April 2022
I looked at my laptop for the longest time. More confused than I was when I started the research. How does it feel to lose a lover?
From what I read so far, It felt differently for different people. But all of them had one thing in common. The lack of motivation and purpose to continue on with life. And from what it looked like, the longer the relationship the worse the situation.
They were together for 3 and half years. And I know first hand that they were really close to each other. I know for a fact how crazy Ik was over her. And she too, from the times I saw them together was all over him as well.
How do I help her get out of this state? How do you get over losing a loved one?
Again a lot of stories came up. I read every single one of them. One of the lines stuck out to me. I am surrounded by those who love me but yet alone. I no longer have the will to feel pleasure. It sounded like what Ij said one of the times I talked to her.
For me, I was hurting as well. But I've learned early, to channel my emotions to other areas of life. I think about it every now and then, but I don't allow myself to dwell so much.
How do I help her. I can't bear watching someone I care for going through so much pain and not being able to do anything for her.
I reached for a ring on my table and rolled it between my fingers. While deep in thoughts. The shrill sound of my alarm snapped me out of my thoughts. 4:30. I should start going.
************************
"You're early. I wished you wouldn't come." She said immediately the door opened. "No offense." She added quickly.
"What a way to welcome a friend. It's nice seeing you too." I said. "Shall we go?" She sighed and muttered something under her breath before going back in. I stood out there and waited for her.
She came back holding a pair of slipper. "Let's go."
"You sound cheerful this evening." I said and she gave me a side eye, locked up and started walking ahead of me.
I walked beside her when I caught up. My head was still swarming with all the information I gathered. Listen more than talk. Let her cry. Don't try to replace just be there for her.
Yeah. Easier said than done.
"You're quiet today." She finally said.
"I'm thinking of what direction to veer our conversation today."
That and the fact that she seemed down again. I thought that today, we'd start off from where we stopped yesterday but I couldn't find a trace of the Ijeoma that laughed so much yesterday. It's as if we're starting afresh.
"Have you considered living with someone?" I asked and she turned to look at me.
"Are you about to suggest I move in with you?" She asked and chuckled. It wouldn't be a bad idea.
"I'm being serious." I said instead.
"I did think of it. But right now, I'm not the best housemate to have." She said. "I'm cranky and moody. Sometimes I'm straight up depressed. I don't even think I'll want someone around me right now."
I wouldn't mind. It was on the tip of my tongue to say. But what grounds do I have to offer that. But sincerely, I don't care what her mood was. I wanted her close to me. How else would I keep an eye on her.
"What of your mum?" I asked instead of saying what I had in mind.
"She did offer to come. And she also suggested I come back home. But like I said earlier, I'm not the best of company to have."
"I'm sure she won't mind."
"I don't want that. I want to have someone around, but at the same time, I want to be alone..... I don't know if that makes sense."
As much as I wanted to help, I also recognize that we have to do it on her terms on her own pace. "Why are you looking at me like that." I heard and snapped out of my thoughts.
"What do you miss most about Ik?" I asked randomly and she looked like she wanted to break down into tears. "Forget I asked." I added immediately but she shook her head.
"It's fine. Since you won't stop bringing him up." She sighed and looked deep in thoughts for a minute.
"I can't say there's a particular thing I miss the most. And I know this is really absurd, but we argued a lot. I miss that." She said and I turned in surprise.
"I know it sounds weird but I just remembered that. He'd just..... randomly kiss me in the middle of an argument and then ask me to continue." She said and chuckled. I smiled because it seemed like something he could do.
"Did it work?" I found myself asking and I was pleasantly surprised by her laughter. It had a throaty sound to it.
"It worked the first few times. After that it just frustrated me more when he kissed me like that. But he'd just continue until I was pacified." She said. She sounded like she was lost in her thoughts somewhere far away.
"So, how many kisses to end your frustrations?" I asked and she paused and turned to me.
"Forget I asked that." I said quietly.
"Yeah."
*************************************************
June 2018
Ik
I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. Like, what are the chances that I would run into her randomly like that.
I've been beating myself up for the past few days for not getting her number. Not that I could've done much about it when she explicitly said no. So I'd called in sick and took a week off. Something I'd never done before.
And what was crazy was me taking time off without any guarantee of seeing her again. With just her first name and a horrible attempt at describing her features.
I almost said no when when Oma told me to take her to see a friend. And then I saw her and a group of girls enter an eatery across the road.
I smiled when I thought of the surreality of the whole thing. My ringtone interrupted my line of thoughts and I turned to see Oma's name on the screen.
"It's the way you left me and Sonwa today. What a loving brother you are." She said once I picked and it only occurred to me then that I was meant to take them back to their room.
"I was caught up with something." I said. "Did you guys find your way back?"
"Definitely not with your help." She said and I chuckled. Not this girl giving me attitude.
"Oya sorry na." When she still didn't say anything, I promised to take them out for dinner and only then did she agree. Sisters exist only to spend your money.
"Anyway, I have gist." She said suddenly and I sighed. The things I have to go through as an Eder brother to a spoilt human.
"I told you before Oma, I don't like gossip. Tell Sonwa or better still, call Uju and gossip with her. get off my phone biko."
I don't know why but I was closer to Oma. Maybe because Uju grew up a bit independent or because Oma was pampered to a fault. But I found it difficult to say no to her. And what did it result to? Her turning me into a gossip partner.
This girl would randomly call me to gist about one classmate or the other. It's getting embarrassing at this point really, the amount of information I have about her classmates that I didn't ask to have. They've just been forced on me.
"I thought you're invested in new money." She said and I had to pause. That was the only story in her gossip that I've come to like. I can't believe this is my life.
But...She was right. I don't know at what point, but she had me hooked to this persons stories. From her 1st year in uni, it's been three years already. And I feel like I know this person already. Again, I'm not a gossip but my sister does not care. She always has her way. And I end up listening to every of her gist.
"What about her?" I said grudgingly.
"See you asking as if you don't care for the story. Anyway, I already told you about her friends. So new money has an uncle, some say he's the sugar daddy, I don't know. But the story has it that this man is very rich. The other friend Sandra, I told you earlier she's the one that is more envious towards new money. Guess what."
I shook my head. It's my fault. "What?"
"She goes behind her and hooks up with this older man. And then all of a sudden, she moved into the lodge that new money stays in. Everyone knows how expensive that lodge is. She starts wearing bone straight wigs. Like she's doing a whole lot."
"Sonwa overheard them the other day badmouthing new money. That she can't speak English–"
"Can she?" I interrupted.
"I mean yeah. She speaks Igbo too most of the time, and when she speaks English, it's always a mix of the two. But I personally, I've always thought it was nice, the way she talks, if you ask me."
"Oma, I think, secretly you like this girl." I said.
She had to. Or at least admire her. Because even though the gists were most of the times negatives, a few times they were good things though. But no matter how I think about it, Oma respects the girl.
It wasn't the first time I teased her about it. The first time she told me about the girl winning Vice President SUG elections, she sounded like a proud sister. And now, she sounded like she wanted to beat these two other girls up.
"What? No. I'm just gisting you."
"Just admit it. She sounds like someone you could vibe with. And I can see you being a fan of her."
"You're the one that has fallen for her." She countered.
"Before nko? Was I ever denying it. I've told you that I'm her number one fan." I said and she started laughing.
"Anyway, when are you going back. It's been a week already. Are you even still a doctor? Are you sure they've not fired you?"
Just like that, gist forgotten. Whether she got to the end of the story or not, I don't know. And I couldn't call her back to it, maka serious teasing.
"This girl that you're still searching for like this. Are you sure it was a human being you saw sef. Hot afternoon, quiet road, fine, fair and tall girl. Are you sure no be mermaid like this?"
"On a hot afternoon? Where did it come from?"
"They walk on land these days oo. Stay there, you've not seen anything." She said with all seriousness.
I started laughing and she joined me. "Anyway, I actually saw her again today."
"Oh, really? Wow. It all makes sense now. That was why you left Sonwa and I stranded. Because of woman. Men will stain your white in this life eeh. Did you at least get her number this time?"
"I did."
"So–"
"No, I'm not telling you anything." I interrupted and she clicked her tongue at me.
"So after gisting you like this, it reach your turn you're forming private life abi? Ok. No wahala. Let's keep the same energy going forward since everyone wants privacy."
I shook my head and smiled. Drama queen.
"Oma your Wahala is too much. Good night. I'll be leaving probably on Friday, so you can stop asking about it."
"Ok. But wait, what if you hadn't seen her this week. What would you have done?"
I had thought about it before now. I kept on going back to the area I saw her for the first 2 days. But seeing that she too was asking for direction that day, I knew I wouldn't find her in the area. And she could be anywhere. And their campus was hella big.
I still don't know what I planned on doing. If I had a plan at all.
"What else, I would've have gone back home. And become another Elvis." She whooped out a very loud laughter.
I chuckled myself when she didn't stop. Elvis was my closest friend. Funny enough, he also met his mystery woman in Enugu one of the times he came for a business meeting. Almost 3 years now. And he's looked for her in every social media.
"I'll tell him what you said." She said still laughing.
"Go and tell. At least my own could've been better seeing that I knew her name." I added and she started laughing all over again.
We teased Elvis a lot about this. In fact it had become a running joke, the longest one amongst us. Because how do you look for someone that you only met once. No picture, no name, no nothing. Just a random meeting. At the motor park of all places. So the person could've been on their way to anywhere. Sad story, that.
"How is he doing by the way?"
"He's good. Doing what he does best."
"Sex?" She simply said and I frowned.
"No. Work. How would you know that? How do you even know anything about sex, you small child. I've told you to stop hanging around Aluka. I hope there's nothing going on–"
"Of course not. Stories fly around that's all. And I'm 22 for crying out loud. I'm not a child."
"And of course you being you. You have a way of gathering stories that fly around."
"Are you calling me a gossip?" She asked and I almost laughed at the indignation in her voice. Onye asiri like her.
"I could never." I said and she started laughing. "And let me not hear you talking about sex until you're at least 25. See your mouth like I'm not a child. 22 is a literal child." Her laughter died down so quickly, I could imagine her face right now.
"Look at this person o. Abeg, don't even try to do that with me." I chuckled at the way she sounded.
"I'm not joking." I insisted.
"You've started to annoy me. Goodnight. Remember to send the money." She ended the call immediately and I still chuckled to myself. On top my money.
***********************
Ij
He didn't call.
For two days.
It's not like I waited for the call. Infact, I really did not notice. But who does that? When he finally called, I wasn't having it.
I was preparing for a presentation I had coming up in about a week. Humming my favorite song under my breath, when my sanity was disturbed by an unknown number. I stared at my phone for a while, annoyed by the fact that for every time an unknown number called me for the past few days, I wondered if it was him.
It was annoying really. The fact that I was expecting his call, even though it wasn't intentional, like I wasn't staring at my phone waiting for him. But with every unknown number that called, I wondered.
Like I'm a hot cake. Guys wished they had my number. They waited with bated breath for me to pick their call, it was never the other way round.
"Hello.....This is Ik." He said when I picked the call.
I knew already that it was him. I knew from the time he said hello. And I was more angry with myself for
even recognising his stupid voice.
"If your reason for stalling is to make me forget you, it worked." I said
"Actually, it was to make you think of me. Did that work?" He said
I frowned when I realized that I had a mental picture of how he looked while saying that. He sounded like he was grinning.
"I'm sorry who? I don't know any Ik."
Kamso who was studying on her own desk across me looked up when I mentioned his name. I shook my head at the way her face lit up. Gossip. "Put it on loudspeaker." She mouthed while pointing at my phone. Just see this person. I glared at her but put it either way.
"Ij come on, I was only joking. Something came up."
Something came up. Signature excuse.
I decided to let it slide, I mean thinking of it now, I gave him my number and it was up to him to call
whenever he wanted.
"Already bickering like an old couple." Kamso whispered from the side and sighed.
I looked up and she clutched her chest "the love is too much." She mouthed to me. I'm tired of this girl. Who wants to have her.
"It's okay." I finally said to him.
"I want to take you out. Is tonight okay by you?" He said and I thought about it.
It's the confidence for me. He's not even asking. It's almost like he's informing me. Hian.
"Not tonight. How about tomorrow?"
"I'm traveling tomorrow. "
"Business?" Speaking of which, I don't even know anything about him other than his name.
"No, I live in Abuja. I only came to see my sis so I'll be going back. I mentioned that earlier." He said.
"It's the fact that you thought I'd remember anything about you after two days." I said and picked up my pen tapping lightly against my book.
There was a brief silence on the other end and then a chuckle "Are you normally this rude or is it just me?" He asked.
Imagine this man. You're still asking for a date and you're telling me that I'm rude. What kind of human being is this?
"This is rude? They must've changed the meaning over the past few years." I retorted and Kamso's mouth dropped open. She started to say something but I ignored her and looked the other way.
There was silence on the other end and I wondered if I'd scared him off.
"I like rude girls." He said simply and without conscious effort, I felt a one sided smile break out over my face.
"Your masochism speaks volumes." I said and he started chuckling.
"And we're throwing out big words already. This is the first time I'm being called a masochist though. I'm looking forward to other firsts I'll have with you." He said.
That was smooth and fast. And it left me without a comeback.
"Abuja, you said?.......I don't do long distance relationships." I said and there was a short pause.
"You don't do a lot of things it seems. Anyway, It doesn't matter. You'll change your mind after three dates." He said and I chuckled. Again, it's the confidence for me.
"It's funny you assume we'll go out on a second date." I said.
"I'll take that to mean that we're on for the first one." He said and I shook my head at how quick he was with his replies. It was one difference with dating at older guy. At least he looked older. He was more assertive.
I rolled my eyes when Kamso started squealing silently if that's a thing. The way she was acting, one would think she's the one going out. Like what is wrong with that girl. His voice brought me back to our conversation.
"So tonight? Say 7pm?"
A/N
I hope you liked this chapter.
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