Amy ran to her laptop as she heard that someone was trying to face time her. When she saw the caller ID displayed on the screen ,she rolled her eyes a little. It was Sheldon again. She was starting to get annoyed with him because he wouldn't give her space. It's not that she didn't want to see his face and want to know how he is doing but rather that seeing him brings back all the pain again which she couldn't handle anymore.
She knew it was gonna be hard on both of them but she didn't know how much it would actually hurt until now and she hated it. Just thinking that Sheldon could be feeling how she felt made her want to cry. She accepted the call immediately without even thinking about it ,like a reflex. He didn't say anything like he was expecting her to rant on about how he should give her space .
If he knew it then why would he continue to do it . He grinned just a little bit at the corner of his mouth like it was secret but she caught it. She wondered why he did that . Was it cause he wanted to hear her voice again? Was he happy to see her face again ? Or did he enjoy seeing her in pain ?
She knew the latter was less likely but it was a sharp thought in her head that she couldn't get rid of . Seeing his face again brought back butterflies which she missed so dearly that she forgot the feeling but the overwhelming sickness in her stomach was stronger.
Once she shut the laptop carefully after ending the call ,she took a big sigh again and finally let herself show emotion that she didn't want to show infront of Sheldon. She could feel the tears start to fall and her eyes fell to the dining room table next to the kitchen where they shared so much dinners together.
She remembered the date night where she made his favourite food, spaghetti with little hot dogs cut up in it,and did all of his favourite things to prove to him that he can enjoy spending time with her. She would never forget when the night ended and he was about to go home that he whispered in her ear so softly,"I always enjoy spending time with you . Thank you for tonight.". Her heart skipped a beat and she couldn't help but go red. He never admitted his feelings but that night she was so happy he did say what he did.
Or the night when she pretended to be interested in his big decision on whether to get the Xbox One or PS4. She loved seeing his face twitch a little when she basically yelled at him to pass the butter.
When the shop closed,he didn't end up deciding what he wanted and they sat all those hours there ,she was bored yes and getting a little impatient yes but lying on his shoulder and being able to be close enough to hear him breathe made it worth it.
When she finally got some food in him,she knew how hard it was for him as he struggled to make decisions and always doubted himself so she was very patient with him. Sheldon did notice because once she dropped him home,he kissed her on the cheek,it was a quick peck just to let her know he appreciated what she did and he whispered a thank you as he got out.
Her cheek was tingling a little at just replaying that memory. He grew so much as a person. He still had his faults but he grew more vulnerable to her and trusted her. She appreciated greatly as she knew it was difficult for him to depend on someone else other than himself.
She thought back to when she was intoxicated and she kissed him on that very couch she was sitting on now. She told Sheldon she didn't remember but she remembered it vividly actually,she was just to embarrassed by it in that moment that she lied but she didn't regret kissing him.She had been wanting to do it for a while but the alcohol gave her the courage she needed.
She loved how she could still feel her lips on his ever so slightly even after the kiss was over.
"Fascinating" he said so casually like this happened to him everyday but her stomach did twirls and she didn't understand them until now.
Once she ran to the bathroom to throw up she was angry at the alcohol for ruining the moment but she loved it cause it was the reason it happened anyway. She hugged the toilet so tight so she was ready for next time.
Sheldon came into the bathroom eventually to check up on her, he hated germs and unhygienic things so when he went to hold up her hair as she threw up again in the toilet,it surprised her. He twitched his face quite a bit, he didn't like one second of any of this but he was still there for some reason and he didn't leave.
Once the nausea passed a little she leaned on the wall as her support and let Sheldon know he could go home now and that she was thankful he was there. He decided that was fair enough but he would only go after bringing her a glass of water.
He came into the bathroom carrying a glass of water and he handed it to her gently. He refused to leave until after she drank at least halfway and sat on the edge of the bath until then.
"luckily you won't remember any of this tommorow" he said softly and laughed. When he left as he was satisfied that she drank more than halfway,she smiled and fell asleep in the bathroom.
She could eventually feel the tears that were staining her cheeks again but all the memories were bittersweet. It hurt her because she could never make more with him but she missed them, she wanted to hold them to her heart and never lose them.
She went to the kitchen and alongside the kettle on the stove was the picture of Sheldon on Santa's lap. After everyone went home and he stayed a little longer,he insisted on her putting it there so once she woke up to make her tea ,she would remember him. He said it was so that she wouldn't get so excited to see him every day like she has forgotten his face but she knew that it wasn't the reason. He sat there with his meemaw's cookies that Amy made him and he hugged it so close to him like he was going to lose it.
Once he helped her clean up as that was his favourite part of the party instead of the party itself,they both sat on the couch in silence which Amy didn't mind this time as she knew sometimes Sheldon got overwhelmed by all the emotions and people.
"Thank you for making this Christmas not so bad, Amy. I quite enjoyed your company today." he said as it was now the only noise that filled the room. He gave a small smile to her and that was all she needed. She established that she enjoyed his company also and shared a small kiss before he went home.
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She was distracted by the sudden knock on her door and she was back to reality. She was sad but relieved to. She wiped all tears that ran down her cheek without her even noticing it and looked at her reflection in the microwave just to make sure she was okay .
She walked over to the door and before opening it,her curiosity grew to her now. Who was at the door ? It couldn't be Penny as she said she wanted time to herself today after the whole big fight with Leonard. Could it be Bernadette checking in again? she decided to feed her curiosity and opened the door.
Sheldon was there holding a box to his side. What did he want now ? she asked herself. She fought the urge to hug him in that moment to seek for some familiar comfort, it made her more mad at him because he was here but she couldn't hug him or kiss him.She knew that she was the one that broke it off but seeing him trying to be all nonchalant about the whole break up made her more upset and angry.
He said he wanted to return her things,she just nodded and thought that was reasonable,counting the seconds in her head until he left so she didn't have to give in to quickly, also to help with the butterfly feeling in her stomach mixed with the unwanted pain to.
She took out her scarf and when he remembered the memory that came with it ,she wanted to smile but she decided to list the bad thing about the memory to move on to the next one so he could leave. She has never wanted someone to stay and leave so badly. It was like her two minds were torn and pulling her in both directions.
When she saw the red lacy bra there ,she knew he was trying to pull some sort of ruse.She just carefully pulled it out and asked who it was. For some reason she knew it was just a ruse but there was something in her mind telling her what if it was not ? What if he moved on? Shouldn't she be glad then ? She shook all the unwanted thoughts to the back and continued to see Sheldon try to play like he didn't mean to put it there. It hurt her to see him hurt like this. She could hear his voice crack ever so slightly and he tried to cover it up by speaking a little deeper.
This is why she didn't want to see him because her heart broke constantly seeing him so sad like this. She hated that she had to pretend like it didn't affect her because otherwise Sheldon will be more clueless onto why she broke up with him if she knew she would hurt to. She knew that Sheldon would completely break if he knew that she would rather feel that pain than be with him because he didn't quite understand how break ups work.
Once Sheldon handed her the rest of the box ,knowing his ruse didn't work and he carried Penny's bra which Amy assumed and he left. Amy felt relief but she felt pain to. This was all confusing for her. She didn't know it could hurt this much to love someone. Was it even worth it ? Is the pain worth it ?
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She placed the box on the coffee table and sat on the sofa. She just stared at it for a couple of minutes and wondered if she should go through the rest. Replaying the memories helped a little. It didn't make her heart ache so bad.
As she was contemplating in her mind whether she would go through it or not,her phone rang which was placed next to her laptop. She got up and was hoping that it was but it also wasn't Sheldon. She looked at the caller Id and she was both relieved but also sad at the outcome.
It was Bernadette. She picked up the phone and placed it next to her ear. "Hey Amy , I was wondering if you wanted to do a girl's day today with Penny,seeing that you are both sad right now and need comfort."she said sweetly and gently.
She looked at the box for a while and wondered if maybe she should just be alone. She didn't really feel like going out anyway.
There was silence for a while then eventually Amy said,"yes ,sure I need a distraction.".
Which was true,she decided instead of sitting there feeling in so much emotional pain she was gonna be sick ,she would rather hang out with her friends and at least feel the pain there where they could comfort her little and she can help Penny to.
They were no Sheldon when she needed comfort even though he wasn't good at comforting in the first place,he at least tried and that was the biggest comfort of all, but her friends were pretty good at making her feel better to and she would just have to learn to only not need Sheldon when she was down .
She collected her things and before heading out the door again she looked at the box for a second and agreed that going out is what needs to be done, she then closed the door behind her.
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Thank you so much for reading this far and I hope to see you in the next chapter :)