Hey guys so this is my first story and I have posted the full story also on fanfiction.net but I thought I would post it here to for those who don't have it.
I hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think. I apologise for my grammer and the way I write but I write to better myself but also because I love Shamy so much.
I will leave you be to read this but let me know what you think and thank you so much for giving it a try I hope you like it :).
Thank you for reading <3
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Amy was pacing around the living room in her apartment with the endless thoughts in her mind that she couldn't get to go away. She couldn't believe for a second that she would be doing this today out of all days.
The thought didn't escape her that she has been thinking about doing this but again they were just thoughts she didn't think she was going to do it especially on their five year anniversary.
Five years,can you believe it ?. She thought of how far they have come since then, delicately going through all the memories from the first day they met right upon till their first I love you .She smiled at all the memories that came racing back.To think of how far he came and how much he has changed made her heart break.
She felt a hot streaming tear roll down her cheek and she quickly wiped it. The thought of doing this to him made her heart ache it honestly did but she needed to be rational for a second. She wasn't going to do this because she didn't love him anymore to say the least she actually loved him so much that she was going to be doing this for him.
She always wondered if they would ever be intimate, it was always and still continues to be the one thing she thinks of but this time it didn't occur to her until now that if they ever were would Sheldon have to be giving up a part of himself to make her happy and just that thought alone made her throat feel like it was closing up and the tears were like water works, she sat on the couch and just tried to collect herself.
Commitment was one of their biggest problems and yes every relationship has their problems but this problem was just to big to ignore. She has been patient for so long she kind of felt angry with herself for getting to involved and to allow herself to love him. She knew what she was getting into but she continued anyway even knowing that Sheldon couldn't give her everything she wanted and it was unfair of her to make him change who he was to please her.
Sheldon was one of the best things to have ever happened to her.That realisation made her heart hurt but he truly was. She met amazing people and felt like she had a family and it was all because she met him but it wasn't enough to change her mind though as much as she wanted to.
She knew she needed to do this so she gripped the couch a little then after wiped off all unwelcome tears that streamed down her face that she didn't notice. She took one last big sigh and replayed all the reasons she was doing this in her mind. She walked to the table with her laptop and took a seat.
She clicked a few buttons and then heard the ringing coming from the laptop.The ringing was the only loud enough sound you could hear from the apartment it was like this unwelcome sound you didn't want to hear but she would rather hear that than see his face.
To see his beautiful face that sometimes made him so adorable you just didn't want to say no to him, to hear his sad and heartbroken voice that she knew he would try to hide because he tries not to show emotion,just the thought of all of it made her want to back out and leave it but she knew this was a good thing for both of them.
"Hello" he said over the other side and she was surprised that he answered so quickly. Just hearing his voice made her want to cry but she had to be strong.
After hearing him rambling on about their relationship which to be quite honest she wasn't really listening to the words she was just trying to cherish his voice and build up the confidence to do it after a while she decided to cut him off mid sentence and said what she needed to say otherwise she would never do it.
She closed the laptop and took a deep breath in and out. Her throat was still closed up it was actually a surprise to her that she was able to even say goodbye to him as she didn't know if that thing in her throat would allow her.
Replaying what happened and how he was shocked and hurt but tried to cover it up. She knew him to well and she knew how his brain worked to well which felt like a curse at that very moment but most of the time it came to her advantage during the relationship but knowing how his brain functioned made it harder. It made her heart hurt and she wanted to be there for him to comfort him but she was the one who hurt him.
She got up and went to the couch and just cried, eventually the tears refused to not go away. This was one of the hardest things she has ever had to do, it felt like her heart was breaking or there was pain and discomfort but she couldn't quite put her finger on where exactly it was.
She doesn't know how long she was trailed off to another place for but she was brought back by her phone that was ringing. She saw the caller was Penny and she thought to herself that maybe Sheldon had spoken to Leonard already.
She felt a little better that this was the case because he had someone that could help him and get him through this. She quickly wiped her leftover tears but most of them stained her cheeks and she accepted the call so she could put the phone by her ear.
"not really can you come over" she tried to say it not so urgently because she didn't want Sheldon to know how much it hurt her to if he was in the room with her.
When she found out that Penny and Leonard were getting married and she wasn't even going to be there to see it she felt more alone,like she didn't have anybody. She already felt left out of the group and it was only a couple of hours and she knew she was being ridiculous but her thoughts were all over the show she didn't know what to believe anymore.
Her thoughts stopped when she could hear in the background that Leonard yelled Sheldon's name like he always did when Sheldon was being dramatic. Just hearing his name made her heart full but sore like it was tender. Her heart broke more at the thought that Sheldon was freaking out so much and so hurt that he was calling Leonard even if he was in Vegas.
Amy knew as much as Sheldon didn't like to admit it and that Sheldon was so full of himself ,she knew that he cared alot about Leonard like a brother. If he could help it he would never try even if it brought so much difficulty for him to bring his problems to Leonard on his supposed happy day . So she almost cried again just at the thought that Sheldon was in that much pain and he didn't have anyone to turn to .
She continued to speak to Penny as Penny brought her back to reality, she just wished them well on getting married and that she was proud of both of them for finally doing this then she ended the phone call.
It was funny to her how her best friend was starting a new life with her loved one while she was contemplating on ending hers.
True that she said she only needed time to rethink this relationship but to be honest it was as good as gone which she knew that both of them knew this. She guessed the only reason she said what she said was because she was hoping for something just anything that made him fight back and refuse for this. She wanted to know how important she was to him and she wanted him to show her but that was all a dream that she could only hope for.
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"okay Bernie, thank you for inviting me. I'm on my way right now" she said as her goodbye and ended the phone call once again. She thought to herself that this was a good thing , she could use a distraction and she needed to be happy for her best friend on this day.
So she went to get her bag and checked if she had everything. Once she mentally made a note of everything, she opened the door then closed it behind her again to only get a surprise to see a tall,thin man that wore his two shirt combo and smelt like talcum powder. She looked up to see Sheldon there and she grew annoyed as she didn't like being surprised. She was trying to use a distraction and seeing him made her feel sad .
"If you must know I'm going to Howard and Bernadette's house to watch Penny and Leonard's wedding" she said and the first question he asked was if she was bringing someone and for some reason it made her heart happy in a way to know he was jealous because it meant he cared right? ,but it also made her hurt just to think that Sheldon would think she could hop into another man's arm so quickly like their relationship didn't mean a thing. Like what they had didn't mean anything and was just an agreement and nothing more.
"can I walk you down" he said so calmly and nicely, she didn't want to smile or she would probably put some crazy thought in his head but she appreciated the gesture so she just nodded and said that it was okay. When he quickly assumed that they were together again she got so infuriated and yelled at herself for not knowing there was a catch,she angryly walked back to her door which was only a few metres away .
What didn't he understand about space. She wanted space to clear her mind and it was already hurting her enough that she did this to the both of them but him hanging around like a lost sad puppy wasn't helping her thoughts. She felt appreciative that he came at least and tried to talk to her about it but I guess her expectations were just a little higher than her reality and she could feel her cheeks starting to feel flushed and she had to breathe a little to calm down.
To be continued...
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Thank you so so much for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it and I hope to see you for the next chapter. It would mean so much to me if you let me know what you think.
Thank you so much to Amber,Mariana and Pat for always supporting me no matter what and I love you so much :).