Neel stood outside the house of Manjari. The uber driver had left a long time back but he could not gather the courage to knock at her door. She lived in mid-town Toronto near Eglinton Avenue in a double-storied house. The house had a beautiful front law which had tulips in full bloom. He could make out the backyard too and he was ready to bet that was immaculately kept too. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, wondering what to do next. The bravado with which he had set out for her house was long lost. He knew her. The moment she knew it was him, she would slam the door shut in his face.
He raked his hair with his fingers. He had not anticipated so much hatred from her. He wanted answers but he wanted her to. She had ruined him for any other relationship. He felt incomplete without her. And she wanted nothing to do with him. He looked at the house again. The windows of her living room were open. Though curtains were drawn, they were moving in the wind and he could make out the inside of her house. For a moment, he imagined he saw her too. But when he looked again, there was no movement. He took one last look at her house and left.
Manjari heaved a sigh of relief when she saw him leave. Luck was on her side today. She had been sitting on her front porch enjoying her lemonade when she had decided to call Carla to confirm if her leave application had been processed or not. Carla had mentioned his coming and taking her address in passing but it had put Manjari on her guard. She knew how Neel worked. She had scampered back into the house and drawn all her curtains. She was in no mood for a confrontation today. And then she got angry. Her home was her oasis, and he was here to disturb it. And she wouldn't let him do that. She had worked very very hard to achieve some semblance of control over her life and she wouldn't let him ruin everything. she took a long fortifying breath, getting herself ready for the battle. She saw the Uber stop and Neel get out. She waited for him to knock, readying herself to throw him out of her house. But she was surprised when he kept standing at the edge of her front lawn, making no move to knock at her front door. She hid behind her bookshelf, observing him. She felt a pang of guilt when she saw the bandage on his forehead. She had not meant to push him so hard, but she was desperate to put some distance between them. She was not a violent person and she was genuinely sorry for his injury. Despite everything he had done, she should have controlled her temper better yesterday. She stood silently and observed his movements and was surprised when he left a few minutes later.
Neel spent the entire night thinking about the situation at hand. He was sure that if he could spend some time with Manjari, he could find out what was it that had pushed her away from him. The problem was getting Manjari to be in the same room as him without trying to run away. He knew that her application for a sabbatical was bound to be approved which meant that she would not be back for a full academic year. He flopped down on his bed and looked at the ceiling as if it held the answers to all his problems.
It had not been easy to find her. He had missed meeting her by a narrow margin last year in April. Her previous colleagues had informed him that she was in Delhi. So, he had searched every college of the University in her search. But to no avail. He had almost given up hope when fate intervened on his behalf. He was at Sahitya Akademi going through their journals when he came across a small interview with her by the South Asian Community of Toronto, honouring her achievements. He checked the date. The interview had been taken in September. He remembered the way he rushed to the nearest computer and typed the University of Toronto in the search engine. He searched across departments and finally found her name in the department for South Asian Studies. There was no photograph, no contact details just an email id. She was a professor there and taught a course on gender. She was currently working on a book with Prof. Dawson, who was the head of the department there. He remembers the relief he had felt. He had almost taken the next flight to Toronto, but then common sense kicked in. He knew nothing about her or her reasons for leaving like the way she had. If she had taken so many pains to be not found by anyone, he was sure that she would not welcome him with open arms if he arrived on her doorstep.
The answer to his predicament had come to him the next day and he applied for a post-doc scholarship at the University of Toronto. He deliberately chose her area of specialization as his area of research. And he played extra safe. He told no one about his application, not even Reeza, who was as angry as him, if not more with Manjari for leaving him like this. Also the university was a small place and there were chances that Manjari might be in touch with her former friends who might mention that he was coming to Toronto...
December came and went. A new year began. A new start. He prayed for a new start to his relationship with Manjari. When he got the acceptance in March 2019, he began thinking about his next step. He wanted her to be his research assistant. For that to happen, he needed someone who could tell her to help him. He researched all her colleagues in search of someone who could introduce him to her. Someone who she would find it difficult to turn down. His thoughts went to Prof. Dawson. The next day in college, he convinced his teacher-in-charge to write an email to Prof. Dawson introducing him and asking for his research assistance. Manjari's name was casually mentioned in the email as someone who specialized in the same area of research. Prof. Dawson had been prompt in response and very accommodating also. He promised to help Neel in all ways possible.
Getting the acceptance had been the easiest part. But convincing his mother had been difficult. After his father's death, she had become too attached to him. But finally, he had managed to convince her with the promise that there would be no more travelling after this. He had not confided in his mother about the exact reason for going to Toronto. Surprisingly, all his friends had been happy for him except Reeza. Reeza had vehemently opposed the idea and had been upset about his travel plans and had surprised him by proposing marriage. He had been so shocked by the suddenness of the proposal. They did have a history together. They had dated for a while when they were in college but that was in the past. He had, of course, declined; he only had eyes for Manjari now.
When he landed in Toronto at the end of August, he felt that he was one step closer to Manjari. But he had not expected this much resistance. He let out a growl of frustration. It was clear that in her eyes, he had done some terrible wrong. If he only knew what had he done, what was he being punished for...
If he could only find a way to be closer to her...
Suddenly he thought of the very person who could help him. He checked his watch. It was too late now to make that call. He decided to make the call in the morning.
Manjari was sipping her second cup of tea after dropping Amaira to school. Seriously, her child was the devil incarnate. If this were her state now, she wondered what would happen to her when puberty hit Amaira. She shuddered at the very thought of handling Amaira by herself in her teens. Maybe she could ship her off to Suhani. God knows, her Bhabhi had the patience of a saint with Amaira.
She looked around herself. She was sinning her backyard, in her favourite spot, her swing. They are was a slow breeze that was gently fanning her. She wondered what she could do today...maybe go to the Aga Khan museum or the Royal Ontario Museum...she had been to neither. She was still choosing what to do when her phone rang. She checked to see that it was Prof. Dawson. She wondered why he was calling her so early in the morning.
"Good morning sir"
"Good morning Manjari. I called to let you know that your request for a sabbatical has been approved".
"Thank you so much, sir". No more Neel, she thought.
"I called you for one more reason. I need your assistance with something."
"Ok....", said Manjari slowly. "What can I help you with?"
"You remember Neel. The research scholar from India?"
"Yes...", said Manjari slowly, her heart beating fast.
"He needs help with his research. And the department wants you to help him".
"Me?", Manjari was shocked by the request that no other words came out of her mouth.
"Yes. You. I think both of you will benefit from this association."
The snake...thought Manjari bitterly. This was allowed blow. Even for him. She could strangle him right now...Any guilt she had felt for his injury yesterday vanished in thin air. The irony of Prof. Dawson's statement was also not missed by Manjari. She was sure that any kind of association with Neel would not be beneficial at all.
"I will let him know that you have agreed to help him with his research..." Prof Dawson's had mistaken Manjari's silence as her assent.
Manjari was jolted to her senses by this statement. She could not bear to be in the same room as him, forget working together. "I am sorry sir; I cannot help you with this."
"Why? "asked Prof. Dawson.
"I have to concentrate on my research, and I don't think I will be able to do justice to two research projects. I think somebody else should assist him".
"Now now. I know that you are, but he is working on the same topic as you. Did you not read the concept note I gave you?"
"What?", said Manjari shocked.
"Yes. So, work with him and thanks". Saying this Prof. Dawson disconnected the call.
Manjari looked at the phone in her hand and angrily threw it on the ground...
That lying, manipulative, conniving...monster.... she would teach him a lesson for going behind her back like this!
And right on cue, her phone began to ring....
-------------------------------------
Manjari covered her ears with a pillow to drown out the noise of her ringing mobile phone. She did not need to check to know who it was. Neel. He had been ringing her non-stop for the last one hour. She was sure that he was the one who had instigated Prof. Dawson to make that call and she was sure that he was calling to gloat over her victory. She turned over her back wondering what to do next. She wished to avoid him at all costs- not because she was scared but because she did not want to fall for his fake apologies and false claims again. She had given herself completely and wholly to him, had trusted him with everything. But the price she had to pay for that was too steep.
Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked them away. No, she would not cry. She had come a long way since then. It had been her mistake that she let him in. She should have been more cautious, more careful. Not only did she jeopardize her well being, but she put her daughter's welfare at risk too. She could not make the same mistake again. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, she thought.
She heard the phone ring again. She let it ring. She knew her inbox and voicemail must have been inundated with messages. She also knew that she could not avoid him forever and she would have to answer her phone sooner or later. But before that, she needed her game plan in place.
Neel checked his phone. Still no call or message or even an acknowledgement of his calls. He wondered if he should call her again. He decided to go for a walk around the neighbourhood and decided to leave his mobile behind. He wanted to clear his head. He slipped on his running shoes and walked out of the house. After a few minutes of stretching, he began to jog, keeping a steady pace. He liked the neighbourhood around the campus. He wondered how much would be cost of a house here. Maybe Manjari and he could buy a house together once they got married. Schools around the campus were nice too and it would be convenient for Amaira too when would start college. He had almost planned their future when the realization struck him hard- Manjari wanted nothing to do with him. He kicked a pebble in frustration. If only he knew the reason for their distance...
On reaching home, he headed straight for a shower after ordering dinner for himself. When he came back, the telltale glow on his mobile phone indicated he had a message. He grabbed the phone off his bed and swiped up the home screen. It was from Manjari.
11.00 a.m. Royal Ontario Museum Library and Archives
He read the message again and smiled. Tomorrow was another day.
He reached the library 10 minutes before and waited for her at the entrance. Right on time, he saw Manjari take the staircases to the library. She motioned of rhyme to follow her inside as she started walking to the archive section. Finding a quiet corner, she sat down. Neel thought of taking the chair beside her but she put her bag on the chair. Neel understood her message and took the chair opposite her. Manjari still had not said a single word and Neel waited for her to start the conversation. But instead of saying anything, she put in front of him a thick bundle of papers. He glanced through them and realized that they were the list of resources- primary and secondary that she was using for her upcoming research. By the time he finished going through the list and looked up, Manjari had opened her laptop in front of her and was typing. He looked at her closely. She seemed engrossed in her work. He looked around. The library was beautiful and quite occupied. There was no chance for him to speak to her in private. He sighed and went in search of a book from Manjari's list that he thought would be helpful to him. They worked solidly for the next three hours. Manjari never looked up from her work and exactly at 2 p.m. she picked her bags and left the library.
This pattern of work had been continuing for the past few days. Manjari avoided all conversation with him. Her answers to all his questions were in monosyllables or one line. He was at a dead end and did not know how to break it. Manjari had made her thoughts on rekindling their relationship noticeably clear on the third day of working together. Neel had been pestering her for the past two days to tell him what he had done to make her so upset. She had refused to even acknowledge his questions and had continued to bury in her work. On the third day, he had followed her and when she had gone to grab some snacks. He had tried to get her to listen to him, to hold her hand and convince her of his love for her. She had looked straight into his eyes when she told him that if there was one man who she never wanted to meet in her life again it was him. She had snatched her hand from his grip and walked away. Neel's heart broke that day. She had said these words without hatred, without anger. It was as if she felt nothing for him.
He had tried again, her name falling from his lips like a plea. But she had shut him off by saying that he was not allowed to take her name so casually. She had been noticeably clear that she did not want anyone to assume that they were familiar because of his casual manner of address. Since then he had maintained his distance. He wondered what she would think of his presence tonight in her department event. Manjari's department was celebrating her birthday and the publishing of one of her books today. He had been invited too. He checked himself in the mirror once more and left.
When he reached the venue, he realized that he was the last one to come. Everyone was already seated and the only spot that was left was next to Prof. Dawson. He sat down and apologized for his tardiness. He congratulated Manjari who just nodded her head at him. It was then he realized that Manjari did not know he was coming. The party had been organized at an Italian joint Monte's Trattoria. The food was excellent and so was the service. The next few hours flew by for Neel who was busy observing Manjari. She was looking elegant as usual in LBD. Tonight, she looked different to him. She seemed more open and was smiling more too. But he knew her well. She was uncomfortable and could not wait for the party to be over. He noticed the tension of her jaws every time their gaze met.
The party wrapped up around 11 pm. Everyone made their way to their cars. Prof. Dawson asked Neel, "How are you going back to the campus, young man?"
"I will take the subway, sir".
"Nonsense. Why don't you go with Manjari? She is dropping Hina who lives near the campus and she can drop you too".
Neel smiled to himself sadly. There were more chances of Manjari running him over with her car than dropping him. He looked at Prof. Dawson who was walking to Manjari and catching up with him said, "It's fine, sir. No problem at all. I do not wish to trouble anyone".
"Are you sure?"
"Yes sir. "
Prof. Dawson did not seem convinced. Regardless, Neel waved to him and started walking to the subway station. His hands were in the pocket of his trousers.
Suddenly he heard someone shout his name, "Neel, NEEL. Over here".
He looked around to find Hina waving madly from Manjari's car. He made his way to her.
"How are you going home?", she enquired.
"Subway", he said. He noted that Manjari kept looking straight.
Manjari could drop you. It is not safe to be by yourself at night.
He looked at Manjari again. Her grip had tightened on the steering wheel.
"No, thanks". he said.
"Oh! come on". Hina insisted. She got off the car and opened the rear door for him. He had no option but to get in.
Hina got into the car again and without a word, Manjari began to drive again.
"Drop me first, Manjari", Hina requested.
Manjari looked at her and just nodded her head.
After Hina go off, Neel took the seat next to Manjari who said the first word of the entire evening t him
"Address?"
He typed his address in her GPS.
September had given way to October which had given way to November. Things between him and Manjari were still at a standstill. She was helping him with his research but never spoke an extra word to him. Like today. He had been tapping his pencil on the table, a sound that he knew irritated Manjari. But she had not said a word. He was wondering what to do next when his phone rang. It was Reeza. He wondered if she could help him. He had not told any of his friends and family that he had met Manjari. He picked up his phone and walked out of the room to speak to Reeza
"Hello."
"Hi"
"How are you? How is your research going?"
"It is good. I have been able to prepare and outline. How are you?"
"I am good too. I miss you."
And just like that, the air between the two became uncomfortable. Neel knew that he could not discuss Mnajri with Reeza. It would only upset her. His heart only beat for Manjari.
They talked for a few more minutes and then he excused himself saying he had to get back to research. When he went back to his table, Manjari was no longer there. She had left, without saying anything to him.
He was still scratching his head in puzzlement when he got a text from her
Cannot meet you for the next couple of days. Busy.