AN: I advice you to play the song that on the side while reading this chapter. (there is a part here where you will be promted to play it) I hope it would have the same effect that it did on me (aka as intense devastation and nearly close to sobbing). If you can't play it the title is "To Build A Home by Cinematic Orchestra"
ZAYN'S POV
It has been two miserable days since I was allowed to go out of my hospital room. I wasn't released yet, none of us were. The moment I stepped out my room, I thought I would feel elated, feel free. But as I took my first step, all I could feel was nervousness and grief as I made my way to room 419. It was because I can not face my best lad laying there with the a machine keeping him alive.
I managed to make it to his room. Any other sights inside blurred in my vision, all I could see was him.
He wasn't alive; he was hanging on.
In the room were tons of flowers, balloons and fruits. In the room, you could feel the sense of care for him. As I took another step, my presencse was felt by the other people in the room. Her mom, Anne, who looked tired perked up and pulled herself up from the chair to give me a warm smile and a warmer embrace.
"Zayn. Really -- genuienly glad to see you." She said as she burried her head in my shoulders. I could feel the sleeves of my hospital gown being drenched in hot tears, but I let her do so. She didn't say any thing else after we detached from our embrace. Instead, he stroked my hair, the way mother's do, and she looked at me with those glossy eyes that only had one thing they want to see ; Harry's smile.
When she sat down, I saw another figure in the room wearing a similar outfit of mine. I know who it was in a heart beat. Her back is turned on me as she was facing Harry. She was sitting down, her back hunched a little, her hair into a messy pony tail and her skin pale as ever. As I walked around I saw her frail fingers soothing Harry's immobile ones. I finally got a good look of her face, it looked as exauhsted as it was two days ago. But this time, it was like her soul was gone as well.
For a moment, I wished that that was me laying their unconscious so she'd do the same to me. But I mentally slapped myself, thinking how foolish I am.
Her head shifted to me. "Zayn."
"Audrey."
She put on a weak smile and faced Harry. "Harry, wake up. Zayn is here already." She said trying to smile but tears were tempting to fall down anytime soon.
But Harry just laid there, with the beeping of the monitor as his only response. At least, he was still responding. That, I was thankful for.
I grabbed a chair and sat across Audrey. I studied her face, as she was studying Harry. It was full of longing, desperation and it pained me to see it.
I looked at Harry. "Buddy, it's only been two days but .. " I paused to choke on my tears. " .. I fucking miss you like hell."
A chuckle accompanied by a sign of sobbing escaped from Audrey.
I faced him again. "She misses you, so bad."
From the corner of my eye, I saw Anne standing up and answering a call outside of the room. That played good in my favor, for now, infront of Audrey and Harry I can finally say it.
"I -- I know you can hear me. And I am sorry that I am only telling you this now. Now when .. " I can't even continue that sentence as I hear Audrey sob by his side, listening to what I had to say to his boy.
"Harry, you need to wake up. If not for me, if not for the band, please do for this amazing girl who is by your side. She could have chosen anyone in the world, and she chose you bud. You." I said. I don't know where this is coming from, or where I had the courage to tell him this
"I love her, and I had to let her go because she loves you. So please, I don't want to move on knowing that I left her alone. Please, don't fucking leave her. Please, please wake up."
I didn't notice that I was furiously shaking his hand until Audrey put her hands on mine telling me to stop.
I lowered my head in embarassment as I started to let go of Harry's hand. "I'm sorry it's just -- "
"I know." She whispered.
"I don't want to see you like this." I whispered back.
She closed her hands and gripped my hand tighter. "Same goes for you Zayn. Same goes for you."
"I'm scared." I suddenly said out of the blue.
"Why?" She asked.
I felt selfish for saying this, but if never do I don't think I will be able to go on. "I'm scared that even though I say I am okay, I know I will never be."
She stayed still, her gaze on me. I don't want this to make it difficult for her, but I need to start thinking of myself too.
Our heads both turned to the door the moment we heard it squeek. In came a nurse holding a medium sized carton box with the lid half open. Scribbled on the side was Harry's name with his room number.
"Is Mrs. Anne Cox here?" She asked the both of us.
Audrey's hand retracted from mine as she soothed out her crumpled hospital gown. "I think she answered a phone call outside."
The nurse nodded and set the box down on the couch. "Well then, I'll just leave this here."
Audrey's eyebrows furrowed. "What's in that?"
The nurse flipped her clipboard before answering, "The police are done asking for statements of the witnesses, so they released the objects found on the scene of the crime. This was found in Harry's clothing and car two nights ago."
I saw her body stiffen and her eyes wide open, darting that box. Slowly she stood up and made her way to the couch. Her hands lightly grazed over the lid of the box.
"May I?" She asked the nurse.
The nurse nodded and stepped aside giving her some room. So delicately she removed the lid and placed it on the side. Her back is turned on me, so I really couldn't see her reaction. For a minute, she just stood there looking inside, not even dipping her hands in.
But finally, we heard a gasp from her.
Her pale white arms reached in and pulled out the object that very much symbolizes their love. Something that I had to accept belonged to them for it was something they share.
A mixtape.
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AUDREY'S POV
I was having second thoughts if I even wanted to see what's inside. I fear that something in me would shatter. But I couldn't help it. I need something from him that would make me feel as if his prescence was felt.
From the top view, I was just looking on what's inside. I see his leather wallet, a scarf, his beanie, his favorite orange mint tic tac, car keys and .. I gasped. I did not expect to see this all. I knew something was up that night. I wasn't buying the whole muffine excuse.
My hand reached in and pulled out a mixtape. All I could think about was finding a stereo to play this. I want to hear his voice. I need to hear his voice.
I clutched the mixtape in my hand as if someone was attempting to steal it from me. I faced the nurse who was curiously eying me. "Um, do you by any chance have a player for this?"
She nodded. "Yes, by the nurses station. I'll go get it."
I insisted that I'd be the one to get it, but she kindly refused. "Honey, I got this." And she went out.
I looked at the mixtape again, grazing my fingers over it. Of all the mixtapes, only this one had something written on top of it.
"To Build A Home"
It said on top. What must that mean?
"He is a man of surprises, isn't he? In any state." Zayn chuckled, interrupting my thoughts.
I nodded and smiled at him. "I guess he is."
He went back looking at Harry. "Zayn, thank you for that night. I am beyond grateful."
He then stood up and made his way to me. "I am bound to protect you. Natural instinct." He teased.
I giggled. "I hate being the damsel in distress."
He shrugged. "Well, I hate being the drunkard."
We laughed knowing that what he said was true. But our laughter easily died down, knowing that a few feet from us, a boy that we all love is fighting for his life.
"I am sure he is telling his body to wake up already. He can't stand you being like this." Zayn uttered.
"I wish I could have chanaged things." I mumbled to Zayn's chest.
As I lifted my head, our eyes made contact and that electrifying feeling is still present. "Me too. Maybe more than what you want to change."
The door squeaked again and incame the nurse with a portable stereo. I tore my gaze away from Zayn and flashed a smile and thanked the nurse.
Zayn patted my shoulder. "I better go. And I do fancy some fresh air."
"No, stay."
He chuckled. "And what? Let my heart shatter into pieces?" He coldy said which took me by surprise. But I couldn't blame him. The only person I could blame was myself. Stupid, stupid self.
"And besides, this is something the two of you specially share, okay?" He said.
"I'm sorry." I blurted out, keeping my gaze away from him.
Then his arms slithered around my ribs and I felt my body being pulled towards him. I gulped and closed my eyes when I felt a hot kiss being planted on my forhead. "Never be sorry for loving someone, Audrey. Never."
My body started to notice the absence of his arms. When I opened my eyes, he was gone. All that's left in the room was me, Harry and a mixtape.
-------
I gently placed the mixtape in the stereo. Before pressing play, I looked over Harry and a thousand emotions flowed into me.
First was guilt, because even if they say otherwise, I know this is all my fault. If I haven never entered their life, nobody would be in the position they are in right now. Harry, would be his youthful free spirited self, not laying down on a hospital bed. Second was devastation and miserableness. I mean, who wouldn't be. Harry and I could have just had a wonderful evening that night, but instead this tragedy took place. Third was loneliness. It felt like my whole world was taken away from me is being dangled infront of me but clearly out of my reach. That's what seeing Harry in flesh but knowing he is really not here feels like.
I pressed the play button and piano keys started to play. A very familiar tune. And the it hit me.
It was "To Build A Home by Cinematic Orchestra"
I sat down on the chair by Harry's side and held his hand. Then I found myself starting to talk to him. "Well, an interesting choice for the first track. You usually go for something jumpy."
Then I noticed the music starting to hush while it was still playing.
"Hey there." Harry's voice boomed from the stereo.
His voice sent shivers down my spine. I missed him more. I miss the stories, the songs, the laughter that came out from his mouth with that voice of his.
I found this odd since he would always talk just before the last track.
"This one's a special mix, since you know, tonight was special." He said and I sat there so confused not knowing what was supposed to ha --
"I mean, now you are officially my girl friend, right? I mean you must be since I'll only give you this tape if you said yes which I hope you will and yeah I'm mumbling again aren't I?"
And then the tears went streaming down my face as I held Harry hands tighter than earlier. I couldn't stop sobbing knowing. I felt like my heart was shot multiple times and my stomach was dropped. He was supposed to ask me to be his girlfriend that night. And it didn't happen. How I wish it did.
"So, this tape will only have one track and you have to bear with my voice since I will talking the whole way through." He said then paused.
"Remember the speech I told earlier?"
"No you didn't because I didn't get the chance to hear it you doofus." I cried out to him.
"Well of course you must because it happened just a while ago. But .. from a year from now, would you? How about two years from now? Five years? A decade later? Would you remember those exact words? If you would, then wow some memory you have." He chuckled.
"But if not, or if you just want to relive that day, because I know I surely do want to relive the moment you say yes, just pop in this tape and you'll hear it all over again. Yes, I recorded it and yes I wrote this speech because I want to be perfect for you."
I kissed Harry's hand as I continued to cry.
"Okay, let's do this. Let me start by saying, I love you Audrey Brooks."
"I love how I fell for you as each day passed by. I love how I feel empty if I don't get to see you or talk to you. I love how you have this pull on me. I love how you made me write this thing and recording it right now! I love how you made me feel all these things, these things I thought I could never feel. I love you for who you are, and who you are bound to be in the future. I just hope that it's with me."
The background music was not helping at all with the flood of emotions that are hitting me right now.
"I love you too Harry. I love you." I said to him shaking his hand wishing that at this moment he would wake up and say from his lips that he loves me.
"Still not convinced? Well hold on Audrey Brooks, I am not done." I imagined him smirking as he said that.
"Listen to the music playing. To Build A Home, it says. Crazy as this may sound, but I can see us building a home together. I can see us doing many things, hopping on wild adventures, making most of our youth and taking on the future. And, I can only see these with you in the picture. Nobody else, but you."
His heavy breathing then became present in the tape. "Lastly, I don't want to simply be in love with you. I want to stay in love with you, forever. And I'm hoping, you want the same."
"Audrey Brooks, will you be my build a home with me and be my girlfriend?"
I closed my eyes and let the tears roll down. I had no plans on stopping it seeing as it was impossible. I then crept up until my head was near Harry's head. I leaned down and kissed him on his forhead. I then slid down to the side of his face, and burried my head in his pillow sobbing away. I could feel his curly hair hitting my nose as I continued to stay there.
I brought my lips closer to his ear. Before I even said anything, I wished hard that he could hear me. I really did. "Yes, Harry. I would love to build a home with you, and only you."
I ran my hand through his curls and wished that he would do that cute face that he puts on everytime I do that.
"I love you."
"And this is the part when you say yes." His voiced continued on the tape. He let out a small chuckle afterwards.
"So there, word for word, in this tape. So if you miss me, which I think you won't because we'll probably be touring together in the future, but just incase, just listen to this."
He let out a sad chuckle and wiped a few of my tears away.
"Harry, please wake up." I whispered in his ear.
"And Audrey? As if I haven't said this enough but.."
I knew what was coming next. I wanted to hit the stop button, not wanting to feel hurt anymore. Not wanting to feel helpless. But I knew I can't. Because I needed to hear this as much as possible.
"I love you."
The tape stopped and only the sound of my sobs enveloped the room. I planted a soft kiss on his lips that I wish would have kissed me back.
"Promise me that you'd wake up." I said as my hot breath hit his mouth.
But all that answered me was that steady beeping on his heart monitor.