"Be still and know that I am with you" Psalm 46:10.
Walking down to the front of the hall, a row behind the first seats, I couldn't shake off the feeling that I was being watched. A couple of girls looked at me, then to their phone, and back to me. I took a tentative step and turned sharply when I heard them say "that's her." They immediately looked away and kept mute. As I settled into my seat far away from Jernora as possible, they continued to talk in hushed voices. I caught Jernora staring at me. While the eyes of those girls held mockery, hers held a sympathy that I couldn't understand. I turned back to my notes, staring at its empty pages. My mind kept drifting to what I thought was an imagination. Did Jernora really mouth the words, I'm sorry?
Kayode didn't return to his place the night before. I went crazy with worry, dialing his number severally but he never picked. The thought of him being in trouble scared me. My heart would break if anything had happened to him. I felt better in his home. Our first night made me feel like he needed me more than I did. The Knowledge that someone truly needed, cared and loved me gave life to my heart as I recalled his last sentence— I was the best thing that ever happened to him.
I had found home. The words wrapped themselves around my heart. Dialed once more. It rung twice before he picked. My heartbeat tripled at the sound of his gruff voice. At least he was not in trouble.
"Kayode!" I sounded like an excited puppy.
"Hey," He said in a dull tone.
"You didn't come home last night. I was scared and worried. I thought you were in danger after several calls but you didn't pick. I hope nothing was wrong. Are you okay?" I finally slowed down.
"Yes."
"Where are you?"
"My place."
"Do you want me to meet you now?"
"No."
I gnawed my lips, trying to suspend the feeling of anxiety that crept on me.
"Is everything alright?"
He let out a frustrated sigh. "See, I'm busy right now. Call me later."
"Are you—
I dismissed the bitter way I felt. At least he was okay. He's probably not in the mood to talk. Thankfully, a lecturer walked in.
I got to my dorm room to get the last of my things and move into Kayode's apartment. Jernora was on her knees by her bedside uttering prayers to God.
"God, please let your presence be with Donyen. She's the only sister I have."
Jernora wasn't aware of my presence until I shut the door. She stopped in her prayers and turned to me. I expected her to be angry for not calling or talking to her since the day I left. What she did next almost knocked the air out of my lungs. She embraced me as though I was the prodigal son returning home. I let my hands remain still beside me. She shifted and I noticed her eyes glistened with tears. She sniffed loudly and wrapped her arms around me again.
"Thank God. You're okay." Her voice was croaked from her crying. I couldn't help wondering what she was thanking God for. I wasn't in any accident.
She pulled away but kept her eyes on me.
"I'm sorry, I didn't stop you from going. I'm very sorry, Don."
This meant I wasn't imagining things in class. I had been left in the dark long enough.
"Why are you sorry? What are you talking about?" I knew I sounded frustrated but I couldn't help it. If she didn't explain in the next few minutes, I might lose it.
The look of surprise on Jernora's face didn't bring any comfort. At first, her eyes shot wide open, then, they fell and I couldn't help feeling the twinge of sadness that surfaced in her pool of tears.
"You don't know?" It was a conclusion. Not a question.
"What are you talking about, Nora?"
She grabbed her phone from her bed and kept tapping and swiping. Then, she stopped. Slowly, she stretched the phone to me.
When I took it, it finally dawned on me why Jernora was in tears. Why everyone was staring. My feet felt like they would give way under me.
It's a lie. He couldn't have done this.
But the evidence stared at me fighting down the lies I tried to tell myself. I wouldn't believe he did it until I heard it from him.