Wintertime arrives in Tulsa like an unwanted presence, curling under raised collars of jackets and filling the air with a cold bite.
The air is icy and cold as Billie walks to school. Her hands are in her jacket pockets to warm them up and her collar is raised, shielding her neck from the winter air. Billie hates the cold, despite the cold weather meaning Christmas is approaching.
"Billie!"
Billie turns around, where across the road, Ponyboy is running across the street to her, his hands in the pockets of his denim jacket as well.
"It's so cold," he grumbles, frowning as he rubs his hands together before shoving them back in his pockets.
"Yeah," Billie agrees, trying to ignore how cute it was that Ponyboy's nose is red from the cold.
"Sodapop says I'm being silly and that'll warm up during the day," Ponyboy says as the two walk side-by-side on the sidewalk. "But I just hate the cold."
"I hate the cold too," Billie admits. "The only good thing about winter is Christmas."
Ponyboy has a faraway smile on his face. "Yeah. My mom used to make gingerbread cookies for us every year for Christmas." The smile drops from his face as he adds, "we haven't had gingerbread cookies since we lost Mom and Dad."
"When we were younger, Angela and I would bake a cake for Christmas," Billie tells Ponyboy. She's learnt to fill the silence whenever Ponyboy's parents are brought up. She knows he doesn't want to dwell on his parents too long. (That part, she can relate to. She hates thinking about her mother's presence which haunts her, even in death. The part of having loving parents, she can't relate to.)
Their father hadn't come back after Tim kicked him out. The next day, she heard from Scott that their father had stumbled onto their front porch, drunk out of his mind and begging for a place to stay. Hazel had slammed the door in his face, disgusted by the way he treated his children.
Now that Thanksgiving had past and their father hadn't shown up, Tim had visibly relaxed, not worried that their father would appear on their doorstep once again. Billie felt like she could breathe again, not worried that her father would be on their doorstep when she arrived from school and would have to brace herself for insults sent her way.
"You don't do it anymore?" Ponyboy asks Billie, turning to look at her as they cross the road.
Billie shakes her head. "No, it stopped once we got older."
Billie had always loved baking with Angela. It was something they could do together to spend time together. Billie always loved spending time with her older sister. But Angela grew bored of it once she became a teenager and the tradition ended abruptly.
"I wish I could eat one of my mom's gingerbread cookies again," Ponyboy says wistfully, looking away. "Sodapop asked once year for Darry to make them but he refused."
"It would be nice to bake a cake with Angela again. Even though she nearly burns the cake every time," Billie replies with a smile on her face.
"Maybe you could help me bake the gingerbread cookies my mom made." Ponyboy turns to Billie with a shy, almost hopeful smile on his face. His smile widens as Billie smiles at him.
"I'd like that." She'd never decline spending time with Ponyboy. The thought of baking with him made her heart skip a beat in her chest, as cliche as it sounded. She didn't think she could ever like somebody as much as she likes Ponyboy. She thought it was something that she only read in books or watched in movies, but here she is, hopelessly crushing on Ponyboy Curtis.
Sometimes she has the feeling Ponyboy likes her back. The rational part of her tells herself that he's just being a good friend to her like he's told her several times, but there's a tiny part of Billie that thinks it's more than that. His smiles linger longer towards her and she might be imaging it, but she swears his smile gets wider when he looks at her. And he did tell her she looked pretty at Halloween. No boy has ever called Billie pretty before. No boy has ever looked at her long enough for that to happen. She's always been in the shadows, behind the three booming personalities of her siblings. Their presence fill an entire room, while her presence barely registers in a room.
But when Ponyboy looks at her, or when he smiles at her, it makes her feel like she's the only person in the world. That she's as big as her siblings. That somebody actually sees her, instead of her floating through life behind the scenes.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Billie Shepard," Ponyboy tells Billie with a smile on his face. "I'm glad we got to know each other."
"Me too," Billie responds. "I really like spending time with you."
"I like spending time with you too," Ponyboy replies, cheeks becoming a rosy pink. He clears his throat, becoming sheepish as he asks, "are you free tomorrow night? The drive-in is showing a movie I thought you might be interested in and I was wonderin' if you'd want to go with me to watch it."
Billie's heart skips a beat. Is Ponyboy asking me out on a date?
"Is it going to be just us two?"
"If you want to be," Ponyboy answers, unsure. "Unless you don't want it to be. That's fine. Um, I could invite the others to come. Johnny as well," he rambles.
"No! I want it to be just us," Billie admits. As much as she loves her friends, she wants to be with Ponyboy alone. He gets her in a way nobody else does. She's never felt this connected to anybody ever.
"Good," Ponyboy says, smiling softly at Billie. "Because I want it to be just us too."
Billie's heart starts to beat quickly in her chest at that. She's lost for words, her tongue becoming too heavy to form words, so she just smiles at Ponyboy in lieu of a reply.
"I think Ponyboy asked me out on a date."
Billie is seated on the swings with Laura, at the park across the road from her house. It's Friday afternoon, school has ended and the girls are waiting for the boys to arrive, for a game of football. (Well, what Leo calls football. Leo's football is what the rest call soccer).
"What? When? Why didn't you say something earlier?" Laura exclaims, firing questions rapidly as she stops swinging on her swing, feet hitting the ground.
"This morning," Billie answers as her lips curl up into a smile. "We're going to the drive-in tomorrow night."
Laura lets out an excited squeal as she hits Billie in the upper arm. "And you thought you would never have a chance."
Billie turns away, smiling shyly at the ground. "He told me he didn't know what he'd do without me."
"That's almost a love confession," Laura replies.
A soccer ball hits Laura in the back, causing her to stumble out of her swing. With the soccer ball in her hands, she turns around to see Leo standing several metres away with a cheeky smile alongside Scott, Ponyboy and Johnny Cade.
Laura throws the ball back to Leo, who catches it before it hits him. "You're a dick, you know that?"
Billie slips off her swing and walks over to the boys. Ponyboy gives her a wide smile as she approaches and she feels warm all over. "Hi," she says.
"Hi," Ponyboy says back, smiling impossibly wide.
Johnny side-eyes the two of them. "I feel like I'm watching something I shouldn't be watching."
Ponyboy rolls his eyes and hits Johnny in the arm. "Don't be like that, Johnnycake. You're still my best friend."
"I wasn't thinkin' 'bout that, but I'm glad you cleared it up for me," Johnny replies dryly. Billie laughs at Ponyboy's affronted look he gives back to Johnny.
Laura and Leo take on the roles as team captains and choose two other players for their team. Billie and Johnny end up on Leo's team while Laura's team consists of Ponyboy and Scott.
"We need to win this," Leo tells Billie and Johnny as they place their jackets in a pile to create goalposts. "I don't wanna be doing Laura's laundry for a month."
"Are you two related?" Johnny asks.
Leo purses his lips, choosing how to answer this question. "Not really. Not by blood, but she's like family to me, since I don't have one anymore."
"I know what that feels like. My parents don't care about me. Ponyboy and his brothers are like family to me. And Dally and the rest of the gang, too," Johnny replies. Billie heard things from Tim, about how Johnny looks like a shaky leaf ninety percent of the time and she's not surprised his home life has caused him to live on the edge of nervousness all the time.
"How long have you known Ponyboy for?" Leo asks Johnny, gesturing to Ponyboy who is standing in between Laura and Scott, an amused smile on his face as Laura tries to loudly explain to Scott their tactics to win.
"As long as I can remember," Johnny answers, looking at Ponyboy's back. "He's my best friend."
Johnny looks back at Ponyboy again and the angle of the sun creates shadows on Johnny's face, accentuating the yellowing bruises on his cheek. Billie can see a faint scar underneath the bruise, like it had come from contact with a sharp object. She vaguely remembers Ponyboy saying Johnny got jumped by a Soc wearing rings a few months back. She knows Bob Sheldon wears various large (and hideous) rings on his fingers, so she wouldn't be surprised if he was the culprit.
Billie can see Leo looking at the fading bruise on Johnny's cheek as well, but he has the good grace to not ask about it. After living on the East Side for so long, you come accustomed to not asking questions, knowing you wouldn't like the answer that follows.
"Alright, how are we going to beat those guys?" Leo asks, clapping his hands.
Johnny shrugs and Billie stays silent. Sports wasn't something she excelled at, nor was it something she enjoyed. In fact, she wasn't athletic at all. The most physical activity she did was running away from Socs.
Leo sighs. "Okay, just follow my lead, alright? I'll take Laura. Johnny you take Scott and Billie, that means you take Ponyboy."
Both Billie and Johnny nod their heads, acknowledging Leo's instructions.
"Just make sure they don't score, alright? Even if it means playing dirty, because I know Laura is. She's super competitive and a sore loser," Leo adds, tucking the soccer ball under his arm.
As they walk out from their huddle, Leo reminds them, "the most important thing is to not touch the ball with your hands, okay? It's football, not handball."
Billie and Johnny nod again. He jogs over to the right side of their makeshift pitch, standing directly opposite from Ponyboy. They exchange grins and she hears Johnny tell Ponyboy, "don't get distracted by Billie, will ya? I don't think your friend would be all too happy."
Billie feels her cheeks warm up as Ponyboy's cheeks blush a rosy red. He looks embarrassed as he tells Johnny to shut up.
Laura starts with the ball and the game begins. Leo marks Laura, trying to kick the ball between her legs and gain possession, but she holds him back with a hand on his chest as she runs down the length of the field. Leo yells at Johnny, who was the closest to the goal, to get in goal. He does, and as Laura kicks the ball with all the force she can generate, he flinches. Fortunately, Laura's kick the ball wide, to the right of the goal they've created with their jackets.
Leo passes the ball to Billie who runs down the side of the field, passing it back to Leo who calls for it. She continues running forward towards their goal, puffed out after a few minutes of playing. This just further reinforces the knowledge that she's not athletic, especially after Ponyboy runs past Billie effortlessly, doing it with ease.
As he passes her, he turns around and starts running backwards. "You might make it to the other end of the field at sunset with how you're jogging."
"I'm not jogging! I'm running!" Billie splutters.
"You could've fooled me with how slow you're going." Ponyboy's tone is teasing as he gives Billie a cheeky smile before sprinting away from her.
Billie speeds up to try and catch up to Ponyboy. As she runs, Leo's kicked a goal. He jumps up in celebration as Billie and Johnny run over to him. They all high-five as Laura protests, saying it wasn't a goal as he was offside. Both Scott and Ponyboy concede that it was a goal and the game continues, with Leo, Billie and Johnny being a goal up.
The game ends just as the sun begins to set. Leo, Billie and Johnny win, scoring four goals compared to Laura, Scott and Ponyboy who scored two.
On the walk home, Leo gloats to Laura, who is now going to be doing his laundry for a month. Laura huffs and says that two of his goals shouldn't have been allowed. Leo retorts by calling Laura a sore loser.
Behind Leo and Laura are Scott and Johnny, making small talk. Billie can hear Curly's name being mentioned, as well as the words "reform school". The knot that usually forms in her stomach at those three words doesn't appear now. Those talks she had with Laura, Ponyboy, Dean and Lloyd all those weeks ago had helped, absolving the irrational guilt she placed on herself for her twin's actions.
Billie and Ponyboy are standing side-by-side, their bodies close together, arms swinging as they chat about the book they're currently reading in literature class. Ponyboy's hand brushes against Billie's, sending sparks down her arm. She can feel heat pooling her cheeks as Ponyboy's hand grazes against her's and hopes Ponyboy doesn't notice that she's blushing.
"Does six work for you tomorrow?" Ponyboy asks Billie.
Billie nods her head. "Yeah, it does."
"Great." Ponyboy gives her a blinding smile. "I'll be at your house at six tomorrow, then."
"Can't wait," Billie replies, smiling back at Ponyboy.
Angela is lying across the girls' bed when Billie gets home from the park.
As the bedroom door opens, she rolls over. "Where have you been?"
"I was at the park with my friends," Billie answers, sitting on the edge of the bed as she unpacks her backpack.
Angela shuffles closer to Billie. "Was Ponyboy there?"
"Of course," Billie replies without looking up, continuing to empty her bag. "He's my friend."
"Is he just your friend?" Angela questions, sticking her face in Billie's face.
Billie leans back, not liking it when people invaded her personal space. "You know I like him."
Angela lies back on the pillows, hands in her lap. "Do you think he likes you?"
"I don't know, he hasn't said anything."
Angela huffs and rolls her eyes. "You have a lot to learn, little sister." She's not patronising or condensing in her tone. She knows what her strengths are: she can read people. Unlike Billie, whose strength is academics.
"I don't know if this helps, but Ponyboy asked me to go to the drive-in with him tomorrow," Billie informs Angela.
Angela's jaw drops. "What the hell? Why didn't you start with that?"
"It's not like it's a date, is it? He didn't say it was," Billie says.
"Did he just invite you?" Angela asks.
Billie nods her head, "yeah, just me."
Angela squeals and hugs Billie tightly. They fall over, lying on the bed. "Ponyboy just asked you out on a date, you goose!"
Billie is skeptical. "He didn't say it was a date."
"Did you ask if it was a date?"
"No, I didn't," Billie answers.
"Then how are you supposed to know if it's a date or not?" Angela questions. She stands up and claps her hands excitedly. "This is great!" She grabs Billie's hand and pulls her up. "We have to find you something to wear for tomorrow. Maybe an old skirt of mine... I have a cute top that would match my black skirt..."
Billie is pulled towards their wardrobe. Angela opens the doors and browses her clothes. She pulls out a black skirt, lining it up against Billie's waist. "I think this would fit you," she says. "Try it on." She throws the item of clothing at Billie, who catches it before it falls.
Billie has an idea as she tries on the skirt. Hesitantly she asks, "Ange... is it alright — do you mind — could you do my makeup for tomorrow?"
Angela's smile widens. "Of course, Bil. I would love to. You're going to be the prettiest girl in Tulsa — behind me, obviously."
Billie laughs. "Of course."
Angela wraps her arms around Billie's shoulders, squeezing her tightly. She looks down at her little sister. "Promise to tell me everything about tomorrow night, okay? I'll be waiting up to hear every detail."
Billie nods her head and smiles at her older sister. "I promise."
Angela squeezes Billie tightly again. "You're all grown up now, going on your first date." She pretends to wipe away a tear in the corner of her eye.
"I don't know if it's a date," Billie reminds Angela. She's also reminding herself; she doesn't want to get her hopes up just for Ponyboy to tell her that she's a really special friend.
"I might not know as much as you do, but I know this: Ponyboy likes you too. Why else would he invite you out to the drive-in?"
"I don't know," Billie shrugs her shoulders. "Because we both like movies?"
Angela rolls her eyes. "Don't start acting stupid now."
"This is new to me," Billie admits softly. She feels vulnerable (a constant state of being in her life) but right now she feels more vulnerable than ever. "I've never — nobody's ever — I'm not used to this. Liking somebody, having somebody maybe like me back."
Angela sympathetically squeezes Billie's shoulder. "You don't need to be embarrassed about it. There's nothing wrong with that." In a lighter tone she adds, "that means that if this is a date between you and Ponyboy — which I think it is — your first date will be with somebody special. Unlike mine."
"Who did you go with on your first date with?"
"Stephen Phillips," Angela answers with a grimace. "He was such a dick. Worked at the local music store and was such a snob about it. Couldn't believe I liked Elvis and said I only liked Elvis because I thought he was hot."
"What an ass," Billie agrees. She is grateful that Ponyboy doesn't question how genuine her interests are just because she's a girl.
"He was. One of the worst dates I've ever been on." Billie tries to not laugh at Angela's disgusted expression. "Don't let my horror date story worry you. Ponyboy's a great guy, you're going to have a great time."
"I don't know if it's a date," Billie reminds her sister with a thin-lipped smile.
"I can't wait to say 'I told you so' when you get back," Angela responds in a sing-song tone.
"Billie! Ponyboy's here for you!"Tim's voice floats through the house.
Billie is in her room, standing in front of the mirror as Angela applies the finishing touches to her makeup. She claps her hand when she's finished, staring at Billie through the mirror with her hands on her shoulders.
"You look beautiful," Angela tells her sister, smiling at the mirror.
Billie isn't one to let her head be filled with compliments or stroke her own ego, but this time, she lets herself accept the compliment.
"Thanks to you," is her reply. Looking at her sister through the mirror she thanks Angela. "Thank you for this. I would've gone crazy over deciding what to wear."
Angela squeezes her shoulder. "That's what a big sister's here for."
"Billie!" Tim yells again, this time his voice is irritated. "Ponyboy's waiting for ya! What the hell is taking you so long?"
Angela opens their bedroom door and yells out, "she's taking pride in her appearance, something you know nothing about!"
"Shut up, Angela!" Tim yells back.
Angela sticks her head back inside the bedroom. "You better get going before Tim yells the house down."
Billie nods her head, butterflies flapping in her stomach in a blend of apprehension and excitement. This is happening. Ponyboy's outside right now, ready to go to the drive-in.
Angela and Billie walk out together, where Tim and Ponyboy are seated on the chairs on the front porch.
Tim rolls his eyes once he's noticed his sisters have arrived. "Took you long enough," he mutters. To Angela he asks, "do you think you're helping the Queen of England get ready or somethin'?"
Angela rolls her eyes in annoyance. "Not all of us leave the house looking like we haven't showered."
Billie makes eye contact with Ponyboy, who is trying (and unsuccessfully) hiding his amusement at Tim and Angela's bickering.
Normally, Billie would be mortified at somebody seeing her siblings carry on like this, but her older siblings bickering is a sign that a sense of normalcy has returned. It had taken weeks for the remaining Shepard siblings to stop tiptoeing around each other.
Tim, as though realising Billie and Ponyboy are still here, asks, "why are you two still here? You're going to miss your movie."
"Let's go," Billie tells Ponyboy, who stands up and follows Billie down the porch steps. She waves to Tim and Angela before closing the gate behind her.
"Sorry about them," Billie tells Ponyboy once they're halfway done the street.
"It's alright," Ponyboy tells Billie, "my house isn't any better. Us three are always arguin', especially when I leave my wet towels in the bathroom."
"Oh, so you're one of those people," Billie says in a teasing tone.
"I don't do it intentionally!" Ponyboy cries out, defending himself. "I'm just forgetful," he trails off sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.
They cross the road, and as they do, Ponyboy puts his arm in front of Billie, stopping her. He checks both sides of the road, then double checks before moving his arm away from Billie and crossing the road.
"Normally I wouldn't check twice if I was by myself, but I don't want to see you get hurt," Ponyboy tells Billie.
The butterflies in Billie's stomach return, fluttering violently; a reminder of how big of crush she has on Ponyboy. "Thank you, that's sweet of you." She gives him a grateful smile, hoping it conveys how sincere she's being.
Ponyboy returns it easily. "You're welcome."
They launch into conversation about the homework they've been set for the weekend, both complaining about the large mountain of Mathematics homework their teacher set. The conversation soon steers into their assignment for History: researching into the Great War.
They sneak into the drive-in, slipping through a barbed wire fence. Ponyboy goes first, then offers his hand for Billie to take as she slips through.
"I only have enough money to pay for our food," Ponyboy admits sheepishly. "Sorry 'bout that."
"It's alright," Billie says as she brushes dirt off her skirt, standing up. "I normally sneak in anyway."
"Let's go find a seat," Ponyboy says. "I think we're early."
They find seats in an empty row towards the middle, sitting down on the plastic chairs. The movie screen is blank, which Billie is thankful for.
"I'm gonna grab us some popcorn and Cokes," Ponyboy tells Billie, leaning over to whisper in her ear.
Billie tries to ignore the sound of her heart beating rapidly in her chest as she sticks her hand in her pocket to grab some notes. "Here, this should cover me."
Ponyboy looks at the money in Billie's hand and then at Billie, frowning. "I can't take that."
"Yes you can," Billie says, extending her arm. "Take it."
"How can I take you out on a date and then make you pay?" Ponyboy freezes at what he's just said.
"Is this a date?" Billie asks, shell-shocked.
Ponyboy shrugs, hesitant in his response. "If you want it to be, it can. If you don't want to, it doesn't have to be."
Billie remembers what Angela said. "Do you want it to be a date?"
Ponyboy looks Billie in the eyes as he answers, "yeah, I do."
Billie's heart skips several beats in her chest as her internal voice that sounds suspiciously like Angela say, 'I told you so! I was right!'
"I want it to be a date too," she tells Ponyboy and watches as Ponyboy smiles widely, nose crinkling.
"Then I can't pay," Ponyboy says adamantly, shaking his head. "I saved up for this, you know? I wanted to do something special for you."
"For me?" Billie doesn't think anybody's done anything special for her before. Her parents certainly didn't, and her siblings were too busy causing trouble around town to do so.
"Yes you. You're the prettiest girl I've ever seen and the kindest person I know. You're always helping other people and nobody is there to help you. Which is why I wanted to do something special for you," Ponyboy tells Billie sincerely. He says this which such conviction that Billie knows he truly believes it. Ponyboy Curtis, her crush, believes all those things about her. Invisible, quiet, Billie Shepard.
"Why me?" Billie finds herself asking.
Ponyboy sits down on the seat beside her. "Why wouldn't it be you?" He asks, like Billie was silly for even thinking that there was ang possibility it couldn't be her. "You're smart, you're kind. You get me in ways my brothers and Johnny don't. But most of all, you make me feel happy. I'm the happiest when I'm around you. And I want to be around you all the time."
Billie's heart feels like it's going to burst out of her chest from the rollercoaster of emotions she's going on currently. She's overwhelmed by everything Ponyboy's said. It's the nicest things anybody's ever said to her. It makes her feel that she's not alone. That there's somebody beside her who sees her for who she truly is, reminding her that she's not invisible.
For the first time in her life, Billie feels seen. She doesn't feel like she's standing five feet behind her siblings, invisible to everybody and the world. Because who would look at Billie Shepard when Tim, Angela and Curly Shepard are right there?
Until Ponyboy Curtis.
"I feel happy around you too," Billie tells Ponyboy softly, a smile tugging on her lips that she can't control.
Those words feel like she's said something else, like both her and Ponyboy have admitted something to each other without actually saying those words. But it doesn't matter, not when Billie matters to Ponyboy in the same way Ponyboy matters to her.
"So it's agreed I'm paying for your food? I didn't clean the gutters and hose down the roof for nothing." Ponyboy stands up and steps out of the row.
"Okay," Billie relents.
"I'll be back soon," Ponyboy promises before leaving.
Billie watched Ponyboy leave, the smile not being wiped from her face. She's on a date with the boy she likes. Who likes him back. They've yet to say the words, but the time for that will come. For now, she's allowed to bask in the joy of being on a date with Ponyboy, who told her she's special. Who says she makes him happy.
This is the happiest Billie's ever been and she hopes this is only the beginning.
"I was really nervous about tonight," Ponyboy admits to Billie as they walk home from the drive-in.
Their hands are interlocked, with Ponyboy swinging them gently as they walk in the dark.
"Me too. I thought I was going to throw up," Billie admits, chuckling.
"Turns out we had nothing to be nervous about," Ponyboy says, looking at their intertwined hands.
"I guess you're right," Billie replies, squeezing Ponyboy's hand.
Ponyboy stops in his tracks and turns to face Billie, still holding her hand. They're under a streetlight, the yellow light illuminating Ponyboy's face.
"I really like you, Billie Shepard," Ponyboy tells Billie, staring directly at her. "I like you a lot and I can't believe it's taken me so long to realise it."
"I really like you too, Ponyboy Curtis," Billie responds and feels herself breaking into a wide, giddy smile. "I like you a lot, actually."
Ponyboy takes a step forward. He's close, close enough for Billie to reach in and kiss him —
Almost as though Ponyboy is reading Billie's mind, he leans in and kisses her.
Both their lips are slightly chapped from the cold weather, but Billie doesn't care. She's thought about this for so long, hoping that one day it would come true, that one day Ponyboy would tell her he liked her.
And it has.
Billie and Ponyboy both have matching giddy grins as they break away. Billie's heart is stammering in her chest, pumping wildly in her chest, letting her know that she's alive and she's head over heels for this boy standing right in front of her. This boy with green-grey eyes, with dark hair that shines in the streetlight, with a kind smile and a brain full of knowledge. This boy who taught himself about constellations to cheer her up as they went stargazing on the roof.
Billie takes Ponyboy's hand as they continue the walk home, exchanging soft smiles under the streetlights.
Billie can't wait to tell Angela all about her date with Ponyboy.
a/n: it only took 25 chapters, but billie and ponyboy finally got their act together 💘💓💕💞
on a sad note, this story is soon coming to a close with only a few chapters left! 😭 i'm not ready to say goodbye to these characters 😭😭 but it will be exciting to finally mark this book as completed
I hope you enjoyed this extra long chapter!!!! (it's over 5000 words wow) and if you did, please vote and leave a comment, it's greatly appreciated :)