Flashback
2 years ago
(TW)
We're going to a party tonight. Actually, I think it's more of a get together. I'm not quite sure, Andrew just told me to dress 'pretty' because he's inviting me to something with his friends.
We've been dating for 6 months now, I'm happy he feels comfortable bringing me around his friends.
Does he think I don't usually dress pretty? I'm assuming he meant he wants me to wear a dress, which I can do. I can dress pretty for him.
I dig around in my closet until I finally find a suitable dress. It's old. Pretty but old; I haven't worn a dress in ages.
It's a light green spaghetti strap sun dress, with small white flowers scattered about.
This dress is definitely not my style anymore the last time I wore this was in freshmen year. At least the green color compliments my greenish-brown eyes.
I slip on some white sandals and throw my white purse over my shoulder. I put on some dainty jewelry, random rings and necklaces from around my room.
I stand in the mirror, overlooking myself. I actually think I look really pretty. I spritz some perfume before sprinting out of my room and down the stairs.
He told me he'd pick me up outside, I make my way out to wait for him.
I like when he picks me up because I like going places in his car, it's nice. Sometimes it smells like a sweaty gym bag after his practices but it more often smells like cool ice air freshener.
I stand outside for a few more minutes before I finally see his black suv pull up. With a smile on my face I run up to it and open the passenger door.
I notice how he doesn't open the door for me like he usually does.
After fastening my seatbelt, I lean over the center console and kiss his cheek sweetly. "Hi baby."
He doesn't acknowledge me as he starts the car and keeps his eyes on the road.
"Are you okay?" There is concern laced all through my voice.
"Yes I'm fine." He seethes.
I flinch.
Maybe he's just stressed. He doesn't mean to take it out on me.
I sit back in my seat, and lock eyes with the dashboard. I'm just going to keep quiet until we get there.
He's never acted this way towards me before; he's never not opened the door for me, or snapped at me for asking if he's ok.
I wonder if something happened. Did I do something?
The car ride was roughly 20 minutes. 20 minutes I had to sit with the anxiety that I could have done something to upset him that will now ruin his mood for the rest of the night.
Is it because of my dress? Why doesn't he like it? I thought it was pretty.
We finally arrive to a big house, which I'm guessing is our final destination. Andrew gets out of the car, slamming the door and proceeding to walk to the front porch of the home, leaving me behind.
I think I really messed up this time. I just don't know how.
I scramble out of the can and try to catch up with Andrew, who's now knocking on the front door.
After a few moments the door is opened by a boy about our age. I feel like I've seen him before, he might be one of Andrews teammates.
"Hey brother I'm glad you could make it!" The boy greets Andrew, dapping him up. He then turns his attention to me and looks me up and down. "Hey."
He's eyeing me like he's a tiger and I'm a piece of fresh meat.
My body language changes almost instantly, I shift my weight so my body is partially behind Andrew's. I feel safe behind him.
Something about the fact that I know he'd never hurt me makes me feel that much more secure behind him.
I craved that security for a long time, I'd spend my days wishing I had someone that could make me feel unassailable. I used to wish I could have that in a father figure, a loving dad that I could always depend on for safety and assurance.
But I can't. And I've come to terms with that. And It's ok now.
I have Andrew. I always will.
"Well come on in."
He moves to the side and gestures his arm out, and Andrew takes the opportunity, leading us into the house.
The get together was being held in the living room. It's really big in here. There are purple LED lights lining the ceiling walls, something I've never seen in a living room before.
There is a huge leather sectional couch in front of a flat screen tv, seating 6 or 7 boys, bordering a glass coffee table. The table was stacked with snacks, drinks, and something on a tray that I'm unfamiliar with.
The anxiety creeps in as we approach the couch.
I've never liked having too many eyes on me, walking by big groups of people is the first thing on my long list of fears. Along with public speaking and spiders.
"Sup boys!" Andrew raises his voice out of enthusiasm at the sight of his friends. I wiggle my fingers, giving a small wave, before turning my vision to my feet.
"Who's this Andy?" One of the boys speaks up in a smug tone. I look up at him.
A boy who looks dangerously similar to Andrew sat man-spread in his seat at the edge of the couch.
I know for a fact this boy is on Andy's football team, I've seen him many times. I guess he just doesn't remember me.
Andrew doesn't seem to catch the glint of mischief in his voice.
"Boys this is Athena." He takes a small pause. "My girlfriend."
His demeanor is noticeably less confident as he finished his sentence. Almost embarrassed?
We've been together for over 6 months now, has he never mentioned me before. Has he been telling them I was just a random girl who showed up at his football practices?
Don't jump to conclusions Athena.
Another one of the boys speaks up while looking me up and down. "Oooooh you're a lucky man, Andy."
I can tell all of them are doing the same, observing every part of me, practically drooling at the amount of exposure my dress presents.
I feel like a mannequin, a dummy used to display clothes in a store window. Ecxept instead of a store window, it's the living room of a high school boy's parents.
Lovely.
"Well come sit, lovebirds." Another boy offers, scooting down the couch to providing us a place to sit.
Once we sit down, none of them acknowledge me. They all engage in a conversation about football and after all I feel myself dissociate.
For me, it first starts with body disconnection. Doing simple things like blinking become harder and harder. Then the out of body feeling comes, I start to feel like I'm an angel watching my body from above.
It's a terrible habit I have. Dissociation. It comes when I have a lot of bottled up anxiety but every so often it'll happen randomly.
I must've been out for at least 30 seconds before I was pulled out of my state when the boy on the other side of Andrew starts speaking to me.
"So -Athena is it? - who're you all dressed up for?"
I raise an eyebrow in response, not quite understanding what he was asking me.
"Your dress is... revealing. What's the occasion? Who are you dressing up for?" He reiterates his question.
I chuckle lightly at his stupidity. "Oh, I'm not dressed for anyone but myself."
He furrows his eyebrows in confusion, causing me to chuckle lightly.
"It's ok I don't expect you to understand. It's not a concept for small brains."
I quickly realize my slip up when his face drops and I hear the faint gasps of the boys around us.
Fuck. I wasn't thinking.
That was so uncalled for, I probably embarrassed Andrew.
I timidly look at him, already knowing how mad he'll be at me.
He took me home a little bit after that, and I could basically feel the anger seething off of him throughout the car ride back to his house.
If I'm being honest, I was genuinely getting scared of getting into an accident.
He was speeding down residential streets, cutting sharp corners, he was practically driving on the sidewalk at one point!
I may have been terrified in the car, but the part that scared me the most was what would happen when we got home. I knew he'd never hurt me but still, he's never showed this much anger towards me before.
When we finally made it to his house, he stormed inside ahead of me, assuming I'd follow him in.
I did obviously.
His parent's cars weren't in the driveway meaning neither of them were home.
An involuntary chill ran up my spine at the thought of Andrew having free reign with me, being able to take his anger out on me how ever he wanted without the restriction of his parents.
He storms up the stairs, a small distance ahead of me.
"Look babe please listen to me." I plead desperately. "I'm sorry-"
"Are you fucking stupid?" He mutters the rhetorical question coldly.
I try to find the right words to say but nothing seems to be coming out correctly.
"You have some fucking nerve. You know that?"
I need him to stop cutting me off and let me speak. He needs to know how sorry I am.
"First you embarrass me by showing up to a hang-out with my friends dressed like a fucking whore."
My heart sank.
"Then you make us have to leave early because you insulted my fucking best friend like some bitch!"
"Maybe if they weren't being sexist assholes I wouldn't have to-
Without warning, I feel a rough force slap against my face, throwing my head to the side and leaving a stinging sensation.
Tears instantly pool in my eyes.
He just slapped me... Hard.
I stare at him with a bewildered expression, and he's staring back at me with the same exact look; like he can't even believe himself.
"Athena- I am so fucking sorry- I don't know what came over me. Please..."
I take a step back, terrified of being anywhere near him.
He just slapped me.
"Please Athena.." He continues approaching me making me back up farther.
I can't process anything he's saying, it feels like I don't hear it at all. The only thing I could hear was the 4 words repeating in my mind.
He just slapped me. He just slapped me.
It's all too much to handle, the feelings of pain, confusion and betrayal are all too much for me to handle at once.
My knees grow weaker as I fall to the ground, sobbing.
I thought he'd never hurt me...
Sorry for the short chapter a lot was happening today :( But we get to see the first time Andrew ever put his hands on her *cries*
If you pay attention you can see confident she was back then...
Also just to clear something up: Athena and Andrew are both 17. They met at 15. She's been doing substances (alc and cigs) since 14.
I love you guys
*smooches <3*
(Word count: 1922)