Song: Yot Club - YKWIM
imagine: you were very young when you had peter, 17 years old to be exact. you're an avenger now and when peter joins, your suspicion raises because he has the same powers you do.
It's angsty, it's heavy loaded, it's right up my alley, enjoy! But seriously, it's pretty dark.
There will be more parts I promise!
•••
(16 years ago)
'You'll be safe here... I've been keeping an eye on these people and they want a child... I need you to be safe...' tears run down your cheeks as the little boy looks up at you.
He reaches out his hands to grab whatever he can reach with you, maybe he knows you're about to leave him with this family. But you need him to be safe. It's better this way.
You wipe your cheeks as a smile spreads across your face when he giggles. 'I love you so much.. and I hope I can see you again... just know that mommy will always protect you okay? Even if you can't see me I will always be there...' you place your thumbs in his tiny hands. You place a kiss on each hand before wringing yourself loose from his grip again.
His big eyes suddenly fill with tears as he watches you step away. You clasp a hand over your mouth to muffle your sobs. It shouldn't be this hard, he isn't even that old, you shouldn't be so attached.
'I'm sorry...' you whisper as you take more steps back.
'Hey did you hear that?' The woman speaks up from inside the house. Your high senses can hear her stand up and walk to the door.
You quickly hide on the ceiling. The boy cries louder and louder until the door opens. The woman steps out and looks around the hallway before picking him up.
'Ben! Come here!' She yells. 'What isn't May?' The male joins her side.
'Someone left their baby here...' she softly says as she bounces up and down with the baby a little to soothe him. You weren't sure at first if these people would be a good fit. But not anymore.
This is for the best, you keep telling yourself that.
Hydra isn't a life for a child like that. And if they found out about him, he will be used as their weapon, you can't have that. No he will be safe here. Even from you.
So you walk back into the cold streets of Queens, alone and afraid. But not for your baby anymore, he is safe now. You'll get safe eventually, and then you will visit him again.
•••
(Present day)
'Honey? You okay?' Tony kisses your cheek while you stare at Peter laughing with Wanda and Pietro.
You nibble the inside of your cheek. You had this gut feeling, that the boy standing right there, is your son. It all adds up, the spider powers that he could've gotten from you, the age.
So you had Friday test it just in case, it's still ongoing, so it's not definitive yet. This gut feeling tells you he's yours, and that scared you more than ever because what will he think when he finds out?
You're scared that Peters heart will get broken, you left him, he will see it that way. No you're doing the best thing keeping this a secret.
'Babe?' Tony asks again, this time he grabs your attention.
'Yeah.. yeah I'm fine...' you wave it off with a smile.
'You don't look fine..'
'Then stop looking..' you joke back and a smirk spreads on his face.
'No but seriously sassy lady, what's going on?'
You glance at Peter, he's still laughing and joking with Wanda and Pietro. You could've contacted him earlier, you could've done so much more.
'Nothing Tony.. I'm just tired...' you lie right to his face. It's not entirely a lie, you are very tired, but not in the way Tony thinks.
'Miss Y/l/n?' Friday announces.
'Yes.' You answer. 'The test is finished..'
'I'll come take a look, thank you Friday...'
'What is that about?' Tony frowns upon hearing his system talk about tests.
'As I said, I am tired... so I had Friday run some tests just to make sure everything is okay... I'll go check the results...' it's disturbing how easy lying is for you.
'Do you want me to come with you-' he suggests but you cut him off.
'NO!- I mean... no.. that's okay...' you gently pull yourself from his hands, Tony's frown deepens. 'I'll see you later... love you!'
You take a deep breath once you're out of their eye and earshot. Your heart speeds up the closer you get to your own lab. You hurriedly get in and seal the door behind you off with an access code. You blur the view and walk up to the large screen.
'Friday?'
'Yes Miss...'
'Pull up the results please...' your voice is hesitant and wavering. It's a pretty big deal for you.
The screen fills with both you and Peters medical files, documents pop open and letters spill across the screen. Then a large box covers everything.
TESTS....................................COMPLETED
DOCUMENTS.......................EXAMINED
FILES.....................................RECOVERED
OUTCOME............................RELATED
RELATION............................MOTHER/SON
You have to hold yourself up on the table as you try to find something to sit on. This didn't come as that big of a surprise but still, the stress alone is enough to overstimulate your spidey senses. Every feeling gets enhanced.
He's your son... that boy is your son, and you didn't have the decency to find out sooner. You never contacted him.
You never came for him. You missed everything: his first words, his first steps, first day of school, first school crush, first date. You didn't teach him how to use his powers.
You let out a sob while covering your face with your hands. Every single event leading up to the pregnancy comes back to you, all the events during and after the pregnancy all come crashing down on you.
'Peter is your son?' Tony speaks up from behind you. You whip your head around to him.
You jump out of your seat with your hands raised. 'How did you get in?' You breathe.
'I know your access code...' he replies, still shocked at the revelation. 'So it's true then? He's your son?'
'Not so loud!' You hiss as you close the door behind him again. 'I don't want him to know...'
'Y/n what is going on? You never told me you had a kid... or even a former boyfriend..'
'He wasn't my boyfriend Tony.. and yes, Peter is my son... I had my suspicions... so I had Friday run a few tests... the DNA matches...' you explain as you sit back down at one of the metal tables again.
'I want to know everything... but first I need you to calm down because you'll send yourself to the med bay... baby...hey...' he cups your cheek as he sits down opposite of you.
'I was so young... I was barely 17 when I had him... I was in Hydra for testing and.. I met his father... he was one of the guards... I guess he liked me...' you swallow, he doesn't need the details, Tony understands just fine. 'When he was born, I managed to escape with him... I had done research prior and I found out his father had a brother, Ben... so I brought him there... I didn't have family left so... I wanted him to at least have a family, even though his father was a prick...'
'You did the right thing, he wouldn't have been the same if he was raised in Hydras hold...' Tony assured you. It actually angers you that he's being so mild about this, but you don't want to fight.
'I didn't even look for him again... he's going to be so disappointed in me.. and angry... his heart will break.. I missed so much of his life and-'
'Y/n...baby... breathe... he doesn't have to know just yet... you will tell him and yes he will be upset... but you have to explain everything to him... he will understand... does May know? About you and Peters father?'
'Yes, we met up a couple years after, he was two maybe?, I spoke to her and told her everything... I told her I would keep my distance and try to make a life for myself before returning... and I did... but then I saw him with his friends, with May... I couldn't just have my way and destroy the life he had...god I was so stupid!'
'Y/n?' Peter speaks up from the door opening. Your eyes go big and again your head whips towards the door. 'Are you Okay?' He asks when he sees the tears rolling down your cheeks.
Before you can reply, his eyes move to the large screen where he reads the truth. 'What?' He breathes out. 'Y/n.. is that true?' He asks. The tone is already hurt.
'Peter wait-' you shoot out of your seat but he shakes his head, walking backwards to the hall. 'No.. Peter wait I can explain-'
'How long have you known?! And don't lie to me!'
'I just found out.. I had my suspicions for a while...' You sigh. 'Peter I-'
He just shakes his head again, he turns away from you with so much hurt and pain in his eyes. 'Peter...' you try to call after him, but a whisper comes out instead.
Tony comes up behind you, a large hand placed on your shoulder. You let out a sob again. The hand moves to the other arm, pulling you into him as he hugs you from behind.
'Let go... don't keep it in... I'll catch you..' he kisses the side of your head while you do exactly as he tells you. You let go.. all the anger and hurt comes out from all those years.
You have no idea how to even begin fixing it. Peter will hate you, so will the rest of the team. You're sure of it. But you need to try. And try, you will.