I couldn't even blink.
"You must have sensitive hearing, right? Being a spider and all." Gang Orca walked up to me laying uselessly next to Bakugo. "On the contrary, Bakugo has thicker eardrums, considering his loud quirk. The paralyzation won't work for long on him."
My eyeballs felt like they were being felted by a million tiny needles. A few meters in front of me, I spotted Todoroki, also unmoving.
"What should I do now, Mizugumo and Bakugo? Hm? Do I paralyze you more? Or do I go after the evacuation team?"
For a hero, Gang Orca sure was getting into the villain roleplay.
"I'm going to kill you!"
"Oh? You can move your fingers now? Still not enough to create an explosion, though." Petting Bakugo's head patronizingly, Gang Orca stepped over his inanimate body and headed towards the other students.
"Mizugumo!"
I recognized Todoroki's voice amidst the ringing in my ears. Forcing my eyelids to lower, I struggled for a whole minute before I was able to blink. It hurt like hell.
Squinting at my classmate, I saw the left side of his face aflame.
"Cover your exposed skin!"
I was still unable to speak, but I think my eyes conveyed my incredulity well enough.
"Bakugo, run!" Todoroki called.
"Heh?! Why am I taking orders from you?"
Todoroki ignored the blonde. I guess he saw how my exposed fingers were slowly getting coated in dragline, as I felt the air grow hotter.
"Take a deep breath, Mizugumo."
I did as told, no questions asked.
After encasing my head in thick ice, Todoroki engulfed Gang Orca and the path to Gang Orca in flames.
Bakugo was forced to comply and he clumsily blasted away from the licking flames.
The warmth was welcomed at first, as my head felt like it was buried in the North Pole. But as Todoroki continued his assault without any indication of stopping, I started panicking.
It was my nightmares all over again.
The breathing difficulties came first, almost always immediately followed by faint vestiges of the smells. Violent images would then flash behind my eyelids like a projection, the order all jumbled up and the colors needlessly vibrant. In a few seconds, my body would seize up and refuse to move, putting me in a freeze response.
Vulnerable and helpless, the hallucinations would then creep up on me. I would feel as if every inch of my skin was on fire, as if I was drowning in tepid blood and gore, as if deathly cold hands were groping my ankles, all at once.
And, right before I woke up to a pitch-black dorm room, Dad would scream my first name in torment, begging for my help.
But I could never reach him. Either the blood flooded him away, or the flames already devoured him.
"Kana!"
Yes, just like that. That's what he sounds like. I'll be waking up soon.
"Kana!"
. . . But he never yells it a second time. Am I dreaming?
I couldn't differentiate between dreams and reality anymore. They ebbed and flowed together, interlocking and murking the boundaries so much that I was having trouble separating my waking times and dreaming times.
It was like trying to find the gap in backstage curtains. No matter how hard or for how long I swatted at the heavy velvet fabric, the two curtains would never part, never delight me with a means to escape.
A sharp pain shot up my arm from my hands. "Ow . . ."
"She's conscious!"
I blinked open my eyes, squinting when the harsh sun glared down at me.
"Mizugumo, I apologize. I know the plan was risky, and yet I-"
"Stop talking. Who yelled my first name?" I waved Todoroki's apology away. I didn't have the heart to accept it, considering my heart was still leaping in fear from his flames.
I felt wrong for being scared of him. No quirks deserved to be hated, and plus, he's nothing like Dabi.
"Hm? Nobody said your first name . . . How do you feel? Do you need to go to the infirmary?" Midoriya leaned over me, standing next to where Todoroki was crouched. I took his outstretched hand and stumbled onto my feet.
Yanking on his hero costume to pull myself up, I awkwardly smoothed Midoriya's neckline after almost undressing him.
"No, I don't need the infirmary. Just sleep-deprived, I guess." I finally took in the situation. "Is the exam over?" Looking around, Bakugo was nowhere to be seen, and my classmates were all slowly coming back and gathering in a group.
Midoriya nodded. "Everyone was rescued, so the exam stopped. They're announcing the individual scores now."
I turned my head to see a gigantic screen that seemed to have materialized out of nowhere while I was unconscious.
"We evaluated you on a point demerit system. Basically, you all started with 100 points, and for each mistake you made, we took points off. Anything below 50 points means you failed. This is to accurately measure how you hold up during a time of crisis. For those of you who passed, your names will be on the list shown on the screen in syllabary order."
Midoriya and I both frantically scanned down the list to where "Mi" started.
Hm? That can't be right.
Frowning, I went down the list one by one.
Miya, Miyoko . . . Mononoke.
Nothing.
Was I disappointed? Did I feel like I failed?
Not exactly.
I felt . . . indifferent. No, that's not right. I didn't feel anything. Scanning the list once more, I noticed that neither Bakugo nor Todoroki's name was on there. I figured it was because of what happened back there.
Well, it wasn't like I was wishing on the stars to pass this exam.
"For those of you who didn't pass, you may consider re-taking the exam in April, though I imagine you would be busy with schoolwork. Well, good work, everyone. That's it for the provisional licensing exam, you may all leave."
"That's good to know. You can re-take it pretty fast, Mizugumo." Midoriya nudged me with his elbow, and I startled. I wasn't expecting to be comforted.
"Oh, yeah, I guess."
***
Back at the dorms, nightfall.
I was sitting at a dining table in the far corner of the common area with Midoriya. A few feet from us, our classmates lingered about, conversing amongst themselves regarding today's memorable events.
Midoriya was the one who asked to speak with me in private.
I could tell he was uncomfortable by how fidgety he was. His legs were bouncing under the table, his eyes were darting back and forth, and his hands were restless.
I didn't tell him I was counting the seconds, but I was. For every twenty seconds that passed, Midoriya would open his mouth and take a breath as if to speak, but would subsequently frown and close his mouth back up, pressing his lips into a thin line.
I sighed after Midoriya closed his mouth for the fifth time. "What is it you want to say? Spit it out already."
Midoriya's fidgeting paused for a second, only to start back up more aggressively than before.
"I doubt whatever you say will hurt my feelings," I added in an attempt to soothe his nerves.
Pressing his palms flat on the table, Midoriya's shoulders tensed. "I . . . I wanted to ask you about your . . . dad."
My eyes widened ever-so-slightly.
"I-I don't mean to pry! Really! I just wanted to check in on you . . . are you sure you're alright? I can't imagine . . ."
I waited for Midoriya to finish his sentence, but he never did. Staring off into the bustling common area, I couldn't help but get lost in my thoughts.
"Mizugumo?"
Midoriya was gazing at me with concerned eyes.
My mouth formed a silent "oh" when I realized he was still waiting for a response. "Um-" I shifted in my chair. "Nothing really happened back there; I just saw someone who looked a lot like my dad, that's all. Faulty eyes."
Midoriya didn't look like he bought it. I didn't know why I was withholding information from him. Part of me was embarrassed, part of me was scared, and part of me still hadn't registered what had happened.
I guess I was still in overdue shock, my consciousness still grasping at the wisps of information I may or may have not retained during that dream-like encounter.
If I still didn't understand it, how could I explain it? And how would Midoriya understand? It'd probably be better if no one knew about it.
I would just be adding more to their plates.
"Well, either way, I'm here if you need someone to talk to." Midoriya glanced behind him at our dispersing classmates. "Also, this is just my suggestion, but you should go talk to-"
"Deku."
I startled in my seat when a gravelly voice growled behind me. Bakugo must've come out from the bathrooms. Walking past me next to a seated Midoriya, he whispered something I wasn't supposed to be privy to.
"Go out front later. Let's have a talk about your quirk."
"Kacchan?"
Not even sparing me a glance, Bakugo skulked away, hands fisted in his sweatpants pockets.
"That reminds me, you guys went to the same middle school, right?"
"Huh? O-oh, yeah." Midoriya looked shocked and confused at the same time when he looked up, eyes shifty as he tried to avoid eye contact.
"You two are really close, no? You call him 'Kacchan', so . . ."
"I don't know if we're close in an affectionate way . . ." Midoriya rolled his eyes sheepishly. He doesn't exactly like me, I guess. But I genuinely admire him and how determined he is to become a hero. That's one of the things I like about him."
I frowned. "So you look up to him?"
"You could say that."
"Even though he constantly degrades and threatens you?"
"That's just how he is."
I scoffed. "Don't make excuses for him."
Midoriya smiled. "I don't hate him. I kind of understand why he is the way he is. Maybe one day you'll understand, too."
"Me? Understand Bakugo?" I made a face. "I don't know how you do it. I'm not that empathetic, nor am I that kind."
"I think you can be. Maybe just not now."
I was silent for a while before speaking. "He bullied you, didn't he?"
Midoriya looked like a deer caught in headlights. His eyes widened and it seemed that his mind blanked out for a second.
"W-Well, I mean, yeah . . . but-"
"But?" My eyebrows shot up in disbelief and my voice became heated. "I don't know the extent to which he bullied you, but if it's anywhere near the extent of how I was bullied, I'd be plotting his death right now. So don't even 'but' me."
Midoriya blinked as he processed my small outburst. "You were . . . bullied, too? For what? It's not like you're-"
"Not like I'm what?"
"I mean, what were you bullied for?"
"My quirk," I deadpanned in a flat tone.
"But you have an amazing quirk! Why would anyone in their right mind-"
"So do you."
" . . . "
I narrowed my eyes. "What's that grimace for?"
Midoriya abruptly stood and pushed his chair in. "A-Anyways, I just think everybody deserves a sort of . . . second chance, you know? I mean, you never know when they'll change."
"What are you, a saint?" Following Midoriya's lead, I headed towards the stairs and up into the dorm rooms. We were the only people left; everyone had already gone up for the night.
"I just don't think people bully for the sake of bullying."
"And I don't think I should've been the victim just because they had a reason for acting out."
We reached the second-floor landing, and Midoriya turned to me with an understanding smile. "Goodnight, Mizugumo."
Well, that was unsatisfying.
I gawked at his retreating profile. Scoffing in disbelief, I climbed up to the fourth floor and stepped into my room, gently clicking the door shut behind me.
Midoriya's delusional.
My eyes drifted towards my bed, laying innocently in the corner. The sheets and comforter were a tangled mess, the linen coverings wrinkled and in desperate need of a wash. My numerous pillows lay sprinkled all over the bedroom floor.
Sighing, I nudged them aside with my feet and went straight out onto the balcony. The mere thought of falling asleep made my stomach churn and my lungs seize.
Katsumi rubbed up against my ankles, circling in between my feet and clawing at my calves for me to pet him. Bending down, I picked him up and settled him on my shoulders. "Do you think he's crazy, Katsumi?"
"Meow?"
"Maybe Bakugo messed his head up when they were young. I wouldn't put it past him," I mumbled.
Katsumi was grooming his paw, paying me no mind.
"He's the definition of 'kill them with kindness'. He's so kind it's nauseating." I tipped my head back to stare at the flickering stars in the sky, eliciting a meow of protest from Katsumi. "No way am I ever going to be that virtuous."
"Meow."
"Are you agreeing with me?" I laughed.
"Meow."
I plucked Katsumi off my shoulders and gave him a suffocating hug before burying my face in his soft fur. "You're not exactly an angel either, Katsu."
I almost dropped my cat when I saw a person free-fall from right in front of my balcony.
"MEOW!"
"Ow! Katsu-" I ignored my cat as he dashed inside after slashing me across my arm, and instead focused on the person in danger. "Hey!"
Reaching a hand out, I shot silk and wrapped it around the person, yanking the threads over my balcony railing to pull them up.
"Woah-!" The person struggled against the silk. "Hey, stop-"
"Stop moving! I'm trying to help you!"
Using both hands, I pulled the person onto my balcony, but what I didn't expect was the sudden . . . weightless-ness?
"Ah! Ow!" Shooting into the roof over my balcony, the person then crashed down on me, causing me to fall backward onto the floor.
"Woah! Careful." A hand slipped behind my head, acting as a cushion as my head crashed into the tile walls.
We ended up in an awkward position with the person's left hand behind my head, tape sticking from his elbows to somewhere above my floor. His knee was between my legs and his other hand was next to my ear.
"What the hell- Sero?! Couldn't get over the fact that my room is better than yours?"
"What? No! I was- I was-"
Sero's eyes were drifting downwards.
"Eyes up here."
The boy flushed a bright red. "Sorry. I should get off."
I watched as he pushed off the balcony wall, awkwardly clearing his throat and fixing his askew clothes.
"So . . . care to explain?"
Sero opened his mouth to explain, but frowned and closed it back up. "Before that. I think we should talk about what happened at the exam."
Oh. I almost forgot about that.
I swallowed and sat up straighter. "Sero, I'm sor-"
"Are you alright?"
I paused out of confusion after he interrupted me. "Yeah . . . why?"
"You looked pretty beat-up after the first round of the exams."
I rubbed my neck absent-mindedly. Was he seriously worrying about me after the hurtful things I said? Just goes to prove how unkind I am.
"I'm fine. I want to apologize for what I said back then. You were right, and I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. I'm sorry." I hung my head in shame.
Sero didn't speak for a while, and I winced internally.
He's totally pissed. He totally thinks that was a trash apology. Because it was. Fuck, Kana, you really are a piece of-
"Hey." Sero's soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Look at me."
I lifted my head to find Sero standing over me. He held out a hand to me, and I stared at it like I was being offered drugs.
"Up up up. I have something to show you."
Taking Sero's hand with caution, I yelped when he pulled me to his hip, shooting tape somewhere high and jumping off my balcony with his hands gripping my waist.
"Sero! We'll get caught-"
"Since when were you a stickler for rules?"
He has a point.
After a mere second airborne, Sero set me down on the roof of the dorm building.
"I thought it would be steeper on here. And harder to stand on," I observed, testing my footing on the dark brown shingles. "How did you find out about this?"
"I've got too much free time on my hands. Plus, I was looking for a high place to train my quirk, so I tried the roof. That's why I dropped down past your balcony. I wasn't suicidal."
"You could've just told me to come up with my silk, though."
"I'm returning the favor," Sero grinned cheekily.
I thought back to the exam, and my smile dropped. Sero must've noticed because he spoke up before I could.
"You didn't need to apologize. I wasn't asking for one when I said I wanted to talk to you about the exam."
"Then what?"
"Well, I wanted to check up on you, but I guess Midoriya did that first. You guys talked for a pretty long time."
I nodded. "You guys don't need to worry about me. I saw someone who looked a lot like my dad and it messed with my head, that's all."
"That seems like a pretty good reason to be worried, though."
I gave Sero a side-eye and he mimed zipping his mouth shut.
"Are you heading down anytime soon?" Sero asked, yawning.
I shook my head. "I usually can't fall asleep this early, so no."
"I don't know how you do it. I'm exhausted from everything that's happened today."
"You can go down if you want, you know." I laughed.
"Well then don't stay up here for too long. It's cold."
"I won't, Mother."
Sero rolled his eyes. "Wait, don't move."
He dropped off the roof, and I raised a curious brow. Not long after, he flew back up and landed gracefully and soundlessly on the roof, a blanket in his arms.
"Here, take this. I'm going to sleep. You should, too." Mumbling a meek 'goodnight, Mizugumo' under his breath, Sero dropped off the roof once again without even giving me the chance to say thank you.
A hard bang sounded on the metal balcony railings, followed by a hiss of pain.
"Sero?! You okay?" I leaned over the edge of the roof, his blanket draped over my shoulders.
"I'm-I'm fine! Goodnight- I mean-"
"Goodnight, Sero." I interrupted his rambling.
Silence followed, and I chuckled to myself. Wrapping the blanket tighter over me, I flopped on my back. My breath was misting in the cold air, and I was starting to lose feeling in my hands. But that didn't matter. It kept me awake.
That night, I realized I liked high places. There was something about how lonely it felt that was calming to me. It was also oddly sad, and I liked that.
The roof of Heights Alliance on a windy winter night felt like a haunting chorus of piano and violin, despite the eery silence of the dead night. The only ones I was to share this moment with were the stars. When I closed my eyes, I could almost hear their loving whispers, as if to lure me back into the chaotic universe.
And I almost let them, if not for the rumbling vibrations I sensed underneath me.
An earthquake? No, the vibrations are too shallow-
Flashing lights illuminated the night sky in a series of explosions somewhere far off, near Ground Beta.
"What the hell?" I muttered, inching near the edge of the roof for a better view. I could feel the rubble tumbling to the ground in clusters of tremors, and I frowned at the unexplained carnage.
No one seemed to notice what was happening as all the lights were off when I leaned over to check the dorm room windows. I debated going to inform Mr. Aizawa, because then I would have to explain why I was on the roof and not sleeping like I should be.
Shrugging off Sero's blanket, I jumped down onto my balcony and flung it into my room. Out of pure curiosity, I swung from tree to tree until I neared the training ground where the explosions were originating from.
I didn't know what I was expecting, but it was along the lines of a malfunctioned security robot, not a full-blown quirk spar between Midoriya and Bakugo.
Which made me remember what Bakugo whispered to Midoriya back in the common area.
My hands wavered in surprise and I barely made the aim to a closer tree. Stumbling between the sharp branches, I hissed in pain when one scratched me across the shin.
"There's no way you were wrong!" Midoriya's panicked voice reached earshot over the crackling of explosions Bakugo continuously let out from his palm. "No one said your admiration was wrong-"
Bakugo didn't wait for him to finish. Launching up with an explosion, he swung at Midoriya with yet another attack intended to harm.
"I said, wait!" Midoriya just barely dodged. With his head tucked, he rolled across the cratered pavement and skidded on his feet. "Kacchan!"
What is going on? Wrong? Admiration? Didn't Bakugo say he wanted to talk about Midoriya's quirk? How is this in any way related to-
"Don't run! Fight me!" Bakugo's hoarse yell was laced with hostility and suppressed frustration. "Even though we admired the same person . . . WHY?! WHY?!"
He charged at Midoriya, twisting his torso to aim a roundhouse kick under Midoriya's chin. The green-haired boy snapped his head back, just barely recovering in time to cartwheel away from another one of Bakugo's explosions.
"WHY?!" Missing the attack, Bakugo was thrown off balance and he stumbled back a few steps before falling on his back.
This wasn't just pure hatred on Bakugo's part. There was no way simple resentment could lead to such an emotionally charged fight. I didn't know jack shit about the history between those two, but I could make inferences.
Disregarding accuracy, I guessed Midoriya was originally quirkless. Based on the conversation between All Might and Midoriya I overheard, he developed a special quirk rather late and abruptly.
This theory could be backed up from his "friend" he mentioned to Kota that day during the training camp, where it was highly possible it wasn't a friend at all but himself, and later the chat I had with him after visiting the costume development studio.
Another thing nagged at my mind. During the Camino Ward incident, Midoriya was the only one who took All Might's words a different way. While everybody was rejoicing, tears fell down his face. That, and the previous number one hero seemed pretty friendly with him. More so than other students.
Is All Might . . . Midoriya's mentor? How did they come to be so close?
Since Bakugo and Midoriya are childhood friends, wouldn't he know the most about Midoriya's quirk development?
I frowned as I tried to wrap my head around all the vague wisps of clues. None of them were substantial enough, and in the end, I could only come up with a weak theory.
Maybe, just maybe, Midoriya was born quirkless. It was rare, but it was possible. Then, somewhere along the way, he "obtained" a quirk. After that, All Might became his mentor, so it was possible his quirk had some connection with the pro-hero.
Bakugo's anger was the least justifiable amongst these things. So what if Midoriya got a quirk? So what if All Might was mentoring him? So what if-
"Are- Are you okay?" Midoriya's shaky voice snapped me out of my reverie. The boy rushed forward, bending at his knees to lend a hand to Bakugo.
Which he promptly smacked away. "Don't worry about me! FIght! What the hell is wrong with you?!"
I've never heard Bakugo's voice sound like that before. It was high-strung, like violin bow hair stretched too tight. Strained and shallow breathing accompanied his incredulous tone. It was like he wanted violence; coveted it as if it would solve his inner turmoil and smooth out all his indiscernible emotions.
Why is he so hell-bent on antagonizing Midoriya? What does he gain from-
"Why . . . ?! Why did I end up having to chase after the back of someone who was always behind me?!" Bakugo scoffed in delirium towards the end of his sentence as he slowly got to his feet.
My eyebrows lifted so high they almost disappeared into my hairline.
So it's nothing more than an arrogant bastard with an inferiority complex.
In the tree, I let out a humorless chuckle. I really came here for nothing, after all. This wasn't a conversation worth wasting my time listening in on, let alone over-analyze.
Well, I could blame my nosy ass for that.
But even when I had my arms extended and feet planted, ready to swing back towards the dorms, I still stayed to listen to Bakugo's words laced with . . . agony.
He was no longer focusing on hurting Midoriya, no longer trying to bring him down to make him feel better or to prove anything.
He kept repeating the word why.
"Why . . ." He braced his hands on his knees, head bent and strands of blonde hair swept over his eyes. "Why is it that you became strong . . . but I . . ."
His voice cracked, suddenly becoming croaky as he forced the next words out.
"Why was I the one to end All Might?!" Grabbing at the collar of his black tank, he pulled at it as if it were choking him when in reality, it was loose and was never near his neck. "If I'd been stronger and if I hadn't been kidnapped by villains, then that wouldn't have happened . . ."
With each word, Bakugo's voice rose an octave until he had to stop and take a deep, gasping breath. Wiping the tears on his face that I didn't even notice fall aggressively, he hid his eyes once again behind his hair.
"All Might tried to keep it a secret . . . I couldn't tell anyone! Even if I try not to think about it, it just comes to mind unexpectedly! I don't know what to do!"
I watched as Bakugo screamed, thrashing his head in distress, and the corners of my mouth twitched. "Shut up . . ."
I wasn't sure if I was laughing.
For a few seconds, I forgot all about Midoriya's presence. All I could see was Bakugo's pitiful form folded in on himself and trembling in panic.
And I wanted him to keep trembling. To keep crying, like the coward he was, and never ever ever come out from the dark space inside his head. He could torture himself all he wanted, in the never-ending loop of depressing and self-inflicted feelings of guilt that clouded his mind.
I wanted to watch him crack at the seams, then slowly crumble away into desolation, until he was nothing more than a shell.
Or even better, dirty ashes on the ground.
With a burning urgency, I wanted that to happen as soon as physically possible. I wanted to be privy to every mental breakdown he experiences, privy to all those suffocating memories, privy to every painful tear he sheds.
And then, after he's all tattered and worn, I would whisper one small notion of darkness. Suggest, even. And he would fall.
So then I would watch. With empty eyes, I would watch him descend into an infinite well of his own manic fabrications and indulge in the knowledge of his pain.
That was what I wanted.