had to do more than just survive.
He had to live.
And now, especially after all the hardships he had endured, that was exactly what Taehyung was going to do. He was going to live his life to the fullest and be so fucking grateful that he was here, that he was safe, that he was alive. And he vowed to make each second count; he swore to never again take anything for granted. Because he knew better than anyone that there weren't any guarantees, there wasn't always the promise of tomorrow.
The only thing that was guaranteed was this. The only thing that was promised was right now.
So, emulating his favorite season, Taehyung committed to changing once more. There was so much he wanted to do, so many things he wanted to learn. In order to do all of that, though, he had to be like those transitioning leaves and let go. He needed to shed his lingering guilt - that sometimes crippling sadness - to discover who he had the potential to be. And by finding peace with his past, Taehyung would slowly begin to bloom again.
And he would flourish.
He would thrive.
He would live.
And the best part? Taehyung would embark on that exciting journey towards healing and self-discovery with the love of his life standing next to him. He would travel that unventured road with his best friend, his other half, his Jungkook. They would flourish and thrive and live side by side. They would become the people they were destined to be, all while holding the other's hand.
Fuck, Taehyung and Jungkook had started doing all of those things long ago, hadn't they? Meeting back in that Seoul house had been a catalyst, one that pushed them far outside of their comfort zones and forced them to grow. To evolve. And they did those things as one united team; they worked as true partners even when it would have been easier to walk away.
But because they leaned on each other - because they chose to support, trust, and love against all odds - they found their salvation. They found their true home.
And now . . .
Now, Taehyung and Jungkook had the rest of their lives ahead of them. They could play and explore and make mistakes without fear of possible danger. They could uncover their passions and chase their dreams. They could do anything they wanted because they were safe, because they had time, and because they ended up where they always belonged:
Together.
And even though the world would continue to change - even though both boys would continue to change as well - Taehyung found comfort in knowing that his and Jungkook's togetherness would not change. No . . . It would be their constant, the force that would help their love grow stronger than ever before.
And one day . . .
One day when they were even more established and secure, Taehyung would grant his heart's wish of proposing to his sweetheart; Taehyung would ask Jungkook to be his husband. And in every way possible - in heart, mind, body, soul, and matrimony - Taehyung and Jungkook would be together.
That's what fate had in store for them all along.
But as for now, Taehyung was simply enjoying each day as it came. That was what he vowed to do, after all; he vowed never to take a second for granted. And from the moment he and Jungkook had arrived back in Busan all those weeks ago, he appreciated all he was given. He appreciated life. And he lived, and he loved, and he was happy.
Taehyung was so incredibly happy.
He had first started to notice his blinding happiness that first day settling into the bed and breakfast. Well, settling probably wasn't the best word. No, Taehyung and Jungkook had been quite active. Quite busy, as a certain brat might put it.
As expected, their first time making love after so long had been such a beautiful experience - a ground-shaking, earth-shattering experience - and had left Taehyung utterly fulfilled and wholly satisfied. He had missed that sort of connection with Jungkook, one that unified them physically as well as emotionally. Because fuck. If talking about their wildest kinks and most taboo fantasies didn't connect them, Taehyung didn't know what would.
Unsurprisingly, the two boys had found themselves tangling beneath the sheets quite frequently over those first few days. But besides that particular activity, they were busy in other ways, too. From unpacking the boxes in their closet to indulging in a little online shopping - they needed some homey touches for their new room, of course - they really had had a lot to do. And through it all, Taehyung and Jungkook couldn't stop smiling or laughing.
They were both so incredibly happy.
After they had spent that initial week barely leaving their bedroom - or putting clothes on, for that matter - they became more social. Jungkook had persuaded Hoseok to let him lead a couple of workout classes in the lodge's gym and then convinced Yoongi to teach him about gun safety and proper shooting techniques. The former Chief had been relatively carefree since reuniting with his now-boyfriend, and to everyone's shock, had graciously agreed to Jungkook's request. And ever since, Jungkook and Yoongi had structured their mornings to include at least thirty minutes of training.
As for Taehyung's own mornings, he had started to help Jimin outdoors with the grounds. The urge to constantly look over his shoulder and search for active threats had been overpowering at first, with any unexpected or sudden noise easily setting him on edge. But Jimin had been patient; the gardener had always reassured him that they were okay. And because of that, a solid and unbreakable friendship had formed between the two. Hell, that friendship had developed so quickly that Taehyung often joked to Jungkook that Jimin was his soulmate.
Those jokes had almost always ended with Taehyung's hands tied above his head, his body bare as Jungkook worshiped him for hours. And as the younger would adorn his skin with bites and marks, as he would connect their hearts and bodies and souls, he would promise that he wasn't offended by that declaration. He'd assure that he'd never get angry or upset by Taehyung calling Jimin his soulmate. And then, perhaps to prove a point, he'd pleasure Taehyung over and over and over again.
And he wouldn't stop until Taehyung was crying out that Jungkook was his love, his other half, and his twin flame.
His soulmate.
By the second or third week, both Taehyung and Jungkook had established comfortable routines that kept them occupied yet relaxed. Doing little chores for Hoseok and listening to Yoongi's detailed stories about his former life in security had become the new normal. Watching the sunset from out on the balcony and taking long walks underneath the stars had become the preferred ways to fill time. And going on dates - Jungkook and Taehyung would alternate organizing their sweet outings - had become repeated rituals.
Everything had perfectly fallen into place.
But not all days had been easy.
Especially in the beginning weeks, there had been days and nights alike that were equally difficult for Taehyung as they were for Jungkook. Flashbacks had often transported them back in time, forcing them to relive some of their most harrowing experiences. And the nightmares . . . At times, it had been Jungkook bolting upright in a frenzied trance, his hands shaking as they urgently probed all over Taehyung's stomach in search of blood. Other times, it had been Taehyung waking to the sound of gunshots ringing in his ears, the memory of his mother collapsing fresh in his mind.
Whenever those instances had occurred, Taehyung and Jungkook would hold each other until they calmed down. Sometimes, they would talk until they drifted back into sleep. Sometimes, they would hum idle tunes to ease the racing of their hearts. And sometimes, they would say nothing at all; sometimes, the warmth from the other's body was all they needed.
To help make those days and nights better, the boys had found a therapist who specialized in post-traumatic stress disorder. The woman's resume had boasted impressive experience with helping her clients manage their trauma-induced episodes, so even though she was located in Seoul, Taehyung and Jungkook had no concerns meeting with her virtually.
Most of the boy's sessions were alone - they worked individually with the woman twice per week - though they had scheduled a few sessions together as well. And no, Taehyung and Jungkook hadn't opted for couples' counseling due to unsolvable disagreements or recurring fights. No . . . they had signed on for combined sessions for the opposite reason. They had wanted to learn how to best support each other on their independent and shared path towards healing.
And so they had.
They had learned a great deal about what it meant to heal alongside someone else. They had learned that healing didn't have to be a solitary endeavor; it didn't have to be a weight one carried alone. And they had learned the power of leaning on each other, of not hiding their lingering fears but openly sharing the uglier parts of their pain.
And as time had continued, they had started to accept all they had gone through. They had started taking control of their distraught emotions and scarred thoughts. They had started to move forward and emerge as stronger people, as a stronger couple. And while they knew their journeys towards healing wouldn't always be easy - it would take ample patience and unwavering understanding - both Taehyung and Jungkook were eager to reclaim their lives.
In addition to therapy, the boys had also formed another healthy tradition - weekly phone calls with Namjoon. Their brother had been faring relatively well, all things considered, and his spirits seemed higher than ever. He had started journaling in order to capture his complex array of feelings, which was a therapeutic practice that lessened the intensity of his ever-present guilt. And while he still had a few more months of incarceration before becoming eligible for early release, Namjoon would always end their calls the same way:
I'll see you both soon.
Besides speaking with Namjoon, Taehyung and Jungkook had many other family interactions as well. Chinhwa had proven early on that he was a big fan of video calling, often requesting daily chats so he could assure both boys were doing well. Then there was Jin, who had gotten into the habit of checking in via text or call every couple of days. The frequent contact could have been annoying to some, but to Taehyung and Jungkook, they absolutely loved it. After going so long without their loved ones in their lives, without the freedom to contact them whenever they wished, it was a welcome change.
Another welcome change had been the ability to actually see their loved ones in person without concern of danger. Just three or so weeks ago, both Chinhwa and Jin had come to the bed and breakfast to celebrate Jungkook's 23rd birthday. The party had been a relaxed and low-key affair, one complete with delicious food, small presents, and hours upon hours of joy and laughter.
And as for Taehyung's birthday gifts for Jungkook? One had been socially acceptable while the other had not. The first had been a gorgeous set of paints; Taehyung had recently learned how artistic his boyfriend was and thought painting could be a creative outlet for him. And the second gift, well . . . Let's just say Taehyung had worn nothing but a tie to bed that night.
Shortly after the younger's birthday celebration, both boys had also enrolled in a couple of online courses. Both had agreed on pursuing higher education, even though neither had been committed to a particular subject or degree. But that was okay; they had plenty of time to make those decisions. They weren't in any rush to plan out the following weeks, months, or years. So long as they pursued something, so long as they kept on challenging their boundaries and expanding their beliefs, that was all that mattered.
All that mattered was Taehyung and Jungkook's never-ending growth, their determination to heal, and their promise to love . . . Always to love.
And those weeks of changing for the better - those weeks of letting go and chasing a brighter beginning - all led to today.
Today was a very special day.
Taehyung was currently flitting around the garden's gazebo, moving as quickly as possible to finish decorating the outdoor space. He had spent the last hour or so stringing fairy lights through the railing and up the beams, arranging blankets and pillows on the floor, and transporting prepared baskets of food from the kitchen to the gazebo's lone bench. All he needed to do now was add one finishing touch; he needed to clip a few roses and artistically scatter their petals along the walkway.
But he needed to work fast . . . The sun was moments away from setting, which meant Jungkook would come looking for him soon. Hell, knowing how impatient his bratty sweetheart could be, Taehyung probably had two minutes at most.
Taehyung was honestly impressed - albeit shocked - that his boyfriend hadn't snuck into the gardens sooner. Sure, he had made the younger promise to stay inside until the sun dipped below the tree line, though he hadn't expected that request to be obeyed. After all, Taehyung knew from experience that Jungkook didn't have the best track record of following orders to remain out of sight. So the fact that Jungkook lasted a whole hour without his curiosity getting the best of him - especially today of all days - was quite remarkable.
After hastily scanning the garden and seeing no sign of his boyfriend, Taehyung found his pruning shears and raced to the rose bushes. He practically slid to his knees, wasting no time at all as he sifted through the remaining blooms to find the most vibrant of flowers. And since he had previously obtained Jimin's permission to cut off as many as he wanted, Taehyung had no reservations snipping off six, seven, eight roses.
Once he was satisfied with the collection, he carefully dropped the shears to the ground so he could pop the thorns from the stems. Back when he had first started gardening with Jimin, the elder had taught him how to use his fingers to snap them off rather than use a professional thorn stripper. And even though he had done this several times now, even though he was working diligently, he still pricked his thumb when a voice called out from behind him.
"Angel."
Taehyung gasped at the faint pain, though it was quickly forgotten as he looked over his shoulder and took in Jungkook. The younger's lips were spread into a wide smile, his eyes squinted into crescents as he approached where Taehyung was working.
"Am I early?" Jungkook asked, running a hand through his hair to fluff up the silky strands. He hadn't trimmed any of the length off since the day Taehyung came at him with scissors, so the locks now fell in waves to his cheekbones.
He was so handsome. So beautiful.
Taehyung attempted to furrow his eyebrows and pout his lips, but his happiness wouldn't allow for those annoyed expressions. So instead, he beamed even more brightly than before, rising to his feet and brushing off the dirt on his pants. "Yes. Go back inside for five minutes."
Jungkook's eyes twinkled with mischief as he reached for Taehyung's waist, holding him securely and drawing their bodies together. "Now, why would I want to do that, Taehyungie?"
"Come on, you little brat. Let me finish setting up."
"I thought you were finished," the younger said, his voice airy with amusement. "You put all those string lights up, then got the food and the blankets and -"
"Wait. How do you know about those things?" Taehyung cut him off, setting his hands on his boyfriend's chest. He savored the firm swell of muscles beneath his palms and unconsciously dug his fingers into the solid flesh.
"I maybe, kind of, sort of watched you from our balcony for the last half hour," Jungkook giggled, the sound turning into a loud and carefree laugh when Taehyung mock scowled at him. "I thought for sure that you'd see me, but I guess Yoongi's lessons on blending into my surroundings really paid off."
"Kook."
"And besides," Jungkook continued, "I couldn't resist watching you. You were just so adorable getting all tangled up in the lights and rearranging the pillows like twenty times."
"Kookie," Taehyung said again as he gently smacked the younger's chest, "all of that was supposed to be a surprise."
Burrowing his face into Taehyung's neck - still laughing away - Jungkook defended, "Hey, you ruined your own surprise this morning. You literally asked Hoseok if he had any picnic baskets or blankets while I was standing right next to you. And then, if that wasn't obvious enough, you told me you were going to prepare a hot and steamy date night for us."
"You're impossible," Taehyung whined, shaking his head before pressing a soft kiss against the younger's hair. "And I believe the phrase I used was romantic evening."
"Yeah, well, we both know how the night is going to end. It's going to be hot and steamy." For emphasis, Jungkook grazed his teeth along Taehyung's skin before swiping over the area with his tongue. "Definitely hot and steamy."
"I think you become more of a horn dog each and every day," Taehyung said through a chuckle, his words a bit throaty around the edges. Even after all this time, the simplest - or most sinful - of touches from the younger still warmed him to his core.
And Jungkook knew it. He absolutely knew the effect he had on Taehyung as he said, "Maybe. But you love it."
"I do," Taehyung admitted out loud, carding his fingers through his boyfriend's hair and mildly scratching at his scalp. "I really do."
After enjoying the warmth of the other's arms for a few more moments, Jungkook pulled back and pointed to the abandoned roses on the ground. "Were those supposed to be for me?"
"They were supposed to be for the overall vibe," Taehyung explained as he picked up the flowers, his movements practiced and nimble as he snapped off the last of the thorns. "I wanted to scatter them in front of the gazebo, but a certain someone here interrupted that plan."
There was no remorse on the younger's face as he said, "Why don't you save those for our bed, then? We haven't made love over rose petals since our first day here, and fuck, that would be the perfect way to celebrate today."
"As beautiful as that was, we learned the hard way that red roses and sex don't mix."
Sadly, that was true. Taehyung and Jungkook had been so eager to christen their new room by indulging in edging and overstimulation that they hadn't realized something rather important. They hadn't realized that crushed rose petals, sweaty bodies, and white linen would result in red-stained sheets. Yeah . . . After they had returned to their bedroom after a long bath - and after their post-coital ecstasy had worn off a bit - they had been shocked to find what looked like a scene from a horror movie.
But because today was so special and all, Taehyung came up with a reasonable compromise. "How about this? We'll make love without the roses, then after, we'll take a bath and add a few petals to the water. Sound good?"
Jungkook took the small bouquet from Taehyung, bringing the group of flowers up to his nose and inhaling deeply. Roses, it seemed, were the only blossoms that didn't reduce the younger to a sneezing mess. "Sounds perfect."
"Perfect," Taehyung echoed, softly gripping the younger's shoulders and spinning him around. He nudged the boy forward, beginning to lead them back towards the gazebo. "Now, close your eyes and don't open until I say so."
"I'm surprised there's no blindfold this time," Jungkook chuckled, clearly remembering their journey to the bed and breakfast a couple of months back. "Seriously, I expected that grey tie of yours to be around my eyes the moment I came outside."
"And remove it from where it's wrapped around our bed's headboard? Never," Taehyung murmured into Jungkook's ear, his voice inadvertently dropping an octave as he recalled everything they had done with the silky accessory. "And anyway, blindfolding you was never a part of my grand plan."
"No?"
"No." As they rounded a corner, Taehyung secured one of his hands over the younger's eyes so he wouldn't be tempted to peek. He still wanted there to be some sort of dramatic reveal. "As soon as you stepped into the gardens, I wanted you to see the lights and to hear the music. I wanted you to be in awe - to be amazed - as you came to me."
"I'm still going to be amazed, Tae. I'm already amazed," Jungkook whispered, his eyelashes fluttering against Taehyung's palm. "I know you worked really hard to make today special for us."
A thrum of energy raced through Taehyung's veins as he looked a few meters ahead, his mouth effortlessly spreading into a smile as he admired the glowing gazebo. His words were entirely honest as he said, "I did it for you, Kook. This is the first time you're celebrating something like this and -"
"Let me guess. It's going to be my last?" Jungkook supplied, his warm breath puffing against Taehyung's hand as he laughed to himself.
"Are you going to be a brat all night?" Taehyung couldn't help the resounding laugh that rumbled in his own chest; he was just so damn happy.
"Yup. And I'll be one tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day," the younger said, nearly stumbling over an uneven part of the dirt path. "That's what you signed up for, Taehyungie. There's no going back now."
It was what Taehyung signed up for; he didn't want to go back to a time where he didn't love his sweetheart. Because Jeon Jungkook . . . fuck. Jeon Jungkook was it for Taehyung. There would never be anyone else. Taehyung would never want anyone else. As he said all those weeks ago, Jungkook was the one person Taehyung wanted to love for the rest of his life.
No matter what . . .
Always . . .
Forever.
So when they arrived at the gazebo, when Taehyung pressed his chest against his boyfriend's back, he murmured, "You can be a brat all you want. I love it. I love you."
"I had always hoped to meet someone who likes me the way I am," Jungkook revealed in a softening tone as he leaned into the embrace. "I'm lucky that that person is you. I don't know what I'd do without you, Tae."
"You can't live without me," Taehyung agreed, wrapping an arm around the younger's lean waist to hold him tighter to his body. "But to be fair, I can't live without you either. So for both of our sakes, I hope this is the last time you're celebrating this particular milestone."
"It's my first and last," Jungkook affirmed. "I promise. Now promise me that it's your last, too."
"Promise," Taehyung whispered, his words slightly shaky and thick with emotion. But that was okay; he had a good reason to be emotional today. So he brought his lips to Jungkook's ear and said, "Happy one hundred days, sweetheart."
And then he uncovered the younger's eyes.
The gazebo twinkled with the thin strands of fairy lights, their golden hues complementing the warmth of the setting sun. The plush pillows and thick blankets helped make the space feel inviting, while battery-operated candles added a cozy ambiance. Taehyung had wanted to light actual candles and set them on the gazebo's railing, though Hoseok had immediately shot down that idea. Something about a fire hazard or whatnot.
And even though Taehyung hadn't had the chance to scatter the rose petals or connect his phone to the bluetooth speaker, everything was perfect. Everything was perfect for his and Jungkook's one hundredth day anniversary.
Taehyung hooked his chin over the younger's shoulder so he could better see his reaction. Since this wasn't exactly a surprise thanks to Jungkook's previous snooping, Taehyung expected either an overly dramatic expression or a gentle - yet appreciative - gaze to cover the boy's face. But what he saw . . . what he took in . . .
Jungkook appeared speechless. He seemed to be in total awe. He looked amazed.
The younger's dark eyes were wide and curious as they scanned the intimate display, darting over each and every decoration as if trying to commit the scene to memory. His mouth - that pink and plump and utterly captivating mouth - was ever so slightly parted, letting a breathy gasp slip out and punctuate the stillness around them. And his touch was unshakable as he gripped onto Taehyung's arm, pulling their bodies flush together like he hoped never to part.
"You hate it," Taehyung giggled. "The decorations looked better from the balcony, didn't they?"
Jungkook immediately shook his head. "It's beautiful, angel. And seeing it all up close . . . just being here with you . . . I feel so . . . fuck."
Without any buildup or warning, Jungkook spun in Taehyung's arms and captured his lips in a slow and passionate kiss. They melted further into each other, the heat from their bodies mirroring the heat rushing through Taehyung's veins. And as their hands tenderly tangled in the other's hair and ran along the other's spine and carefully caressed the other's hips, they spoke volumes without ever producing words with their tongues.
Their tongues were busy doing something else anyway.
When they were both out of breath, the younger leaned back with a satisfied hum. And once he placed the softest of kisses to the corners of Taehyung's mouth, the tip of his nose, and over his eyelids, he said, "Happy one hundred days, angel. I love you so much."
"I love you more."
"Impossible."
Before Taehyung could open his mouth to argue the point, Jungkook pressed a firm kiss against his lips and then ran into the gazebo. He immediately plopped down onto the cushioned floor, stretching out his legs and reclining back on his elbows. "Come on, Taehyungie. Come celebrate with me."
And because Taehyung could never resist his sweetheart, he stepped into the gazebo without further debate.
For the next hour, the boys chatted about everything and nothing in between bites of the delicious food Yoongi had prepared for them. Jungkook nearly choked on grilled pork belly when Taehyung revealed that the former Chief had insisted on packing them a picnic. Apparently, the older male hadn't forgotten how the boys had offered to pack the best damn picnic he ever had back in that Daegu bunker and wanted to return the favor. He had wanted to provide this token as a small gift, as a memento to all they had endured together.
Once most of the food was gone, Taehyung and Jungkook propped up on the pillows so they could admire the deepening and darkening sky. It was so reminiscent of the times they had spent looking up at Haneul's LED ceiling, cuddling as they talked about their wildest dreams and fantasies. But unlike then, now they were happier, safer, and even more deeply in love. Now they had their whole lives ahead of them.
And at some point - once a sea of stars had exploded across the sky - they shared a knowing look and simultaneously reached for their pockets. They giggled as they pulled out the matching rings they had gotten for each other, rings they had never intended on buying. But fate, it seemed, had had other plans.
Even though this anniversary was an important milestone in their culture, the boys had never really discussed buying gifts. Both had agreed that a night alone would be far more meaningful; they didn't need to follow their culture's tradition of purchasing couples' rings for their one-hundredth day together. But it was funny how things worked out. Just a week or two ago, they had visited a local flea market and found something they weren't even looking for: a set of thin, silver bands. And something about those rings had felt so incredibly right, so they had pooled their money together and went home with the fine pieces of jewelry.
And now those identical rings were nestled perfectly on their fingers.
"A placeholder for the future," Jungkook said as he kissed over Taehyung's band, his soft lips grazing his skin. "And a reminder of what's to come."
"Sap," Taehyung responded, reverently caressing his boyfriend's face with his free hand. "How come you're so romantic?"
"Because I learned from the best," was Jungkook's answer, the undertones of a laugh coloring his voice. He pressed his cheek into Taehyung's palm, practically purring as he lifted his eyes. "I have one last thing for you."
Taehyung's eyebrows scrunched together as his thumb traced over the younger's cheekbone. "Hey, that's not fair. We were only supposed to give each other the rings. I don't have anything else for you."
"Technically, this isn't something from me. It's just . . . It's something I've been holding onto for some time now. And today . . . It feels right to give this to you today."
"You're being weirdly vague," Taehyung said, his mind going wild with ideas. "What do you mean this isn't something from you? Is it . . .? Oh. Oh. Is this what my dad gave to you when we were in Seoul? The thing he told you to give to me when we were both ready?"
Jungkook bit into his lip at that, looking down so he wouldn't give anything away. "There's only one way to find out. Close your eyes, angel. And give me your hands."
Without pause, Taehyung let his eyes fall shut as he extended his palms. He was ever so slightly shaking, the anticipation of this unknown present causing him to become restless and fluttery.
A rustling noise sounded from in front of him, and before he knew it, something lightweight and scratchy slid over his waiting fingers. His thumbs smoothed over the object and instantly identified a single piece of paper.
"What's this?" Taehyung asked, keeping his eyes closed as he continued touching the object. "You wrote me a letter?"
"I'm giving you a letter," Jungkook corrected, his tone incredibly gentle and even a bit timid. "You can look now."
Taehyung did as was told, his attention falling to the cream-colored paper in his hands. It was neatly and precisely folded into thirds, hiding the words that were written inside. But Taehyung saw through Jungkook's tricks; he knew what this was.
Bringing his attention to the younger, he said, "Jungkookie wrote me a love letter."
Jungkook slowly shook his head, his expression uncharacteristically reserved. "Just . . . Read it, Tae."
"Can I read it out loud?"
"Of course."
With a hum of excitement rumbling in his throat, Taehyung unfolded the letter and brought it closer to his face. "Let's see . . . Ah, okay. August 19, 2016 . . . 2016? Wait. What?"
Taehyung met Jungkook's gaze, searching that dark set of eyes for an explanation. But the younger didn't elaborate; he didn't offer anything that would clear up Taehyung's confusion.
All Jungkook did was place a warm hand on Taehyung's thigh and say, "Keep reading."
When Taehyung looked down at the paper this time, he really looked at the words. At the handwriting. And a millisecond before his brain put two-and-two together, his body knew. There was a tightening in his chest and a constriction of his throat and an instant watering behind his eyes. His body knew.
And when he silently read that first line - To my darling boy, my lovely Taehyung - his mind knew as well.
Taehyung instinctively clutched the letter to his chest, trying to bring those words and that handwriting closer to his heart. He tried to bring the person who wrote those words and who owned that handwriting closer to his heart. And as he looked at his boyfriend, as he noted the subtle nodding of his head, Taehyung whispered, "This . . . This is what my dad gave you? A letter from my mom?"
Tears were pooling in Jungkook's eyes as he gently stroked Taehyung's thigh, the touch both soothing and reassuring. And as he continued nodding his head, as he let a couple of those tears fall down his cheeks, he said, "Can you read her letter to me, angel?"
Taehyung nodded in response, nuzzling closer to the younger and leaning back against his chest. And with a deep inhale to steady himself, he began.
"August 19, 2016. To my darling boy, my lovely Taehyung. Happy one hundred days, Tae. This is the first time you've celebrated an anniversary of this nature, so I thought the occasion was worthy of a letter. Letters are always so special, don't you think? Anyway, that's why I wanted to write to you. And while this anniversary is a celebration between you and your boyfriend, these words are not meant for him. They are meant only for you. My love in this letter is solely dedicated to you."
Even though he had just started reading, Taehyung's cheeks were already wet and sticky. Reading his mother's words in her own handwriting . . . He never expected something like this. He never hoped for something like this.
He tilted his head back so he could better see Jungkook, his vision slightly blurry with moisture. But instead of wiping away his tears - he was proud to wear them - he let out a watery sort of laugh. "My mom wasn't exactly a fan of Bogum."
"Really? I would never have guessed," Jungkook snickered along with him, his hand squeezing the meat of Taehyung's thigh.
Taehyung was grateful for the steady weight of the younger's touch; without it, he probably would have dissolved into a blubbering mess by now. "Have you read this? The whole letter, I mean?"
"Not the whole thing. I read up until the next paragraph. After that, I . . . I wanted you to read the rest to me."
Admittedly, Taehyung couldn't recall the message of this letter. It was written over four years ago, after all. But he trusted Jungkook's judgment; if the younger wanted to wait for Taehyung to read this with him, there must have been a good reason.
So without any further hesitation, he continued. "Besides your anniversary, I have a greater purpose for writing this letter. Do you have any guesses? No? Well, there might come a day when you forget all of my motherly advice. Or maybe you won't forget but will need a gentle reminder. Either way, that's why I decided to write all of this down. I wanted you to have something you could always look back on, something that would help you remember the most important lesson I have to teach about love. Because in the future, when you meet the man who you want to spend thousands upon thousands of days with, I want you to be ready. I want you to be prepared to open your heart to him."
Taehyung hadn't planned on stopping again, but after reading those words, he made eye contact with Jungkook once more. "I think I know why you didn't read past this point."
"Go ahead," the younger encouraged. "Tell me."
"You wanted to hear me say that you're the man I want to spend thousands upon thousands of days with."
"You know me too well," Jungkook said by way of agreement, his nose crinkling as his lips pulled into a smile. "But there's one other thing, too. Your mom wrote this letter to you, Tae. If you want to keep this private, I completely respect that decision. It's your choice, and I . . . I didn't want to take that away from you."
God, just when Taehyung didn't think it was possible to love Jungkook anymore, something like this occurred. He never before met someone so thoughtful or considerate, someone who strived to make Taehyung feel valued. And he did. Fuck, he felt so valued when he was with Jungkook. He felt so appreciated and so loved.
So that's why Taehyung had no problem saying, "I want to share this with you. Anything my mom wrote to me, she also wrote to the man I would one day share my heart with. And that man is you, sweetheart. She wrote these words for you, too."
"Tae . . . Thank you, angel. You don't know how much that means to me," Jungkook said in a barely perceptible voice, another tear creating a shiny path down his skin.
And while Taehyung wasn't going to point it out now, he did know how much all of that meant to the younger. This letter - these words from a mother to her son and the future love of his life - was one of the only motherly gestures Jungkook had ever known.
"I'm going to keep going, okay?" Taehyung murmured, waiting for a nod of approval before beginning from where he left off. "People often say that love is a balance, that it's a balance of giving and taking. But I don't know if I really agree with that. I don't think there can be any takers in love. Because love . . . Love is selfless, Tae. It's a selfless act that promises nothing. It guarantees nothing. Love is choosing to give someone everything you have, even though you might not get everything back. And that's so incredibly scary. It can be terrifying. But when you find the right person, it's suddenly not so scary or terrifying anymore. It's liberating.
"And when you find the right person, you'll realize that you're not the only person giving. No, the right person will be selfless for you as well. They will give you everything they have - their heart, their trust, their respect - though will never demand those things in return. They will ask, but they will never demand. And when both you and your partner can do that for each other, when you freely choose to do that for each other, that's when you'll find a selfless, giving love. That's when you'll receive a selfless, giving love in return.
"I won't tell you whether or not you have already found that selfless and giving sort of love. That is something only you can decide. But Tae, my biggest hope for you is that you'll love a man who longs to show you his true self. I hope you love a man who isn't afraid to push aside his pride and reveal who he really is inside. I hope you love a man who works hard to better himself, not just because of you but because he genuinely wants to learn and grow. And more than anything, I hope you meet and love a man who inspires you to do the same. That's all I want for you, Tae.
"So, on your very first one hundred day anniversary, I ask that you keep this lesson on love in mind for the future. Because one day, you might find yourself celebrating another one hundred day anniversary with a man who has freely handed over his heart. With a man who so selflessly loves you. And if you get to that point in your life - if you love that man as much as he loves you - I hope you realize that it's not so scary. I hope that you realize that loving someone, that giving them your all, has the power to set you free.
"I love you now until forever . . . Your mother, Haneul."
When Taehyung finished reading his mother's letter, he stared at her handwriting for a couple of moments longer. He skimmed over her words once again. And for the first time in so, so long, he felt like his mother was right here next to him. He saw her kind smile lighting up her face, shining brightly as she opened up her arms for a hug. He felt her slender fingers comb through his hair, teasingly tugging on his now unruly curls. And he heard her voice lilting into a laugh, telling Taehyung it was about time he found the right man to share that letter with.
And he had found the right man. He had found the man who he was going to spend the rest of his life with, the man who proved love truly was about giving. Taehyung had found the man who had bared his mind, heart, body, and soul, the man who encouraged him to do the same.
Taehyung had found his other half.
His Jeon Jungkook.
After cautiously setting the letter to the side, Taehyung climbed into Jungkook's lap and threw his arms around his neck. And as he settled into the embrace, as he looked into the younger's eyes, he let the last of his tears fall. But they were happy tears. Because right now, with his heart full of love from his mother and his sweetheart, he was so inconceivably happy.
"Thank you for sharing that with me," Jungkook said as he brought his hands to the small of Taehyung's back, his voice soft with gratitude. "Thank you for trusting me."
"Thank you for holding onto that for so long," Taehyung responded, his eyes tracing each part of the younger's handsome face. His lips quirked up at the corners as he added, "Actually, I'm surprised you held onto that for so long. You must have had her letter for like . . . two months! Where'd that restraint come from?"
A scoff was his first reply, followed by, "Hey, I can practice restraint when I want. I know how to hold back when the situation calls for it."
Taehyung waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive display. "Oh, I can certainly attest to that."
Jungkook rolled his eyes but otherwise chose to ignore that comment. And instead, he said, "I can't begin to explain how difficult it was for me not to give you her letter. But once I realized she had written it for your first one hundred days, I thought it made sense to wait until now. And I hoped . . . I hoped that it would somehow apply to us. To you and me."
"It did," Taehyung assured him, sliding his fingers into Jungkook's hair and cradling his head. "It does. Everything my mom said . . . I found that selfless and giving love with you. You're the man who she wanted me to find all along. You're the man who has set me free."
"I love you, Tae. I love you more than anything," Jungkook whispered, pulling Taehyung closer and letting their mouths hover mere centimeters apart. "And I promise . . . I swear to show you that love every single day for the rest of our lives."
"That's a very long time," Taehyung chuckled, his lips just barely grazing against Jungkook's as he leaned forward.
"It won't be long enough."
"Sap."
"You love it."
"I love you, Kook," Taehyung murmured, sliding his nose alongside the younger's and tightening his grip in his hair. "I love you, my giving brat."
Jungkook chuckled at that, his breath faintly fanning over Taehyung's lips. They were so close that they were practically breathing each other's air. "Well, if I'm a giving brat, then that must make you my selfless bodyguard."
The brat and the bodyguard.
Jungkook and Taehyung.
Taehyung couldn't believe how far they had come; he couldn't believe that something once so tense and strained could end up like this. He couldn't believe how lucky he was to get to experience a love like this.
And while it was hard to believe all of those things were his reality, he wasn't going to spend too long questioning them. No. He was going to work every day to appreciate the blessings he had been given; he was going to make the most of this little thing called life.
And he was going to live.
So with all of that in mind, he pressed his lips up against Jungkook's mouth and mumbled the word that determined his fate long ago. "Sweetheart."
And Jungkook kissed him back, murmuring the word that once drove Taehyung absolutely crazy but now set him on fire . . . The word that promised a bright and happy and safe future. The word that proved to Taehyung that he was never really alone.
"Angel."
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》 V A L E N W R I T I N G 《
I might be crying?? After the journey that these two characters went through, this ending felt so therapeutic and satisfying to me. I'm just so happy for them haha. Tell me what you thought about this chapter, their journey, and their growth!
I can't believe all we have left is the Epilogue . . . That is absolutely insane to me. I didn't really know the journey I would go on while writing this story, and now that we're here . . . Wow. My heart is full and warm to have reached this point, but it's a bit bittersweet as well. This is the longest I've spent writing a story, and I can easily say that No Going Back has been on my mind every single day. Which was tiring, I will admit. But this plot, these characters, and the overall themes/messages came to mean so much to me. I hope they came to mean a lot to you all as well.
I'll save my sappiness for after the Epilogue is out haha. All I'll say for now is thank you all so, so much for sticking with me and No Going Back. When I felt like taking a break from this story (and on tougher days, giving up completely), I felt so loved and supported by you. That's what helped me to stay motivated. That's what helped me get to where I am now. So thank you for everything you've done for me and more! I love you more than words can ever say.