"Sorry, honey. I'm sorry..."
"Sakura, your papa can't..."
Sakura jolts out of sleep to a wash of panorama. Her pupils zoom in and out of focus before she can extrapolate the perimeters of the bare ceiling suspended over her head. Her head pains, but she slept, though she supposed she would not; fatigue beat anxiety. Sakura plops herself over the mattress, a hand behind her holding her weight as she fishes out dirt from the corner of her eyes with the other. She lifelessly gawks at her legs. The sheets crumble under her fist.
Not a tear escaped her last night—the fear of saddling Sasuke with even more disappointment scorched whatever wetness her eyes could have dribbled. Or she ran out early on and Sasuke is just an excuse for her stone-heartedness. It doesn't matter. His couch lies devoid of anything, spreads neatly parked at the rim of his bed, windows open, letting cold, fresh winds purify the sullen atmosphere.
Her legs are stiff. She wishes to believe it was all a nightmare, and she has woken up to her new husband beside her—only she is alone. Sakura reaches her hand out, feeling the mattress on the other side of the bed as wrinkles form on the silk sheets under the touch of her fingers. It's cold—colder than her shivering body. She feels like her heart can give out any second, like the last dangling flame of a candle vaporized till the end—she only needs a wind to be sucked away. The smell of incense is gone—an earthy whiff mingled with the smell of grilled fish replaces it. She focuses on it. The cold doesn't unnerve her anymore, instead, she feels a surge of heat traversing through her veins gradually melting its walls, growing wider, till it sets fire to her heart. Her head is killing her—the stress and exhaustion have always prevailed in her life, and she thought she can get used to everything life throws at her. However, knowing her husband loves someone else, she may love someone of her choice and living, pretending they're a happy couple—she isn't used to it. There's no choice but to, though. Sakura has people she doesn't want to disappoint. The fish sizzles louder. It's burning. Sakura knows how it feels.
"When I grow up, I'm going to marry a prince," Sakura said one evening. She pressed the heel of her feet to the edge of the swing as it whooshed forth, cutting through the warm, evening air. Ino was beside her on another swing, wondering how Sakura's herbal eyes seem like honey swirling in them under the wrap of the setting sun.
"You can't, Sakura, you're poor. Princes only marry rich princesses." Ino didn't intend to sound harsh. A five-year-old would only understand so much about phrasing things; they only just learnt how to write their names. Regardless, Sakura felt slightly down by the remembrance. She hunched her head, obscuring her face under the curtain of shoulder-length black hair as she took a sniff, crinkling her nose to hold back a tear. She bit her lip and her head whisked to Ino.
"In those anime shows though, they marry the poor girls who are strong and kind." She whined, eliciting a stunned reaction out of Ino. "I'll be strong and kind. Then I'll marry a rich prince."
"That's true!" Ino nudged her little feet to offset herself on her swing. "And it doesn't matter—as long as he loves you, right?" She grinned and Sakura returned it.
"Yeah!"
The five-year-old surmised love
Sakura walks out of the bathroom feeling more rejuvenated, a peach towel draped around her hair, beige slacks and a white buttoned up blouse wet over the shoulders from the water dripping down her head. She can't keep thinking about what Sasuke said, or whatever condition she has ended up in. Time won't stop for her to stabilize herself up on her feet, she just has to grow strong enough to resist whatever is making her stumble. Though, even so, Sakura can't help but fall in a line of thought sometimes, a trail she has always shunned. What did she do to deserve all of it?
People say the deeds of your previous incarnations return to you in your next. But why? Isn't it unethical to force the wrath of someone else's nefariousness over some completely innocent being? This world driven by justice and Karma contradicts itself every once in a while. Sakura can relate to it. One does not trample on a flower just because weeds used to grow in that field. Sakura feels more like a thorn, though—nothing but a superfluous and troubling existence.
Sakura closes the door and strides towards the wide table a little to the right of the vacant area between the living room and the kitchen. Sasuke's house varies from houses she has seen until now. It's like a flower, each room being a petal sprouting from the same bud. All the doors are positioned in a way that they'll open straight towards the living area with the kitchen and diner connected to it. There's a floor above though, where Sasuke's brother, Itachi, lives with his wife, Izumi. Their house makes Sakura feel a deep grasp of being connected, as if they want to solidify their bond through this setup as proof of them being family. As if no matter what, they'll end up together. It makes her feel confounded with emotions. Sasuke has a fascinating family, one saturated with so much love. She can only imagine the extent of love Sasuke might feel for his lover. Right. His lover...
Sakura's lips droop again. No matter what, her mind ends up stopping at the same topic. She feels like a masochist.
Sakura is suddenly greeted with a back hug and she gasps. She turns back, wide-eyed and jaw hung open, to find Izumi grinning at her. Her swollen belly presses itself against Sakura's back, and she can feel the warmth seeping in and spreading all throughout her body. For a second, she forgets all about Sasuke. Izumi's eyes follow hers, and her grin changes itself into a gentle upturn of lips which Sakura can't express by any other term but motherly.
"This?" She binds her arms around her belly, "This one's really calm. It doesn't give me much trouble, even in its sixth month. My feet are a little swollen, though." She beams at Sakura, her eyes carrying a mysterious glint, "Don't worry. You'll be getting one soon. No pressure, though."
Sakura has never met with the desire for a child more firmly than at that moment. She understands it is human nature to crave something because it's strongly denied to you, but there is a dominant urge to cry. All she wants to do right now is hit Sasuke and ask him what right does he have to take away something so precious from her.
"Sakura?"
It leaves her ears unnoticed under the wrath riding her nerves. Her skin turns blue and her knuckles white.
"Sakura!" It's Mikoto, her mother-in-law. Her hands are on Sakura's shoulders and is she... is she crying? Sakura strokes her cheek and realizes she's not crying but sweating, her breaths are moored and she can't feel her legs beneath her knees.
"Oh, my god! Are you okay?" Mikoto asks her as she supports her on the chair. She hands her a glass of water, which Sakura finds painful to push down her throat. Mikoto dries Sakura's face as her eyes focus on the needle of the clock swinging opposite to her.
Is this how she is going to spend the rest of her life?
"Sakura, I'm sorry. You can't go to university in Tokyo."
Why?
"Your father... he invested the savings in a company in hopes of some money but... we're sorry, Sakura. It's not your dad's fault, you see. The man was a turncoat."
But I saved that money on my own? I was the one spending nights awake on part-time jobs...
"Sakura? You understand, right? We can barely pay for your college here. Going to Tokyo... I know it was your dream, but it's not possible. We're sorry.... you understand us, don't you?"
No, I don't! How the hell did you agree to spend my money without my approval? How can you infringe on my dreams like that? Do you think an apology would suffice? I worked so hard for that money. I don't understand what you're saying at all!!
"Yes. I understand."
Sakura gulps down another pain-killer, the water burning her throat as it glides down. Her head throbs as if a million pins are being hammered into it from the inside. She barely convinced Sasuke's father to let her go on with work. At least his family is admirable. Sakura relates them to a mirage amid a perennial, hellish desert. Father turned out to not be as scary as he seemed during the wedding—his usually impassive expression warmed up to Sakura's sight, and his voice felt gentle to her ears. He inquired about her health, her job, hobbies and told her he would like the family to go on a vacation. They talked till breakfast ended, when he grumbled about Sasuke not being present for his wife on the first day of marriage. It's not his fault he isn't apprehensive of the situation between them. Sakura finds him a man too kind for his own good.
Her phone dings, and the light on its screen comes to life.
"Ino...?"
Ino has been in her life for as long as she can look back. She used to share her toys with her, since Sakura couldn't buy many of her own. They studied together, shared a dream together, and formed a bond deeper than that of sisters.
'I'm coming to your office. I need all the juicy details of your night with your husband.'
Sakura lets out a sour laugh. She can't be thankful enough for Ino's presence in her life—she is the oxygen in her stifling existence. When Sakura chose not to go to Tokyo for university, Ino stood behind, with her, and studied nursing in a local college together with her. She had to deal with resistance, of course—her family being wealthy—but Ino fought for her. As for Sakura, they shared a dream. Ino, however, made her believe the dream was just an excuse to be together. As long as they were friends, they could do anything.
Sakura doesn't recognize the door being pushed open and intruded while in her thoughts before the comfy fragrance of flowers engulfs her.
"What's up with you being all dreamy, forehead?"
Sakura promises she didn't cry last night. She vowed she won't. But somehow, seeing Ino before her eyes, like a splash of fresh water, Sakura can't help the clog of her throat, or the pour down her cheeks.
"INO!"
Sakura bounces on her, letting her arms fly and wrap around her best friend. Ino doesn't ask her what's going on. She lets her grieve in her arms, as she smoothens out her hair. Ino's warmth seeps into Sakura, her flowery aroma shatters the wall she was trying to build around her, and she lets her cries swell louder while holding her best friend close. Sakura has more than a husband. She has a friend, sister and family, all in one person.
Hey everyone!!!!!
First of all, sorry for the really late updates. The thing is, the phone I write on is nowadays used by my brother and I have to use the other phone to login everyday. So I don't get much time to write or upload. I'll try working out the schedule with my brother for faster updates (tho I hate talking with that lil shit)
Secondly, how was the chapter???? This update explains Sakura's situation a bit more. I'll take explaining Sasuke a bit slow. Everyone here will have their own circumstances. And trust me, Sasuke isn't gonna be a jerk.
Hope you enjoy it. I'm trying to bring my focus back to writing from all the webtoons and mamhwas I've been reading.
Lots of love and be safe!!!!
-🌸Saku-chan🌸