Seonghwa was getting annoyed.
Well, annoyed and somewhat guilty, but the guilt was besides the point.
Mingi refused to speak to him after Hongjoong and Yeosang had left his room, and he was fed up with the silence.
"Christ, it's not that big of a–"
"It's not that big of a deal? Are you serious?" Mingi glared at him and he shifted uncomfortably.
"I–"
"No, Seonghwa! You're so–" His friend let out a frustrated groan. "You made him have a panic attack! Who the hell does that? And I bet you don't even feel remotely guilty. I really don't get you sometimes."
Mingi shook his head and grabbed his jacket off a chair while heading towards the door.
"Where are you going?"
"To apologize."
Seonghwa flinched as the door slammed shut behind him, letting out a huge sigh as he slumped down against the wall.
Now his anger was gone and he felt guilty, and guilt was a horrible feeling. He knew the right thing was to go apologize to Hongjoong, but apologizing was harder than it seemed, because what was he going to say? Sorry I made you have a panic attack?
"Whatever," he muttered to himself. "Just forget about it."
He got up from the floor with a loud groan and stretched, throwing on his hoodie as he made his way to San's.
Well, his and San's.
He didn't really think of it as his dorm room, mainly because he spent more nights in his girlfriend's – ex-girlfriend's – room last year. His heart ached with a dull throb and he sighed, running a hand through his hair as he remembered their last conversation.
He'd walked in on her and some other guy making out and for some reason, he laughed and said the first thing that came to mind, which, for some reason, was, "Guess I owe San ten dollars," and walked back out.
He hadn't felt anything at the time, mostly because he realized he never really liked her, but the fact that she cheated on him hurt quite a bit. Had he not been good enough?
It's not like it matters. Everything's over anyway.
Seonghwa was crossing the courtyard when he changed his mind, heading towards the car park with only one destination in mind: the dance studio. He didn't even care if they had any open studios or if he'd have to join a class, he just needed to forget about everything. He'd usually get drunk when he was like this, but for some strange reason, he didn't really want to, or at least, not today.
As he drove, he found his thoughts drifting back to Hongjoong and couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt. The way the brunette had collapsed and burst into tears once he'd let go of him made Seonghwa feel bad.
He groaned and ran a hand through his hair while pulling into the mall, hastily parking his car while fishing around in his pockets for his backup credit card.
I really need to find my wallet, he thought as he made his way to the dance studio, ignoring the stares he was getting from other students.
"Can I rent a studio?" he asked the receptionist, slightly out of breath.
"Of course," she said. Seonghwa didn't miss the way she bit her lip and fought the urge to roll his eyes. "It's only available for an hour, though, is that okay?"
He nodded and handed her his credit card. "Yeah, that's great."
"Alright then, studio three will be down this hallway and the second door on your left. Here." She winked and handed him his credit card and receipt, a number scrawled messily on the front.
"Thanks."
As soon as he was out of her sight, he crumpled it up and threw it in a trash can, pushing the door open to his haven.
Seonghwa immediately felt himself relax and connected his phone to the AUX cord, scrolling through his playlist before deciding he was in the mood for something darker.
"Insomniac" by Timeflies started playing through the speakers and he grinned, liking how the beat seemed to vibrate through the floor. Sure, the lyrics were kind of suggestive, but those were his favorite kind of songs.
He started dancing, head becoming blissfully empty as he started choreographing, an hour passing by in what felt like five minutes.
Once it was time to leave, he exited the studio, satisfied with what he'd managed to complete in an hour, but as soon as he got into his car, his thoughts drifted back to Hongjoong and he groaned, lightly banging his head on the steering wheel.
I need to get it together.
***
Two weeks had passed since the incident, and Seonghwa was still losing sleep over it.
And if that wasn't enough, their professor would be introducing their projects for dance today.
"Jeez, you look like a mess," San whispered as he slid into the seat next to his friend.
"Trust me, I know."
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Seonghwa considered telling him but decided against it, shaking his head before saying, "I'll get over it."
San shrugged and was about to say something when their professor walked in, the lecture hall immediately going quiet. It was at that moment that Seonghwa decided to fall asleep, eyelids closing shut before he could think about it.
He hadn't even known he was asleep until San elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to jump in surprise.
"Go," he hissed. "You have to pick your song for the project."
Ah, right.
The project.
Well, it was fine, he would just pick a random song and figure it out from there.
Seonghwa made his way down the stairs and stopped in front of the table where there was a single iPad with a headset connected to it. He put it on and pressed play on the first track, titled "Utopia".
He hadn't expected there to be vocals to the track, but that made him like it even more. Before he knew it, he'd listened to the entire track and instinctively knew he didn't have to listen to the other ones. He wanted this one. The lyrics were deep, and he needed to show "versatility", according to his professor.
He took off the headphones and his professor gestured to a piece of paper taped to the wall. "Write your name next to the song you chose. Once you're done, you can grab your things and head to the East Wing and go to Lecture Hall 1. Tell Professor Song you've come from my class."
Seonghwa nodded, wrote down his name and grabbed his stuff as the professor called the next name. "Jeong Yunho, come down please!"
Jeong Yunho.
The name sounded familiar, but he wasn't quite sure where he'd heard it or who the person even was, so he shrugged to himself and made his way to the East Wing, hoping the person who'd made the song wasn't annoying.
"Oh Seonghwa!" Professor Song gave him a small smile once he walked into the empty lecture hall. "Here for your project, I assume?"
"Yeah."
"Which song did you pick?"
"Utopia."
Professor Song's eyes seemed to brighten once he heard the title. "Ah, yes! It was produced by the Dean's son. I have to say, he's incredibly talented."
Seonghwa felt himself pale. The Dean's son? He couldn't afford to be mean to this boy. Not at all.
"Anyway, he's in the studio on the left if you follow this hallway and turn right."
"Thank you!"
For the first time in a long time, he felt nervous meeting someone else. What if the Dean's son was a complete and utter asshole?
No.
He shook his head as stopped in front of the studio, hesitating for a brief moment before grasping the doorknob and pushing it open.
Seonghwa felt his jaw hit the floor as soon as he saw whose song he'd picked.
"Hongjoong?"
The boy turned around and jolted in surprise once he saw Songhwa standing there.
"You're the one who made 'Utopia'?"
He nodded, eyes so wide they were about the size of disks. Hongjoong reached into his pocket for his phone, fumbling with it as he hurriedly typed out his response.
Yeah, I made it. Are you ... are you the one who chose it?
Seonghwa nodded, and he could've sworn he saw the younger boy die a little on the inside. Some part of him felt a tiny bit annoyed, but he still felt guilty for the incident that'd happened two weeks ago.
"I'm sorry," he blurted out, Hongjoong snapping his head towards him in surprise. "I was annoyed because I don't usually get hit, you know? But I know there's really no excuse for making you have a panic attack. Trying to get you to talk was also wrong, and I'm sorry. I don't know what kinda stuff you've had to go through in order to have selective mutism, so, uh—" Seonghwa looked at the ground, cheeks burning from his pathetic attempt at an apology until he felt a tug on his sleeve.
It's okay. I'm surprised you know what selective mutism is, though.
He looked at the younger boy's face, which had a small smile on it.
"Um, yeah, I had a childhood friend had selective mutism. I miss him."
Hongjoong noticed that Seonghwa's eyes softened when talking about his friend, and suddenly he didn't seem as intimidating as before.
You guys aren't friends anymore?
"No, he ... moved. It was so sudden," He sighed before giving a slight shake of his head. "Anyway, I wasn't paying attention in class, so what are we doing for the project?"
Hongjoong covered his mouth and let out a small giggle, making Seonghwa smile a tiny bit before he caught himself thinking about how cute the younger boy was.
You should pay attention in class!
"I know, I know. I just haven't been able to sleep lately."
Seonghwa was shocked at how easily the words fell out of his mouth. He was never the type to just say what had been going on in his life and wasn't the type to open up easily.
That was weird.
Guess you couldn't resist the sound of your professor's relaxing voice, huh?
He grinned at Hongjoong. "Exactly."
Anyway, you didn't really miss much. The assignment is basically me producing a "new" song and you choreographing a dance to it.
"Wait, I'm not dancing to 'Utopia'?"
Hongjoong shook his head and gave the older boy a questioning look when he groaned.
"My professor says I need to show more versatility. Also, I would've liked choreographing it."
Hongjoong blushed. It's nothing special ... plus, I have other songs that are kinda like it. You can pick, if you want.
He opened his laptop and opened a folder, showing how many songs he'd written and produced, letting out a small laugh once he caught sight of Seonghwa's awestruck face.
Wait, I'll send a few of these to you. You can pick from them.
"Can't you just play them from your computer instead?" Hongioong shot him a look and Seonghwa shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, you already have it out."
Fine.
He pressed play on the first song, and barely a minute had passed before Seonghwa reached around him and pressed pause.
"I like this one. Like a lot."
Oh, really?
"No, Joong-ah, I despise it." Seonghwa shot him a look, making the brunette blush. "Of course I like it! What's the song name?"
Inception. I'm not really satisfied with it, though. Someone else needs to sing my parts aside from the rap. My voice doesn't suit the song.
"Honestly, it's fine. I wouldn't worry if I were you." He reached around Hongjoong again and pressed play, closing his eyes to pay attention to the beat.
Hongjoong, on the other hand, was frozen in his seat. The older boy was really close to him and he swore he'd never seen anyone as handsome as Seonghwa.
The wallet!
The thought hit him like a truck once he remembered that it was in his bag, and he was once again torn between giving it back or keeping it and letting Jongho give it back. If he gave it back now, when him and Seonghwa were a little less than acquaintances, it would seem weird.
"Hongjoong!" Seonghwa waved his hand in front of his face and he jolted, surprised.
Ah, sorry.
"It's okay. I was just saying, I like this more than 'Utopia'."
Thank you, Seonghwa-ssi!
"No problem. Do you mind if we go to the North Wing, where the practice rooms are?"
Hongjoong's mouth formed a small 'o' once he'd heard Seonghwa's request, a small frown tugging at his lips as he typed out his answer.
Um, there's usually a lot of people there at this time because it's also where the cafeteria is, and I can't really cope well with crowds ... sorry ...
"Oh."
Yeah. Sorry ^_^"
Seonghwa let out a small laugh at the emoticon. "It's okay. Have you had lunch yet?"
No ... why?
"There's a dance studio at a mall nearby that I like to go to, and we could get lunch after." Once he saw the look on the younger boy's face, he panicked and added, "Only if you want to, of course."
Hongjoong's gaze had shifted so that he had an almost dazed look on his face, eyes looking but not seeing, and he was so still that he could've been mistaken for a statue.
Seonghwa snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Hello?"
Hongjoong's eyes fluttered before he looked up and focused on Seonghwa, a sheepish smile on his face.
Sorry, I guess I'm pretty tired as well.
"That's okay. Anyway, are you okay with the mall idea?"
Yeah, sounds like it shouldn't be bad.
"Great. Are you down for lunch afterwards? There's a pretty good barbeque place nearby."
I'll see.
"Joong, we barely know each other and you're already playing hard-to-get?" Seonghwa teased.
The younger boy looked away and coughed into his fist, shaking his head as he got up from where he was sitting and hurriedly left the studio.
"Hey, wait for me! You don't even know where my car is!" He called over Hongjoong's retreating back, laughing at his reaction before packing up his stuff and hurrying after the brunette. Once he caught up, he noticed that Hongjoong's face was red and smiled, slinging an arm around his shoulders.
"I'm kidding. I know you'd never be interested in me in that way, anyway."
Hongjoong raised his eyebrows as they crossed the parking lot. Um, more like the other way around.
Too late, he realized what he'd just done: basically come out to someone who was probably homophobic. Not only that, but he didn't even know Seonghwa that well, and now he was probably going to tell San about how Hongjoong wasn't straight—
"Oh, you're not straight as well?"
Wait.
As well?
"Yeah. I'm bi," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the entire world.
You're ... bi?
Seonghwa let out a small scoff. "What, you thought I was straight?"
Hongjoong decided to stay silent as the older boy stopped in front of a black car and raised his eyebrows. "Well?"
Yeah, I did.
"Well, limiting the potential sex pool wouldn't be very smart now, would it?"
The brunette cringed, starting to regret his decision to go to the mall with Seonghwa as he got into the passenger seat of the car, letting out a small sigh.
Don't tell anyone else about this, please. He showed his phone to Seonghwa, who gave him a weird look.
"I'm a fuckboy, not a douchebag," he said.
Hongjoong waited for him to elaborate but when he didn't, gave a small shrug and looked out of the window as Seonghwa pulled out of the parking lot and started driving.
Hiya hyung!
"Jae?" The brunette whispered softly, feeling someone at the front while trying not to let Seonghwa hear.
Yeah!
"Can you dance?" Seonghwa suddenly asked just as Hongjoong was about to reply, making him instantly shut his mouth.
Um, I've been trying to ... but I'm still pretty bad.
His hand slightly shook as he held up his phone for Seonghwa to see once they reached a red light.
"I'm sure you're not."
Hongjoong rapidly shook his head as the light turned green, making the older boy chuckle before an awkward silence fell over the two.
Hyungggggggg, Jae whined.
"Not right now, Jae, please," he whispered, giving a sideways glance to Seonghwa, who seemed very concentrated on driving.
Fine.
"We're here!" Seonghwa announced.
Oh, it's this mall?
"Yeah. You've been here before?"
Yeah!
"Oh, sweet! Do you know the barbeque place then?"
Hongjoong nodded happily as they got out of the car and made their way across the parking lot.
"Do you dance here as well?" Seonghwa asked, curious.
Yeah, Yunho's an instructor.
"Who's Yunho? I swear I've heard his name from somewhere."
He used to be Mingi's friend.
Realization dawned on the older boy as he facepalmed himself. "The one who Mingi keeps trying to apologize to? That one?"
Yeah.
"Do you know what happened to them?"
Hongjoong's felt his face fall as soon as the question had left Seonghwa's mouth. Mingi's friends had mercilessly bullied Yunho simply for being gay. So much so, in fact, to the point where he would often come to the younger boy's house in tears, and Hongjoong's mom would pull a pint of ice cream out from the freezer and give it to her son, along with two spoons.
As for Mingi? Well, he'd just stood aside in silence and watched everything happen.
If Mingi's friends had bullied Yunho and Seonghwa was Mingi's friend, it meant that there was a good chance that Seonghwa was one of those people.
The risk was too great.
So, Hongjoong shook his head and the older boy sighed as they entered the mall.
"I wish he'd just tell me. You can see that he really regrets it, though. Yunho means a lot to him."
Hongjoong nodded and looked around. A few other students from their university were here as well, and the girls, specifically, were all looking at Seonghwa and whispering excitedly until they noticed Hongjoong, at which point their gazes turned into glares.
He tugged on the older boy's sleeve. Seonghwa, everyone's staring at you.
Seonghwa just gave him a soft smile and shrugged, and Hongjoong felt his heart beating way too fast for his own good.
God, what am I thinking? This guy's a jerk, I'm just stuck with him for a project! He scolded himself.
They rounded a corner and Hongjoong caught sight of San holding hands with a boy with purple hair that looked kind of familiar. As if on cue, the boy turned around and Hongjoong felt a spike of dread shoot through him as he pulled Seonghwa back around the corner, heart pounding in his chest.
"I didn't think we'd get along this well." The older boy smirked and Hongjoong felt himself turn red as he smacked Seonghwa's chest.
He held up a finger that said, wait here, and peeked back around the corner, hoping that he was wrong.
What he saw was enough to scar him for the rest of his life because oh god, San and Wooyoung were kissing.
hi everyone!
sorry it took me so long, school's been really busy and i've bene working on the wicked (cheeck it out if you haven't yet, it's woosan!).
more updates from now on, i promise!
anyway, i hope you liked the chapter!