Sarah POV:
As Chase and I head upstairs I felt some relief that they would be ok. But I couldn't help but just want to cry, and I hated it. My doctor told me to stop fighting what I felt and hiding it from others and it sucked. It sucked because now all I felt was loneliness which I knew I wasn't alone, fear over how everything will be and change out of my control, and sadness. I felt pure sadness and I knew I had so much to be grateful and happy about but I was so stuck in what I lost. I lost and went through so much and never stopped to heal and moved on from it and that it was breaking me. I wanted to just hide and sob my heart out and then cry even more. I curled into myself as I looked out the window, I see my reflection in the glass and flinch back. I looked almost as horrible as I felt, and that made me feel even worse. I didn't want to leave the house anymore, I almost didn't even want to ride at the moment and that terrified me. All I wanted was to be me again, be me and be the mother that I wanted to be for my son, be the best lover I could be to the love of my life. But I couldn't right now and at that thought tears start pouring down my face as I silently sob.
Shaking my head I head to the bed and lay down, wrapping myself up in the blankets and tried to melt into the bed itself. After a while I hear the door open and close, telling me Chase had gotten Jace down for a nap finally. I felt him lay down next to me, I uncover my face a bit to see him looking at me in mild amusement. It made me crack a smile as I imagine how funny I looked. I wiggled closer to him and he pulled some of the blankets away only to wrap them around both of us. Once we were covered in them we both looked at each other and giggled. Leaning our foreheads together I lightly kiss his lips and whisper,
"Thanks for taking the day off of training to be there. It meant a lot to me."
He wiggled his arms around my waist and rested a hand on my hip, rubbing the bone with his thumb and whispers back,
"You don't have to thank me, I wanted to be there for you, and to find out how I could help you heal. I'm here love, I'm here and I'm not going anywhere."
My eyes water as I feel actual pure happiness for the first time in what felt like years. I lean forward and kiss him soundly, he cups the sides of my face with one hand and the other moves to my lower back. His hands spreads out across my lower back and pushed against it bringing me flush against him. I felt something wet on my face making me pull back slightly to see him crying. I reach up and wipe his tears away and ask,
"What's wrong baby? You can talk to me."
He shakes his head slightly and smiles at me and says,
"Nothing is wrong, it's just that kiss right there felt exactly like our first. Before shit hit the fan, it just gives me hope. Hope that we will get through this and be stronger than ever."
I look at him wide eyed as I start to feel warm, warm and not cold and empty like I had been lately. Without thinking I fling myself into him, we spent the next hour tangled up in each other, just kissing and holding onto each other. As we start to fall asleep I say,
"You are my everything, and I don't want you to feel burdened but you are. You and Jace are what keep me going, are my world. And I know we haven't talked about it but your dad brought it up. At some point I do want to make us official, and be Sarah Sexton. If you want that to I mean, if not I will be happy to just be here with our family."
He stares at me and suddenly sits up and runs to the closest. I sit up looking confused as he grabs something and comes back to me. Pulling me up to my feet and pulling me close as he lays his forehead on mine and softly says,
"Your right, we haven't talked about that. But that doesn't mean I hadn't thought about it. I knew you were special from the moment I came into the building at the track and saw you. I just had to get to know you and I did. While I did get to know you I fell for you, fell for you hard and fast. You are the only girl that could distract me from training. But that was only because I was in awe. When you are on your bike it's amazing to watch, your so smooth and precise and it is breathtaking. And when I finally got you to be mine I was so happy. I didn't care about your past, I only cared about the person you are now. But when we found out you were pregnant I was scared, scared that I had ruined everything for you. But when I saw you, the strongest person I know try, try and end it I had never hated myself more. But everything calmed down and we were happy, till I lost my mind and we lost one of our babies. At some point between holding you as you were bleeding out and you were in surgery I was hit with the fact that you were it. You were my everything in this life. And I couldn't imagine a life without you in it. It was then I knew I had to make you mine completely. So a few days after you got out of the hospital I got the ring, but I never got a chance to ask you with everything going on. So now I do."
My eyes were completely open wide as I look at him in shock. I watch as he gets down on one knee and asks,
"So will you make me the most luckiest man that's ever walked this earth and marry me?"
I swallow and try to speak but I was to choked up, so I nodded my head as the tears start pouring down my face as I smile. He slips a beautiful ring onto my finger. Standing up and picking me up he spins me around. I felt almost whole again, like this was all I needed. The rest of the night was amazing. And I couldn't wait to tell everyone and start planning everything. For once I felt like a normal girl who was into this kind of thing, and it made me laugh. We both already agreed it would be small as we both weren't into big gatherings of people funny enough. I already said I want the colors to be blues, silver and black and I wasn't backing down from that. He agreed as long as we ride away on his bike, which I was fine with. Both of us wanted a casual wedding, with nice jeans and button ups. We both hated formal attire, but I'd still wear a dress.
Next thing we knew was it was three in the morning and Jace was whimpering. I get up and walk to his room and pick him up, he went quiet and gurgled at me making me snicker. I kiss his forehead as I slowly rock him while heading to the kitchen to make a bottle for him. As I get to the bottom of the stairs I notice the tv was still on, walking over there I notice Layla curled up to Jett who had one arm around her and one hand holding Rhys on his chest. I quietly grabbed Layla's phone off the table and take a picture, knowing she would love it later and I also sent it to me. After that I enter the kitchen and bounce Jase on my hip and grab a pre made bottle and put it in the bottle warmer. As we wait I quietly tickle Jace so he would stay looking at me and not start crying and wake the three up. After about a minute I check and the bottle was ready. I quietly walk up the stairs and back into Jaces room and feed him. A few seconds later Chase walks and asks softly,
"Was he just hungry?"
I nod my head as Jace starts to fight sleep and wants to keep eating. I answer Chase,
"Yeah, and he was such a good boy about being quiet when we were downstairs. I really need to show you the photo I took, the three of them are adorable."
He smiles and nods, he leans down and kisses our son's forehead and whispers,
"If he was quiet then he most definitely takes after his mommy, because I've heard stories from when I was a baby and I wasn't ever as quiet as him."
I snicker under my breath and whisper while taking the now empty bottle away,
"Well I am incredibly grateful he didn't take after you in that way then"
He just snorts at me and gently takes Jace from me to burp him for me. I lean against the wall and watch at just how amazing he was with our son. It made my heart melt seeing my boys together. I could see them doing everything together when he gets older, he already looks up to him and Chase would go to the ends of the earth for him. He finally gets him asleep and gently lays him down and moves some of his sandy blonde hair out of his face. As he turns to walk towards me and I whisper,
"We really are gonna have our hands full with the ladies when he gets older aren't we?"
He chuckles softly as he guild's me to our room and says,
"I agree, he looks way to much like his gorgeous momma after all."
My face turns red and I duck my face down so my hair covers my face and mutters,
"I think you got it backwards. He looks like you and is even acting like you, and that's the only reason."
I feel him gently grab my chin and tilt my head up and leans down so we were eye to eye and says softly yet sternly,
"Sarah, quite being so hard on yourself. Your the most stunning woman I've ever set my eyes on. You have given me a wonderful son, you should never be ashamed of who you are ok?"
I nod my head and say,
"I promise to try and think better of myself ok? I really will, but it's just so hard sometimes."
He let's go of my chin and pulls me into a hug and says into my hair,
"I know, and you have been trying. You have gotten way better at opening up to me and letting me in. If you could do that you can do this. I believe in you sweetheart."
I smile and nod my head and yawn,
"Thank you. Now can we go to bed? I need some sleep."
He just chuckles and leads me to bed, and as we go to sleep we both had smiles on our faces. As we wake up the next morning to the sound of Jace being up we groan. I roll over onto my stomach and bury my face into the pillow and whine,
"I don't wanna get up, and you can't make me!"
I feel Chase bury his face in between my shoulder blades and mutter,
"I don't want to either. But one of us has too."
We don't move for a minute but then I hear Jett through the baby monitor and relax. I flip my head so I could somewhat see Chase and mutter,
"I knew there was a reason I loved that kid."
He just nodded and snuggled closer to me before sighing in content. He was drifting off to sleep when I say,
"I had a really weird but sweet dream last night."
He turns his head to the said and hms is question making me continue,
"So we were a bit older, maybe 3 years or so, and I had retired from professional racing because I had gotten pregnant again. But with twins, a boy and a girl. And Jace was already a known racing kid on 50s at 4 years old and our life was crazy and just all over the place but we were so happy. And that gives me hope, a lot of hope in myself and us."
As I talked I could feel him sit up a bit and pay attention, but when I got to the twins part he stiffened and curled around me protectively. And I knew he was reliving that nightmare all over again. And while the me in the dream was nervous about it all she believed everything would be fine, and I felt myself feeling that too. After a bit he finally spoke up,
"Honestly that sounds amazing. I would love to have more children with you at some point later on. But I know if you do end up with twins again I will literally be watching your every move. I will probably be way to overbearing but your gonna have to deal with it, ok?"
I feel a rather big ping of pain at the thought of possibly going through all that again and I shakily whisper,
"I wouldn't blame you, hell I'd be crazy protective of the babies myself. I'd probably be so overwhelmed with worry to do anything that could somehow harm them. I don't think I could go through that again and come out even close to ok again."
I was shaking slightly when he sat up and brought me into his lap and held me. He leaned down and whispered into my hair,
"It's ok to cry about it Sarah. You don't have to be strong for me all the time."
And for the first time since I cried in the hospital I finally let go. I sobbed for losing my beautiful baby, for the pain it all caused, just for everything. I have no idea how long we sat there but when I finally started to calm down my face was tender from all the tears. As he lays us back down and curl into him with my face in his neck and whisper,
"I think I could have twins though, only if I had you by my side."
He kisses the crown of my head and softly says,
"Forever and always, I'll be here."
I smile and say back,
"Forever and always huh? That doesn't sound to bad."
And with a laugh we fell back asleep for a bit longer, and we dreamed of a future that could be ours.