Heartbreak
The damage Third's Dad caused was paid. However, it wasn't still enough to pay for everything. To save everything.
At ito pa, ah. The healing of my heart would probably never come to an end, it was going that way. But the several weeks of hiding from the dark did until the latter came. Nakakatawa lang. One after another lie, an advanced secret ruthlessly discloses.
"Mr. Zinberhg! Ngayon po ba na pati ang kasalukuyan niyong negosyo ay papalubog na rin, are you willing to accept the termination preconcerted by the elite circle? Is it true they are forcing you to withdraw?"
What a typical, merciless, and straightforward reporter. Mabilis ang mouth. Talagang walang lusot. Should I really be thankful for him?
"Do you admit you really have no chance after another failure? First your descended airline within just five months after the opening... At ngayon, pati ang kumpanya niyo ay ipapasara na rin?"
I smirked bitterly. Hindi ko alam kung gustong kumalap ng reporter ng information o mang- asar.
"At bali- balita po na suicidal talaga ang totoong pagkamatay ng asawa niyo. Is it true?" Another set of interviewers showed up.
That's it. I wiped fallen tears again.
"Oo! Marahil nakonsensiya ang asawa niyan dahil sa pinasabog na eroplano noon! Matagal bago nagising sa katotohanan! Mga pamilya nga naman ng palpak!"
That came from a group of strangers shown in the video I'm playing. It was a re-play of the live that happened outside our house nang matunugan ng media na lumabas si Dad that day.
Pinatay ko ang clipt for the second time I watched it after yesterday night. I was clenching my teeth as I dried up my tears.
They have no heart... Ang galing nilang magpaniwala sa sarili nilang brought- up stories! When all along, they didn't know the real narrative! Nobody asks for their opinions but people continue to gossip and do accusations! It made me sad thinking the thing about people and their attitudes.
I grabbed my phone to call Attorney.
"Iha..." he initiated.
"Attorney, hindi ko na po kaya, please..." Mahina aong humikbi. "Lalabas na po ako... I don't care what people would think. Kung makita man nila ako and physically hurt me, I'll fight for myself and for my family. Dad needs me..."
"For you to shout at him?"
I shook my head as if he could see me right now. "No... I need answers to my questions, yes! Pero I already composed myself. I'll patiently listen to him... I just want to be by his side. We need each other. More than now."
Matagal na tahimik si Attorney bago siya nagsalita. "I... don't think that's a good move, Avi. It's difficult to shield ourselves and the things we got as long as the media keep their camera on us... To you and your dad. Mabigat. Dahil hawak ni Achelous ang simpatya ng tao."
Right! People are against us! Dahil kami ang lubog at walang pera, kami ang kawawa! Kami ang weak! There are some whom we have solace, compassion, and fondness, but there's this majority who were against us and cursed us for putting in jail their so-called king, Marcellus Achelous Vilienthal II!
"I'll not let myself be exposed. Tutuloy po ako sa amin, or I could call Kuya Roger to pick me up... Basta aalis po ako dito sa condo at sasamahan ko si Dad. We need to be together."
He sighed pagkatapos nang mahabang katahimikan para siguro sa malalim niyang pinag- isipan.
"I'll let it handle to Eli. Siya ang susundo sayo," sabi niya nang may bigat. He must be really worried. Nito ko lang din nalaman na pamangkin niya pala si Eli. How small the world is.
Pumikit ako nang mariin. "Thanks, Attorney. I promise, I'll behave."
"Look, Avi. It doesn't mean the word coward. I just want the issue to die down after a time. Mahirap dahil kabilaan ang pinaniniwalaan... We need to stay put until then. And also, the thing about the syndicate... They'll only get rid once after the payment is done."
"They can't be arrested, can they?"
"I've already approached it to the concerned, but the thing is they're just supporting the creditor of your Dad. We have nothing to do with them unless they forbid and we verify. Basta sa oras na makabayad tayo ng buo, rest assured they'll stop sending death threats to you and your Dad. It was their direct words. They just happened to owe something from the creditor that's why they are in the picture. Ipagpasalamat nalang natin, iha, that they're doing this for a purpose. And once it was all done, you can start renewing things again."
"I'll send right away my remaining pieces of jewelry." I swallowed. "And bags."
Kinabukasan, maaga akong gumising para mag- impake ng gamit. I was too drained yesterday to bother myself.
When I opened the door, the same person who was always at it greeted me with his exhausted look.
Third did lose some weight. Napailing nalang ako. And grew stubbles. I can see the shadow of it from his cheeks down to his neck.
"Babe."
Tumuloy ako sa paglabas nang hindi siya pinapansin. I was fixing the card and the lock of the unit.
"Hey... Good morning. Did you have your breakfast? We could go out-"
"Where's Eli?"
"Uhh... About that," he chuckled nervously. "We switched places..." He's obviously trying to light up the mood.
"Can you call him? So you two could switch back?" I said still not looking at him.
"Babe."
"Ako nalang? O- okay." I was about to reach for my phone from the bag when he stopped me.
"Avi, please. What else do you want? My father was already locked up, and I promise you. My team has it all... I take the odds and I don't give him the chance even the tiniest to do his way. I assure you. He will rot in hell."
I never asked for it. My Dad handled it well. Why is he doing this?
"Please, baby, talk to me. Aren't you tired?"
When he reached my arm, he was weak doing it that's why I managed to pull back.
"When will you come back to me?"
Why can't he see the point? It's all pointless. Meaningless. Everything was ruined. It's hard to go back. Mahal ko siya pero tama na.
"Magpapakasal pa tayo, ah," garalgal niya.
Damn. It's the last string that pushed me to look at him. I faced him and fuck the hurt every time I see this look on his face.
"Babe..."
"I'm broken. And so are you," pagsisimula ko. "We can't just force ourselves to go back where we were and start again as if nothing happened. It broke all of us. Me. You. Dad. Your mom... even your father. Masiyadong masakit isipin na sa ganito tayong lahat humantong. I can't just be with you."
"I need you to be with me, Avi."
Ayaw kong sabihin sa kaniya but I have no choice. "You're selfish."
"I already accepted the word," he said, sounding very frail. "And you're right. That night broke our souls, but you... You will be the one to fix mine." He reached out for my hand. "So I shall do to you. Anybody could depart. A lot of things have changed, but know what? My love would endure. My warmth is here. My devotion to you would last. Our love.. Avi... it shouldn't be involved in any of what happened."
He touched my cheeks and wiped the tear that just dropped from my right eye. "I believe our love is destined to survive. It should really be the one that helps to heal. It should be our light in this darkness. The hope to this madness. I hope you think of that, too..."
I closed my eyes, earning for the pile of tears that strolled down my cheeks. I held his hands while nearly dying on shaking my head, and kiss it. Matagal. Sobra.
"Why are you like that?" nanghihina niyang pakiusap. "Bakit sinasabi ng kilos mo na hindi? Isn't your love for me enough to stay? For you to fight? You really are confident you have to lose me?"
Umiling ako. "I'm sorry..."
Kumalas siya sa akin at lumayo ng kaunti. He placed both of his hands on his waist.
"I was the only one who was fighting. I was the only one who was dying for it." Natawa siya bago tumingala. "I'm such a loser... Can't believe how pathetic I am."
He turned to me. "Look at you." Inangat niya ang kamay niya to spot me. Trembling in tears. "You appear to me like you never want me to slip, still you only focusing on what your mind gives. You want to get rid of me because that's what the situation speaks-"
"No! It's my heart, Third... It is! Sobra kitang mahal pero mas sobra ang sakit. My love for you is not as strong as yours and I'm sorry for that! I really really am! My love wasn't enough, yes! But please don't question it... I-it's hard... really... I-I'm lost... All I could matter about is the love I have for my mom... My m-mom. My mom died... And your Dad-"
"I told you! I was doing everything for that man's misery!"
"You don't understand! You're not getting me, Third! That's not what I want! I only want justice! Not for you to destroy your relationship with your Dad! You want me to thank you because you're mad at your Dad? It won't change a damn thing! He's still your dad! Not as if I am extending your father's sin to you! Pero, Third, dadating ang araw na magkakapatawaran kayo at maghihilom ang lahat para sa inyo, I know! Deny it or not! And I just can't imagine na masaya akong bebeso sa kaniya kaharap ang mga magiging anak natin in every gathering! Think about what would go through our kid's minds and hearts the moment they'll figure out how their grandpa killed their grandma! The number of people injured will put on, Noah! I can't let that happen, not with my kids!"
I cupped my head, crying so hard. "Did you think of that part, huh?"
Nakita ko ang panghihina niya. He closed our distance and hug me, calming me down. I felt tears drop down my neck.
"I get it. I get it..."
I can feel how eager was he to nod his head. "I get it, okay? I'm sorry. Avi, but I'm telling you now. The day you were thinking of wanting to reach wouldn't come, even go near. Ideally, there isn't any time. I couldn't ever forgive my father.. not in my entire life. All I want is you, babe. I need you to come with me. Let's bury in depths every of the pain... distress... everything. Let's start our new life. Tayo lang. Please... I promise you. Nobody could hurt us."
No. He doesn't understand... I don't wish him forever curse his father even though I loathe the latter. It's still his Dad. Because I know if it's my Dad, I may be hurt and mad but I will still support his change.
He will never understand it that's why I will back down from explaining it to him. Her mother owes it to him.
I shook my head. "No... I-I can't. I'm sorry. I could never leave my Dad. He's the only one who's left in my family..."
"We'll start our own instead. And your Dad, you could always reach him. I'm not giving you options, Avi. I'm not forcing you to choose..."
Umiling ako. "Hindi ko siya kayang iwan. He's broken... Mom is gone and I can't be gone as well by his hide. Not now... Not ever. Family should come first... I'm sorry, but I value that. Dapat ganoon ka rin sa Mommy mo."
Hinigpitan niya ang yakap niya. Hug that is not letting me.
"Tutulungan ko kayo. I'll carry everything. I'll pay... I'll recompense for everything. I am not withdrawing, Avi. I can help you and your Dad. Just... just give me the time, and I'll replace my father's name with mine."
Umiling ako. "No, no." Kakalas na ako sa yakap pero lalo siyang humihigpit. Lalo niya akong ayaw pakawalan.
"Noah, no. Hindi pwedeng gano'n. Sobra- sobra na... It's time for us now to save ourselves, by the means of us. Without you. All of you. It's me and my Dad now. And it's you and your Mom from now on."
Kumapal ang luhang pumapatak sa shoulder and neck ko. His hug was too strong I couldn't breathe entire properly.
I sobbed. "P-please... Tama na." Hinang- hina ang boses ko. "Tama na... Just let go, please. Ayaw kong dumating sa point na kailangan mo 'kong pilitin na sabihin sayong hindi na kita mahal. B-because I'm telling you now... I-I can't do that, nearly I can. "
Because I love you... but then the love needs to stop.
"Hindi ko gusto 'yon, please, Avi." His cries were a spike in my heart. I didn't realize this day would come... All I ask to hear was his harmonic voice, his sweet whispers, his laughs... Not this downhearted piece.
"P-please, babe. Please. I love you. I love you so so much. Don't d-do this, please. Don't do this to me..." His voice was shaking. "Hear me, please... I can't do without you..."
Pilit na akong kumakalas sa kaniya. Habang patagal ng patagal, lalong hindi ko na kaya. I feel like I would pass out.
"It's not healthy. You need to stop... Please, Noah..."
Hindi niya pa'rin ako pinakawalan.
"I c-can't breathe..." that pushed him.
Mabilis siyang kumalas para tingnan ako. "I'm.. sorry." Umiwas siya ng tingin at saglit kaming natahimik bago ulit siya kumilos para pulutin ang mga luggage ko.
"Ihahatid na kita sa inyo. You should take a rest first."
"K-kaya ko naman na."
Napapagod niya akong nilingon. "Ito lang."
Luhaan akong tumango.
Nakarating kami sa bahay na parehong tahimik. No words escaped our mouths until he helped me put down my things out of the car.
"Salamat..."
He nodded silently. I was about to turn my back when he says something. "Avi... about the payment... Don't mind it anymore-"
"No. You don't have-"
"I already did," he cut off.
I sighed in defeat. Four weeks of staying in their building really did a charge even if it was against my will to really stay in there. Dad was being hysterical about my safety so I was forced. I was tearing up actually dahil aminin ko man o hindi, malaking help na iyon sa kung ano ang pinagdadaanan namin ngayon. Gusto ko man na tanggihan, I know I have no bound especially when he already did.
"T-thank you... Pero sana hanggang do'n nalang, Third." I swallowed so hard.
He looks in pain but he managed to give me a warm but weak smile. And so before I forgot, I handed him the key card of the condo. "I forgot to return it, sa'yo na lang." Tinitigan niya ang card before tanggapin.
"I'm mad to say I will see you when I want to. But guess it would be always up to you, isn't it?"
Tiningnan ko siya nang matagal. And that was the time I already submitted to a hard decision. It's painful.
"I-I see you tomorrow..."
In First Corinthians, one says love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. This is the truth.
His eyes suddenly came to life. "Y-you, what? Really?"
Love is kind. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking. I'm doing this for his good. And maybe for him to see it that way.
Tumango ako. "Pahinga ka muna."
Nagulat ako nang bigla niya akong hinalikan. It was smooth and fast kaya sa may bandang itaas lang ng labi ko naramdaman. Lalong nanikip ang dibdib ko.
It keeps no records of wrong. He needs to stop and I'll start.
"Thank you, babe. You just made my day... I see you tomorrow."
No... I don't want to give him false hope.
The moment he drove away, my tears started to fall one by one. Ang sakit. Sobra- sobra ang bigat. It's so hard to breathe. I feel suffocated.
When I turned my back to go inside the house, I saw my Dad there, at the door. Like he's waiting for me. "D-dad..."
Sinalubong niya ako ng mahigpit na yakap. And there I quietly sobbed into his chest. "It's hard, Dad. Ang s-sakit. Sobra..."
"I know. Hush... You don't need to let him go. Love him as long as you want. Wala kayong kinalaman dito, anak. You don't deserve this... the two of you. So love him... fight for your love. Masakit sa parte ko na makita kang umiiyak at hindi masaya." Dad was brushing my hair to make my cries calm.
"B-but I c-can't... God knows how I badly want to stay, but I c-can't... My heart can't."
"Then, please... D-don't become like this. We'll get through this... together." Paulit- ulit akong tumango habang umiiyak pa rin.
In a fleeting time, we were already in the office. Dad puts the glass of water back on the table after he made me drink. He then sat beside me and kissed my forehead.
"I'm sorry... Ngayon mo lang nalaman ito lahat."
Halos isang oras ding explanation ang ginawa niya. And to all of that... I was speechless. I was in awe. Well, I became emotional at the very first, and... everything I've discovered feels like it wasn't real at all. It felt incredulous, not until the story continued having the complete evidence.
I was again back, staring into the newspaper I am holding. The same newspaper I saw in Dad's office last month. But unlike before, it wasn't shattered, messy, or broken. The letters were all readable. The pictures were visual. This newspaper has been hidden for a long time to save what really happened way back years ago. When I was still been carried by my mom's womb.
'CLAIRLINES FLIGHT DAE crash- lands at Moscow Airport'
I didn't know Mom was able to carry off the dream. But didn't last long.
'Preponderance dead after ClairLines plane DAE crash- lands at Moscow Airport'
I can just imagine how devastated she has been.. or for years the nightmare keeps haunting her. I want to hug Mommy right at that time and assure her what happened was a pure accident. It's not her fault. The system was already dysfunctional before she could pull it off... And that I am here. She saved herself and I'm as well as saved. It was because of her. She didn't fail.
"She's month neglecting anyone's attention from the family... Kahit ako," ani Dad sa tabi ko habang nagpatuloy akong balikan ulit ng tingin ang mga images sa newspaper. "She's blaming it all to herself kahit anong pagkausap ko sa kaniya na hindi niya 'yon kasalanan."
'Justice for departed hundreds of passengers'
'Departed lives matter'
"Until the passengers' family made that movement. Few of the departed really did come from a powerful clan. "
Protestors blackballed ClairLines led by the Mendozas. See the full narrative below.
My wonders played reading a familiar surname. I finally got the answer.
"She became more depressed. The airline started a few months and then everything vanished in just a snap. All the fledged, the imposed... her hard work, her sacrifices... as well as mine... They're all wasted. Messily wasted. Kaya lalo niyang sinisi ang sarili niya. She said she was a failure and she won't stop saying sorry to me. We came down all the way from the top."
I faced him. "And that's where all of this begins."
Malungkot siyang ngumiti at tumango.
"The tale continues... but it wasn't magical anymore. It's where all the omission started." Dad apologetically smiled. It was just an expression.
"Hindi alam ng mommy mo... Pero malaki talaga ang sinugal ko to make ClairLines happened. All of my savings, my properties..." Dad bit his lips. "Including my inheritance. 'Ni ultimong cash sa wallet ko ibinuhos ko roon," he chuckled.
I gulped. We were back to being emotional again.
"Pero wala, e. Aaminin ko, oo, nagalit talaga ako sa kaniya. We always had our fights those nights instead of we could just have started solving separately the problem together... We were so much pressured and clouded that time hanggang napagod na ako sa pagtatalo at suyuin nalang siya... It takes time until she really came back with everything. Lubog na lubog ako noon kaya lumapit na ako kay Ache. I have no pride having the thought you'll soon come out of the world. I need to do something... And I didn't tell to her. She just has been recovered and I can't stand if her anguish would start again... Kayo ako nalang."
The conscience of how I secretly sulk my account every time Dad reprimands me and warns me about these all within myself burned. How I angered Dad before after saying to my face his thought and own plans about my dream. How it was never really true he forced Mom to choose one between her walk of life and mine.
Dahil selfless siya. Lahat ng iyon ay ipinarating niya sa akin para protektahan ako sa time na malaman ko ang lahat ng ito. That maybe one day when my name comes out in the air industry, I'll only be stuck. Because of what people and big insidious companies will throw at me, I won't be able to enter the door of my own dreams. I will be hardly accepted.. It's the sad corporeality. Reality has a responsible power to destruct me turbulently because it's the heart of my dreams.
I might want to redeem my family but I will not stand waking Mommy's pain.
"Do you regret it?" I asked.
"Regret what?"
"Pour your everything to ClairLines..."
He smiled at me. "No, of course not. That was a fantastic time for your Mom. The woman that I love... It was back fantastic for me too... At iyon ang pinakamahabang limang buwan ng buhay ko."
In the part of the verse, love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Mom and Dad surpassed. Their love was strong... It was powerful and unbreakable. That's what I devour between the lines. I admire.
But then, there would always be a different story. A different case in love to solve. Some just can't be done the way others got over it. Dahil may pagmamahal na kailangang huminga at pakawalan.
Like the sun. It may symbolize rebirth but the truth is a journey will come to an end. A different start without him.
I want to say my love for Third was similar to my parents. But it would mean different. I can't be that meaning of strong.
It's hard. It's hard to see his eyes. His nose. His lips. It's hard to look at him. It's hard to last a look at him when he so much resembles his father. I can't just be suited to finally let go and keep going forward when there were meanings I continuously see.. remember.
I will be always back at it again every time his face will remind me of how my overflowing heart with love was easily replaced by scarcity. It'll wreck my heart more. It'll wreck my memories more. All I want for now is to breathe. Breathe from that scene in my head.
Love isn't just about proving how strong you could be. Of how strong you are to fight for your half. It doesn't consistently have to be like that.
Love should be balanced. Balance from being strong and letting someone else's go. If it bothers your heart, then let go. If it would silently suffocate you, then let go. If you see you wouldn't be fully happy if it would still stay, then let go. Because even once all of these were done, the times of there's no still stain wouldn't come back just like the way Third and I used to have. Mahirap magpanggap na okay ang lahat. We will always question and I'm afraid.. get tired. It's more chances of hurting.
Letting go is being free. And that is what I am choosing. I'm choosing myself. I'm choosing my sanity. I love him, but I need to love myself more. The love I was talking about my parents would probably mean the opposite in my terms. It would mean weak.
But this discernible weak is strong for me. I am in touch with myself. And this is my meaning of strong.
Isang pikit ko lang, ramdam na ramdam ko na lahat. And just opening my eyes was the re -formation of my shot to tears. I stared at him. Dreary.
"I'm not allowing you to return that to me! Why are you doing this?! Bullshit, Avi! Diyan ka ba talaga sasaya?! Will that surely place you in happiness?!"
I nodded while trembling with tears. I'm decided. "Let's end this... officially."
"Fuck you! You're cruel! You are!" Third threw the vase from his side and it directly hit the door of his condo, creating a loud sound of crystals. I jumped out in nervousness.
"Stop, please! Don't be violent! Huwag ganito, Noah! I want us to end in peace!"
His laugh without humor thundered the whole room. "Fucking bullshit! What would you expect, Avi?! What would you damn expect?! You expect me to fucking celebrate, huh?! To fucking end this with peace?! You're a joke... You are making me laugh!"
I was speechless. He never raised his voice to me until now. But I get it. I get and accept it.
He's heaving his chest vigorously for some time now. His eyes were searching, pinipilit hanapin ang kung ano. Pinipilit intindihin ang lahat ng ito.
"Why can't you... W-why can't you just stay?"
He was about to kneel in front of me but I made him stop. I guided him to the couch but he pushed me and make me sit there instead. I cannot react more when he abruptly placed his head on my lap and he continued to cry. I can feel his tears against my skin.
He has suddenly gone to be so weak. "I'm doing everything, I was... W-what else do you want me to do..."
Nanginginig kong inangat ang kamay ko para hawakan ang buhok niya. I then used my other hand to cover my mouth and contain my sobs.
I cupped his head. "Hey... hey, please. Look at me."
Hindi siya sumagot.
"Noah, please..."
Right there, he slowly raised his head. His teary eyes reflect mine. I gathered my strength to once again pull the ring off my blouse pocket. I showed it to him. We were both looking at it until his gaze fell on my sight. He violently shook his head. "No, no, no."
"No. Babe, n-no..." Hinila niya ako patayo para mayakap. We are now standing. Crying and miserable early in the morning. "No, please, " he cried.
"Okay... okay now... I'm not going to ask anything from you now. Just.. let me love you, please... Let's start being friends." He cried harder during his last shot.
"H-hindi mo ako mapagbigayan," hikbi ko. "Ang hina hina ko s-sayo." I choked.
Tahimik siya kaya nagpatuloy ako. But his embrace tightened more.
"I need time. I need space... I n-need myself to find what I lose to myself. It's going to be me... myself. I-I'll go get back my missing soul... " Pilit akong tumakas sa embrace niya.
"Kasi, Noah... I can't recognize myself anymore. It's really painful I can't put a name now on the things I want. It isn't me... I've always been clear with all my goals ever since. I always know what I want to become. B-but right now... It feels so much different... I c-cant understand. Everything just feels so wrong if this is not going to stop. I'm so confused now in my life..." I cupped my head. I just wanted to disappear.
The silence between the two of us had long since faded, as he watched me cry.
"Right. I guess it's just me. It's me who's inflicting pain all by myself." The silence was broken when he finally spoke.
Third used his forearm to wipe his tears. "It's me who has expected too much in this relationship. M-my apologies."
"Noah..." I whimpered.
"If this is what you really want. If this is your peace..." He chuckled, but it sounds more in pain. "Who am I to deviate from what the love of my life truly desires..."
"You're right. We really can't go back to the way we were before. I'm afraid that accepting what my heart desires right now will torment both of us in the long run. I'm afraid if you accept my heart, I'll make things worse for you. It'll cause you more suffering in the future. I'm afraid you'll get tired and tired until you fell out of love with me each passing day. So, yes. I'd rather get lost in your sight. K-kahit sobrang hirap kang pakawalan. And hopefully... make yourself realize how much you were missing me from away," he laughed without humor.
I sobbed. "Stop. Please..." I don't know now what to talk.
Nilapitan niya ulit ako. Third looked straight into my eyes, reading my soul like I am in an abyssal plain.
"Babe. Just this one." He kissed my forehead. He stared at me for a long time, using his asking eyes.
"Pwede bang maghintay?" nahihirapan niyang tanong.
My heart skipped a beat. Hindi ko nakayanan ang emosyon as the newly formed of glob tears strolled down our cheeks.
Beads of sweat formed on my neck and forehead. Mabilis ako nagising, only to find out I was in Dad's office.
"Are you okay?" Si Dad pala ay nasa tabi ko. Mabilis akong lumingon sa kaniya at niyakap siya. I cried.
Ang sabi nila, kapag utak ang pinairal magiging malaya ka. Pero kapag puso naman ang tinanggihan hindi ka masaya.
"I d-didn't... I didn't mean to hurt him. I just don't want to give him false hope. I c-cant say time would be enough. I don't want him imprisoned of how lost I am... "
I don't really know what is the most favorable between the two... dahil sa tingin ko ay patas lang ang laban sa kung papaano ito pipiliin at gagamitin ng mga taong nagmamahal.
"Be happy, Third. Find someone who truly deserves your love. "
The fucking thought of it. Just the thought of another woman in his life tortures me. It's killing my heart. But I can't. I can't be that selfish for him.
"Know you are free. Please... don't wait for me."
Naisip ko lang na kahit anong tulak ko sa puso ko na gusto kong pakawalan si Third, I know at the back of everything, it was really my mind. I'm just awfully broken to refuse that. I get that it was my ineffable thirst to free my soul from all of this, that's why.
I'm still young. Walang experience sa kahit ano. Sa hirap ng buhay. I know that this one of a solid decision is what I could get proud of someday. That I'm allowing my mind over my heart. I didn't follow my heart because it's the thing that's repeating the authority of selfish emotions and regretful actions.
I cried more against Dad's shoulder, trying to remember his last words for me. Akala ko may sasakit pa sa salitang 'goodbye'. But, I was wrong.
"As you wish," he emotionlessly declared before leaving me in the living room.
I can't be your strength when I'm a wreck. I'm sorry.
That day, I lost him. I lost Third. My Noah. My love... First thing in the sunrise.