It's been three days since... the incident.
When I say incident, I mean me masturbating to the thought of Louis. I still haven't recovered from that.
I've been avoiding him like the plague. I've spent the past days locked up in my room. I just sit at my desk, reading and writing. I stay as quiet as I can, make myself as small as possible.
Maman and Papa have noticed my behavior. They've come at my door everyday.
"Tu ne te sens pas bien mon chéri?"
"Everything is good Maman. Ne t'en fais pas. Just feeling a bit ill." I had answered, making sure the door had stayed closed. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone.
I try my best not to think about him. Every time the color blue pops into my head, I distract myself by thinking of brown. Cherry chapstick. Jeanne.
I do everything to push him far away in the back of my thoughts. I want to swipe him off my memory. Not remember anything about him. I want to get rid of this uncomfortable feeling I have when I think about him and I know that seeing him won't help me forget that said feeling.
I only sneak out of my room at night, to make sure that I don't run into anyone. I go to the kitchen and stock up on food for the day after.
My plan is going pretty well. I haven't been in the same room as him for the past seventy-two hours. He hasn't knocked on my bedroom door. I bet he doesn't care. I know he doesn't.
I know that what I'm doing is completely impractical. I can't avoid him forever. I will eventually have to face him someday. And it's not like he knows anything. For now, I'll just keep my distance.
It's nighttime and I'm currently heading to the door of the bathroom leading to Louis' room. I put my ear against it and listen carefully.
He's snoring. He's asleep.
I tiptoe back to my room and walk out the door leading to the hallway.
This is so stupid.
I keep telling myself each night that it'll be the last. That tomorrow, I'll stop being a baby and just face him.
I shouldn't let him have this much control over me.
"Tonight is the last night you're doing this Styles." I mumble to myself while slowly walking down the stairs.
I'll stop avoiding him. I'll just ignore him. I can do that. It's not that difficult.
As I make my way to the kitchen, I mentally make a note to myself to call Jeanne tomorrow as well. I haven't talked to her since she ran out of my room. It's a dick move on my part. I need to sort things out with her, apologize for being an asshole.
I grab the rest of a loaf of bread from the pantry, with a couple of peaches and a bowl of cherries. I'm fucking starving. I decide to not go back to my room immediately and instead enjoy my snacks here.
I pull out a chair and sit next to the kitchen counter, where I start feasting. I just shove uncontrollably everything I can put my hands on into my mouth.
Slowly but surely, my tummy gets full. I sign in satisfaction.
As I'm cleaning up the counter, I hear footsteps in the distance. They seem to get louder and louder.
Shit.
I quickly close the light and hide in the pantry.
He's in the kitchen. I say he but it might be Maman of Mafalda.
Please let it be either one of them.
"What the fuck?" I hear the person whisper to themselves.
Northern British accent.
It just had to be you, Louis.
I stop breathing. I close my eyes and don't move, hoping he'll get out of there soon. I'm too concentrated on my breathing that I hardly hear the pantry door open.
"Hum... Harry?" Louis asks, confused.
I look down immediately. I want to just bolt out of here to my room and never leave it again.
"Nothing. Just hungry." I mumble quietly.
"So you got food out of the pantry, to then proceed hiding in said pantry, with the lights closed? Interesting way of satisfying your hunger." Louis says with a chuckle.
He's smirking I can feel it.
Keep your eyes on your feet Harry, don't look at blue.
"I'm just sleepy, that's all. Was about to fall asleep in here actually." I make the up the worse excuse.
"Whatever you say." He pauses. "Do you have neck problems?"
"Wha-
"Neck problems? Do you have them? Is that why I haven't seen you in the past three days?"
He did notice my absence then.
"No?"
"You sure? Cause you've only been looking at your feet. I don't know. I thought maybe you had like, restricted neck motion."
No Louis. I don't have neck problems. It's just that I jacked off thinking about your pretty blue eyes three days ago and I'm scared that if I look into them right now, I'm gonna get hard in front of you.
"No. Just stretching it actually. All good. Nothing here." I respond. I have to look up now.
Here we go.
His eyes don't look the same at night. They're not as clear. They look as if there's a dark vail covering them. As the sun goes down, he hides his bright colors and brings out his darker ones for the moon.
I'm so overthinking the color of his eyes. They're just eyes for God's sake.
"Let me help with that" He brings me out of my thoughts with his hand reaching my neck. I flinch at his touch and push his hand away with mine. I walk out of the pantry and go near the counter to pick up the food that I had taken out earlier.
I can't let him touch me. I don't how my body will react.
"No. It's fine really. No need." Yet again, I avoid his eyes and keep them on the food. I quickly throw all of my leftovers in the garbage. He remains still. His eyes are following my every movement. As I make my way out of the kitchen, I lightly turn my head to him, not meeting eyes with him.
"Well. I guess that's i-
"Come with me." He says, determined.
"What?" I say, completely looking at him now.
He walks to the door leading outside, all whilst never breaking eye contact.
"Follow me." I stay frozen in my spot.
"I don't bite." He says smirking.
Red flag. Get out of there Harry. You're supposed to be ignoring him, remember?
I start following him, as he steps out on the terrace.
Dumb body.
Louis walks quite fast, almost to see if I can catch up. He's practically running, if I'm being honest. We're out in my backyard. The moon shines over the green fields and makes it easier for us to see where we're going. Where are we going? That I don't know. I don't trust him, but I feel like I have to.
He keeps his eyes in front of him, not looking back at me once.
He finally slows down and stops in front of the pool. I remain behind him, hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. As my breathing starts to slow down and go back to normal, I look up at him. I'm facing his back.
"What now?" I ask.
"Come in the pool with me." He orders but with a light smile on his face.
I'm so fucking confused. I just can't read him. Is this a trick? This has to be a trick.
He takes off his shirt, to which I immediately turn away. I can't let myself see that. Him. His skin. His soft skin. I keep my eyes on the moon. I somewhat get lost in it because a few seconds later I hear splashes of water. He jumped in.
Even though it's nighttime, I can still feel the summer warmth. I'm hot. The water is very tempting. All blue and soft and...
No. I can't go in there with him. I maintain my eyes up to the sky. I look at the stars. Try to catch a glimpse of all of them.
I'm distracting myself. I block out the noise he's making with the water.
It's awkward. Well, I'm making it awkward.
"I'm waiting." Louis finally breaks the silence.
I force myself to turn around, to meet his eyes, again.
"Why are you making me do this?" I ask softly.
"What? Can't I have a swimming buddy? I'm your invitère or whatever your mom calls me. I thought you'd be kind enough to spend time with your guest."
I look at him with a confused expression. There's something off about him. His energy is... different. Weird.
"I'm not-I just don't think it's a good idea."
"Come on! Loosen up a bit." He gestures to the water.
"I don't know." I need to say No. But I can't.
I don't want to say no.
It's as if I enjoy being in this position. He wants me. To go in the water with him. He doesn't want me. But still, I feel like I'm in the one in control.
"You're leaving me no choice." He says while pulling himself out of the water.
He surges to me. Without any warning, he takes one on my wrists, turns me around and bends over, which makes my chest slam against his back. He lifts himself back up, with me slouching on his shoulder, potato style. My face is dangerously close to his ass. I try and yank my head backwards, to keep as much distance with his butt as I can.
"What are you doing? Let go! Louis, let go!" I shout.
"Never" He says, keeping a hard grip on me. One of his hands is around my knees and the other is right under my ass. He quickly walks over to the pool. Arriving at the edge, he stops.
"Oh just get it over with already" I say, in defeat.
"No. I want to enjoy this victory longer." He says, chuckling.
He stays there, silent for a few moments before throwing me in the water.
It's cold at first. My breath hitches in surprise to the touch. Louis threw me quite violently, if I'm honest. I ended up being completely submerged in water.
As I swim to reach the surface, Louis jumps in the water, literally over me. His crotch lands on my face (!), which pushes me back at the bottom of the pool.
I push him away and start swimming towards the edge. I finally make it back to the surface, head out of the water, new air entering my lungs.
This is all very weird.
Am I supposed to go to him now?
Are we doing our own thing or-
I can no longer think about anything because I see him now coming to me. His swimming pace is slow. Only half of his face is out of the water. His eyes are staring straight into mine.
Yet here, in the pool, they look different than they did in the kitchen. The light water waves make them continuously change colors. They go from light blue, to dark, sort of like a tie-dye pattern.
I can see this sort of light in them. A happy one. A comforting one.
He gets closer and closer, but doesn't stop. The distance between us gets smaller and smaller. Panicked, I start moving backwards, all whilst still looking at him. I back up by moving my hands on the edge of the pool.
He doesn't stop moving.
I accelerate my pace, until I my back hits a wall. Shit.
He cornered me. Can't run now Harry. He grabs the edge with one hand and with the other, he takes one of my wet curls. He's gentle with it, twists it around his finger.
"Not so curly anymore, Curly." He smiles.
I know nothing. I don't understand at all. Why is he like... that? Smiling? Touching me?
I close my eyes. I can't do this. I want to move, but my body is frozen. It's frozen because it knows that I want it.
I feel him let go of my hair. His breathing gets louder and louder. Until I feel his breath on my collarbones. It sends a wave goosebumps all over.
Why is the water so hot? I'm already all wet but I feel like I'm sweating like a pig.
He doesn't touch me though. He just stays close, breathing into my neck.
"You remind me so much of him" He says, quiet. Sad almost.
I open my eyes and look at him.
"I... what?"
We're face to face now. Very close. Dangerously close. He breathes through his mouth.
That's when I smell it. Alcohol. He smells like Whiskey.
He's drunk.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I'm here, sober, doing whatever he wants to, and he's drunk. He's not himself. I knew something was off. I feel so stupid.
"I need to go." I say, turning myself to face the edge and pulling myself out of the water.
He doesn't have time to say anything before I'm already gone. I run to the house. I'm drenched but I don't care. I feel like shit.
I run back to my room and let myself fall on my bed. As I look up at the ceiling, I think back to what had just happened.
I had almost forgotten what he had said to me.
Who do I remind you of Louis?
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