"I told you," Niall huffed from the drivers seat. He ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head in the process. "I fucking told you. Nobody listens to me though, do they? No. Of course not. Who's gonna listen to the Irishman?"
I rolled my eyes, slumping further into the passenger seat of Niall's car, too tired to argue. What exactly he was even referring too, I had no idea, but I was in no mood to question it. I think he thought he had been right about Harry's explosive personality and me being the cause of it, but again, who knew with Niall.
Niall spared me a glance when I didn't speak, and let out a scoff. "You asked me to pick you up and you're not even speaking, where are your manners, Stripper?"
"Washed down the fucking drain with the blood I had to wipe off my hands," I snapped back, feeling an ungodly amount of irritability. I didn't know why Niall was my go to, but I was suddenly contemplating jumping out of his car and walking.
"Oh relax," he muttered, turning down a street. "You're being dramatic, you didn't even need to wash any blood off, it's all on Harry."
I winced at the mental image, because, yes, he was right, but it was more of a metaphor than anything else. "I can't believe he shot him."
"What exactly did you expect? You've heard the stories," Niall replied back as he rubbed his nose. "You know he's like this."
"I didn't think I've ever see it. It was traumatising."
"First couple of times are," Niall admitted, though he sounded too casual. "You get use to it."
"What's even going to happen with the body?" I murmured, staring out the window at the blurring city in front of me.
"Harry's gonna sort that out now. Probably a good thing too, least he'll be too distracted to hound me with questions."
I felt momentarily bad that I was dragging Niall onto this mess, fully aware that Harry was probably going to ask him a million and one questions when he was finished up with whatever it was he was doing.
The consequences of his actions seemed minimal, and I wondered how the police weren't called at the sound of men fighting and gun shots being fired, but then again, my neighbourhood was use to that kind of thing. My neighbours were often kept up at night with the sounds of that. I had just never been involved in such a thing. I had always heard it, not seen it.
I swallowed the bitter taste in my mouth. I really needed to brush my teeth. I grimaced to myself and turned to Niall.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked as he turned down another street. The journey was a familiar one and I was starting to feel the panic rise in my chest.
Niall gave me a funny look. "Harry's apartment."
"Why would you take me there?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "I don't want to go there."
"Tough luck," he replied with an eye roll. "It's bad enough he's going to harass me with questions, I don't want to take you somewhere else and have him plot my death because he can't find you."
I pursed my lips. "He wouldn't do that."
"Wouldn't he?"
"This is all so fucking crazy. He can't be like that."
Niall was silent as he watched the road ahead of him. I think this was his way of agreeing. Or it was in my head at least.
"You know, we spoke about Rebecca and he explained everything to me from his point of view."
This caught his attention. He glanced at me, the blue in his eyes shining with interest. "Yeah?"
I nodded, fiddling with the loose linen of my clothes. "I suggested he saw a therapist again."
The laughter erupted from Nialls lips made me jump. "I know that didn't go down well."
"He said no, and he wouldn't subject himself to that again."
Niall nodded. "No shit. You know how many times I've suggested that? He won't do it."
I bit down on my lip, my brain swarming with thoughts. If he didn't listen to me, and wouldn't listen to Niall, I doubted there was anyone who would be able to convince him to do it. "He knows he needs help though."
"And I know I need help with my cocaine addiction, it doesn't mean I'm going to do anything about it. Nothing drastic has happen to make me want to do it, and it will be the same for Harry."
I sighed. He had a point and unfortunately, I knew he was right. Harry could be good for a few weeks, then he'd have an episode. Deep down, I knew it was entirely his fault. His mental health was at risk, and there was a part of it that he may not be be able to control. I just wished he would listen to me, listen to someone when they said he needed to seek medical help.
Truely, I did care for him, but I didn't know if he was safe for me to be around. As small as it was calling me Spice, it just made me think of all the times he had scared me to the point I thought I was going to die. I didn't like that. I liked the soft Harry, the Harry who blushed and the Harry who stuttered.
The man who killed Smurf was a dangerous being who shouldn't be out in society. I hated to admit that after all the good and soft times we had together, but I couldn't allow myself to be brainwashed by the romanticised thoughts of Harry being some big bad predator.
I had let my own interests of that go too far. I was intrigued in the beginning, fascinated by this man, but when you're put into a position where your morals and own safety are questioned because of it, things start to shift. It wasn't normal to be so attracted to a man who could kill you without even batting an eyelash at it.
"You're thinking," Niall observed. "Don't do it too hard or you might pop a blood vessel."
"Why are you helping me?" I asked, turning to meet his eyes.
I ran my eyes over him, noticing the slightly busted knuckles and the drying blood smattered on his cheek. He had come from whatever work he was doing for Louis, not even questioning Harry when he asked him to come and pick me up. He was being oddly nice for a change, and I wasn't foolish enough to let it slide easily.
"Can't I be charitable?" He asked, flashing me a grin. Giving him a pointed look that made him cackle, he shrugged his shoulders. "We want the same thing, yeah? We want Harry to be okay and we want his mental health to be his top priority. If you stayed there, it wouldn't of helped him because he would of just been stressing out about you. At least now he can calm down a little and gather his thoughts."
"He apologised when he saw me crying," I pointed out, frowning. "He was calm."
Niall shook his head, glancing at the road we came to Harry's apartment. He pulled into the underground car park. "Remember how I said he leaves it up to chance with that bullet? Louis made him change it and he would be all over the place now because he isn't use just doing it without the game of it."
"Should be be alone?"
Niall hesitated as he pulled to a stop. "Lou will be there. I'm sure he'll be fine, but he'll want to see you when he's finished."
The thought made my stomach flip. "I'm worried."
"He's not going to hurt you," Niall said with a shake of his head. "He's just killed someone for you, why would he hurt you?"
I shrugged, forcing my gaze back out the window. "I just...I don't want be Rebecca. Harry told me she made him the worst version of himself, and I felt like what he did to Smurf is going in the same direction."
Niall stared at me, his eyebrows furrowed. He looked as if he was studying me. "You care about him, huh?"
I squeezed my hands together in my lap. "Obviously."
"He'll be fine. I think. Well, I hope. I just know that nothings going to change his mind about the therapist, so I wouldn't bring it up again, alright?"
I nodded. "Okay."
He pursed his lips again. "Look, I'm not saying this this because I like you, I'm saying this because I'm worried for Harry. If you're just now deciding you can't be around him and you can't handle this lifestyle, you need to get out now before Harry gets too attached to you. I know it might look like he's reached his peak, but he hasn't."
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he stared at me. "Harry's never been in love, yeah? I don't even want to think about what version he'll become if he ever gets to that stage, but if you stick around any longer, I have a feeling we'll all find out. Just...be careful with his heart, you're pretty much on the way to owning it, and I'm not sure how I feel about that."
My own heart thumped in my chest as his confession. This was probably the most civilised conversion I had ever had with Niall and we were talking about a topic that made my stomach do somersaults. I swallowed, unable to say anything so I just nodded.
"Thanks for the ride," I muttered, clearing my throat. "I'll-I'll wait for Harry upstairs."
As I turned to leave, Niall's hand reached out to grab my elbow. I blinked in surprise, turning to stare at him with wide eyes. He seemed hesitate, before he sighed to himself.
"Don't tell him I'm saying this, and if you do, I'll bury you alive, but if you...if you ever need an out, ever need to get out of this life, come to me. You don't speak of this to anyone but me, okay? I'll...I'll help you."
I stared at him, unsure of what to make or his words. "Why would you want to help me?"
His jaw clenched and he let go of my arm. "Because Harry's my best mate, and I know what he's capable of when shit goes south. As annoying as you are, you don't exactly deserve to be at the end of that. You won't be able to handle it."
Niall left me at that, allowing me to wander up to Harry's apartment, letting myself in with the key he had given me, along with the unusually long alarm code.
The apartment, as expected, was deadly silent, leaving me and my growing thoughts to dance.
After brushing my teeth with a spare toothbrush I found under the sink, I found myself aimlessly walking around Harry's home. If you could even call it that.
There was nothing there to show the least bit of personality, and for whatever reason, it made me feel even more unsettled. He had no posters, no music, no DVD collection. It was surreal to think maybe Harry didn't really have much of a personality outside of his job, outside of the person who hurt others for a living.
Sure, there were snippets of him I had met, snippets of the person he could of been. The soft man who's love language was touch, the man who loved his mother and had parts of her written in his skin. The man who clearly had a love for tattoos and the man who cared a lot about those in his tight circle.
It was crazy to think that only a day ago, my mind was still blinded by the possibility of Harry being someone else. I guess that's what happened when your mind was clouded over with lust. Or maybe it was that whole Stockholm syndrome that people spoke about.
As my mind continued to drift away from reality, it made me think back to what Louis said.
Irresponsibly, it had taken up until that very moment for me to think back to the short man with the icy blue eyes.
Did you ever look into them? Do you know who died?
Maybe it was stupid of me, knowing that whatever I was going to find was going to lead me in a bad state of mind, though it didn't stop me from scrambling for my phone that was somewhere in the bottom of my bag.
Frowning, I realised that the signal that he had blocked on my phone, blocked the use of internet on my phone as well.
I sighed to myself, slumping back down onto the cold concrete floor. "Then there were two," I muttered.
The two being myself and my thoughts, of course. What a dangerous combination for a time like this.
I squeezed my eyes shut, swearing to myself that I would demand Harry fix whatever stupid blockage they did to my phone.
How I ended up in this situation, I had no idea. I knew they called Vegas sin city, but this was a whole different play field.
That afternoon, I spent staring at the wall, wondering if the voices in my head were just my own inner monologue getting louder or if I was finally losing my mind completely.
A/N:
Happy 400k my loves, thank you all so much for your support and for reading RR. You don't understand how much it means to me.
This was a shorter filler chapter, it's been sitting in my drafts for like 4 days and I wanted to get it out with another chapter but I didn't want to rush the next one.
I know everyone might be like what the fuck is going on, but I promise that everything WILL link together in the next chapters and y'all are gonna be like oh shit. A lot of connections are gonna be made and y'all will understand the bigger picture soon, I promise!!!!
See you in the next update.
So much love,
may x