"Cause we got loves electric magic, Bang bang it's automatic, Shoot shoot you better leave or hang on, Hang on to yourself" -Hang On To Yourself, Palaye Royale
*To be honest, this is such an underrated band :( I love them
※ Lucifer's POV ※
I watched Eli's chest rise and fall as she took small, stable breaths. Her body was slumped against the bed, worn out and tired. Although her face looked peaceful while she slept, the suffering she endured showed in every inch of it.
Dark circles underneath her beautiful eyes, sunken cheeks like she haven't eaten anything in weeks, and cracked lips from dehydration and the heat. Her lips were slightly open, but she breathed only through her nose. With every breath, I could see her chest moving up and down slowly.
After she collapsed, I knew that she wouldn't be able to wake up before her dad returned in the evening so I had to make sure that she would be okay until she saw her dad again. Full of flashbacks and regrets I took her in my arms, holding onto her like she was made out of porcelain, and fell through the cyclon towards Hell.
I knew that she would be mad when she would wake up, but I didn't do it for my personal gain, and I'm sure she would understand that.
I brought her to my own room, settling her down on my bed, and after numerous times of checking her for any internal or external wounds, I left her to rest. I never left the room and I had lost track of time because I was preoccupied with my thoughts.
How could she even do that?
I know that mates are able to take away each other's pain, physical and emotional but I thought that it was only possible for angels and not humans. And only when angels have completed the mating process.
Is there a possibility that she isn't human? Of course not. I would have sensed her in the first moment. Being an immortal being has a specific aura that I'm able to recognize from a mile away; an ability that I achieved after thousands of centuries of experience.
I guess that the mate bond is stronger than I thought. And every other mate can achieve it so why not her?
But why did she do it? How did she even know that she could do that? I remember her saying that she didn't know what she was doing, so how does one subconsciously and involuntarily take away the pain of someone else? And especially the emotional pain?
A soft whimper pulled me out of my thoughts, and my head snapped towards Eliana's direction. I watched her as her eyelids trembled slightly and her nostrils flared, inhaling in as much air as possible. A moment later her eyes half-opened as slow as possible, the hazel orbs showing a little.
The light in the room was very dim so she didn't have any difficulties adjusting to it. Her eyes started from the right, slowly scanning the room to the left, finally falling on me. She moved a little as her body tensed up, her bones cracking while she tried to stand up. A whimper left her lips again as she tried to sit up into a sitting position, her arm giving in. Her head touched the pillows again and she groaned, shutting her eyes and hugging her torso.
"Take it slow, little demon, no need to rush" I tried to speak in a comforting manner, but obviously not succeeding. I made a move to close the distance between us but as soon as I took a step she flinched back, making me stop in my tracks.
Her action sent an arrow right through my chest and I tried not to show any emotion as she looked at me wearily, confused and hurt.
I could see right through her. Every emotion was visible to me and I could read her like an open book. I could feel what she was feeling and sometimes when she didn't put her guard up and fight against it, I could see her thoughts, which usually were a big, fat mess.
"Where am I? What happened?"She croaked out and I realized that she hadn't drunk any water for hours. I sent a quick message to Diagon through his mind to bring water as I sighed, looking down at her frail, trembling body.
How can I say this without getting her as mad as a bull?
"We're in Hell." I blurted out. I saw her eyes go wide at my words and I mentally facepalmed for how stupidly I said it. Damn it Lucifer!
"Wha-"
"Before you start yelling at me..." I started, interrupting her annoyed exclaim. "I had to bring you here because your father would come back and find you unconscious on your couch."
She tried again to sit up, failing miserably because her arms were weak. I rushed to her side quickly and wrapped my arms around her waist, raising her into a sitting position and laying her back against the wooden frame of the bed. I placed a pillow behind her back and brought the sheet, covering her legs with it. I sat beside her and glanced up to her face, to see her reaction.
Her beautiful hazel eyes were looking intently at me, fueling the constant need to make her mine. Every time she looked at me with those piercing honey-colored eyes, they shined brightly and had this golden sparkle in them that made me weak in the knees. Every single time that her eyes fell on mine, I could feel my insides warming up and my heart being squeezed tightly. She made me feel things that nobody else ever did before.
And as she stood there, frozen in her place and shocked by my caring action that showed only a fraction of the affection I wanted to show her, she burned me with her piercing gaze and her confused expression. As if she would never expect something like that from me.
To be honest, I wouldn't either, but for her? For her, I want to be like that. Caring. Affectionate. I want to keep her safe and I want her close to me, by my side.
But there is also a huge part of me that wants to break her, to make her mine, and to make her give in and admit that she will forever belong to me. She is mine as much as I'm hers. We belong to each other. I know she can't understand what a mate bond really is but she will soon realize it.
"Are you okay? Are you in pain?" I asked her after a few moments of silent staring and thinking. She blinked a few times, something that she usually did every time someone interrupted her thoughts. She looked down at her lap and she fidgeted with her fingers before answering.
"No, I'm not... I just feel tired" She murmured underneath her breath, dozing off again. I chuckled at how quickly she could get lost in thought and I unconsciously raised my hand, holding her jaw lightly, raising her head to make her look at me again.
"Why did you do that?" I asked, trying very hard to sound neutral. Deep down I was furious that she tried to take my pain away, greatly hurting herself in the process. I knew that my eyes were making her squirm and want to look away, and I could feel her core squeezing every single time I touched her or looked at her in a special way. But she doesn't have to know that...
"I..ah I don't know what I did. It just- I just started to feel this unbearable pain all of a sudden..."She whispered as she looked at me. I brushed her cheek with my thumb and tried to control myself as she looked at me with those big innocent eyes.
I could hear the beast growling and seething inside my mind, wanting to take her right here right now, without caring about her bad condition. She looked so innocent and small, and my nasty imagination had no boundaries as the thought of ripping her clothes and fucking her in every level of Hell kept nagging me since she first set her foot in here.
I shook my head sharply and cracked my neck, averting my eyes from here and retrieving my hand from her face, trying to push the beast back for as long as possible.
She is terrified and in pain you fucking asshole! Get your shit together.
"So," I started and cleared my throat. "What happened is that you somehow felt my emotional pain, even though we haven't mated yet, and you somehow tried to take it away from me. Between angels, it is something very common, but only between mated angels. So I don't know how you did it, being human and unmated... but what I also don't understand is why the fuck would you do that?" My voice got harsher at the end, as a fraction of my anger showed. I looked at her and I pinned her with my gaze in her spot, as she glanced up at me with her confused eyes.
She was silent for a long while as she watched me breathe rapidly and harshly, watching her, observing her.
"I... I just felt it. The pain...It was so obvious and it was oozing out of you in large amounts. And I just thought that... But I didn't think that..." She started muttering and babbling like an idiot, stuttering and cutting her sentences before she completed them.
"Eliana!" At the mention of her full name, her gaze focused on me again. "What did you think about? Stop dozing off and tell me" She sighed as she thought hard for a few seconds. I started getting angrier and angrier at the lack of an answer, but before I could snap and force it out of her, she started talking.
"I just thought that you must be suffering from all this pain inside you. And there was so much of it when you started explaining about the feelings of two mated angels... and it hurt to... it hurt to see you in so much pain." She started talking after averting her eyes from me, focusing on a spot on her lap. Her eyebrows were furrowed and her innocent expression turned into one of irritation. "So I just thought that I wanted to take it away..."She trailed off at the end, her voice becoming lower.
So she wanted it... She wanted to take my pain away and after she thought about it, it was triggered and it started on its own.
Her words left me breathless for a while as I stared at her now red face, watching her blush and fidget with her nails. I could hear her loud and rapid heartbeat, but I'm sure she could hear mine too. Angry expression, lips forming a tight line as she got lost in thought again.
I felt a warm sensation engulf my heart and it soothed my mind, erasing my anger towards her. The fact that she wanted to extract my pain and experience it herself made me feel all kinds of ways; sensations, and feelings that I would have never thought that I could feel.
From the moment that I learned that I had found my mate, the ache inside me only grew and grew, leaving a huge hole in my heart as I watched her looking at me with terror or fear or hatred in her eyes. My own mate, that I have been waiting for millennia to find, hated my whole existence. She even said it to my face... I don't know if she wanted to hurt me or hurt herself that day... so hotheaded and stubborn.
"I don't hate you" I heard her soft voice, making my head snap to hers immediately. What?
"I can tell you are thinking about it... I can feel it" She continued, never looking up from her lap.
How? How the hell does she know what I'm thinking about?
I swallowed and hid the clear shock that I was experiencing right now, as I looked at her reaction.
"I don't hate you Lucifer," She said, raising her head a little more confidently this time, looking at me straight in the eye. "How could I hate you? I never hated you... I just said it so I could convince myself and you that I do... but I don't." She spoke up, her voice serious and neutral.
"Then why did you want to leave?" I asked in hope of an actual answer. She winced at my words but she didn't look away.
"If you were thrown into an unknown place, with a man who hurts you every day and locks you up like a hostage, wouldn't you want to leave?" With every word that came out of her mouth, the more my heart ached. I couldn't find the courage to speak so she continued. "I may say it a lot Lucifer, but you hurt me numerous times. I asked you to return me home because I know a doomed relationship when I see one. Mates or not, if we didn't part our ways back then, I would have ended up walking with the lost, poor souls in Hell, and you would have ended up with a dead mate and a continuous pain in your heart."
The thought of losing her, my one and only mate, that I have waited for so long, was painful every time it crossed my mind. I tried to not think about it because it was never a fucking option. Even if she dies, I will bring her back every time.
"So don't say that I hate you, because I left for the good of both of us," She said and her eyes softened. I felt something stir inside me, igniting my wrath.
"It's funny that you say that..."I said, sarcasm laced in my voice as I thought back to the years passing in Hell as she lived her life. Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked deep into my eyes and I felt it, the tingling sensation. She was reading my mind again. How does she do that?
"St-"
"I have never thought about that."She spoke up, interrupting me. "You were in Hell this whole time, which means that time almost stopped for you." Her hand shot up quickly and cupped my cheek, my eyes widening a little as I looked at her, confused and bewildered with her new power. "You have waited for years and years..." Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued to read my thoughts, even though I tried to conceal them and build a wall around my mind. How the fuck is she so powerful? What happened to her? Does that fucking succubus help her or something?
But how can a damn, weak succubus, that I can suppress for as long as I want while I'm with Eli, be so powerful as to help a human read an angel's mind? And not just a fucking random angel! I'm the Devil! No one could ever read my mind! Ever!
"You waited for almost a century to see me? Lucifer, I didn't know... It was torture for me too, but for you? I'm so-"
"ENOUGH!" I shouted with all my might as I felt my irritation and confusion consume me whole, anger building up and my eyes switching immediately to the usual deep red. I quickly stood up and turned away from her, letting my arms rest to my side, fingers flexing and fists clenching.
I felt the beast starting to scratch at my mind, waiting for me to release it, my wings itching to be let out.
How did she do that? Am I that weak when she is around? Why does she make me so soft? How can she read my mind? I'm the only one who is supposed to do that!
I was getting more and more furious by the second as the questions kept popping up in my mind. I felt my claws extending and my horns piercing the skin on the top of my head. I tried with everything I had to hold back my wings, because if I let them out, the size and force would throw Eli to the wall, probably breaking every bone in her body.
I took rapid, deep breaths as I tried to calm down, my chest going up and down like crazy. Out of the blue, I felt the very warm feeling that I secretly craved so much. The warmth spread all over my back and a second later I felt it on my lower stomach too.
I stopped breathing, not being able to as I glanced down on my stomach. Two small, fragile hands were placed on my lower abdomen, above the waistline of my pants, hugging my torso. I felt her body press against mine, her breasts colliding with my lower back.
"I'm sorry you had to endure this," She said, but instead of calming me down, she only fueled my wrath more, making me see red.
"How!? How can you read my mind?" I said, louder than I expected, and my voice changed mid-sentence, becoming deeper. Her body tensed against mine and I smirked at her pathetic attempt to calm me down.
"I don't know" She simply answered, her cheek moving against my back as she talked. "I don't know why I can take your pain away and I don't know why I can read your mind. And I understand that confusion is something that makes you angry and makes you want to find out the answer immediately, but the world doesn't work like that. I know how you feel-"
"Do you, now?" I said and shook off her hands, turning around and taking a step forward, my eyes finding her in a second. She retrieved her hands, letting them rest against her sides as she took a step back, glancing up to my face.
"Do you know how it feels, when after billions of years of never having experienced confusion and pain and sadness, you experience them all together? Do you know how it feels to find someone who cares about you after thousands of centuries and the only thing you can do is hurt them because you don't know how to act?" I took another step forward, as she took another step back. Her face looked scared but her eyes seemed to hold the bravery of a warrior at this moment.
"You don't know how I feel! So don't pretend that you do" I said at her, my anger reaching a dangerous level as I noticed her expression. She's challenging me?
"I get it Lucifer. You're broken. You're confused. You have endured so many years of unbearable emotional pain that no other being has experienced. You found a mate after being convinced that you never will have one because you didn't deserve it. You lived your life for so many years without a purpose, just ordering around your demons and playing with God's toys" She spoke up and took a step forward, craning her neck so she wouldn't break the eye contact.
"But being broken doesn't mean that you can break others. I may not be billions of years old, and I may not have to put up with so much pain that you did. But as a human who can feel every emotion, I'm pretty sure I know more about feelings than you do."
Her eyes burned mine and I could swear that I saw the flames inside her irises. As her breaths drew quicker and her face became more and more annoyed, my beast fought harder to be released, and I tried my best to hold him back.
"And don't even get me started on confusion. I was a simple student, studying psychology in a small and irrelevant country. I was the party type of girl, I could hold my alcohol very well, I used to dress pretty and put makeup on to go out with my friends. I used to date boys who only hurt me at the end" At the mention of other people touching her, a loud growl left my lips as I stepped forward, colliding our chests.
"I used to travel to Athens to see my dad and I used to love trying new food with him. But suddenly, I stumbled upon the Devil's claws and my life didn't only turn upside down. It got completely destroyed and it crashed down on me. Suddenly, I was in Hell and then I found out that my mother was alive, that she is a demon, that I have a succubus living inside of me since birth, that I am the soulmate of Satan himself. Suddenly, I'm being tortured by the Devil, being chained by Hades, and being chased by a damn three-headed dog."
"Suddenly," She repeated, emphasizing the word every time. "I'm physically abused and psychologically manipulated by my own mate, and I'm told that I have to put up with it and accept it because that's my fucking destiny!" Her eyes burned as she looked up at me, her chest moving rapidly as she talked with so much passion and fury.
"So do not fucking talk to me about your confusion!" She shouted venomously at my face and she raised her hands, hitting me hard on the chest, making me stumble back. A burning sensation spread through my chest as soon as her palms hit my chest.
"You broke me and you let me heal, only to break me again. And it's fucking unfair!" She screamed the last word, as I looked down at her with shock and irritation written all over my face.
"It's unfair because, after everything you've done to me, I still care. I still care about you, I still get goosebumps when your eyes fall on me, I still get the tingling sensations all over my body when you touch me, my mark still burns every time I see you and my heart still aches every time you leave." Her voice dropped to a harsh whisper. While she talked, she didn't even blink once, caging me inside her eyes and forcing me to stay frozen in my spot.
"So, tell me Lucifer" She started, her voice normal this time. "Who is more confused?"
I was speechless.
I had absolutely no clue what to think or say at that moment. I obviously never thought how confusing and frustrating this whole situation was for her. Compassion and empathy are not exactly my thing.
However, I now understand that those past few months must have been terrifying for a human who didn't know that Hell and Heaven existed.
It was also hard for me. But although it was very confusing for me, it never terrified me. It just annoyed me and put me on edge, making me anticipate what's to come next. Someone would even call it excitement.
But for her? A human who didn't even know if she believed in God, suddenly was pushed into a world of things that only existed in her wildest and most bizarre dreams. A world of demons and angels, full of sins, evil, dangerous situations, and near-death experiences. Suddenly, she was pushed into my world and I tried forcing her to live in it without objections.
I wanted everything to go my way because I have been thinking about having a mate for as long as I can remember. I had the perfect plan figured out in my mind, although I never really believed that I would be given a mate.
When I realized that Eliana was my soulmate and that after so many years, God actually gave me one, I almost lost it. I was experiencing all those new feelings that I haven't experienced since my fall, I had this constant need to be close to her but I also wanted to destroy her.
I knew from the start that she would be a huge threat to my existence and my throne in Hell, and my point was proven as soon as the angel showed himself near Eliana. They know that now that I have found my mate, I had a weak spot, and they were planning on doing everything in their power to bring me down. I knew that they hate me and I knew what to expect from them. Angels are far from the innocent sweet creatures that everyone thinks they are.
When I realized who she was, the thought that lingered the most in my mind was to destroy her. I could deal later with the pain, I could summon the most wicked witches to solve it. But she had to be erased so Hell wouldn't be threatened. So I wouldn't be threatened.
And I had decided to kill her. And I tried. But I couldn't be more grateful that I failed. Blinded by my status, I almost annihilated my very own soulmate.
As I looked down at her petite body, while she seethed in anger and frustration, I felt my anger die down and the beast relaxed, settling down. My eyes remained red, but my horns and claws retreated.
I felt this need deep inside of me, to show her that I care about her too. But I didn't know how to express it. I didn't know how to act, what to do or what to say.
Do I just say it? Do I do something? What if I make it worse?
What the fuck is this? Now I'm doubting myself? Me? I have never doubted myself until I met her...What are you doing to me, Eli?
My eyes fell down on her lips, which were slightly parted, small breaths escaping every now and then. Her rapid and angry breathing had calmed down now, so she just stood there, looking at me, waiting for the smallest reaction, craving it.
My hand was raised unconsciously, reaching her face and pushing behind her ear, a strand of hair that had fallen on her face. My eyes were glued to hers as I caressed her temples with my middle finger, slowly trailing down towards her cheek. I leaned my head to the side and I sensed her squeezing her core again.
I knew what effect I had on her because she had the exact same on me. This fire burning deep inside every time we caught each other's eyes, and our minds becoming ticking-time bombs every time we touched, waiting for the spark that would ignite the countdown.
I palmed her cheek softly, holding the side of her head and I leaned my head down, bending it more to the side so our noses wouldn't be in the way. Her breath was stuck in her throat as I hovered a few centimeters over her lips.
When I stayed unmoving she scoffed slightly, as if challenging me and I went to draw back, for the sole purpose to tease her. However, she had other plans in mind because the next thing I knew was her left hand slipping in the waistband of my pants, tugging at it with two fingers. Her other hand got a hold of shirt collar, pulling at it, bringing my head closer to hers and colliding our lips.
The bomb ignited and my beast roared loudly as her soft lips touched mine.
At first, the kiss was soft and caring, our tongues were laced together and our lips were moving in perfect sync. But when her small, warm fingers pulled at my waistband for the second time, I felt the switch being turned inside of me. Without ever breaking the kiss, I placed my hands firmly on the fine curve of her waist and lifted her up easily, bringing her to my height. Her hand untangled itself from the waistband because she could no longer reach it.
I smirked against her lips, biting down on her bottom lip lightly, just enough to drive her crazy. The intoxicating smell she released when she was turned on was like fuel for my heart. I collided our bodies, hugging her waist with my arms and pressing her breasts against my stern.
An exciting idea came to me and with a quick motion, I released my wings, the huge extensions of my body circling around us, knocking everything down around the room.
She gasped at the loud sounds and moved her head back, looking right and left quickly. Black, shiny feathers had hidden everything that was in the room, as they rested gracefully on the floor and on top of the bed.
I looked at her face, observing her reaction as she eyed my wings intrigued and a little confused. Quick, sharp breaths were leaving her mouth and I couldn't avert my eyes from her face. She finally looked back at me with an arousing sparkle in her eyes that clearly gave away the state of her body. She was turned on by the sight of my wings? I didn't know they had this effect on her...
"Have you ever flown before?" I asked, licking my lips as I glanced down at her red, swollen ones. She looked at me like I had grown a second head and I only grinned at her reaction.
Bringing the third level of Hell into my mind, I transported us in it within a second. She loudly gasped as her hands shot out to my shoulders, her nails digging inside my skin.
"What the.." She muttered and looked around breathless. The third level of Hell was the one that had endless amounts of land, made of stone and bright, hot magma, making it possible to fly around in the sky without hitting anything. There were high mountains of coal and stones but nothing dangerous.
When she turned her head towards mine, without a second thought I attacked her lips. She kissed me back immediately and I took that as a confirmation that she was feeling safe in my arms.
I tightened my grip on her petite waist and with one quick gesture of my wings, we ascended towards the black sky, flying straight into the darkness.
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Oof
I really hope you enjoyed the double update because I'm exhausted.
I was having second thoughts about this chapter and I had to read it again and again until it was perfect for the plot of the book and Lucifer's character. So yeah, I'm tired :(
But I guess it turned out fine, so there you go!
I'm already thinking about the next chapter, so I suppose there will be an update soon... but I can't promise you anything!
Until next time,
Lucifer's Mistress.