It was like we've been doing this for weeks. Not in a negative way, but everyone instantly put on their guards the moment Coach Lee dismissed us for a break. Also, with the usual prompt that we were going into the sparring session.
Luckily, I wasn't the first one on the mats again, which gave me time to stretch away from the lethargy from my body. I could tell our coach was pushing us harder this time because he made us do more physical training today, which explains why half the class was close to passing out.
Apparently, it didn't affect Youn. She seemed as energetic as usual, jumping up and down in the corner despite not being her turn yet.
To make matters worse, time seemed to fly by quickly as matches continued to progress with heated exchanges, players falling in and out of the mats and suddenly, it was my turn.
I trudged up to the mats to a new set of opponents, and guess who one of them was.
"Finally getting to spar with you, can't wait," Youn's voice was filled with a mixture of intimidation and sarcasm, although I don't know which one was less frightening.
"Joonbi." But at least she wasn't my first opponent. I faced a shorter but rather toned girl named Im Junhee, and recalling what happened the last time with Soobin, I was genuinely worried. "Sijak!"
Junhee attacked first with a check-kick, before closing in as she landed. My fists were clenched tightly against her chest as I struggled to push her away, but it only caused her to bulldoze me even harder. Just as I managed to create a space between us, her foot came squeezing through the gap and tapped my padding. Right after that, she immediately closed back in and put her arms over mine, preventing me from escaping. It all happened in a blink of an eye that I hardly believed it even happened.
Ah yes, a short-distance fighter. This was a perfect technique for shorter players because their only disadvantage would be their opponent's longer legs. Take that away and the field would be more balanced. But that doesn't mean taller players can't use it too.
I gently pushed her until her arms eased up a little, before using that opportunity to swap the positions of our arms and press hers down, giving me an allowance to swing my foot up to her head. The satisfaction I haven't felt for a long time filled in me as my sole contacted her headgear fully, sending a few cheers coming my way. Finally.
However, Junhee wasn't fazed and stuck herself to me again, and we were back to the same position from before. I tried pivoting her to get her grip off me, but she probably learnt my tactic by now and forced herself still. Ugh, this was one problem I hated to face during competitions; being constrained.
I tried another approach this time, lifting her arms up with mine and connecting my sole to the side of her padding, but the impact probably wasn't enough to score points. Nonetheless, I continued doing that in hopes it might, while she on the other hand went with her first method. But it wasn't long until the whistle called for a switch in players.
"Change over!" We peeled ourselves off each other, panting as we exchanged bows before taking our next spots. Oh no.
"So now we meet," Youn grinned through her mouth guard as I nervously fist-bumped her. I was dreading for this moment to come, because not only did I knew how powerful she was, but I haven't observed her well enough to at least know her techniques. But I shouldn't let this fear of unpredictability hinder me further.
"Let's make this memorable."
There wasn't enough time for me to compose myself when the command was shouted, and there was definitely not enough time to prepare for that kick that came swinging right towards me.
Pak! Luckily, my arm was in the way and I managed to block her kick in time, but now the impact caused a stinging sensation right through my forearm guard. I knew her kicks were strong, but it only came to my realisation when I finally felt it.
As the match progressed, I could feel my stamina catching up to me as I panted through my mouthguard. The match before had miraculously drained a lot of my energy due to the constant pushing, so now I barely have enough breath to dodge her incoming attacks.
But my mind was not ready to give in yet.
Finally, I managed a jumping back thrust as a counter to her turning kick, my foot slidding on the side of her padding and onto her arm as she let out a loud groan. Oh no, that was bad.
I put up a hand indicating an apology, but that seemed to have intensified her aggressiveness even more. With another power swing, she scored another kick to my body, causing me to wince in response. I attempted a check-turning kick, but my dynamic visual acuity seemed to have deteriorated together with my decreasing energy as I missed her, looking more like a lazy feint than a failed attack.
That's it, I needed a break.
When her next kick came in, I threw in a punch on her solar plexus. While she grimaced, I stuck my arms over hers and pressed them down, preventing her from moving as much as possible. Just like the previous match.
While she squirmed, I managed to gasp for enough air to cool myself down, my heart throbbing painfully against my chest. However, my defence couldn't hold out any longer as Youn found another target; my head.
I felt a knock on the back of my headgear as I reached up to block the next one, but that gave her the chance to push me away and score another kick to my body. Dang it, fell right into her trap.
At least, now I had a little more stamina to launch a turning kick to her lower abdomen, before throwing myself at her again, this time not to take a break. With all the energy I had left, I pushed her as far as I can with both fists, hunching forward as I tucked in my knee and snapped it back out, impacting her side with my instep just as the whistle blew.
"Time!"
After exchanging bows, all of us exited the mats, exhausted. Unstrapping my headgear, I was about to head over to the benches when a voice started beside me.
"Sung Yoojin, can you be honest with me?" Youn exhaled, looking over to me calmly. She was a few feet away, but her voice was sharp enough to pierce through the noisy background.
"Oh?" I faced her, startled by her abrupt question. She strolled over until my eyes met hers, her gaze feeling like a bunch of needles pricking me. "Did you try your best?"
"What?" I coughed out, processing her question in my head a thousand times. "Of course."
To my surprise, she scoffed at my response, her smirk hardening into a scowl. I don't know what she was thinking, but her expression sent an eerie feeling crawling up my skin. She stepped closer, causing me to cower a little. "Well, I guess that's what you'd like to believe, but you should at least be honest with yourself."
That ominous feeling turned sour as I narrowed my eyes at her, not understanding a word she said. Or at least, I didn't want to believe it. "What do you mean?" I held back a snarl, trying to sound as composed as possible. Is she trying to diminish my efforts?
"Don't act like you don't know what I'm saying," she suddenly hissed, drawing unwanted attention from nearby passersby. "I could feel your insincerity throughout the whole match, and you still had the audacity to take a break in the middle of it."
Her words sent an unnecessary amount of guilt through me, but I brushed it all away out of ridiculousness. Fine, I wasn't as focused as I should have been due to my energy depleting rapidly, but that was the part where it made no sense. "So it was wrong for me to be tired?"
"Of course not," she retorted immediately, "But you should never show it to your opponent. I could've easily trashed you, but I saved your face." She sniggered, boiling my anger even more. But I knew better than to fan the fire by reacting to it, I've been through enough of that.
"Sure, you can criticise my skills all you want, I'm used to it anyway," I sighed and stepped around her, but she grabbed my wrist and yanked me back to my original position. A wave of shock rushed through me.
"You don't lack skill, obviously," she emphasised as I raised an eyebrow, "You lack passion."
Youn's lips twitched with each word and I could literally see the flames in her eyes, all of which I didn't get. She finally let go of my hand, her jaw still gritted tightly as she smirked.
"Do you know why our club is called Yeoljeong?" She asked a little too calmly, although it sounded more like a rhetorical question that I didn't know if I should answer. Sensing my cluelessness, she did it for me. "Because only those with passion are allowed to train here."
Her words stumped me rooted to the ground, an indescribable feeling rushing through me as I stared back at her blankly. She didn't look like she was waiting for my response anyway as she continued.
"You train in our dojang, you play by our rules. If you don't show at least the same drive everyone here has, then don't show it at all."
She stepped closer until her lips were next to my ear, her audible breathing sending chills down my spine. "Don't go wasting Coach Lee's and everyone else's time if that's what you're gonna do on the mats," she hissed, before nudging past me.
I watched her stride towards the exit before disappearing behind a wall, leaving me a mixture of emotions that washed over me like a heavy waterfall. Dumbfounded, indeed I was, as well as offended, confused and lastly, hurt.
It seemed that her confrontation had somewhat drawn a bit of a crowd too as bystanders were spotted at the corner of my eye whispering and pointing at me, but considering how most of them just walked past, I was glad they didn't hear much. Nothing could describe the mortification I felt right then, her words pinching my heart as I fought back tears.
It was funny because I didn't feel the least bit angry at her. Instead, I was frustrated at myself. Yeah, she can mock my skills as much as she wants, but if someone like her couldn't even feel the effort I've put in, what's the point? Kyorugi used to be my expertise, a trait that people used to describe me, a talent that others feared me for, and I definitely didn't get there through skills alone.
Youn wasn't totally right, but she wasn't completely wrong either. I did indeed try my best, and that's what hurt the most, but she probably couldn't see that because my determination was overshadowed by the others. Donghyuck, Haknyeon, even Soobin, they overpower me with their passion; never have I once seen them slack off on the mats, nor dread to take part in any particular training.
The same went for everyone else. As I watched the fights go on, I see them flaming with enthusiasm as they pushed on no matter how exhausted they looked. I guess I had it easy on my end. Coach Yoon had put in so much effort to plan my training so that I progress healthily, not too fast and not too slow.
But I took these strict, personalised pieces of training as a constriction that led me to act spontaneously and eventually, recklessly during competitions, finally meeting my downfall.
The only thing common between the rest of the students and me was the motivation we had, but even the drive was totally different. Thinking about it now, what was I striving for? It used to be preventing Donghyuck from belittling me, then beating him, then improving myself to prove my worth... none of them was actually for me.
What exactly was my drive?
A hand grabbed my arm and shocked me out of my thoughts. I turned around quickly, but the tears that have unknowingly formed in my dry eyes prevented me from recognising their face.
"Are you okay?"
Without thinking, I shrugged their arm off and headed towards to exit, quickening my pace in case they were following me.
No, I'm not okay.
---
Legend:
Yeoljeong - means "passion" in korean
Kyorugi - the sparring/fighting component of taekwondo
putting these definitions here again as a reminder.
and in case anyone is lost, there was a wordplay with the word "yeoljeong" which meant passion. since they were in yeoljeong club, they needed to have a passion (yeoljeong) to train there. hope that clarifies things!
also, a little sudden but lemme here ur thoughts about the story so far!