"That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong." ―F. Scott Fitzgerald
This is for , my sister, for our 17th birthday which is today (4/12).. Hope you have an amazing b-day and that you enjoy this and all the presents I got you. Sorry I made this at like, 2 in the morning, I forgot you wanted it done by a certain time lol. ((I also reached 2M in Bar Red's Redemption so yay!!!! That was a nice present))
Anyways, guys, love you all and enjoy it!
chapter 39
"Castor," Jazz nervously tugged his hands over his sleeves, his car parked in front of a one story, large-ish house with a nice yard and pretty, decorated porch-- the gods house. "Are you sure they're going to be okay with me staying here? What if they don't like me?"
"That's impossible, Jitterbug." Castor sighed from him over the phone, green crackling through the speakers like faraway thunder. "They'll like you, I promise."
"I'm going to embarrass myself," He just looked forward, staring ahead with wide eyes. "I can feel it now. I'm going to do something stupid and my few braincells are just going to laugh at me without helping."
"Jasper, I hate to break this to you," Castor said, voice and song way too amused and green for his own good. "But every time you've 'embarrassed' yourself, it's simply been cute and nothing else."
"Okay, let's pretend that for a moment you don't think I'm cute--"
"Can't."
"Castor, my star, shush," He huffs out. "You d-don't think I'm cute, or attractive, or whatever you think, okay? And I do something like trip over my own feet or accidentally start to stutter something out in Greek, what would you think? Would your parents think I'm weird? Oh snapadoodles, what if they don't think I'm good enough for you?"
"Jasper--"
"They're gonna think I'm bananas or something, mumbling on like I am. It's the anxiety, I swear. I'll be more calm when I'm around them, I promise. I w-won't embarrass you."
"Take deep breaths, Jitterbug," The celestial makes his voice softer but commanding, making the musician listen without even having to think about it. "Good, now I'm going to come down and meet you at the door, okay? The people in my family... they're good people who don't judge, okay? They'll like you, that I have no doubt in. If I thought you'd be uncomfortable or that they'd hurt you in some way, I would've never invited you to come."
"I know," Jazz replied gently, voice still a bit shaky. "I'm just not used to, I'm not-- no one ever wanted me to meet someone who was important to them before. You're my boyfriend and, a-and Circe and Atlas and even Fly I met by accident. I know you're not afraid to show me off, you made that pretty clear, but showing me to parents is a whole new thing."
"I met your parents," Castor pointed out, sounding a little upset but something in the musician made him think that it wasn't his fault. "And not only is it fair for you to meet mine, but I want you to because I'm proud that you're my boyfriend."
Jazz made a soft, surprised noise as his face went red. His mint eyes widened as he froze, looking back towards the house as he heard the door open, his boyfriend's lightning-strike eyes looking right at him as he shut it behind him.
"Why're you all blushy?" He asked, and the musician watching his mouth move but the green come out of his phone was weird, along with the slight echo his actual voice made against the car's window. "I didn't even say something flirty."
He just whined in reply, dunking his head down to rest against the steering wheel as he pulled his long sleeve up to his chin, hiding his face.
He never thought-- for whatever reason-- that he'd hear Castor say he was proud that the musician was his.
Keres always told him that he was a burden. That it was a mercy that someone like him managed to keep someone that long. That he was embarrassing, a mess, not good enough. That nothing he did could ever make him happy.
In public, if his ex saw someone he knew, he'd act like Jazz was just some tag along, that he wasn't important, even insulting him if one of his friend's thought the musician looked a little too strange.
He'd say, no, I don't know him that well, he's just some freak that likes to follow me around.
But all Jazz would hear is You're not important.
He never thought he'd be someone's, have someone like Castor, or let anyone close enough that they could be proud to be his or be proud to have him.
But here his God was, throwing those words around casually.
He was happy to hold hands with Jazz in public, around Fly or Circe or Noelle, he didn't mind going on dates where they could easily be seen by someone in their University or being cuddly with him in the cafe or sitting on his lap in the park.
Jazz is... Jazz is happy.
Actually, truly happy.
He never got the depth of how unwanted, used, and worthless Keres made him feel before-- not until Castor made him feel the opposite.
He doesn't notice that quiet tears were running down his face or the slight shake to his shoulders until there's a sharp knock against his car's window and the worried voice of his boyfriend calling out to him.
Not being able to face him, feeling a little ashamed that something like being told I'm proud that you're my boyfriend could bring him to tears, but also not willing to ignore the star and make him worried, Jazz kept his face hidden and reached out to open his door, a silent invitation for Castor to come closer.
With blurry eyes seeing the shadowed turn of the wheel, his thick curls blocking his sight along with his hand and his shirt that was still being held up to cover half of his face, resting just below his tear-stained cheeks.
"Jasper?" Castor slowly put his hand onto his boyfriend's head, gentle fingers brushing comfortingly through the strands at the nape of his neck. He welcomed the warmth and relaxed into it.
"I-I'm okay," Jazz whispered out, wiping his tears with his hand that used to hold his phone and hoped that the celestial didn't notice. "I'm just-- you, you s-surprised me."
"Surprised you?" He murmured out, and the musician saw him crouch down slightly so they were at the same level from the corner of his eye. "Jasper, can you look at me?"
"No," A shake of the head. "It's lame."
"What is?"
"Me."
"C'mon, Jitterbug, you know that's not true," Castor lightly placed his hand on Jazz's, the one holding his shirt up to cover his face, and he let his boyfriend tug it down. The musician met lightning-strike eyes with his red-rimmed ones, his eyes shiny with tears but none wanting to travel down his skin anymore.
The celestial's eyes softened, and he placed a soft kiss to his forehead, asking, "What happened?"
"I..." Jazz swallowed, looking away. "You said you were proud of me b-being yours."
"And that upset you?"
"No, I um, no. I just didn't expect you to, to be... um." He doesn't know how to explain it, he really doesn't.
"I love you, Jasper," There's a slight pause where Castor tics to the side, his shoulders rolling before he gives Jazz's nose a kiss too. "And I'll be damned if at the end of this week, my family doesn't love you too. There's nothing that can change that, I want to show you off in front of everyone constantly, bit hot innit!-- I want you to meet the people I meet. I want anyone--" He squeaks, then growls. "--who looks at me to know that I have a boyfriend, and he's you."
"Castor, I love you too," He whines, dunking his face down to hide it all over again. "But you're going to make me cry again."
"These are happy tears, though," His boyfriend says back, running his fingers through the musician's hair. "And it's okay to cry if you need to. Besides, you're a cute crier."
Jazz gave a watery, light chuckle as he looked up at Castor with a small smile, feeling how warm his nose was from both the crying and the blush. He asks, "Do I look like rudolf?"
"Mhm," He pokes his nose. "It's Christmas all year around for me, with you blushing how you do."
"It's not fair," Jazz complained, narrowing his eyes oh-so-intimidatingly at his boyfriend. "You rarely blush, your ears just go a little red and that's it."
"Okay but you can see my sunflowers or whatever," Castor reminded, those same sunflowers with a sea green worry and a smooth, emerald affection dancing around him, song intense and lovely. "So we're even."
"Yeah, that's fair," The musician rubs the bottom of his jaw with a loose, closed fist as he leans closer to his boyfriend, who amusement got shot through his green at the action. "Especially 'cause you can read me like an open book."
"Yep," Castor grins at him. "You're just an adorable puppy."
Jazz pokes his tongue out at him, "And you're a god."
The said god then gives him a playful glare and bops his nose lightly, grumbling under his breath.
"What was that?" He wiggled closer teasingly. "I don't speak strawberry."
"Yeah, yeah," Castor rolled his eyes. "Keep talking like that and--"
"Guys!" A sharp voice that looked like marigolds shouted out, a loud bang following and Jazz started as the front door slammed open and Noelle followed. "Cassie's boyfriend is here!"
"No shit!"
"Really? Hey-- get out of the way!"
"Move, bitch, I wanna see him!"
"Sweethearts, calm down!"
Jazz's eyes widened at the voices, a deeper and snarkier one following them demanding for the now loud group of people rushing out of the house to 'calm the fuck down' in a voice that looked a lot like mangoes, followed by a shorter blonde woman who scolded him while wearing some bunny slippers. Her voice was green too, and reminded him of avocados.
That... was a lot of people.
He knew Circe and Noelle, and he met Max before-- the annoying redhead that tried to hug the star-- before and knew who he was and the younger ones, Triton and Eris who were respectively nine and thirteen, were easy to tell.
Nemesis, his older sister and her girlfriend, Kaia, were a bit calmer and off to the side and offered Jazz a wave when his wide, mint eyes went to them.
Atlas and Adonis weren't going to be there, both with their own families and he knew Selene was still at the military base and wouldn't make it home in time to celebrate.
That left the god's parents.
The grouchy man that looked maybe half an inch taller than him with more tattoos than him but less piercings and burning green eyes was no doubt Micah, his dad, and the blonde short lady with Castor's eyes was his mother, AJ.
"Castor," He whispered, turning to his boyfriend, who looked back and raised an eyebrow. "What do I call them?"
"Whatever they tell you to when I introduce you."
"Smart, smart," The musician nods nervously.
"Come on," Castor stood, amused as he leans out of the car, his family almost rushing to their side of the car as Jazz began to get out-- but he must've been a bit too nervous, because his knees didn't lock correctly and made squeak as his foot got caught on literally nothing inside the car as he landed on his back, one leg inside of the vehicle and one propped outside of it, staring up at the people now surrounding him in a daze.
"Never mind," The celestial said, seeing how his boyfriend fell. "That was embarrassing and cute."
Nice.
"U-um," He flushed a bright red, ignoring what his boyfriend said, frozen as he looked at all the matching gray or dark green eyes staring at him. "I'm uh, I'm Jazz-- l-like the music?"
"Aw," Nemesis smiles down at Jazz, before looking at Circe. "You're right, he's cute. Didn't have enough time to tell when I picked you up."
"Told you," Her sister replied smugly. "He's a puppy."
"Circe," The celestial cut in, not snapping but sounding grumpy, which prompted Jazz to scramble up into a standing position. He was the only one in a t-shirt, which Castor's mom eyed warily, which made sense since there was about three inches of snow all over the ground.
"Castor?" Jazz lightly tugs on his boyfriend's long sleeve, hand slipping down to hold his as he tilts his head at the god. "Introductions?"
Nodding, the god points up at Eris, who's now on his dad's shoulders, "Introduce yourself, little E."
"I'm Eris," The girl with green eyes, blonde hair, and a light mauve voice grins. "You can call me E or The Amazing One. It all works."
Triton raises his hand next, and says with an equally wide grin and an opposite soft orange voice, "I'm TJ, and you're definitely going to have to play snow hockey with me later."
"And you know Cece and Noel already." Castor says.
Nemesis waves to the musician, grabbing his attention immediately, her voice like poppy seeds and lavender, "I'm Nemy but you can call me Nemo-- I get lost a lot, don't ask." Um, okay? "And this is my girlfriend--"
"Fiance," Kaia interrupts, glaring softly at her, apparently, fiance who just rolls her eyes back at her and his sister just continues with the introduction. She truly, honestly, reminded him of fire when she spoke. Her song was bright and intense and warm.
Dangerous, but tamed. It made him wonder what kind of person she was.
"Her name's Malakaia, you can call her Kaia or Nash, which is her last name."
Jazz nods, trying to remember the different songs and colors and nicknames, wanting to be polite and not cross over any boundaries.
AJ, his mother, looked at him with seemingly happy gray eyes, holding out a hand containing an orange, thick looking shake in it that Jazz could smell mangoes coming from as she introduced herself.
The musician didn't miss the exasperated look his god shared with his dad.
"I'm AJ, you can call me that, Cassie's mom, or Mango Queen, I respond to it all." She explained, and Jazz would never miss an opportunity to call someone something as awesome as Mango Queen. "This is Micah, Cassie's dad."
Micah just stayed quiet, his eyebrows raised as he looked Jazz over.
That's... a little worrying.
Oh god, what if he already hated him?
"Papa," Castor sounded a little bit scolding. "You look dumb."
His dad scoffs, giving his son a thoughtful look as he says, "That's where you get it from."
"Thanks," The celestial replied dryly.
"It's nice to meet you all," Jazz smiled at them, dimples and all. "And it's nice seeing you three again." He motioned to Circe, Noelle, and Max.
"Jazz," Noelle bounced on her toes, a mischievous look on her face. He tilted his head in reply, waiting for her to continue. "What's his parent's voices look like? I wanna know because they both look like orange mushes to me."
"Uh..." The musician blinks, kinda put on the spot and unsure. "Mango Queen's kinda looks like avocados, i-it's mostly green with brown dots and Mr. Rex's looks like mangoes."
"Oh my fuck," Micah suddenly growled out, glaring at Jazz slightly-- making the musician freeze in place-- before turning to look onto his wife. "Look what you did. This is so upsetting-- I'm a mango."
Jazz remained locked in place, mouth firmly closed.
He can't blurt things out like that again, even in reply.
Careful with his works.
No synesthesia talk. His dad doesn't like it. Got it.
"So," Nemesis looked right at him, raising a blonde eyebrow at him. "What makes you special? You're the only human Cassie's ever brought home."
How is someone supposed to reply to that?
"Um..." His mind blanks. "Potatoes?"
Nemesis stares at him.
Castor stares at him.
Everyone else stares at him.
He blinks, then flushes and mumbles, "I don't think that's it, sorry."
"That's definitely not it," His god laughs, then stands on his toes to press a humoress kiss onto his cheek, "Grab your things, Jitterbug. I'll show you around."
Remembering Castor telling him about his pet-- a banana ball snake-- Jazz's eyes light up and he asks, "Can I meet Noodle?"
"Of course," He's still chuckling, smiling at his boyfriend and Jazz can't help but to smile back. He grabs his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder and only then notices that the star's family were staring at him weirdly and they were having a silent conversation of sorts.
"Noodle time?"
"Ah, yep. Follow me."
Jazz does just that, tugging lightly on Castor's sleeve as soon as they got through the door-- the rest of the family murmuring behind them. His god turns his head back slightly as raises an eyebrow, "Yes?"
"Urm, I-I, they uh... good impression?" The musician struggled the words out. "I think I made your papa a-angry with the mango comment."
"Nah, you didn't. He's just had a feud with mangoes for years, he's not allergic-- pomegranates, pomegranates, pomegranates-- or anything. He's just desperately trying to keep pretending he doesn't like them when Mama's around. But Mama actually does hate--" He squeaks. "--avocados, she's probably fuming to herself. It's hilarious, not angering."
Jazz pauses, thinking, "So... it was a good impression?"
"They called you cute, Jitterbug." Castor bumps their hips together, grabbing his hand to lead him down the hallway. "I'd say it was. Besides, they already like you."
"What? They like me." He echoes. "Why?"
For whatever reason, this makes him freeze and it sends the two men bumping into each other, as the musician wasn't paying enough attention and couldn't stop in time. And that then makes the god stumble into a random door.
Oh, no, his poor nose got crushed again.
"S-sorry." Jazz turns to check if he broke his nose again-- again because the poor celestial seemed to have an affinity for things or situations that make his nose injured. "I did notice, I just... um, couldn't stop myself."
"It's s'kay," He raises a hand to squish his cheeks. "I was the one that stopped. Don't worry about it, just come meet Noodle."
Jazz nods, following Castor to his room, noticing how his song goes all fidelity with nerves and how the green goes a little lighter. He understands why it was like that, though, that first time his boyfriend went into his room he was nervous, too.
The bed is pushed into the corner of his room and three bean bags across from it and what appears to be a moveable cupboard. There's a nightstand on the side and it's, interestingly enough, shaped like a bear. There's coffee rings on the top of it that don't surprise him at all.
There's no lamps, there's nothing that could be knocked down easily or anything like that-- either because of the Tourettes or because of the nightmares. But there is light coming from the corner of his room, a many colored ball made of Christmas lights and plastic cups hanging from the ceiling.
It's beautiful.
And the pictures-- there's no many pictures on the walls.
Sketches, actually, and they seem like it's a range of talent; a showcase of how Castor has improved over the years and what appears to be work he's proud of.
And, fuck yeah, he has a reason to be proud of them.
All of the sketches are amazing, better than what he could do even with a Harvard Professor Art teacher of a father.
Then there's a large glass cage on the opposite wall of the best, next to the closet. It's pretty big and emits a small light that lets him see that there wasn't his pet inside.
Looking around, he sees the slowly blinking snake by the pillow, a little startled to find her there but not enough that he doesn't take a moment to see that she's a soft yellow with sparkly spots and a long body.
Pretty snake, that's for sure.
And he can tell exactly why his boyfriend named her Noodles.
"It's kinda empty." Castor interrupts the silence. "But I like it."
Jazz likes it too. As he looks around, he notices how different their 'spaces' were, how he had hundreds of books and knick-knacks here and there and just a bunch of unnecessary pillows and things like that. But the god? He doesn't.
But that's okay, because it works for both of them.
And this place, although it doesn't have much, it just screams Castor-- from the sketches, to the cute little sticker on the side of Noodles' cage, to the colorful but also somehow mellow bedsheets and to how the coffee rings seemed to be both new and old.
So it's safe to say, thinking about his boyfriend and his boyfriend alone, when Jazz turns to look at the star he isn't expecting that little yellow face of a snake to stare back at him, a purple hiss coming from her mouth that makes his eyes widen.
Oh fuck, oh hell.
She was wrapped around Castor's neck and shoulders.
"It's okay to do that," The musician risks a glance up at his eyes. "Right?"
Nodding, he uses one hand to move Noodles to curl around his arm and raises her slightly between the two of them-- which, admittingly, made Jazz a little bit antsy. So is the fact that he could see the still unhealed injury on his wrist.
"She-- she, she, she-- is perfectly fine." Castor sighs. "And so am I."
Looking between him and Noodle, then back around the room once, the musician notes, "You don't have any mirrors."
Is that why he doesn't know what he looks like?
Chuckling, the god shakes his head, "I haven't willingly looked in the mirror since I was in eighth grade, why-- mother ducklings-- would I have a mirror in here?" With his song and colors looking all too amused, he walks his snake over to her cage and gently puts her in there, shoulder jerking in a small tic. "To gawk at myself? If I look too dumb, Cece tells me."
"You're a god, my star. You look very much like one too." Jazz frowns down at the celestial. "You're attractive, Circe is completely wrong. I'm no liar, dumb is one of the words I'd never describe you as. You're good looking, smart, you have a great personality, too, which makes you all that more handsome. Honestly, I don't know what's going on with your eyes if you think I look okay and you don't, but they're failing you."
Aw, Castor was starting to blush!
His cheeks, even going down to his neck, was red.
"That's uh, I-- bit hot innit--I'm not, fuck," Huffing, Castor takes a flustered step back and runs a hand through his hair. "You're just, ah, would you just fuck off about me and go-- bit hot innit-- pet my snake or something."
Oh, the things he could reply to that with.
Opening his mouth to speak, the god must see that he was definitely going to say something a bit smug and shakes his head at the musician, "Don't you dare."
That's just do not you dare but shorter and saying it like that is not very intimidating.
Trying his best to hold back a grin, Jazz nods and puts hi bag down, purposely walking close enough to Castor so that their bodies brush together before moving to where Noodle is and crouching down next to her.
Definitely a cute snake.
But he has a much, much cuter boyfriend who he probably enjoys teasing just a little too much for either of their sakes.
"And people said 'having a-- bit hot innit-- boyfriend is a good thing'."
Not hearing what he said properly and having been looking at the purplish colors Noodles was making as she moved around, Jazz turned back to him and raised his eyebrow at him. "What are you grumbling about?"
"You." Castor answers blatantly. "And-- bit hot innit-- how you're the bottom next time."
Oh.
He's okay with that.
Too okay with that.
And now for a topic change up because he doesn't know how to reply!
With his face feeling way too warm, Jazz quickly turns back around and motions to Noodles and says, "I-I need help."
Now it's Castor's turn to look too smug as he walks over to him and pulls the snake from the cage, leaning over to pull her out and lets her wrap around his wrist again before he holds her up and right in front of the musician's face.
It takes a little while for Jazz to warm up to the idea of holding her, he isn't scared or anything but he is not used to holding snakes and not used to how slimy-- but weirdly it's not slimy?-- she is, but once he does he grins widely.
He knows this moment, standing in Castor's room with the god himself, and moments like it, don't last forever but he takes a couple seconds, a couple deep breathes where he just contently looks around, and knows it's something he'll remember for a long, long time.
And if he doesn't remember it for as long as he wants to?
That's okay, because he knows that him and his celestial will always have the opportunity to know more.