Amy,Penny and Bernadette decided to have a girl's day together as the guys decided to do fencing. Amy thought it was rather odd of Sheldon to try new things as he wasn't the exploring type. He hated sports and this wasn't new information so it made her curious onto why he would do fencing but she tried to dismiss her curiosity as she didn't want to think of him.
Her mood has been a rollercoaster the past few days,she didn't quite know what the trigger was or what caused it. She hardly saw Sheldon anymore as Sheldon avoided her everytime he could. She didn't like it and felt so hurt but she couldn't blame him really,if this helped him move on then this was just going to be the case. She would just have to get used to not seeing him.She could feel the tears filling up her eyes as it was becoming blurry a little.
She doesn't know exactly what made her start feeling sad and hurt more than usual and the pain was bigger. It was like the first week but just a little bit more numb now and she really was so confused on what brought it on. She was doing so well. She was still hurt but she was slowly feeling better.
She didn't change her routine,she still continued to do her work and see the girls as she enjoyed their company but she tried to see them more frequently now.
They walked into Stuart's comic book store as he wanted to talk with them. He needed some female advice on making the store more 'female friendly' as he kind of put it.
She always felt sympathetic towards Stuart as he always looked sad and it made her always feel bad for him. Once they drew to the reason why women weren't coming in here was because of Stuart, they spoke a little more before leaving.
Stuart has been mentioning going out with Amy since the first day she officially broke it off with Sheldon at Howard and Bernadette's place. She always thought he was kidding as he was alone and needed someone but she realized that day he actually asked her out.
She obviously said no as she wasn't ready for dating yet and she didn't care for Stuart in that way. Normally she would be jumping for joy that another guy liked her and that she was attractive enough to be liked but today was different she felt a sharp pain just thinking about being asked out as it lead her back to the big question she was contemplating in her head for a long time.
Was she ready to date again?
They arrived back to Penny's after getting some food and the day was quite good. She had alot of fun with them,she always found that she didn't hurt to bad when she was with people as they kept her occupied. As long as she didn't let the thoughts take over that was the worst she could do.
Barry sent Amy a message asking her out. What was wrong with men today ? Why do they keep asking her out ? Amy kept thinking to herself. She was shocked, flattered but also infuriated. It was like the world was telling her that she should just take any guy and move on. She knew it was healthy to move on but she didn't want to, she really wanted to be single so if she got the chance to jump into Sheldon's arms again and make this whole nightmare be over with she could.
She knew it was ridiculous because her breaking it off with him was rational and the right thing to do but she wanted to do the wrong thing for once in her life.
Was she going to say yes to him ? She told the girls she would think about it but she immediately typed no and her apologies. She didn't need to think about it,she wasn't ready yet and she didn't want to be a mess when she moved on.
They continued eating and talking until eventually they decided it was getting late and it was best to go home but Amy was dreading it a bit as she hated being alone now but decided it was best .
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Bernadette and Amy walked down,eventually after heading to the third flight of stairs they saw Leonard and Sheldon. Amy was frozen like she couldn't seem to move her legs, she was shocked to see him which was ridiculous because he lived in this building and she knew that.
Where they were standing was the exact spot they planned on going to Mars together and he told her that he didn't see a future without her. Did he still see a future with her ? Did he stop trying ? Has he moved on ?
This was also the stairs where he held her in his arms for the first time without her asking him to which is silly but knowing he doesn't like physical contact she was happy. It was when they had an argument and she got so mad she stormed out,he chased after her and caught her sitting on the stairs crying. He wasn't good at picking up emotions or dealing with them so he just sat there asking why she was crying and a bit confused on not knowing what was the right questions to ask.
"Sometimes I feel like you don't love me as much as I love you, sometimes I feel like you don't care for me and that I'm just not worth anything to you. I know it is silly and all but I need reassurance for some reason. It's stupid, forget it."Amy said while looking at Sheldon who was just staring at her. She looked back to her hands that were fiddling in her lap.
He took his finger and placed it under her chin and pulled her face until she was looking at him . He took both his hands and gently placed it on her face and he kissed her very gently and lightly like she was so fragile she would break.
"That is ridiculous but I'm going to try to understand for you. Amy,I love you alot ,so much so that I think it would pain me to lose you. Sometimes I get so scared of how much I love you that I'm scared you are going to leave and find a better man than me. I most definitely don't deserve you but I love you and I'm sorry if I don't show it all the time but I really do.Amy Farrah Fowler you amaze me more than words can say."He said still holding his finger under her chin.
She was shocked to hear him say this but she needed this more than ever and she smiled.She could feel her face going red. He kissed her once again just gently and pulled her close that she was lying on his chest. He kissed her on her head and just held her there for a while until eventually they decided it was best to get back.
Amy was still frozen and she could feel her heart beating rapidly faster now. Both Bernie and Leonard left and Amy chased after her trying to let her know that Bernie has to drive her home. Something drew her to him like a magnet. She stood there metres away from him.
She started the conversation as she thought maybe she could get it over and done with but she realised even though it hurt her to see him for some reason the pain seemed to disappear by a lot when she was near him. She realised in that moment she was feeling the pain much stronger lately because she didn't see him.
She grew so accustomed to him hanging around through the break up when he decided to cut off all contact and wasn't around anymore it hurt more because he stopped trying. He gave up on getting her back which made her glad but heartbroken to and that realisation was why the pain hurt so much more lately.
He mentioned Barry Kripke asking her out and it hurt her to even let him know that he indeed did ask her out but she did it anyway. There was a constant silence in between every answer but this answer required more silence. It was awkward but Amy felt happy to be in the same room as him.
"Interesting" he said eventually.
Interesting? What did he mean by that ? Was he happy she was moving on ? Was he hurt ? She didn't know anymore but she decided to tell him that she said no to see his reaction. He smiled a little in the corner of his mouth but just said that he asked two woman out and they both said no .
That stung a little. Sheldon,the scientist who doesn't quite care for dating and it was a surprise he even dated her was asking other woman out . She wasn't even aware he was trying to start dating again. She eventually told him that after not knowing what to say.
"I heard it was best to move on."He said so calmly like he had come to terms with it and it didn't seem to bother him. Her throat was closing up a little. Maybe it was best to move on even if it meant that she couldn't ever be with him again. She decided that she had to stop day dreaming and get serious.
It was time she moved on as well and met someone who gave her the commitment she needed. It hurt her so much she wanted to cry and she could feel the hurt becoming more painful now.She wanted to just get out of there. She wanted to finish the conversation and leave.
"Well you look good "She said politely as to reference that he seems to be doing better and he happily said that he tasted good to while heading up the stairs.She didn't know what he meant by that but it almost sounded like Sheldon was teasing her. Like he was referencing that she had him but now she doesn't but Sheldon wasn't the type to be indirect about things. So she was more confused.
So that was it she had to move on and that was the end of it. She let the tears roll down and sat there by the stairs for a while until she calmed down a bit and wiped her tears. She headed down to see that Bernie did wait for her and they both headed to the car.
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She got home and Bernadette decided to come in to so she can make sure Amy was okay and make tea. Amy was appreciative that she cared and she could use some company also so she liked her company. How was she going to start dating ? Where would she start ? Did she really have to ? Was she looking for something casual or long term ?
Her head started to hurt from all of it. She missed the times it was so simple and easy. Bernadette placed her tea on the table and sat down next to her .
"Bernie,I don't know if I'm ready to start going out with guys yet." Amy said so quietly she wondered if she even heard her. She needed to talk to somebody about this.
"That's okay, you don't have to immediately start dating, it has only been a month and a half since the break up so you wait until you are ready." Bernie said nicely and it helped alot. Amy couldn't believe it has been almost two months it still hurts like it was yesterday.
"Thank you " Amy said and they continued to change the subject and drink their tea.
Once Bernadette left eventually to get home to Howard,Amy was alone again.
Amy was alone in her thoughts and she didn't want to move on. She wanted to be with Sheldon but she couldn't. She realised that if Sheldon was trying to move on she would have to also. She wasn't ready but it wouldn't hurt to keep her options open and go on a couple of coffee dates and at least try instead of being closed off to the idea.
That helped ease her mind a little and she decided to read a little to get her mind off things but it was no use as she kept replaying the day over in her head and what Sheldon said.
Tossing and turning was all she could do that night. She couldn't sleep and she just lied there awake staring at the ceiling. She decided to message Penny even though knowing she might be asleep but maybe she could call her in the morning.
After a couple of minutes,her phone started ringing and she picked up. "Penny?What are you doing up?" Amy asked surprised to get a response so quickly.
"Uh... Uh ... No reason just couldn't sleep. So I thought I would check up on you after your message." she said very nervously. What was she hiding ? That was very weird.
"I'm okay just can't sleep as well. I just have alot on my mind."Amy said ignoring Penny being weird. Penny asked her why and as she was about to say what was bothering her,then she heard Leonard's voice.
"What are you both doing up ?" Leonard said probably not realising that Penny was on the phone. Penny quickly shushed him. "Sorry that was Leonard. He is now up."Penny said hoping that Amy didn't notice.
Both. 'What were they both doing up' .Two people were up as Leonard got up. Was Sheldon up ? Could he not sleep to ? Did Penny wake him up ? Why didn't Penny mention he was up also? Was she protecting her ? Was she protecting him ?Was she protecting both of them ? Did he not want Amy to know that he was up to ?
Her thoughts were flying around everywhere at this point . She felt nauseous and dizzy. She was so confused.
"Amy? You still there ? " Penny asked."Yeah I am sorry. I think Im going to see if I can get some sleep now and I will talk to you in the morning." Amy said eventually after a long pause.
"Oh okay then try to get some sleep.We will talk tomorrow.Night Amy."she said sounding a little disappointed and Amy felt bad . They ended the call and Amy decided to make herself some chamomile tea to see if that would not make her sleepy.
Sleep did not come easily but eventually some where through the night she finally went to sleep after a while.
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I don't know about you but I found this chapter just a little bit tougher but not to bad hopefully. Thank you so much for always reading and till the next episode.
I want to thank Amber,Pat and Mariana once again for always motivating me when I have no motivation. There has been often times I have had no inspiration but these amazing people have been my inspiration alot of the times. You guys are amazing so thank you so so much.
Till next time <3