CHAPTER SEVEN
butterfly's repose — part one
" 𝖆 𝖜𝖆𝖛𝖊 𝖔𝖋 𝖗𝖆𝖌𝖊. "
𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐇𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐀 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍. The thrill of escaping was fun while it lasted, and Remus Lupin's words of reassurance that they would not get in further trouble after breaking out of detention were useful for about two hours afterward, but even then, they died out by the time she got back to the Ravenclaw tower and into bed. It was sweet of him, and Selene still deems their breakout to be justified in all terms, but she just didn't believe him after a while.
Note to self: never get involved with all four Marauders at once ever again.
But as surprising as it was, Professor McGonagall was no longer on her trail, and half a day later, she hadn't had any further punishment after loopholing her detention. Still, she wasn't going to take her chances, and she had already broken way too many rules, this early on into the school year, for her liking — so no more Marauders. Remus maybe, but even he wasn't a very good influence.
With the full moon looming, Selene was starting to get the effects of it. General sickness, worse moods, tiredness. It was but a week until she would have to face the werewolf version of herself, back at school, for the first time in two months. All she could do was hide her hysteria, and get on with life as if Lycanthropy is a mystery to her.
Stifling a yawn, Selene trudged to the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom, on the other side of the castle from the Ravenclaw tower, already preparing for the day to be a bad one.
She approached the train of students all filing into the classroom — it's a Gryffindor-Ravenclaw mix today — but before she got her chance to slip inside behind her classmate, she was cut off by a bright-eyed James Potter.
He slipped in the doorframe next to her, restricting her access into the room, and to her surprise, flashed a toothy-grin in her direction, as if to apologize, "Mornin' Selene," he chimed.
Sirius Black strode up behind him next, taking James' place as the seeker went to find his seat, "Top of the morning to ya," he tipped his head and followed James in.
Selene hadn't any time to reply, still stuck frozen in the doorway, when Peter Pettigrew appeared in front of her. It was like a chain of Marauders. "Hello," he muttered sweetly, before strolling of behind Sirius to find his own seat.
And just when Selene believed she had caught her breath, the last Marauder walked up to the door, and stood, waiting beside her. Remus Lupin stretched out an arm and gestured for her to lead. "Ladies first," he said. He had his bag strung over his chest and resting on his shoulder. His hair, still floppy and cute. His eyes, chocolate, and warm, and yet droopy and sunken, as though he had gotten as little sleep as Selene had the previous night. And his scars, as defined as always and as mysterious as ever.
Selene smiled back, "Why thank you," she uttered gratefully, as she stepped inside the rowdy classroom, and the pair casually ambled to their seats at the front of the class — Selene's on the front row, and Remus' conveniently just a seat behind, and a row to the right.
"You had any trouble from McGonagall?" he asked, as the pair slid into their seats, their heavy books clunking onto the wood of their desks loudly.
Selene swiveled her legs so they hung over the side of her chair, and she twisted to talk to him. "No why, have you?"
Remus winced. "Yup," he said a lot less offended than Selene would have imagined since she just told him she hadn't received any kind of punishment when he had. "She pulled me aside when she walked the boys and Lily back from detention," he weakly motioned to the three Marauders sat behind and next to him, currently folding pieces of parchment into airplanes. Lily was sat silently at her desk, her face contorted with mute sadness. No doubt she was still recovering from getting detention the day before.
Selene cocked her head, "But she hasn't pulled me aside?" she questioned.
Remus shrugged, like the obvious unfairness — unless McGonagall just didn't have the chance to dish some further punishment for Selene earlier that day — was no problem at all to him. "You got lucky then."
"But that's not right," Selene argued. Remus was a good student, incredibly gifted at Transfiguration as Selene had learned before their study session got cut short by James Potter and Sirius Black's dungbomb, and a member of McGonagall's own house. Why him and not her? "You're the Gryffindor, Remus," she pointed out.
Remus chuckled a little, "Yeah, and you're the perfect student, Selene," he countered.
Selene didn't get the chance to reply — although she doesn't quite know what she would have said — before Professor Otterburn walked in from the front entrance, his green cloak fluttering at his feet and his face stern with tiredness. Otterburn was never Selene's favourite teacher. He always seemed to have something against her. Was she too much of a know-it-all? Surely most professors would admire a hardworking student?
Remus wasn't much of an Otterburn fan either. He had strong opinions and a boring voice. And those two don't necessarily go well together.
Selene twisted back round to the front, as Professor Otterburn tightened his cloak around his torso, and pulled a projector screen down from the ceiling. He trailed to the back of the class and flicked on the black box, that shot a ray of white light onto the board of fabric.
Selene blinked and then blinked again, to make sure her eyes weren't deceiving her. To make sure her mind wasn't playing tricks, and after a moment the bright screen would settle down and her eyes would adjust to what actually was now being shone onto the projector before her.
But her eyes weren't deceiving her, and Professor Otterburn confirmed that for her. "Today we will be looking at Werewolves and their behaviour."
It was inevitable really ─ that one day Selene would study her own kind in Wizarding school. But that does mean she was prepared for it. They had had very few occasions at Hogwarts when Werewolves are discussed. And whenever they did mention the creatures, it would be the odd word, minus a developed follow-up. And even those experiences were bad enough. But now? It would be a whole hour ─ sixty minutes worth of torture, with no detail unturned.
Granted, no one knew about her condition, and so wouldn't be constantly sending glances her way because of what their Professor was feeding them, but that didn't make it any better. To read about the brutal facts of her kind. And the frightening vocabulary, that would most likely paint her out like a monster.
"So," Otterburn remained at the back of the classroom, his wand occasionally flicking the box of the projector to change the slide. There was currently a large image of a man, morphing into his werewolf self. It pained Selene just to look at it. She's never seen herself as a werewolf ─ only the fur on her back, and the claws at her hands. Is that what she looked like? All helpless, and frazzled? "Let's start with the basics. A Werewolf, also known as a Lycanthrope, is a human being, who upon the complete rising of a full moon, becomes an uncontrollable, fearsome and deadly wolf. This condition was caused by infection with Lycanthropy, also known as . . ."
Selene would shut her ears off if it were possible. She at least tried to stop listening to the best of her ability, but as someone that suffers from Lycanthropy, even in her human form, all of her senses are heightened ten times as much as a normal human. Her hearing is remarkable. But right now, she didn't want it to be.
"Fearsome, deadly wolf"? Selene had never killed anyone. That wasn't fair. Sure, she was one case of Lycanthropy, but that doesn't mean a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has the right to say that all werewolves are deadly. Like he said "uncontrollable". That has to count for something, right? Maybe she was helpless.
Two seats away from her, Remus Lupin wasn't too pleased about the lesson's topic either. He was struggling to un-hear the words of his professor, just like Selene was. Trying to distract himself with his quill, so his mind would shut off, and his eyes wouldn't wander to the screen at the front of the class. He too was far from prepared to be educated on his own kind.
They didn't need to listen ─ they knew it all anyway.
The lessons dragged on, and for someone that had enjoyed school from the beginning, Selene couldn't wait for this one to end. Glancing up to the clock on the wall, she learned that not only was the lesson less than halfway done but also that that meant that the worst was yet to come.
Professor Otterburn had begun to move now, walking down rows, and weaving behind desks, probably to make sure his students were still switched on and his words weren't just wafting in the air, and hovering useless, but rather going into their brains.
Selene didn't need the information to go into her brain, but she wasn't switched on. And in all fairness, she had every right to switch off.
"Miss Vervain," The professor drawled. Selene's eyes flashed open and close at the sound of her name, and suddenly she was very much awake and paying attention. "Could you please tell me the science behind one becoming a werewolf?" he asked, his brows raised as if he expected her not to be able to answer since she hadn't been paying attention.
To the rest of the class ─ who were unaware of her condition ─ it was obvious that Selene would be able to answer any question she is asked in class due to her thirst for knowledge. It's no secret. And surely, as her teacher, Otterburn knew this? Even then, the list of books she has read concerning the Dark Arts was not the reason she could answer this question. So why did he seem so keen to trap her by picking on her? Did he not think she could answer it?
But that still leaves the question: why her? Didn't Otterburn know? Actually, not all teachers had been informed of Selene's condition, at her own request. Why would she want special treatment? Why would she want her teachers to take one look at her and see only a beast? Maybe the staff board chose Otterburn as one of the few professors that weren't going to know, due to his subject. Even then, she didn't look that lifeless.
Selene straightened out a little and tried her best to not look so bored and bothered. She took a deep breath in with hopes any nerves might rise up and choke her. "To become a uh werewolf," She hated saying it out loud. "It is necessary to be bitten by a werewolf in their wolfish form at the time of the full moon. That's when the werewolf's saliva mixes with the victim's blood, and contamination will occur."
It was like a wave of relief when she finished her sentence, as she sat staring up at her professor. Hopefully, that meant he would leave her alone for the rest of the lesson.
Remus thought about her answer, staring into the back of her head, as Selene redirected her gaze to the front of the class. The word "contamination" stood out for him. He wondered if those were the kinds of words that Selene would use if she found out Remus was a werewolf.
Professor Otterburn had since moved on to target yet another inert student. It was Professor Otterburn that threw Remus out of these thoughts. "And Mr. Lupin?" he said, with his monotonous voice, and high chin, strolling over to Remus' desk just a few chairs from Selene's. "Could you please tell me what would happen if a lone werewolf found himself without a human or nearby animal to prey on?"
Remus gathered that these were questions they had covered through the lecture when he was away with his thoughts and worry. He gulped, and reluctantly looked the professor in his eyes. "Uh, um without any humans nearby to attack, or um other animals to occupy it, the werewolf would uh attack . . .," he paused, terrible memories of his past experiences with Lycanthropy flashing through his mind in a nauseating whirl. He collected himself to the best of his ability, and finished his sentence, ". . . itself out of frustration."
Sirius, James, and Peter all tried to catch Remus' eyes in a shared gaze, to offer some kind of sympathy. But Remus didn't look up from his desk after that, nor did he want their pity.
Selene too began seeing a chaotic flashback reel of when she was trapped in her cage on the moors outside of Hogwarts, and in the woods out the back of her house. Scratching herself and clawing at her skin because she had nothing to prey on. A shiver ran down her spine, tickling every vertebrae, making her suddenly very aware of how beastly she really was.
A debate struck out in her brain. Was she though? A monster? Truly? She had no choice. Trust Selene, she did not want this. So why were werewolves so targeted for foul vocabulary, and unfair descriptions? Cruel names, and bad reputations. They were still human. Underneath the desire for flesh and blood, and the thick fur, and the deathly eyes. She was still there. Underneath the werewolf painted picture.
Before she could stop herself, Selene's arm shot into the air, "Professor?" she asked, grabbing the attention of the entire room. Otterburn, stopped midsentence and turned to look at her. He cocked a brow, indicating for her to proceed with her question. "Why is this "Dark Arts" exactly?"
"And what would you mean by that exactly, Miss Vervain?"
Selene felt her rib cage buckle, and her throat run dry. "Well, why are werewolves are classed as "Dark Arts"?" she questioned, somewhat sweetly, and yet all she wanted was to argue with this man. "They're not monsters," she practically mumbled.
Otterburn looked taken aback as if the concept of someone accusing him of being a bad person was shocking. "I'm not saying they are," he said. "But in the case when a student is faced with a particular kind of Werewolf, properly taught defenses, and an understanding of the behaviour of the creature before them is vital for survival, and for a life in the Wizarding World."
She persisted, "Could you please elaborate on what you mean by "particular" please." Selene remained calm, but it was like a wave of rage was washing over her, and soon, it would drown her with fury.
Otterburn exhaled deeply, and she watched as his chest rose and fell. It was clear he did not want to proceed with this conversation. "I'm sorry if you are offended, Miss Vervain, but-"
The words felt like they vibrated off of her heart, and her once dry throat was now moist, and no longer blocked by her nerves. "I'm not offended!" she interjected, her voice raised a little, before she brought her hands together, and waited for her face to lose its redness. "Just curious as to why we aren't studying protection against Ghouls. O-or discussing the possibility of an upcoming Wizarding War! Not helpless creatures."
Selene didn't know what she was saying at this point. It was all of these thoughts that she had boiled up in her mind the second she started Hogwarts, where she knew she was already different from all the witches around her. She wanted to say this, and she was going to. Suddenly, for a girl with such a drive to please her professors, it didn't matter if this was classed as rude or disruptive, or unnecessary. She was going to talk back because it was necessary. Not rude because she has personal experience of this burden of a curse. And not disruptive because the least she could do was try and convince her classmates that, no matter the words Otterburn used to describe werewolves, they were not monsters.
Remus was well awake now. Intrigued by what Selene had to say, amazed by her sudden confidence, and somewhat personally touched that she was defending, well . . . him. And she didn't even know it.
"The possibility of a Wizarding War is none of your concern," he spat, now standing directly in front of Selene's desk. "And I appreciate your advice, but Ghouls are not part of this segment of the course. Now, if you don't mind, I have a class to teach."
Selene swallowed down her urge to reply, her "perfect student" self ─ as Remus had pointed out earlier ─ taking over for just a second. Maybe speaking up was wrong, to begin with.
Selene had never raced out of a classroom faster than that day. She gathered her things like her life depended on it, throwing bits into her bag roughly, and then pounding her books into her chest, carrying them out of the door.
Remus was quick too. And he didn't really want to let Selene get away without saying a word or two first.
He followed her speeding figure out of the classroom, and down the hall, calling her name, with no reply. It was like she was ignoring him. Or just didn't want to be spoken to right now.
Remus persisted, and ended up running down the corridor just to reach her, due to her speed walk and big strides, her hair swaying left and then right with every step.
"Hey, Selene, wait up," he panted. Selene wasn't ignoring him. She could faintly hear a voice calling for her, but her brain was too muddled up and preoccupied for her body to physically react. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized it was Remus. She slowed her pace, and the boy was very grateful. "I thought what you said in there was really . . . brave," he smiled, trying to find the right words to express how he felt.
Selene tugged her books tighter into her chest, "Brave?"
Remus grasped tight onto the strap of his bag, and his head lolled to the floor, "Yeah, I mean, I admire you for coming forward like that."
That was Selene's aim ─ to get her classmates to understand her point of view ─ and Remus was even saying he admired her. And yet, her heart was beating so fast, it was pounding against her rib cage, and messing with her mind. She had so many emotions that she didn't quite know what to do with. And it was most definitely due to the full moon's fast approach.
She flashed a somewhat appreciative smile, muttered a quick "Thanks" and sped off, to the Ravenclaw common room ─ somewhere nobody could reach her.
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