Kai's been holding her eyes wide, staring at the tip of her sneaker on the ground. Listening to the rain on the roof overhead, splashing against the colorful stained-glass windows in the room.
Just don't cry. Not in front of this guy who's such a celebrity on campus.
Next question...
And next...
The questions vary. Some are stressful. Some go back to being casual.
They're now at Question #22, which they read together:
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
5 Positive characteristics....
Kai looks up and her eyes meet Lukas. His gaze does not leave hers, even while he leans back in his armchair.
So she puts the packet down in her lap.
This whole exercise is already embarrassing, she thinks. But now—
I'm being asked to praise this campus celebrity. The student everyone has a crush on.
Can I pass on this question? she wonders wildly. But then that would seem so rude. Like I don't think he has any... positive traits.
Kai thinks of Lilly, relaxed in their dorm room, avoiding class. Can *I* now drop this class too?
No. The whole point is to get Lilly back on track. There's no way she can quit now.
"OK," Kai says, sharpening up her courage. "I'll start. But: we just met, so my answers are going to be just really surface-level!"
Lukas nods.
"Five things...." Kai's voice trails off. And then she comes up with answers, one by one.
"One. So you're considerate—you asked me if I was cold earlier..."
"Two. You're a master tactician of some kind—or at least that's what other people say..."
Shifting in his chair, Lukas flicks the tip of his nose with one finger.
Am I also imagining this? thinks Kai. Or are his eyes smiling?
"Three... Attention from other students doesn't seem to faze you..." Kai continues.
She thinks some more.
"Four. You're not scared of silence like most people."
Gosh, Kai thinks. Was that a backhanded compliment? Am I really just saying that he's too darn quiet?
Worried that she's actually insulted him, her brain starts to reel.
I need to think of something really nice. To make up for accidentally being mean.
There is one obvious thing, she thinks. His physical body.
How handsome he is.
But... oh, it'd be so embarrassing if I brought that up!
So Kai blurts out,
"Five: You're really...
... tall!"
One of Lukas's eyebrows goes up. Is he smiling? Kai can't quite tell.
"Your turn," she says defiantly.
"We were supposed to alternate," Lukas says. "Seems you can't read instructions."
He adds in a dry tone, "That's clearly not one of your five...."
Her eyebrows go up, confused.
"...Reading instructions—clearly not one of your five positive traits," he explained.
Is he teasing me? she wonders.
In the fireplace behind Lukas, the fire has grown even bigger, even as the rain outside begins hitting the windowpanes with fury.
It's so warm in here, Kai thinks, tugging at her collar around her neck.
She swings one foot back and forth, back and forth. With the tip of her white converse sneaker digging into the moss-colored carpet, she traces an arc of deep green beneath their feet.
Then Lukas suddenly speaks.
"You're loyal," he says.
Kai points to herself, confused.
But Lukas simply continues.
"You're funny."
Kai's confusion grows. Why would he think that?
When has he ever seen me being funny?
Before she can figure anything out, he keeps talking.
"You fight injustice when you're pissed. You have this... warmth when you're happy, like it lights everything up. You're sharp. You go for your goals. You're not like other people. You're not afraid of that. Also, you're.... "
Lukas's voice trails off. But he's looking at her strangely. Almost as if he's swallowing down words that choke him.
Kai's level of self-consciousness has now reached that highest layer of the stratosphere that has no more air.
Is he going to say something about my looks.... oh, please, please no...
"It's ok," she rushes to respond. "We can move on to the next question."
But Lukas just puts his hand up and points at her. His expression has changed now, and there's a impish smile on his face.
"I was going to say: you're... also tall."
It's as if a dam bursts. Tension floods away.
"I'm five-seven!" protests Kai. "Not that tall, hey? Don't make it sound like I'm a freak!!"
And she can't help it but laugh now. With that moment gone, they continue.
This exercise is so overwhelming and invasive that she doesn't notice to a tiny corner of her brain trying to get her attention. The tiny corner of her brain that's whispering:
But... but... Something's strange .... The instructions said... 5 positive things... 5 things... The instructions said to list a total of 5 things... not more....
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