A Dream Out Of The Storyline | Han Jisung
✎ Genre : Time Traveler AU, Fluff, Angst
✎ Pairings : Han Jisung X Reader
✎ Word Count : 2.7k words
✎ Synopsis : Losing someone you love makes it a horrible nightmare in reality. But if ever the past visited you in your nightmare, could you possibly change the storyline? After all, it's just a dream, right?
---
Time passed by so quickly as too many things were occurring at this point. Everything started to come to you. Him, sleeping so peacefully on the bed while everything around him was in distress.
Doing chest compressions to him while wheeling him to the trauma bay. You, who's holding his hand tightly, never wanted him to give up and let go. Messed up crying, whispering comforting words for him and yourself. Not minding the public on what they think about the two of you.
The world became blurry, with so many tears filling in your eyes, as you let his hand go. An invisible boundary written between you and him. Letting you stare and stand alone like a fool in front of the door to the trauma bay.
Waited for hours, repeatedly praying to the God above. Hoping for He should not come and take him back. Wondering if he was listening to your pleas, or was he being deaf to all of your beggings? You have nothing to shoulder on, so you keep doing it even if He finds me annoying.
In the end, was waiting for him worth it? When the only thing you heard from them is, " I'm sorry. ". Leading to the answer that he finally let go. Leaving you to fall onto the darkness alone.
———
Countless sleepless nights passed, falling tears from your hopeless eyes never ended, sitting at the corner of your room mourning and in agony, hugging the plush toy he gave to you on the last date you both shared. Living onto your cherished memories with him which you wished you were there, not in the present where everything was dull.
Every night wishing to the stars or Gods above for your happiness to return home. Home, which is in your arms, where you can promise safety, comfort and endless love to him.
" Jisung, I miss you so bad. Your smiles and laughter, cuddles and kisses, all of the things that we shared together, I missed it badly. Come back home please, I'll be waiting for you at my door, ready to give you everything you love, like the way I tackle you to the ground and kiss you, and you wanted and needed. Just come back home and I'll be satisfied, " These were one of the words you kept repeating as if it was a chant. " I can't cherish you just as a memory, Jisung. ". Saying so many words of love and pleas, hoping that one of it will make your one wish come true.
" I just wish for him to come back, it's that simple. I won't be asking any other wish than that. I don't ask for money, phone, diamond, jewelry, all I ever ask was just happiness, him. It isn't so hard to do, right? " You pleaded more, letting those words be taken by the wind from the open window, where the moon wasn't present nor were the stars, to deliver it to Gods, hopefully.
After a few moments, you've felt your body heavy and tired. Glancing to the bed in front of you, thinking, " Maybe, sleeping would be better to escape. ". And by that, you managed to bring myself to stand and walk towards the bed.
When lied down, your eyes automatically shut. How long was I awake? Probably more than a week that made my body abused and weak, not that I actually cared. I even thought if I'd be better to go after him. I felt nothing for a while now. No purpose to go forward.
You kept thinking until you've overdone it to the point that you actually fell asleep. Leading yourself to the hushed and dark world of nothingness.
Well, what is it really nothing?
———
You woke up, in the unknown. You found yourself lying down on the soft green field. Facing the sky above, so bright and blue, you hated it.
When you got yourself to stand up from curiosity, you looked around. There were small houses and shops, people doing their own business, kids playing games. It looks like you're in a town.
Your feet suddenly moved forward, bringing you somewhere, though you didn't mind since you are curious about where you were brought to. Eyes wandering around the unfamiliar surroundings.
Multiple questions unanswered currently lingering around your head about this. Why was I here?
" Hey, watch it! " A woman around late 40s scolded you for almost making her drop her things. You immediately sincerely apologized and bowed to the woman you bumped into. " Get your head out of the clouds, will you?! " That's the last thing she said before going back to her own business.
You, too, continued walking in the busy streets. Passing by the small market where everything got a bit too noisy. " Come and get your meat! Come and get your meat! "
" Hello, would you like to try this product? " You instantly declined and got through the crowded area. You felt like you couldn't breathe, there's no one to help you and give you the comfort you needed.
Getting out of that area made you breathless. Making you sit on the nearest bench there was and catch your breath. But what alarmed you was that there were hushed sobs and sniffles behind you. Without hesitation, you peeked behind you.
Catching a glimpse of a young man crying, seating in front of the doorway. Without knowing, you silently walked up to him. His eyes were filled with tears so he might not see you coming. " Hello? Are you okay? " you got the courage to ask which made him look up to you, catching his eyes filled with sadness. He looked familiar.
" Is there something wrong? " he looked away when you asked. You spotted his bag beside him, and a brown notebook lying next to it. In there was written his name.
Han Jisung.
Your heart skipped a beat when you read it correctly. You looked back at the young man with wide eyes, unbelievably looking at the man you knew was gone on the surface of the world. Confused if you should be happy or not now that he's here in front of you.
But then a realization hit you, he doesn't know you. He looks way younger than you. Then it must be... It must be it.
You're currently in his past memories as if it was yours as well.
———
Han Jisung.
I already felt the world was against me ever since I was born. Felt that I was a burden to anyone around me. Wondering why I was even moving forward when I knew that there's no reason for me to stay when no one wanted me, maybe not even God himself would take me back in the heavens. I don't deserve any goodness and beauty there is in this life. The reason why I kept receiving every unwanted ugliness this life has.
There was never a day I didn't sob on my own. Eyes filled with pity from the strangers was something I didn't need from them. It makes me feel more despised because they never lend me a hand, nor comforted me when I needed it the most.
Multiple times I tried to commit suicide, whether it may be a knife or rope. When I do so, I stop. Like my silent conscience was trying to tell me a puzzle that I couldn't figure it out. There were simply no hints as to what it was around me. Or is it just me who didn't take anything so simple as a hint?
Blinded by all of the horrible thoughts I kept to myself.
But despite all of that, I, too, once had happiness. Like a miracle, life gave me happiness. I found it through the first time I've ever been in love with someone, and that person is Song Hyejoo. The fact that seeing her everyday makes my day better and feel the happiness I've never felt for a long time.
Although I knew that I didn't deserve such a great and elegant person like her. A person like her would never accept a horrible and unfortunate man like me to her life. To the point that I didn't get to confess what I feel for her just by overthinking about those. And I think it'd be better that way.
I would just be a nobody or passerby in her life. Standing from afar where I should be and admire her. How it hurts when I wish to be the man who can treat her better than the man who goes by her side. Even though I knew there was a chance, I never took it. I stayed in my place wherein I can not stay satisfied. I, too, suffered in the process of getting the happiness I've been longing for years.
Then an unexpected someone knocked on my door, literally asking for shelter on a rainy day. I was in the middle of an attempt to suicide once again when she interrupted it. Sighing, I quickly cleaned up and opened the door. The person was partially soaked and trembling from the cold wind. Without hesitation, I let her in.
I was clueless at that moment. Nevertheless soon knew what she was gonna be in my life. She was my savior, and became my source of happiness. Everything in me healed like magic. She gave me everything that I needed to the point that I only needed her to be mine.
For the first time in my life, she gave me courage and hope to admit my intense feelings that I built for her. I was ready to give her everything, like she gave me everything I've always wanted and needed.
" Shin Suyeon, will you be mine? "
———
Third Person.
Out of the blue, you got yourself to wake up from the memory. A memory you've always wanted to go back and stay there. Maybe even make things right in the process.
Back in the horrid present where you won't see his face as soon as you wake up when the sun shines bright, illuminating his glowing face, automatically making you smile. However, since he isn't present in this timeline, it just makes everything feel worse than it was.
Wanting for the day to end so you can go back in your dreams where everything feels just right. The dream where it uncovered to you his dark past and even got to see and know who his first love is, which he never told to you. The past he never unveiled to you for years.
Maybe, when you answered his question, you can make things right. You can lead us to the right path.
But then you thought, maybe the 'yes' answer to the question was the reason why you both ended up here, apart by death. He might be better and live a longer life if you chose the latter. Better off without you.
You could feel your heart pounding from worry and nervousness just thinking of that.
It's just a dream anyway, so why worry? I can't change the storyline of reality anyway.
———
" So? " he fiddled with his fingers in uneasiness. It made your heart heavy when you're back here, supposedly to instantly answer yes in joy and hug him although you made a choice to see what would happen if you chose the latter. There was no script written to follow in this dream so you are free to do anything in your will. You never wanted to see him broken but you have to in order to make things better for the both of you. This is what I wanted, right?
" I'm sorry, " Your voice cracked while stating it. You saw his face turn gloomy, kept whispering in your head apologies to him for doing this. " I have someone else in mind... "
Then that's just it, you're both broken and distanced yourselves away from each other.
" This is for the best... " You said weakly before breaking down in tears alone as he ran away from my life. Soon, the sky, too, cried with us. How unfortunate for it witnessed a tragedy of two lost hearts.
———
Then after that you woke up, feeling your cheeks wet. You set that thought aside and continued crying. Head low and hugging your legs close. Heart broken once again to a million pieces that no one can pick up and fix it due to how sharp those pieces were. Slowly losing your breath in your cries.
A simple dream just turned into another nightmare. You thought that you can't live in either of the two worlds, reality and dream.
It was your fault anyway, you can't blame it on any of those worlds. And that fact made you hate yourself. For hurting yourself and the people you love, especially Jisung. I didn't mean to exist, it just happened so. I wish I didn't, maybe you'll be living a better life. I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry that I live in the same time and same world with you to make your life miserable once again.
" I- Do not.. wanna.. to die yet.. "
" Suyeon- "
" I still.. wanna love you- "
You remember his words and face. Frightened as he caught a glimpse of death. A hand on his chest where he can feel his heart beating and the other gripping on your shoulder to help him stand as his body is slowly shutting down. His eyes were filled with tears of pain, sadness and fear.
You tried your best to carry him as you were holding back your tears, since in that time he needed you to be strong. When you got him in the car, you hear him whispering :
" Not now please.. "
" Don't- take me.. away.. "
" Suyeon.. will be.. lonely- "
" My love- "
Then after that, it became quiet that it terrified you.
Jisung felt sorrowful at the thought of death and meeting it. He's been one of those people who get afraid easily. And seeing that moment hurts you badly, filled with regret.
Not too soon, your cries have stopped as your body has given up and got tired. Falling back to sleep at the time when it is unwanted.
———
Coming back, you were standing in the middle of a walkway, obviously lost. You didn't know why you were there as this is a place where you didn't left off in the last time.
The sun was shining bright and warm above you, around you were just buildings and some skyscrapers seen in the distance. Streets got busy as it was filled with people and vehicles. You hugged yourself as you walked forward without knowing where your destination was. Letting your feet and curiosity lead ahead of you.
You stopped in front of a crosswalk , waiting for the stoplight to turn green for us. While you were, you spotted two familiar individuals. They sat at a table by the window in a café. Sharing smiles, interests and laughs.
When you noticed in the corner of your eye, people started crossing, you followed but eyes still focused on the two. Not knowing that this doing of yours could harm yourself.
In the middle of the crosswalk, you recognized the two. Your love and his first love having a great time together.
His smile looked genuine and bright even from afar, eyes sparkling, basically the look that you love about him and made you fall for his charms. But the difference for today is it wasn't for you. It was for the person that he first loved, the person who gave him his first happiness, the person he deserved and treated him right. You heard your own fragile heart shatter once again. Breathing heavily, you got to the other side of the road, clutching onto your chest.
Wake up, Shin Suyeon.
You've seen enough.
Waiting for a few more minutes, standing there like an idiot and staring at the blinding bright blue sky to prevent your tears from falling. The more time passes, the more your heart breaks. The more you love him, the more you break yourself.
Getting impatient, you pinched yourself hard that it got you screaming. Didn't work.
You punched a wall with your own fist and it didn't work.
You tried to hold your breath and pinch your nose, saying that if you still can breathe then your dreaming. However, the result of your experiment made you breathless.
This is wrong.
Don't tell me that I'm stuck.
Stuck to another nightmare of a new reality.
***
Writing stories late at night is the best. 😄👍