CHAPTER FOUR
butterfly's repose — part one
" 𝖗𝖊𝖏𝖊𝖈𝖙 + 𝖗𝖊𝖏𝖊𝖈𝖙. "
𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐇𝐀𝐔𝐋 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐀 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐘, Selene didn't get any sleep that night. It seemed that the September strain was inching closer and closer with every passing second — which it technically was — but it seemed to consume Selene's every waking thought. Like an invasive parasite that picked at her brain. She couldn't focus on anything else. And so, it felt like the full moon was only a day away.
Ignoring the aching need to yawn every few seconds, Selene trudged into Transfiguration, eager to start the school year with a lesson she was fond of.
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat from the front of the class, "Okay, okay. Settle down please." she raised her voice a little at the "settle" part whilst also glaring at a very noisy, very amused James Potter and Sirius Black. The chatter settled, like a wave — silence falling starting at the back, and finishing at the front row. Selene had barely uttered a word since she arrived. Besides a mute greeting to Peter Pettigrew, of whom uttered a timid reply.
"Now, as it's your last year, and your final exams are fast approaching," the Professor started again, "Myself and my fellow Professors believe it to be a good idea if you all had some kind of student support, from someone in the same position as yourself. So, you will each have a partner that will act as your study guide, and you the same to them. It goes both ways, to ensure that you can be as much help to them, as they will be to you. We are letting you choose your own partners, but if it gets out of hand, I shall choose them for you at random." she finished, seemingly telling the last segment of her speech to the same two boys that wreaked havoc every other lesson, and caused a scene in between classes.
Selene didn't see the point behind having a "study buddy" of sorts. Surely, it was more work not only trying to make sure that you yourself stays on track, as well as making sure someone else did too? Not to mention, she hadn't the slightest who she'd ask.
Lily Evans was sat beside a small huddle of girls — four to be exact: Marlene McKinnon, Mary Macdonald, Alice Fortescue, and Dorcas Meadowes, making their numbers uneven. Lily scanned the room, her eyes locking with Remus Lupin, her face melting to one of contentment.
There were various mumbles around the room, and a few scuffings of chairs until almost everyone was partnered up. McGonagall seemed rather happy with the little noise made but was definitely suspicious of whether allowing Sirius Black and James Potter to pair up was the best idea for their academic well-being and her ever-rising stress levels.
Lily was now sat beside Remus, as well as a rather sullen-looking Peter Pettigrew. Selene knew the boy. They weren't close, but they weren't strangers. He was left out of his tightly-knit friendship group, and Selene wasn't exactly struggling to find someone to partner with. And so Selene wondered whether he would be happy if they partnered up. A reject meets another reject and they find harmony in helping each other through the tough mud that is their last year. And no offence meant to him, but Selene was sure she could help him out in numerous ways.
Selene fought a little trying to catch Peter's attention, but once she did, it looked as though a huge wave of relief had washed over him. As if Selene was some kind of saving grace that prevented him from having to be stuck with someone he wasn't too keen on for a whole year.
Selene was just seconds away from getting out of her seat when she caught a glimpse at the short boy trudging over to her desk, his backpack looking as though it weighed half a tonne.
Selene flashed her teeth, in an attempt to make the boy feel as at ease as possible after his evenly-numbered friendship group found a way to shut him out. "You alright, Peter?"
The boy shrugged, "M'okay," he replied, slumping down into the chair beside the Ravenclaw. Selene couldn't tell whether he was pissed that he was with her, or just a little disappointed he couldn't be with his first choice. She gathered it was a mix of both.
"So," she said after a moment of awkward silence, as the rest of the class still busied around, swapping seats and notes. "How do you want to do this?" she asked.
Peter made a face of deliberation. He tugged at his chair, so he was more in earshot and wasn't as far away from the girl as he was originally — he thought it might come across that he was afraid of the human concept of the female if he didn't. "Why don't you come to my dorm room later today, and we can sort out a revision schedule then?" he asked. Selene's brows furrowed together slowly. Pause. "Is that alright?" he spoke again, just in case there was some kind of confusion or she didn't hear him right.
Selene's eyes scrambled about the floor of the room, not meeting his gaze. She cleared her throat, "Is ... is that allowed?"
Peter rocked his head left then right then left again, clearly a little more comfortable now than he was when he initially sat down. "Technically, yes," he said. "But it'll be okay. I'll give you the password after lessons and if I'm not in the common room when you arrive, I'll tell Lily or someone to let you in so you're not alone. Don't worry about the other years — they do the same thing all the time." he explained.
The "technically yes" part was enough for Selene to not be convinced. She wasn't allowed to go to the Gryffindor common — quite obviously not as a Ravenclaw, so she didn't see what was wrong with the library. A room that was designed for studying, in a quiet and peaceful environment, that encourages productivity, forbids disruption and was accessible to the entire student body. Not just one particular house. Even if they were the oldest of the lot, she still didn't like the idea of invading the Lion's habitat. They were very particular about what belonged to them and not others, Selene had come to learn over the years.
Peter was staring at her, waiting for some kind of answer. Selene didn't know what kind of answer she was going to give yet. She didn't want to break a rule, especially when they've been given the luxury of choosing their own partners — even if there wasn't much selection — but she also didn't want to argue.
Selene shrugged, "If you say so."
✽
𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐃 𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄 𝐍𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐘𝐅𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐎𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍 𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐌 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄. It was all very new to her — approaching the portrait of the fat lady with the aim to go inside. She wasn't sure how she felt about going to Peter's dorm. She didn't know how she felt about breaking the rules and going into another house's common room full stop. All she could do was ignore those goody two shoes' tendencies, and hope that Lily Evans would let her in from the inside. Otherwise, she'd look a little odd.
She made it to the top of the stairs and her cheeks immediately burned up at the Fat Lady's baffled expression at her visit.
"Flobberworm," she mumbled unsurely, quickly locking her hands behind her back, her nails digging into the skin on her fingers.
The Fat Lady tutted, and Selene thought she saw her roll her eyes. But once the door swung open, to reveal a short tunnel, light pouring in from the other end, with hints of bright red, Selene wondered why she had stressed so much. Peter said that other years do it all the time, so surely she isn't the first Ravenclaw to set foot in Gryffindor Tower.
She crept through the hole in the wall and was immediately hit by a gush of warmth from a crackling fire and the buzzing sound of a perfect blend between laughter and chatter. The Ravenclaw common room was pretty, but this was cozy.
The walls were lined with brilliant red and gold wallpaper, covering crisp orange bricks. The floor was wooden, right up to a circular rug, that blanketed the boards. The fire was blazing in its home, the flames dancing and shaking, making the skin of students glow.
A few stopped to stare, their conversations extinguished for just a second so they could examine the intruder that had just crept into their bunker.
Lily Evans threw her book behind her, and jumped from her seat, covering Selene from the front with her body and long locks of orange hair, so the stares would crumble.
"Selene!" she sang, her teeth sparkling with firelight. "Peter said you'd be coming."
Selene tried to manoeuvre her way around Lily with hopes Peter was somewhere near, so she could avoid invading the Gryffindor's privacy just that little bit more by not going up the stairs to the dorms.
She turned back to Lily after having no success locating the boy, "Uh yes, w-where is he?" Selene asked.
Lily pointed backwards and then up, "In his dorm. Did you need to go up?"
Selene nodded with uncertainty, "He told me if he wasn't down here, you'd let me in." Lily nodded. "And then I guess he just assumed that I'd continue on up?" she finished, more in a question sort of tone than a statement.
"Okay, well, it's the fifth one up from here," Lily said, clearly unaffected by the fact that her Ravenclaw friend was going to venture up to the boy's dormitory — somewhere Selene wasn't even sure if Lily was allowed to go.
Selene smiled appreciatively in Lily's direction, before hastily travelling over to the staircase, hoping the rest of the Gryffindors had ignored her intentions and brushed it off like it were nothing.
As she climbed up the five lots of spiralled steps, her breath continued to falter with a mix of scepticism and the fact that she was slightly unfit these days.
She lightly knocked on the door, waiting anxiously for any kind of reply, and after a second or two, the door flew open to reveal James Potter, hanging on the door handle.
His brows instantly knitted together. He then sent a glance to Sirius, who shrugged, then to Remus who smiled at the girl — it was a combination of confusion and a sense of pleasant surprise — and then lastly to Peter, who was distracted with a book that lay in his hands.
James coughed deliberately, "Er, Pete?" he said, causing Peter's eyes to shoot up and then dart around their messy dorm room a few times, before finally landing on the girl behind the frame of the door.
Selene stood awkwardly as the three boys stared in her direction. Peter got up from his bed, and skipped over to the door, James now letting go of the handle.
"Selene!" he chirped, "Hello."
"Evening," she smiled back, trying to conceal her awkwardness behind the curl of her lips.
"I was thinking we head down to the library," Peter suggested. "These three are being a right pain."
Selene stifled her need to blink and narrow her eyes. She now wondered once again as to why the library should have been their meeting place to start with. She also wondered if the only reason they weren't going to stay in the boys' room was because of Peter's disruptive roommates.
Selene nodded her head slightly too fast, "Okay. Sounds good."
Did it sound good? No. But was it better than being alone all evening? Yes.
Peter reached out for his long, black robe that was spread across his bedsheets, but before the pair could take a step down the spiral of stairs, Sirius spoke up.
"Wait," he stopped them in their tracks, "Did you say library?" he asked, earning a nod from Peter and then Selene. "Then James and I'll join." he got up from his bed and motioned for James to do the same.
James let out a groan, as he sunk deeper onto his mattress, "No we won't."
Remus stepped closer to the door now, "Actually, would it be okay if Lily and I tagged along too?" he asked politely. Selene was surprised that Remus was aiming his question more at her than his best friend. "Would be great to get a headstart on studying."
After Selene and Peter happily agreed, Sirius sighed, "James c'mon. We really should."
"It's been a few hours since Minnie set up this 'study buddy' shit. Why so early?" he moaned. Selene felt as though she was intruding on some kind of friendship-group moment.
It took a few tugs and words of convincing to get James off of his bed and down to the library, but Remus and Sirius just about managed, and after pulling Lily away from her book — it was nowhere near as hard to get Lily Evans to the library as it was James — the six of them made their way out of the Gryffindor tower. Selene was almost desperate to conceal herself behind Remus, feeling like she was sticking out like a sore thumb.
"They really are attached at the hip, aren't they?" Selene chuckled to Remus, after a minute or two of pure silence during their trek to the library. She wanted to make conversation. Remus turned attention towards James and Sirius, who were laughing away, most likely brewing up their next rule break in the form of a dungbomb.
Remus shrugged, a grin playing at his lips, "It's always been like that. You can't detach them." he admitted. It sounded like Remus had definitely tried. "Although Lily may be the only one to keep the mischievous demons at bay."
"She told me she hated him," she said, referring to the numerous accounts in which Lily Evans had complained about James Potter and James Potter only.
He shrugged again, as they watched Lily mutter something to Peter, rolling her eyes in the process, "I think she's in denial."
This caused Selene to chuckle, "Really?" she asked incredulously. "It doesn't take a genius to see that Lily Evans despises every bone in James Potter's body."
Remus faked a dramatic gasp, "Are you calling me stupid for noticing some form of relationship development, Selene?" he asked. Selene barely ever heard her name used as an address in a sentence before. Her body felt warm inside.
She shrugged innocently, "Well, maybe I am."
Remus' fingers interlocked behind his back, his posture tilting backwards a little. He was surprised at how relaxed he felt. "I guess it's a matter of opinion."
There was a pause, where Selene's mind was bubbling up a reply, and Remus was waiting for the conversation to go on.
"I didn't really see Lily and James' rocky relationship to be a topic of debate," she acknowledged after a minute, with a short hum at the end.
"No one does," Remus said. "But he talks about it so much, that it's hard not to state your views on their budding romance."
Selene chuckled, as she let her eyes wander around the arched roof of the almost empty hallway and the moving paintings that lined the walls. Her shoulders drooped. "This really is a strange school."
It was Remus' turn to chuckle, "Of all the six years you've been here, you're only just realizing that now?"
Selene was too tangled up in her own web of problems in all honesty. To her, James Potter's decaying love life was a minuscule dot of importance that not even the part of her that was fond of Lily Evans seemed to care about.
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