Chapter 19: Try (Zander's POV)
I can't believe I just did that. I was going to make her remember me first and then kiss her. But it's all happening backward.
I sighed, putting my hands on the wall, staying close to her. "I can't pretend to keep hating you anymore, just because you don't remember me. That's not your fault, we both know that. Do you remember anything about me? Or about us?" I asked again, slower.
If she thought about it with a clearer mind, she might remember something. She stared at me silently for at least a minute, maybe before she softly whispered, "No."
I closed my eyes, ducking my head and pulling away from her.
"You feel like a stranger."
I looked out the window.
"But... still familiar," she sighed.
My eyes snapped over to hers.
"I don't remember you... but my body does."
I blinked, letting her continue.
"The kiss felt familiar. And I didn't kiss you back because I could understand why it felt so normal. It felt like I'd kissed you before. Multiple times. Have I?"
I nodded softly.
"Were we... together?" she whispered.
I nodded again.
She let out a soft, barely audible gasp. "Were we... in love?"
"Yeah, we were. That's... why I kissed you. Hoping that you would remember doing it in the past or you would feel the familiarity, I guess."
She blinked, raising her fingers to her lips.
"But you're right. I shouldn't have kissed you without asking for permission, especially when you were talking, that was out of line."
"Wh... what happened then? I mean to us? When I left? With the accident? I'm... I'm very confused, sorry, I can't..."
"You don't have to be sorry, it's understandable. I'd been pretending not to know you but now I kissed you. Out of the blue. I'll tell you what happened, okay?"
She stared at me for just a minute. "Were we really in love?"
I nodded.
"What was in the box? I saw it today but I didn't open it. I was too scared."
"It's... an album that I gave you. It has all our pictures. I gave it to you on your birthday, the same day as the accident. I didn't want you finding it because when you first got back, I didn't want you to remember me."
"Why not?"
"I was scared. I didn't think you'd still want to be with me. I still don't know if you would," I mumbled, staring at the ground.
"Can you tell me what happened? All of it?"
I looked back up at her. I nodded. But I don't know if I can tell her about the accident. I don't know if I can admit that I was right there with her, and I still couldn't help her in time. "We'd been dating for two years."
"Fourteen?! I became your girlfriend when I was just fourteen?"
I nodded, chuckling softly. "Our families were somewhat close. We were friends first. You, me, and Preston. I liked you a lot but I didn't speak to you until I met you officially at a party with our families. We started dating, gradually. Then Luna joined and you became friends with her too. We all became friends. Then on your birthday, I came to your house bright and early. I brought you that album and a giant teddy. I planned a picnic and then..."
"And then?"
I have to tell her. I can't lie again. "On our way there, we had to cross the bridge. And a drunk driver used the bridge to come back, which you're not meant to do. And he was speeding. And I didn't have time to reverse the car. And we crashed right into him." I tried to keep my voice from wavering but I don't think I did a good job. "And then um," I sniffled.
"The car fell off the edge. We didn't have those steel railings back then. Only wooden ones. And the car fell into the water. And I was awake the whole time. And we got really lucky that our windows were down. So I... I got out of the car, I pulled you out of the window, swam to the field that's under the bridge, at the bank of the lake. And then I called for help."
Her eyes were tearing up. But she really doesn't remember, does she?
"And I kept trying to wake you up, but you didn't. And then two ambulances came and took us. And I passed out in the ambulance."
"And in the hospital?" she sniffled.
"I wasn't allowed to see you. I never got to. And then one day you were just... gone. Not just from the hospital, from Arryn."
She looked out the window. See, she already can't even look at me because I was the one driving, isn't it? "Why weren't you allowed to see me?" she asked, without looking at me.
"Because your parents, my parents, and even Luna, held me responsible for the accident. They still think it happened because I wasn't driving responsibly because..." I huffed. "Because we were only sixteen and I was driving only on a learner's license. Your parents didn't even tell me that you forgot everything. That you forgot me," I chuckled coldly. "Nobody told me. In the two years that you were gone, none of us knew. Not even Luna or Preston. When you got back, the day before you joined, the principal told all of us that you'd be coming back. That you don't remember any of us. And that at least for the first three days, we were to lay off of you."
She swallowed and finally looked at me.
"That's why I didn't tell you anything. And that's why I thought it would be better if you just didn't remember me. Because remembering might be too difficult for you. And I thought if you didn't remember how we were together, then..." I stopped to just take a breath.
"Then I thought you'd think the crash was my fault too. And I thought you'd hate me forever for it. So, I thought if I continued to act like I didn't know you and pretended to hate you, then you'd keep trying to talk to me and I'd still be in your life somehow. But I was hurting you and upsetting you for no reason. So, it was either stop talking to you completely or tell you the truth. I didn't know what to do. I still don't really know what I'm doing. I don't know if it's right or wrong. I don't know anything," I sighed, dragging a hand down my face. "But I know I still love you."
She took in another shaky breath, sinking further into the wall.
"And I want you to remember me and our relationship before the accident as well because we were so much more than that. And because it really hurts to know that you don't remember me even though I love you. I know you don't remember me, so it's not possible for you to love me anymore. I won't ask you to. But I just want you to remember me. I want you to try. Can you do that for me?"
She wiped her cheek the minute a tear fell from her eye.
"And maybe while trying to remember me, you'll remember the others too. Luna, Preston, people here that do know you," I offered.
"What happened to you?" she cleared her throat. "After the crash?"
"I got hurt too. Bad but not as bad as you."
"That day at the hospital, the wallet the nurse brought you... that was with my file. Wasn't it? And it was from the accident. Not you breaking your ankle, right?"
I nodded, "Right."
"Was there anything in it? That you couldn't open in front of me?"
I reached into my pocket and pulled it out, handing it to her. "There was. But you can see it now."
She opened it and pulled out the photo, staring at it with a mix of confusion and pain on her face. She unfolded the second photo and then the third. She froze, staring at it. If she didn't believe me earlier then she definitely believes me now. "Where was this?"
"At the palace. Your family went out of town for a while. I think it was about your brother's program that he was doing with another kingdom's school at the time. You were staying with me and my parents at the palace."
"I've met your parents?" Her eyes went wide.
"You were my girlfriend for two years. Of course, you met my parents. And your parents were sort of friends with them too, so..." I trailed off with a small shrug.
She put it back into the wallet and held it out for me to take.
"You can keep the pictures if you want."
"No, they're yours to keep," she sniffled. "I have a whole album waiting for me at home, so..."
I chuckled, taking the wallet and putting it back in my pocket. "You don't have to love me again, Adrianna. You don't even have to be my girlfriend if you decide that you don't like me anymore. Just don't completely forget everything we did together. Are you willing to try to remember?"
She nodded, walking over. "I'm willing to try to remember you."
"Promise?"
She stuck her pinky out between us. I chuckled, locking it with mine. "Promise," she smiled. She pulled her hand away and stared at me before gasping almost in realization. "I left my gin downstairs."
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Chapter 19
ik the chapter before this was meant to be in Zander's POV and this one in Adrianna's but when I was writing that chapter, there was so much chaos in my house because my brother randomly started showing symptoms of covid and we were rushing to get him tested and everybody is kind of sick in my family right now and we're all very scared.
literally, I'm the only one who isn't sick. touch wood.
but yeah, basically, I forgot that it was meant to be in Zander's POV and the title was already there so I just wrote it in Ri's. I fixed the title because I didn't have the time or patience to re-write and edit the chapter and make it Zander's POV
please ignore the screw-up
next chapter: mission