Thank you @kani.hahaha for the cute poster - love it & your username too!
Chapter 86: Spirit
We all show up to school with such different problems. No one really knows what's going on with anyone else, because we don't even know what's going on with ourselves.
Lucky are those who have friends to lean on and family to support them.
Optimism.
And maybe a little spark of spirit to give me... well, spirit.
I sat in my car, parked under the tree where birds like to sit and sh*t on anything under it. I need to let out some steam. Things have been so intense lately and I don't know how to understand my own emotions. My mom didn't leave much behind, but she did leave alcohol.
I opened the glove compartment in my car and pulled out the little bottle I swiped from the kitchen counter this morning. I had tried this once before on my way to Dubai, but never followed through.
8AM might be too early to drink for some people, but isn't it 5 o'clock somewhere? I toast to that.
And to my mom for teaching me such healthy values.
**
I walked out of the bathroom and down the busy hallway, looking at the hyper active people around me. I kept moving, before spotting Luke.
He had his backpack slung over his right shoulder as he leaned against his locker. He was wearing black trousers and low top sneakers and I really enjoyed staring at him from behind.
When I see Luke at school, surrounded by his friends, it's easy to forget how close we were yesterday. Easy to forget that he's going through his own problems under the surface.
"Do you have a breath mint?" I asked Luke, tapping him on the shoulder from behind. My hand lingered on his shoulder.
"A what?" Luke turned around and his expression brightened as he leaned down to kiss me.
I kept my lips firmly stuck together, so he wouldn't get any whiff of the alcohol on my breath or taste in my mouth.
He pulled back, finding that kiss terrible. I don't blame him.
"A breathing mint for the mouth," I mumbled, adding another word to help my meaning, "cleaning."
Luke gave me a weird look. Chad though, pulled out some gum from his back pocket and handed it to me. Austin was smiling.
I thanked Chad and popped a piece into my mouth, chewing it. I chewed and chewed and looked back at Luke.
He was still looking at me.
"Are you drunk?" he asked.
I almost choked on the gum. Austin's smile grew wider.
"It was a little drop," I said, raising my thumb and index finger so they were only a teeny weenie bit apart.
After a second of thought, I reconsidered. I slowly widened the gap as I had to admit to myself that the little drop had been a little bit bigger.
"OK," Luke said, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the others.
"Where are we going? What are you doing? Heeeeerp," I complained, trying to scrape his fingers off me.
"Lighten up, Luke," Austin called out after us, "Millie, are you going to share your stash so we can all get in on the fun?"
"Austin," Luke replied in a warning tone.
"Oooooh," I mocked, looking over my shoulder at Austin, "You're in trouble."
Austin watched me go with a smile on his face, "Oh no, Mills. I think you are."
I didn't even notice Luke open a door until he pulled me inside.
**
The door slammed shut and all the noise from the hallway disappeared. Instead, it was replaced by white walls and flushing sounds.
I didn't need to use the bathroom. I just came out of one.
"Get out," Luke told a guy washing his hands.
The guy was taken aback. He nodded and quickly left, leaving the tap half on.
I went to close the tap while Luke rapped his fist on a closed stall, "Out!"
How was he going to force the guy in there to hurry? But I heard scrambling sounds and a flush.
I really didn't want to be in the boy's bathroom. It smells bad.
The bathroom stall door swung open and a freshman stumbled out, buckling his belt. He scurried outside and I felt so bad... and then disgusted because he hadn't washed his hands.
Luke turned back to me and twisted the tap I had just closed. Water came spraying out.
"I can't believe we're doing this right now," he muttered and pointed at the tap, "Wash your face."
I scowled at him, "Can you try being nicer, please?"
Sometimes, Luke can be the arrogant jerk I met last summer. Moments like these give me evil satisfaction that I ran over his laptop.
Twice.
I'm evil.
"It's nine AM, Millie," Luke said, "Why are you drunk in the morning?"
I commented sadly, "You called me Millie."
Luke didn't respond, and his silence worried me more than his words ever could. I wasn't drunk!
So I tried to prove it to him. "Look, I can walk straight and hop on one leg-"
I started hopping around the boy's bathroom in front of an un-entertained Luke, when the door opened.
And Jake walked in.
Jake stopped at the doorway and Austin and Chad's voices were audibly telling him not to go inside. Jake looked from Luke to me. I stopped hopping and lowered my leg.
Jake raised his hands in the air and said, "I'm not even going to ask."
He walked back out.
Luke sighed and pressed his hands against the sink. He couldn't even look at me. "Millie, I know you're going through a lot right now, but this doesn't fix anything. We've had this conversation in Dubai-"
"I'm not drunk, Luke!" I exclaimed, not understanding why he was exaggerating the situation, "And Dubai was different. There was so much-"
"Yeah, in Dubai I accepted part of the blame. Here it's all you, Millie," Luke argued, before stopping and taking a step back, "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Can you please wash your face?"
I was shocked at what he had just said and slowly lowered my head. I cupped my hands and let the water build up before splashing it on my face.
"Please don't be disappointed," I said.
"I'm not," he answered, "I'm the last person who can judge you, Millie, I just... I just don't get it, that's all."
That sounded a lot like disappointment to me. But I didn't say it.
**
The bathroom door opened after the bell rang. The hallway was empty, and everyone had gone to class. Almost everyone.
Austin, Chad and Jake were still waiting outside.
I felt so stupid to think I could've gotten away with this. I should've stayed away from Luke this morning. I should've enjoyed my merry, tipsy morning far away from Mr I-wake-up-at-six-to-exercise and I-treat-my-body-like-a-temple Dawson.
I still don't get what the big deal was. Why couldn't I take the edge off one, single time?
"Millie and I have English, so we should..." Jake's sentence trailed off as he looked at Luke for a reaction.
He expected some kind of comment, but no one responded.
Austin and Chad stood between us, wondering what to do in this tension. We hadn't gone through this before.
"I think," Austin said, not wanting me to blame myself, "He's worried because he's gone through worse before. With me."
We all stared at Austin, surprised he would say that out loud.
And Luke, who'd been listening to us, finally said, "I don't want things to fall apart, Millie."
**
~English class~
Mrs Hathaway was talking to the class and then a lot of page shuffling happened. I placed my book on the table for Jake and I to share as usual, but I didn't open it. What's the point? I didn't even hear the page number.
Jake looked at me, reaching over and opening the book to the right page.
He muttered, "I always thought this class was too dull to get through sober."
I gave him a weak smile and stared ahead.
"Millie," Jake cleared his throat, keeping his voice down, "If you want to pretend like you're looking at the teacher, you should look at the teacher."
He rotated my head to the left.
I had been staring at the board, where Mrs Hathaway was standing. But she had moved to her desk now. I hadn't even noticed.
"Are we supposed to be doing something right now?" I asked Jake.
"Good question," he said, pen in hand, "Usually you're the one to tell me. I don't pay attention in this class otherwise."
I looked down, seeing the black cursive he was writing in his notebook, "Then what are you writing?"
"A song."
"Can I ask what inspired you?" I asked.
It was just yesterday that he'd given up. He managed to change circumstance in a day.
"You."
"Really?" I asked, feeling not so great about that. His last song hadn't hit the best tone.
"Was it the lyrics I sent you?" I asked hopefully.
He chuckled, "Maybe I'll play it to you one day."
"Really?" I asked, smiling, "With what guitar?"
"Ouch," he bowed his head, "Savage."
**
~After school~
I walked down the hallway and my phone vibrated.
The text was from Cearra. I ignored the disappointing feeling in my stomach as I opened it:
Get to the weights room NOW. It's Luke.
A/N: What does Cearra mean??? Any guesses??? Shoutout to @Rowlat who wrote an actual SONG in the comment section of the last chapter lol
Next update will be next Thursday! Please vote on this chapter to give me that motivation to get typing ✰
And I just posted another anonymous confession on IG. Curious to know your thoughts on the question below - is your life as dramatic as Wattpad haha?
See ya soon!
<3 Natalie