Sebastian and I go to the small café near the university that's at a walking distance. We mostly kept quiet while walking there. I was too rattled up and too lost in my thoughts to even think about making a small talk with him.
We sit in the far corner in the café and we both order coffee and a muffin. I order a chocolate one and he orders a blueberry one and even that reminds me of Alexander because, while he adores the chocolate muffins I make, he always orders a blueberry one if we go out.
My mouth pulls down at the corners and I look at the table. I realise it's unfair to be thinking about the problems with my boyfriend while I'm on a coffee with a friend.
"How are you doing?" Sebastian asks me.
I shrug. "Good," I straight-out lie. But, in my defense, I don't know him well enough to unload all my problems on him. Frankly, and I don't mean this in a mean way, it's none of his business and I doubt he'd be interested in the boyfriend-drama. "How are you? How are the exams going?"
He shrugs as well. "Good. They're tough, but I'm tougher." He grins.
I try to smile back, but I don't think it comes out in the right way. God, I totally suck at this.
"How's the tutoring going?" Sebastian asks me, obviously kind enough to ignore my distress and put me out of my misery of being so anti-social I don't even know how to make a conversation because I'm so out of touch with reality later and I rather just swim somewhere with my thoughts all the time.
"Good. I actually really love it." It's a welcome distraction, especially now.
Sebastian sighs and looks through the window for a moment. "You know, you don't have to force yourself to be here. You could've said no and I'd understand and get the memo to leave you alone."
I immediately feel bad. Of course he'd get the wrong impression. "No, I ... I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind right now. I want to be here, I promise, I'm just not really a good company right now." I grimace at that. I should've just said no. He's obviously trying to be nice to me and I'm just not in the right headspace right now to even appreciate.
"Was that your ex bothering you?" Sebastian asks.
"No, my boyfriend. And he wasn't bothering me, we're just ... taking a little break right now."
"Ah," he says. And that's all. But he gets this funny expression that everyone gets when I tell them Alexander and I are taking a break and I don't understand it.
"What's with the expression?" I ask because I genuinely want to know since others know something I don't.
He quickly shakes his head. "It's nothing, really. I don't want to say anything about this because I don't know you and your situation, obviously, but I know a lot of people who did this taking a break thing, me being one of them."
He ends the sentence there and I wait for him to continue. "And ...?" I ask, actually holding my breath because I know he won't have anything good to say.
"And I don't have a girlfriend anymore, so you can take a guess how that ended."
I lean back on the chair, feeling the wind getting knocked out of me and panic overflowing my body. "No, I don't want to break up with him. We're still together, we're just not ... together," I say lamely. Holy hell. Does Alexander think the same? Oh, no.
"Yeah, as I said, I don't know your case, I'm just saying that these breaks can sometimes have a different meaning for the both people involved in the relationship."
I don't think I'm following anymore. "What do you mean?"
He hesitates and it seems like he doesn't want to say what he wants to say next. That's why I want to hear it even more. "My girlfriend – ex-girlfriend," he corrects, "slept with someone else during our break because she thought she's allowed to do that since we technically weren't together and were figuring things out. So, she went to figure things out with other people."
I'm shocked into silence. But Alexander wouldn't do that. Right? He knows I wouldn't do that, either. Does he? Oh, God. Was that why he was so angry and hurt when he found out I'm going for coffee with Sebastian? "Uhm, Alexander and I ... it's not like that with us," I stammer. His admission made me very nervous and now I'm just going to wonder what's really going to happen to us.
"I don't know your deal, I told you. He seemed pretty into you before," he shares with a smile.
I smile at that. "Yeah. He better be," I say jokingly. I don't want to spend this time talking about him and our relationship because I don't know Sebastian well enough to trust him my problems and I also don't want to talk about my problems when we're having coffee for the first time.
For the next hour, we talk about anything but our relationships or the lack of. I'm actually happy I said yes to grab a coffee with him because I managed to relax and I made a new friend. And he told me he's truly not having any hidden intentions because he's kind of seeing one girl, but it's not official yet and that was just ... super cute.
It was nice to get out of my head and forget about everything that's going on right now. This isn't easy for me, either. I want to be with Alexander, more than anything, and it was one of the hardest decisions I had to make to walk away, but I know it was necessary. For the both of us. Because we couldn't go on like that. It wasn't healthy for neither of us and I know I couldn't go on like that forever.
I might be a very forgiving person, but when it's enough, it's enough. I didn't do that just because of Lena. I knew that was her doing and only hers. But I did it because of everything together. Everything that's happened before. It just became too much and I needed a break from all the drama.
When I come back to Sam's place, it's kind of late already and I'm tired. I also find Snake in the living room, talking to Sam. Both of their heads turn towards me and I stop in my tracks. "Hi," I say, my eyes going from him to her. "I'll just be in my room." I point a finger in the direction of my room, but Sam stops me.
"No need, pretty face. He was just leaving." She stands up, giving Snake a piercing stare that even chills me.
"Uhm," I mumble to myself, shifting on my feet. Awkward. I have enough of my own drama, I really don't want to go in-between others'.
Snake stands up, as well, toweing over Sam, but she doesn't cave in. She crosses her arms over her chest, giving him an unwavering look. "Sam," Snake says warningly.
Sam raises her eyebrow. "I might be a mitch, Snake, yeah. But I'm a bad bitch. And bad bitches don't take their men back after they fuck up like that."
I blink at them. O-kay. I wordlessly walk towards the kitchen to get something to eat and leave them to settle whatever they have to settle.
A few minutes pass when I hear Snake call, "Bye, Gabby!" as he passes the kitchen.
"Bye?" I call after him and just when I hear the front door open, I hear Sam's door slam shut. Okay. Well. That went well, apparently. I debate going to Sam's room to talk to her, but I think it's better she cools down first.
I take something to eat. Lately, I've been having a hard time with eating because I'm not hungry and I have to force myself to eat something, but not being hungry means I completely forget about food and that's what contributes to my low energy.
I sit down at the table and eat in silence, going through what Sebastian said to me in my head. Seeing Alexander today threw me off guard a little because it was so unexpected and I missed him so much I had a hard time standing there and watching him hurting. Because he wasn't doing good. Visibly so. And I just wanted to hug him, but I couldn't. I have to stay strong for the both of us here, otherwise things will never change for us.
But Sebastian's words also scared me. Scared to the point that I'm now afraid he'll try and find someone who's easier than me and won't give him crap about the things he's doing and will just accept him the way he is.
I take my phone in my hands and open the messages app. I go to our conversation in the messages and hesitate, my thumb hovering over the screen, wondering if it's a good idea to text him. My heart is racing so fast it's as if he's my crush and I'm looking for courage to text him for the first time.
I sigh to myself and type, I love you too. I press send before I'd chicken out and just put the phone face-down.
When I finish my lunch, I go to Sam's closed door and knock. I don't receive an answer. "Sam?" I call, pressing my ear to the door. I want to knock again, but she suddenly opens the door, looking all ... messy with ruffled clothes, running her hands through her hair.
"Sorry. I was watching porn," she says as an answer.
My eyes widen a little. Uhm! "Oh ... uh. I just wanted to check if you're alright and if you need anything."
"A hand?" she asks with a sheepish smile.
"I, uhm ... what?" I ask, shifting on my feet.
Sam chuckles. "What's up, Gabby?"
I actually wanted to ask Sam a favour, but seeing she's had her own drama today, I don't think it'd be fair of me. "Just making sure you're alright after ... you know, Snake being here and everything."
Sam puts her hand on my shoulder. "Babe," she says seriously. "Snake can go fuck himself before he tries fucking me over. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart."
By the look on her face and the tone she says this with, I take it she's serious about it. "Oh. I thought that maybe he came here to ... I don't know, make things up or something."
"He came here to point fingers, gorgeous, and I'm not having that. Anywho. Your boy's blowing up my phone so you should maybe consider answering him here and there just so I can get my space back. I love him, but I'm tired of hiring from him every day five times a day."
I sigh. "I saw him today," I share with her.
Her eyebrows shoot up and then her face falls at my sad expression. "Do I need a beer for this?"
"No, it's not ..."
She grabs my hand and pulls me into her room. She closes her laptop and removes it from her messy bed, sitting on it, legs crossed. "Sit," she says, patting the space in front of her.
I hesitate, looking at where she showed me to sit. She rolls her eyes at me. "Seriously, Gabby. Just sit down."
I sit down at the edge of the bed and look down at the hands. "Ok, now talk," Sam says seriously, supporting her head with her hands underneath.
I tell her what happened. I also tell her about Sebastian. Well, just that we went for a coffee. "Oh, boy. Your life is literally one big soap opera," Sam says at the end.
Yeah. Don't I know it ... "Could you do me a favour? I know that you're probably fed up with us and this thing, but could you go check on him maybe? I just want to know how he's doing."
She narrows her eyes. "Are you worried he's crying at home or that he's screwing someone else?"
"Uh," I stutter, her words making me pause.
"Sorry. Insensitive. I don't really know how these things go, you see."
"Hopefully he's doing neither," I try to joke.
Sam sighs. "I'll swing by his place. See if he needs a shoulder to cry on."
"Thanks, Sam. I just ... don't want him to be alone right now."
She rolls her head back. "Aw, crap. Don't you get all sentimental on me. You're going to make me feel things I don't want to feel for him, such as feeling sorry for him. His ass got what he deserved and someone needed to kick his head a little to get it out of his ass."
I purse my lips. "I wouldn't exactly put it like that, but yeah ..."
"Girlie, leave him to me. You'll have a full report on his condition by tomorrow night."
Leave it to Sam to choose the weirdest words ever. "Thank you, Sam."
She swings her hand. "Don't sweat it. Now get the hell out because I was in the middle of something and I need to finish it because I don't have anyone else to do it for me."
I blush and stand up immediately, almost running out of her room. I so do not want to hear anything about it.
˙˙˙
The next day, I'm planning on going to visit Rosalyn after school. She called me today and I couldn't pick up because I was in class and I decided to call her back on my break. She asked me to come by because she wanted to talk to me. I dread going there and seeing Lena, but I don't want Rosalyn to be mad at me and having a wrong impression of me. I didn't do anything wrong.
It's not a good feeling to have your boyfriend's mother mad at you, especially when Rosalyn always treated me like a daughter before.
I stayed a little late at the university because I studied in the library since I predicted I probably won't do it later because I'll either be too emotionally wrecked or just too tired. I didn't predict I'd stay at the library this late and when I come out, it's already dark and I'm the only one at the bus station. It's creepy. And the bus is having a delay.
And then ... I don't know how it happens, but someone's there, right behind me, and their hand cover my mouth, pushing my body back. I try to scream, but it's muffled and my body goes into full panic mood. I start kicking and trying to push the person away, trying to loosen their hold, but it's too strong.
"Come now, sweet Gabrielle. Is this how you greet your old friend?"
My body goes still because the voice is familiar, but I don't know who it belongs to. My heart starts to race and my eyes look around if I could see anyone walking by or just somewhere in the distance, but I can't move my head.
"We have some unfinished business, beautiful. How about we go and finish it tonight?"
Ryder. Oh, no. Oh, no, no.
I scream against his hand, but it rings out and nothing can be heard.
*
*dramatic music intensifies*
You see that? A hurricane is coming. Be ready.